dear bella.

dear bella,

why are you getting so big?  i feel as though in the last month you've turned into a completely different girl.  you look so much older to me.  you are just so beautiful and i am so so proud of the girl you are.

about a month ago, daddy and i went on a camping trip with auntie and uncle brian to celebrate our anniversaries.  i found a special little "mommy and me" book that i thought would be so fun for you and i to get to fill out together.  it's full of questions about me, and questions about you.  one of the questions was: "when mama was growing up, she wanted to be a ______" which i filled in with "princess" because that's what i always said i wanted to be when i was your age.  the next question was "when i grow up, i want to be a _______" after a little thought you said "i want to be a doctor first and then a princess."  sounds like you have a plan!

in fact, in true doctor style, the last time i brought emmy to the dr for her check up, you were copying everything her pediatrician did.  emmy was freaking out a bit, and you stood, with your hand on the dr. ann's knee and said "it's okay, ems!  dr ann and i will take good care of you!"  you're so sweet.

a little while later, one evening daddy and i were rocking on the front porch.  we had been out there for quite a while, rocking and talking.  all of a sudden we heard a sneeze from the open living room window.  i went in to find you, laying on the couch.  so, i carried you outside and you rocked with us for a bit.  here is a conversation we had:

me: so bel, what do you want to be when you grow up?  a doctor?
you: no, i want to be a mama.
me: you do?!  how many babies do you want to have?
you: i want to have five babies.  i love the number five!
me: oh wow.  you're going to be one busy mama.
you: i sure will!  i'm going to cook for them and go to the grocery store and all those things.

gah!  you're SO cute!  i love having talks with you and watching the way your little mind works.  you're going to be a fantastic mother someday, sweet girl, if that's in god's plan for you.

you have always had super long hair; even from the minute we first laid eyes on you!  i decided a few months ago that i wanted you to keep growing it so you would have enough to donate to locks for love.  a  few weeks ago we went to the salon... you'd only been once before and it made you a little bit nervous.  this time, you LOVED it!  you were super pumped to get a shampoo, and halfway through your haircut you had kicked your shoes off and swung your little legs over the side of the chair, admiring yourself in the mirror :)  i was a little nervous you'd cry once you saw how much hair was being cut but you just sat staring at your reflection with a huge smile on your face.  we had talked for some time about how you had so much hair and that some little kids didn't have any because they were sick.  you were pretty excited to give yours away to another little girl, and you loved your new do!  i have to say; you look absolutely beautiful, my girl!

you love snuggling.  that's your most popular request; especially in the morning when you first wake up, or at night when you're going to bed.  i never want to forget the sight of you and your messy hair, squinty eyes from sleepiness coming into our room first thing in the morning.  you wake up the minute your feet hit the floor and can't wait to come snuggle in bed with daddy and i.  at night, i always check on you before i go to bed.  you'll be fast asleep but when i kiss you, you'll automatically smile.  it's the sweetest thing in the whole wide world.  i just love you so much my heart hurts!

you absolutely love playing by yourself; you'll play with your dolls, barbies and castle for hours and hours i think if you could.  this is a vast improvement from a couple of years ago, my little miss social butterfly!  i love watching you play so much.  you also just love other kids.  you make friends wherever you go; no matter how old they are, if they're boys or girls... the other day we went to the park and you kept talking to some little girls there, and there was a baby named elizabeth.  i had forgotten all about it, and a few days later you were telling someone all about your new friend named elizabeth that you met at the park!  you amaze me!

you have also made so much improvement in the area of eating... oh my word.  you eat salad now, and asparagus and one night this spring we had fiddleheads and you were eating them by the handfuls!  you are completely obsessed with apples and seriously eat one every single day.  you love going out with mama and daddy to check our garden and see what new vegetables are growing!  and we went strawberry picking last weekend and i think you ate at least three quarts on your own; you just sat in the field and ate, and ate, and ate... your favorite food by far is ice cream; you absolutely love it!  there's a new frozen yogurt place in town that is your favorite and you get cotton candy flavored yogurt every time we go there!  now, everytime you see something light-blue you say it's the color of cotton candy!  you're kind of obsessed :)

i'm kind of having a hard time with you growing up.  i asked you the other day if you could just stay this little forever and ever.  exasperated you said "but MOOOM! then i wouldn't get to go to school!" you're pretty pumped about it, and that makes me very glad.

you're making us laugh a lot.  the other day we were on our way out of town so we stopped at tim horton's to get daddy and i some iced coffees.  there was an employee out back taking out the trash and you kept saying "what is that tim horton doing?!"  it was pretty funny.  you act so old for your age sometimes (okay... ALL the time) it gives us a good chuckle.

we went up to uncle byron's camp for the fourth of july this last weekend and you had so much fun.  you got to play with your cousins, have a giant sleepover and swim to your little heart's content!  you have no fear of the water (mama needs to get you into swimming lessons!!) and you paddled around quite a bit on a little round tube with jude.  you guys are such little buddies its so cute watching you play.

you are such a joy to watch, bella grace.  you're growing and changing all the time and i'm so proud of you.  i feel so blessed to be your mom, and so excited to see what's in store for you!  hugs and kisses, little girl.

i love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

i am SO proud to be your mom.

you have the sweetest spirit.  you are so kind and thoughtful of your friends and the people around you.  i can't tell you how many times you cup my face in your little hands and tell me how much you love me.  the other night i said "oh, bella you are my sweet little girl."  you stroked the sides of my face and said in your sticky sweet voice without missing a beat "oh, mama you are my sweet big mama."

your little buddy, wyatt came to gymnastics class with you today!  you were SO excited.  you told me you were going to help him and show him around and introduce him to alllll of your gymnastics friends.  at the end of class, your teacher passed out papers to everyone but wyatt didn't get them because he was visiting.  he burst into tears because he felt left out (poor little guy), and you immediately rushed to his side and started rubbing his back.  one of the other moms turned to me and said "she is just the sweetest girl."  you really are, my love.

one of the highlights of your LIFE thus far is that you got to be a flower girl in our friends kristin and josh's wedding back in february in dallas!  you were SO EXCITED!  you got to go to the nail salon with all of us bridesmaids and have your first manicure... you were loving life!  and you got to wear a super fancy dress and pretty shoes and walk down the aisle in front of a church full of people.  you did amazing.  when people would ask you whose wedding it was, you'd say "mine and kristin's!"  you were attached to her hip whenever you could be, just admiring her the entire time; she was like a princess to you.  mama and daddy went to help them prepare for the wedding one night and the next morning you woke up and climbed into bed with us.  you held my face in your hands and said "ooooh, mama!  thanks so much for working on my wedding last night!"  you are too much, little girl!

you love your sister so much but sometimes you guys get into squabbles.  she can get pretty feisty with you and you are so patient with her.  the other day you came in my room and started talking to me.  you were a little bit distressed.  you said "mom, i just try to be emmy's friend but she doesn't know how to be my best friend!"  i have to explain to you often that she's still little and doesn't always understand.  it's so awesome for me to see the friendship you two have.  she's the first person you want to see in the morning, and you both just squeal with excitement when you burst through her bedroom door!

you are all about gymnastics these days.  i keep asking you if you want to try dance soon, but you just keep telling me that you want to stay gymnastics.  lately, you've been telling everyone that you're going to be a cheerleader.  today in the car, you kept talking about it and i said "bel, don't you want to play basketball?"  exasperated, you said "but MOOOM, i'm not a boy!" i said "well, i played basketball and i'm a girl!" but you assured me you wanted nothing to do with that, and you couldn't wait to be a cheerleader.  you said "i can't wait to tell miss robin today that i'm going to be a cheerleader!" and you did just that.  the minute we got to gymnastics class you walked right in and announced it to your teacher.  you crack me up.  i can't wait to see what you love and develop a passion for.  i want you to know--even if it's cheerleading--that i will be your biggest fan and support you every step of the way!  i love you so much, and know you are going to have an impact on this world no matter how you choose to invest your gifts and talents that god has given  you.

you've been so excited to start school!  you found a lunchbox that you used to take to your old babysitter's the other day and you got so excited.  when i was putting you to bed that night you told me "mom!  i'm all packed for school in the morning!  i can't wait to see all my friends!"  you are such a little social butterfly.  friends mean so much to you already.  it makes my heart so happy.

your favorite things right now are: apples.  you eat two almost every day.  you're obsessed.  snacks.  you're constantly asking me for them.  like, every twenty minutes!  angelina ballerina.  it's your favorite thing going right now.  well, besides frozen.  elsa braids.  you ask for me to put your hair in an "elsa braid" almost every day.  and it's not fully an "elsa braid" until you flip it over one shoulder.  you've been talking about your frozen birthday party since january.  and you're birthday isn't until may.  church.  by mid-week you and emmy both start asking when we're going back to church.  i love it.  the food network.  you love your cooking shows and are always asking to watch them with me.  pioneer woman and trisha yearwood are two of your favs.  you've started pretending you're on the food network alot recently while you're eating your food or playing with your kitchen.  you start describing how things taste, and just last night i made soup for dinner and you said "oh, mama, this soup is delightful."  the song "oh how i love jesus".  i sing this to you and emmy all the time because it was one of the songs bampy started singing in the hospital as he was getting ready to go to heaven.  so we sing it every night as our bedtime song, and you can't go to sleep without it.  i'll say "bella, what song do you want to sing?" and you'll say "it tells me of a saviors love!"  you know all of the words and it's the most precious sound.

today you cut yourself on a broken jar and it was pretty deep.  i told you i needed to clean it and put a band-aid on it and that i needed you to be brave.  you took a deep breath and almost in a whisper, you kept repeating "i'm not afraid, i'm not afraid..." over and over.  i was so proud of you!

you've also started getting pretty demanding, which we've had to talk to you about a lot lately.  you want what you want, when you want it, so we've had to work with you on being respectful and patient.  the other day we were shopping for lucy's birthday present.  we found a minnie cash register that was just perfect and you wanted it.  you kept asking me over and over if lucy could share with you, and i kept reminding you that it was her birthday gift and i'm sure she'd let you play with it, but that it was hers.  you kind of had a rough morning and later that afternoon, you were snuggled up in my lap and out of the blue you said "mom, i think i have been a little bit sad about lulu's birthday present."  i was so impressed that you could see that in yourself and communicate it to me.  so, we talked about the importance of being excited for other people when they get things, even when it's things we may want.

you've gotten a lot better with controlling your emotions.  it was ROUGH there for a while, girl.  it's funny because you'll tell people often "i have to work on controlling my emotions" and daddy and i will always stifle a laugh because it sounds so funny coming out of a three year old's mouth.  we're still working on listening; you're very strong willed so if you're doing something and we ask you to stop, you'll say "but i'm trying to ____" rather than just obeying immediately.  it gets a little wearing on our patience, but we're trying to help you listen and obey better.  you're like a little monkey constantly jumping and climbing on everything in this house!!  it drives me crazy sometimes!!

you are the best apologizer; sometimes it worries me that you apologize TOO much!  when you get hurt, you apologize, or when you legitimately do something accidentally, you apologize.  you're very sensitive and genuinely feel sorry when you know you've messed up.  i just love your tender heart and your humility. those are such important and special character qualities to have, my girl.

i can't believe how fast you're growing up.  it makes me so sad, but you've promised me that you'll be my baby forever ;)  i always want to remember this season of princess dresses, all things girly, you wanting me to play with you, you and emmy making forts in your closet, hearing your giggles and giving you butterfly kisses.  i will be honest, i won't miss the tantrums and the public embarrassment moments and having to repeat myself a million times because you're jumping on all of our furniture or doing something i'm asking you not to do... but i love you--ALL of you--with all my heart.

proud of you, my girl,
love you to the moon and back (and back and back!)
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

you are my long haired, dimpled cheeked, kindhearted, strong willed free spirit.  you are both sassy and sensitive.  carefree and thoughtful.  an emotion driven little beauty that can be both raging and dripping with sticky sweetness from one minute to the next.  you are driven by your heart and by passion, which can be an amazing thing, as long as you continually surrender your way over to the lord and love him with your whole heart.  that will come.  right now, we're just trying to get you to control your anger over not being allowed to eat half a loaf of bread at dinner, wear a sleeveless dress and high heels outside to play in the snow or watch "frozen" for the fifteenth time.

already, i see in you such a longing to be beautiful.  just tonight i could hear you talking to daddy in your room.  you had just put on a princess dress and you twirled in front of him saying "look daddy, aren't i so beautiful?"  in his gentle, daddy way he said "well bella you're beautiful all of the time, not just when you're wearing dresses."  you were confused "but no, daddy, i look really beautiful when i'm dressed up!" he went on to explain that what makes you beautiful is that you were created by god, and its what is in your heart, how you treat others, and being kind and loving.  you still didn't agree, so we are working on this with you.  it's an almost daily conversation :)  you just LOVE to be in dresses.  we've been having the coldest winter here this year, and every day while i'm bundled up in as many layers i can muster, you're prancing around the house in sleeveless dresses and bare legs.  you are OBSESSED with princess dresses!!  many times at night, we'll go in to say goodnight to you, and you've changed into one of your dress-up dresses and fallen asleep in ruffles and tulle.  you just love clothes, and you don't lack in confidence at all which i love.  the other day we were at church for a playgroup and you had to go to the bathroom.  i took you, and while we were in there, you stopped to gaze at yourself infront of a full length mirror.  "oh look at me, mama!" you sighed.  i just want you to always remember, my sweet girl, that the bible says a woman who loves the lord is worth more than the most precious jewels.  you radiate beauty from the inside out.

one of your new favorites is the movie "frozen".  you had never been to the movies; daddy and i were waiting for just the right one that we knew you would love!  a few weeks ago, daddy, me and meme took you to the theatre to see it.  you were SO excited!  it was such a cute movie and you just loved it; you giggled the whole time and were just glued to the screen.  we listen to the music daily, and you and emmy love singing and dancing to the songs.  it's so cute.

speaking of emmy, you guys love each other so much.  you fight and squabble over toys, but i find you cuddled up together on the couch, or playing quietly in your room, or giggling and laughing over a new game you've created.  you are just too cute.  today, we had all taken naps.  you and emmy woke up first and you went into her room.  her new favorite word is "poop"... i know, it's so lovely.  she says it allll the time.  so she kept saying it over and over to you today and you were laughing.  then finally i heard you say "emmy, you are my best friend but right now you're driving me NUTS!"  whenever we are out in public, you talk to anyone and everyone.  the other day, we crossed paths with a woman in the parking lot of the grocery.  you said "oh, hi i'm bella.  how are you today?"  you're just so talkative and friendly.  all the time, you introduce people to yourself and then you'll say "and this is my friend, emmy."  i just think it's the cutest thing ever that you introduce her as your "friend" instead of "sister".  sisters are the best friends, and i'm so so so grateful that you are blessed with each other.

last weekend was really tough... you were very sick :(  you and emmy had spent the night at meme's and you'd been so excited all week.  jude came over too for a big sleepover in meme's room, and you woke up before six the next morning throwing up.  meme called me around seven saying that the last time you had thrown up you said "i want my mama".  i couldn't get to you fast enough.  on the way home, we stopped at the grocery for daddy to run in and get you some juice.  i said "it's okay, honey, mama's here now.  it always feels good for kids to have their mamas when they're not feeling well, doesn't it?"  you nodded and said "yeah, and their daddies too."  you are so right.  daddy takes such good care of us.  you were pretty sick that day, sweet pea, and it just broke my heart.  you hated throwing up and just kept telling me how scared you were.  it was awful.  that night when you were going to bed, i sat with you and just stroked your hair and kissed your forehead for a bit.  you looked at me with those big brown eyes of yours and said "you help me feel better, mama."  i just teared right up.  you touch my heart, my bella girl.

we're really working with you on becoming a better eater.  we've seen some progress over the last year, but we still want to do what we can to encourage you to eat healthy.  you absolutely love fruit, and eat an apple (or two) every single day.  it's hard for me to keep up!  some days it will be ten o'clock in the morning and you and emmy have already eaten an apple, blueberries, an orange and a banana.  it's kind of crazy.  but you are my bread girl, and could eat bread all day long.  so we're trying to reign that in.  you're getting much better and now you try a lot of different things!  just this week you've had some granola, hummus with rice crackers, bell peppers, coconut milk, quinoa, broccoli, and a few sips of green smoothies.  hey, we're making progress.  some meals are harder than others.  the other night at dinner, you suddenly got up from the table.  when i asked you where you were going, you hung your head very low and said "i'm just going to go to my room because you said something mean to me."  when i asked you what i had said, you replied "you said i needed to eat my vegetables and it made me very, very sad."

you've loved playing with all of your new toys that you got at christmas.  it's pretty awesome watching you in your own little world, your imagination totally taking off.  one of your favorite christmas presents was a puzzle we got you at the dollar store!  you put it together all by yourself in no time at all, so the next day daddy went back and got you a forty eight piece one in the shape of a heart.  without skipping a beat, you put that one together too!  you get so proud of yourself!  when you complete it you'll say "pssst, pssst!" and then we all cheer.  it's so great for you to learn that if something is difficult, you can stick with it and accomplish it!  a few mornings, you would put your puzzle together as you ate breakfast.  i joked with daddy that you were 3 going on 93.

you love going to your babysitter, michelle's house.  on the nights before you go, i'll tuck you in and remind you that you're going to michelle's tomorrow, you'll gasp and say "i get to go there again!?"  michelle told me that every day, when all of the kids are gathered for lunchtime, you say a prayer (unprompted) for the food.  it's gotten to the point where one of the boys will say "is bella going to do that thing again that she does before we eat lunch?" and you'll say the blessing and pray for every child sitting around the table.  that just made me so proud to hear, baby girl.  she also told me that you've made friends with this little girl and the other day she was asking where you were.  she said "i love bella, she's so cute and tiny and she wants me to be her best friend... i miss her."  you make fast friends, my sweetheart.  that is a great gift.

you're such a joy, bella grace.  you blow me away with your sweetness and thoughtfulness of others.  i can't wait to see how god uses you.  so blessed that i was chosen to be your mama.

love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

you at christmastime.

dear bella and emmy,

it's a couple of days after christmas and i always feel a little sad when it's over.  i have always loved christmas, and now i love it even more because i get to be your mama.  i love watching you experience all of the excitement and joy of the christmas season, and how your eyes light up with childlike wonder as you take it all in.  

there is nothing sweeter than you at christmastime.

this year we have had so much fun.  even just everyday things are even more exciting during the holidays!

decorating the tree together... 

you both were a little crazy around the tree for the first few days... we have the "one finger rule", where we allow you to touch the ornaments, but only with one finger.  you both can do a lot of damage even just with one finger!!  in the stressful moments, i always tried to remind myself that it won't be like this for long.  before i blink, you will be all grown up and i will miss the days of having to tell you "no!" a million times a minute :)

meme got you each a little tree for your bedroom... you love having it lit while you play or even while you sleep.  bella, i don't think we have turned yours off in quite some time!  you will have an adjustment when it's time to take it out of your room... emmy, yours is pink and turquoise to match your room and your favorite ornament is elmo.  bella, yours is multicolored an your favorite ornament is a pink ballerina.  when i bought them for you, you both carried them around everywhere and even wanted to take them to bed with you and your babysitter's house!

then there is looking out the window at the first snowfall... you always get so excited!

and picnic lunches on christmas blankets while watching "frosty the snowman"...

and the very special television version of "the sound of music"... bella, you stayed up waaaay past your bedtime but it was so special to sit up with mama and daddy until you fell asleep on the couch, watching one of our favorite classics...

 and birthday cakes for jesus with our friends (which was really just a coffee cake i made for a snowy playdate but bella, you asked if we could make it into a birthday cake for jesus, so i completed it with candles and a song)...

and cuddles after naptime, while watching cooking shows on foodnetwork.com (your favorite, bella!)

one weekend we went to see santa at a fancy house up on a hill... you loved meeting him and even gave him a hug!  the next day we took a special trip to portland to ride on the "polar express".  it was a great weekend, and you both were so excited!

this past weekend we had a baking day at meme's.  bella, you and jude helped make gingerbread cookies!  you did a great job and had so much fun.

 christmas eve-eve (december 23rd) has always been a super special day for me.  when i was a little girl, auntie and i would always spend the night at great grammy and great grampy's.  after dinner, we'd get in our pj's and bundle ourselves up with blankets and drive around to look at christmas lights.  we've started doing that with you guys, too, and you love it!  this year you brought hot chocolate in your sippy cups.  emmy, you were really fun to listen to.  you kept shrieking "WIGHTS!  WIGHTS!" every few seconds and "pwetty!  pwetty!"  you loved it.  we couldn't go far this year because there was a big ice storm and the roads were pretty icy.  a lot of houses were without power, too, so we found a few streets that were still lit up.  when we got home, we all snuggled in mama and daddy's bed and daddy projected "frosty the snowman" and "elf" up on the wall of our bedroom!  you guys loved it.  definitely a new christmas tradition for us!

christmas eve dawned bright and beautiful.  it snowed through the night, so the trees were shiny with ice and shimmering with snow.  i told daddy this was the prettiest christmas eve i could remember.  i had to take a few pictures of our house and yard!

christmas eve morning, we went to meme's and had bagels and cream cheese from our favorite... the bagel shop!  uncle byron and aunt dawn and aunt holly, uncle scott, matthew and rachel and auntie, uncle brian, jude and lulu were all there.  you guys opened up presents from uncle byron and aunt dawn; a giant piano mat!  when you dance on it, it plays music.  pretty awesome.

we came home so you could nap and then we went back to meme's for a roast turkey dinner before going to christmas eve service at church.

 

emmy, meme had to take you out halfway through the christmas eve service at church.  you were a squirmy worm and talking very loudly!  bella, you twirled like a ballerina to the christmas carols, and wanted to join in on communion when it was served.  daddy and i did our best to explain it to you.  before both the cracker and the juice, you prayed and thanked jesus for dying on the cross for you.  when you took a bite of the cracker you said loudly (in a very quiet church) "mmm that cracker was yummy!  i'm thirsty now, i need some juice!" :)

after church, meme came with us and we drove to look at a few more lights.  we got home and took a few more pictures before getting you settled, putting cookies out for santa, and finally getting you (especially you, bella!) to sleep!  you were so excited.  i love this picture of my two favorite girls:

when i was growing up, on christmas eve bampy would always leave one candle in our windows lit up overnight.  "it's for jesus", he would say.  i made sure to do the same thing before we all went to bed.  it's so important, my girls, to remember that he is the reason for this special time of year.  it is his light that brings hope into the dark seasons of our lives.  and that, my sweet girls, is the best gift we could ever have.

so as i feel a little sad that my favorite time of the year is over, i am just so thankful for our little family.  we are so blessed to have each other!  and most of all i'm thankful for jesus, and that christmas didn't end... it began on that day so long ago when a tiny king was born in a stable.  and the joy, peace and hope of christmas lives on forever in our hearts because of jesus and what he's done for us.

i love you more than words could ever say, sweet daughters of mine.  

and you at christmastime is one of my favorite things.

love you to the moon and back (and back again),

mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

you are just my sticky sweet, oozing with over-the-top-friendliness little social butterfly.  it is SO FUNNY to watch you!  you talk to all kids (even ones older than you) in an almost motherly like tone that is so hilarious.  you are social beyond your years, and sometimes i watch with a little pain in my heart as you confidently go up to everyone and anyone and introduce yourself "hi, my name is bella and i'm three. what's your name?  how old are you?"  and, sometimes, the unsuspecting child is so thrown off by you that they don't know how to take it.  which always makes me sad for you, but you never seem to notice.  you are three going on twenty three.  you are so outgoing, so happy go lucky... the world is your oyster.  i love your attitude, your spunk, your sparkle.  because you do indeed, my sweetheart, shine with such a brightness.  you are one of a kind.

today, at your gymnastics class, you walked into the waiting room and excitedly declared "mama, i need to go say hi to all of my friends!" and you proceeded to go up to all of your classmates and chat their little ears off :)  my favorite part is you always introduce emmy saying "and this is my friend, emmy", which i totally love.  you're very aware of her and want to bring her along with you to talk to whoever you are talking to.  and she is always your "friend", never your "sister".

you've been telling everyone that it's my birthday.  every day lately, it has been my birthday.  the librarian, your gymnastics teacher, random people we see in the store... i was telling meme how you've had a hard time with halloween ending, and then thanksgiving, so i was a bit nervous about you being really sad when christmas was over (which is totally like me, my girl.  i get it; we love our holidays!).  in an effort to help, she was talking to you recently and was telling you everything we have to look forward to after christmas.  somehow, you totally got stuck on my birthday.  that day, when you woke up from your nap, i had finished decorating for christmas.  you came out and excitedly exclaimed "mama!  you decorated for your birthday!!"

you absolutely LOVE helping me in the kitchen.  it's so cute.  anytime i'm making anything you want to help and you'll say "mama, i'm such a good helper girl aren't i?"  you loved thanksgiving baking and helped me make a chocolate cream pie.  we wore our aprons and you pulled a chair over and stood with me at the stovetop, stirring the chocolate filling.  it makes you feel important, and you get so proud.  it's stressful for me, and i struggle with being patient, but i know how much you love to help me so i always want to let you do it.  i absolutely love making memories with you in the kitchen.  it's so important to me that i pass cooking down to you, and that you have a special connection with cooking and recipes that hold memories for you.  food has always been a big part of our family, love, and i can see that blossoming in you already.  you also love watching the food network with me on our computer after you wake up from your nap.  it's our little tradition.  you wake up and come out and snuggle on the couch with me and say "mama, can i watch a cooking show with you?"  sometimes we watch quite a few until emmy wakes up, and you are just mesmerized.  the pioneer woman is your favorite.  you told me the other day that you want to have a cooking show when you grow up and you will make brownies, chocolate, grilled cheese and peanut butter.  i'll totally be your number one fan.  those afternoons snuggled next to you on the couch as we watch our cooking shows are some of my favorite parts of our days together.

you are so funny when you wake up in the morning.  if i'm up before you, i can hear your feet hit the floor and you shuffle out, usually your blankie in your face and you peer up at me, eyes still half asleep.  i literally think the minute your eyes open from the middle of slumber, you are up, not wanting to miss anything.  you're doing much better at night; we went through a little stretch there for a while where you were having a hard time waking up in the middle of the night, afraid.  you'd end up in between daddy and i several times a week. but now sometimes we wake up in the morning to the hall light being on, and know that instead of rushing into our room, you just got up when you were afraid, turned the hall light on and went back to sleep.  so many things that you do like this make me realize how grown up you are.  it's pretty amazing.  especially because to me, you are still that squinty eyed baby with the crazy black hair that stole my heart the minute you were put on my chest.  i can't believe it, my bella girl.  you are getting so big.

when you were going through your fearful stage, i explained to you a lot that jesus is always with you.  we started talking quite a bit about jesus coming into your heart, and what that meant.  the next night, as daddy and i were laying with you in your bed before it was time for you to go to sleep you said "i think i want to ask jesus to come into my heart."  daddy and i looked at each other with smiles on our faces and started talking to you about it.  we asked what jesus was going to forgive you for and when you replied "my breakfast" we figured you probably were not ready :)  you've asked a couple time since, and we always pray with you even though we know you don't totally understand it all yet.  we're definitely not going to turn down any request of yours to ask jesus to come into your heart!  i love seeing your childlike faith; it's such a beautiful thing.

you love having me come in and lay down with you for a couple minutes before you go to sleep (by the way, for you everything is "fifteen minutes"... can we lay down with you for fifteen minutes... can you play before bed for fifteen minutes... can we read books for fifteen minutes).  you've been wanting me to tell you stories a lot lately about when you were a baby.  since it's christmastime right now, everything is: "mama, can you tell me about a little girl named bella and her first christmas?"  or, a little girl named emmy, or meg, or a little boy named nick.  you love hearing stories about our family.  we always lay, nose to nose, as i tell you stories, stroke your hair and sing to you.  i love it.

you are super pumped about christmas, and have had crazy amounts of energy and giddyness this month.  all you've been asking for and hoping santa brings you is a sleeping beauty barbie doll.  you've been wanting one for months.  every morning you wake up and ask me "mom, is it christmas eve yet?"  the other day i had to show you a calendar and try to explain that we have a few more weeks until christmas, but this is all christmastime so it's very fun and exciting even though it won't be christmas for a bit.  you still ask me every day.  and you get really excited about snow.  the other morning i woke up to you whispering in my ear "mama, come look!  i woke up and saw snow!!!"

your sense of time totally cracks me up.  yesterday to you is "last year", six months ago to you is "last night"... you're all over the map and i love it.

you still have moments where you lose it, and controlling your emotions is very difficult.  a few weeks ago, we had a very tough few days.  emmy was sick and you were jealous of all of the attention and care she was getting.  you still like for me to carry you sometimes, and you didn't like that i was carrying emmy everywhere and not you.  this resulted in quite a scene at the doctor's office one day and it did not end well.  i lost it and had to apologize to you later for losing my temper with you.  you and i are so much alike, my sweets.  i see so much of myself--my strengths and my weaknesses--in you.  i hope that i can help you grow in your strengths and learn to manage the areas where you struggle.  i hope that i can be someone that is not only your mama, but someone who you want to grow up to be.

one of my favorite things is to look in your eyes and tell you just how much i love you.  you have such a beautiful, sweet little face with hazel eyes that are so bright and joyful.  your face immediately lights up with that dimpled smile of yours and you kiss me and throw your arms around my neck, telling me you love me too.  we have such a special relationship, you and i, and i hope we always do.  i love you like crazy, my bella girl.  can't wait to continue to watch you grow and blossom.  god has great plans for you, and i am so glad i get to be your mama.

love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

we have been having a very fun fall.  it's been busy and we've been on the go a lot, but we've also had some cozy days at home too which are always some of my favorites.  i just love watching you play.  you could entertain yourself for hours with your dolls and toys.  and you love playing with emmy; you are such a good big sister and friend.  you are my free spirit, my tender hearted one, my little girl who is full of energy and confidence.  i'm so proud of you, my sweet pea.

you've loved going to daddy's football games!  i tell you alot how when you were a teeny tiny baby daddy was coaching football in texas.  you and i drove all over creation and went to every single game of his.  i remember nursing you in the car and then securing you in my wrap so you were close to my chest.  you'd fall asleep and i just loved having you in my arms, looking down at your sweet little face so peaceful amidst all the noise and bright lights.  i miss those days, but i try to enjoy taking you and ems to daddy's games now, even though it's stressful and a bit crazy!  a few of his games have been at fields where there have been big patches of grass nearby for you to run in.  i just love watching you and ems, running around in the moonlight, noses chilled from the cold and squealing with laughter and giggles as you chase each other (one game jude and lulu came to and yall chased each other the entire time!).  other games have not been so easy, but watching you run out to jump in daddy's arms at the end of each game makes it worth it.  you love him so much.  one game he didn't realize you were trying to get to him, and you stood behind him in the line where the players shake each other's hands.  you started going through the line and i laughed as i watched the other team's players get to you and seem very confused as they shook your hand too.  so funny.

we've had some fun road trips to daddy's away games; one game meme came with us to bar harbor.  we stopped at jordans, one of our fav spots, on the way there and you and ems played outside before and after we ate.  there was a high covered slide that you were really afraid to try going down (which is so unlike you!).  i told you to try and be brave, and after a few times of trying to muster up the courage, you did it!  and you were SO proud of yourself!  meme and i cheered and cheered; you had a huge smile on your face! you said "i was very, very afraid, but i was brave!" we went to bar harbor, bundled you and ems up in the stroller and got ice cream while we walked.  another trip we took with the head coach's wife, sarah, and their two girls, lucy and annie in their van.  all of you girls did so well!  you ate snacks and watched barney on the way there.  i love putting you and ems in your footie pj's before we drive back so you can be warm and cozy for the way home (and you always fall asleep).

we went to a farm the other day where we fed goats, went on hayrides and got ice cream.  you LOVED it.  the hayride was your favorite part.  the driver had just finished his last run for the night, but you went running straight for the tractor.  i asked him if he was done and he said "well i was planning on it, but if i stopped now i'd have one unhappy customer!"  i looked and saw you had already taken your seat on one of the blocks of hay, ready for the ride.  you just loved it :)

you LOVE animals.  we have this game we play where i'll describe an animal and you'll guess what it is.  you're pretty good!  you guess animals like flamingos, hippos, penguins and donkeys... it's your favorite thing to play right now and you are always asking "mama, can we play the animal game?!"  i have to rack my brain to come up with new animals to have you guess :)

we've been going to the library lately and you've really enjoyed it.  you're not too interested in picking out books yet as you and ems run right for all the toys in the children's room and play while i pick out books.  but we get a stack each time and you LOVE reading through them!  last week i told you that we had to take your books back and we could get new ones, but you wanted to just keep the same ones you loved reading them so much.

you love your babysitter, michelle.  she had a big fall party at her house yesterday for all the kids that she watches.  there was a bounce house, pinatas, lots of food and piles of leaves to jump in.  you had been excited for it all week.  one of your buddies, dakota, was there.  she is a few years older than you, but her mama and me are really close friends, all the way back to high school!  you love each other, and she gave you a piggy back ride everywhere the whole party.  so cute.  it was so fun seeing you right at home and in your element and get to meet some of your friends that you talk about every week.  i didn't think i would ever get you out of that bounce house!

the other night i had an online class via skype, so i was in my bedroom in the middle of class.  before daddy could stop you, my door flew open and you ran in yelling "mama, mama!  i pooped on the potty and i wiped my butt!"  you were so proud and i couldn't help but laugh.  it was awesome.

tonight i made dinner and you loved it; salad and spaghetti squash which was an awesome surprise that you gobbled it right up.  as i was cleaning up the kitchen afterward, you nearly plowed me over with a hug.  after kissing my cheek you whispered in my ear "you are a fabulous maker, mommy.  i really like you" and off you went.  ohhhh my sweet girl,  you just melt my heart.  i really like you, bella grace.  a whole lot.

friday night we went to a spaghetti dinner at daddy's school for football players.  there were lots of people there, and you and ems and lucy and annie were running around on the stage.  with no prompting at all,  you began to belt out three separate performances of "tomorrow" from annie, complete with dance moves and all the high notes.  when people would clap for you, you'd curtsy and say "thank you, thank you, thank you soooo much everyone!"  you were so so cute!  daddy and i could not stop laughing.  you are definitely not shy, my love :)

you love your sister so much.  you are really so patient with her when she is bugging you; she'll pull your hair, or aggravate you and i'm really proud of how well you do with her.  my favorite is when you come up to her and pat the side of her face and say "oh emmy, you're my poochy poochy baby!"  you're such a little mama.  so sweet.  and funny.

you've been having a hard time at bedtime.  you stall and say you need a drink, and then you're hungry, and then you are afraid of the dark.  i've been explaining to you that when you are afraid you can pray and ask jesus to help you.  the other night, i was trying to tell you that when you feel afraid and think you are alone, you really aren't... that god is right there with you and he will comfort you when you're afraid.  you said "mama, where is he?"  i said "well he's right here in this room you just can't see him."  i'll never forget the look on your face; your eyes darted all around the room without your neck moving a muscle.  you were so confused and had no idea what i was talking about!  we talk about it every night so i think it will sink in at some point!  but we've had to pray with you almost every night that god would help you to feel safe when you are afraid of the dark.  i hope that even at your young age you can start learning that god is with you in all of your fears.

i love you so much, baby girl.  i am so very, very proud to be your mama.  it is one of the greatest joys and privileges of my life.

love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

you are growing up right before my eyes.  i can hardly believe how big you are!

you are just so cute and say things every day that i want to remember.  right now you and emmy are either loving each other to pieces and laughing and playing... or you're screaming and fighting over toys.  it can get a bit exhausting; but i know there is hope in the end because that's exactly how auntie and i used to be.  and now we are best friends.  so my prayer is that you and emmy will always know how blessed you are to have each other!  you're very patient with her most of the time; she's definitely mastered being a complete and total bug to you!  but sometimes you lose it, or you'll constantly be telling me: "MOM!!!  emmy's buggin me!!!!"  the other day you found our fisher price nativity set in the basement and you had to bring it up and play with it, even though it's only september (you love christmas just like your mama!).  you were playing with it quietly when all of a sudden, emmy swooped in, grabbed mary and ran for the hills.  you got up and starting chasing after her saying "it's okay, mary!  i'll save you!!!!"

oh, the drama that goes on in our house.

you love princesses and castles and all things fairy tale.  there are lots of big, old, beautiful churches and ornate buildings where we live, and i remember when i was a little girl thinking they were castles.  so i've started getting you to look out for all of the beautiful "castles" and you've totally LOVED it.  whenever we get in the car and drive downtown, you're always getting so excited and pointing them all out to me.  today on our way to the park you said "mom!  look, at that castle!  i have to go there so i can dance with the prince!"

you also love trains.  we were on our way home from the park the other night and got stopped at some train tracks near our house as one was coming through.  you LOVED it.  once it had passed, you were wondering where it went.  i knew another street it crossed over further down, so we raced over so you could watch it go through again.  now every time we pass over those train tracks you ask where it is.  i think you got your love of trains from jude!

the other night i got really, really sick.  daddy had a football game so it was just the three of us at home and i felt so awful.  at one point i was laying on the bathroom floor and you kept coming in, rubbing my back and asking me if i needed anything.  "it's okay, mama.  you'll be okay."  your face was full of concern for me, and you were trying to think of anything you could do for me to help make me feel better.  it was so sweet; you're such a tender hearted little girl who is so thoughtful of--and sensitive to--the needs of others.  i pray all the time that god would sustain that spirit in you, and use it to minister to others for his glory.  such a great, great quality, sweets.

you LOVE clothes.  especially dresses.  i just ordered you some clothes from target, and the package came today.  you were soooo excited, you tore right into the package and you're currently wearing three of the four items that came (two are a skirt and a dress).  but you just HAD to wear them immediately, all at once.  i love it.

you've been loving the fall.  we went to pick apples a couple weekends ago, and you had a blast running around with your cousins and eating as many apples as you could find.  you also supervised daddy and uncle brian as they climbed on ladders to reach the higher apples; and you also tried climbing up a couple times until someone caught you.  i've been trying to do little activities and lessons with you on the days that i'm home.  right now they're centering around apples, leaves and the fall.  we've done apple stamping, taken a trip to the library to find fall themed books, made an apple/bible verse craft and practiced our letters.  you are such a little free spirit.  i'm trying to teach you how it's important to follow directions, but i can't help but love your creativity.  fall colors include pink (because it's your favorite) and apple stamping quickly turned into painting the entire page with all of the colors all at once.  but you're having fun and that is all that matters.  i love watching your little mind work, and your personality come out as you learn and play.

you LOVE helping me in the kitchen.  we make stuff all the time, and you just love it.  my rule is, i measure and you can pour.  and; no fingers!  you love "taste testing" especially when sugar is involved :)  i hope you enjoy being in the kitchen as much as i do, love.  and i really treasure that we're making special memories there, you and i.  i hope you will always remember being in the kitchen with your mama!

you have really been enjoying your new babysitter, michelle.  she watches a few other kids and you LOVE going to her house and playing with everyone!  i love when you get home at the end of the day; it feels like christmas i get so excited to see you!  you shriek and laugh and jump up and down.  one day i said "bella, how was your day?!"  you held my face in your hands and said "it was so good, sweetheart."  three going on forty three.

you've also been loving your fridays with meme.  this fall i have to work an extra day for my certification so meme comes and stays with you and ems.  you LOVE it and never want her to leave.  the other night we got to skype with nonnie and papa.  you and ems danced for them and they watched you play.  nonnie's birthday was back in july and for some reason, a couple times a week you'll say to me "mama!  today's in nonnie's birthday!"  for some reason, that just stuck in your mind.  you love your grandparents and you're very blessed to have ones that love you so very much!

you have been loving church but you really miss vacation bible school.  one night when i was putting you to bed you were really sad.  when i asked you what was wrong you said "mama, i just really miss vacation bible school."  we still play all of the songs for you and ems and you have a ball singing and dancing.  you've been learning about joseph (or so you say) in sunday school and tell us about him every week when we pick you up.  love watching you learn more and more about jesus.  i pray that you will follow after him with your whole heart your whole life.

you are still a huge fan of daniel tiger's neighborhood, know and sing all of the songs and apply them to every day situations.  it's hilarious.  at night you always sing "pj's, brush teeth, story and song and off to bed!" and if we try to skip over any of the steps, you're quick to remind us by saying "remember?  daniel tiger says..." and you sing the song all over again.  you're so cute.

i love you SO VERY MUCH my little sweet pea.  and even though i wish you could stay my baby forever, i just love watching you grow.  you are such a beautiful and kind little girl and i couldn't be prouder to be your mama.

love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

you are growing up before my very eyes.  it's true; this morning i was teary at just the thought of how fleeting our time together is.  i am getting ready to go back to work a couple days a week... i know you will be just fine but i've been really dragging my feet even just thinking about the summer being over because i have loved it so much.

you honestly have the most tender heart.  you are so kind and thoughtful of others and tell people all the time how much you love them.  your new saying with the special people in your life is "oh, i yuv (so and so)... they are my best friend."  you are very sensitive and when you make a mistake or do something you know you shouldn't, i often have to tell you that it's okay; you only need to apologize once.  yesterday we went to the beach with a bunch of your buddies.  you hit one of your little friends and when we got home you were upset.  i asked you why and you said "i'm so sad because i hit wyatt."  you have such a sensitive heart and are convicted easily when you do something wrong; that is a really great quality to have, my sweets.  we are working with you on not being too hard on yourself and to apologize afterwards and then move on and let it go.  daddy&i can already tell that you're going to be hard on yourself, so we we are trying to teach you how to extend yourself grace when you mess up.

you love emmy and are such a good big sister.  lately in the mornings, when you hear her waking up, you'll run and get you each a bowl of cereal so that you can eat while you watch a show.  your favorite lately is "daniel tiger's neighborhood".  it's a really cute little show and teaches a lot of great lessons, complete with songs to go with each.  you have all the songs memorized and are quick to whip them out on several occasions.  the other day yall were playing pass with your stuffed animals across the back seat on a little daytrip we took to camden.  you started singing "find a way to play together!" and you and ems were both giggling like crazy :)  just last week emmy got really sad when daddy left for work.  she was standing by the door crying, and you went over and sat next to her, rubbing her back and singing "grown ups come back".
 seriously; you are like a walking lesson on character qualities and values.  i love that you're so aware of doing the right thing.

fashion has become your newest obsession.  you've always been obsessed with dresses, but lately you've taken it to a whole new level.  the other day you literally wore 8 different outfits throughout the course of the day.  you love changing your clothes, and even have been packing a backpack with an extra dress to go with you everywhere you go.  it's crazy!  you constantly have clothes strewn allllll over your floor and the other day at naptime, you spent the entire two hours emptying out your drawers and pulling dresses off the hangers in your closet.  the messyness drives me crazy, but i love watching your little mind work.  you're such a little lady, and i love seeing your interests start developing.  who knows, you might be a fashion designer some day :)

you love listening to songs on the radio.  you daily surprise me at what songs you have memorized!  your favorite right now is "whom shall i fear" by chris tomlin.  i've tried to record you and ems when we're in the car and that song comes on because you both love it and sing like crazy.  you've been a little afraid at nighttime lately so we're working on teaching you that god is with us in our fears.

i bought a bunch of classic books a couple of weeks ago at target, and i've been so excited about reading them to you!  i didn't know if they'd be a bit over your head, but i figured we could start anyway.  i let you choose which book you wanted to start with, and you chose "little women" (because the cover is pink).  we read a few pages every night before you go to bed and you have been loving it!  the other night you were telling daddy what was going on in the story and it was so cute.  you're already excited to pick out our next read.

we went to uncle byron and aunt dawn's camp last weekend with meme, uncle brian, auntie, jude and lucy.  you had so much fun!  one of the daniel tiger songs talks about when we're afraid, we can close our eyes and think of something happy... this morning you were telling me the things that make you happy: camping, going to the beach and playing with jude.  you got to do all three of those things alllll weekend, so you were pretty pumped!  we ate smores, swam, played on the beach, went in kayaks and the paddle boat, watched movies and ate a lot of food!  it was really fun.  we decided we want that to be a new summer tradition for us and i am so excited for you and emmy to have those memories as you grow up.

a couple of weeks ago we went to football camp with daddy!  you were SO excited and wanted to stand with him nearly every second.  i loved sitting back and watching you.  you carry yourself with such friendly confidence.  at one point i looked over and all the guys were gathered around you watching you do a somersault, and clapped for you.  you were loving it.  you talked their ears off whenever they'd give you attention and you met so many new "friends" as you visited with their sisters and family members that were at the practice field.  you came running over to me after sitting with a girl that was at least seven and said "mom!  i made a new friend!  ok, i'd better go get back to sarah!" and with that, you were gone to go sit with her again.  you amaze me.  speaking of making new friends, you love the mannequins in old navy.  i had to run in there quickly the other day, so i had ems on my hip and was trying to navigate you through the store so that i could get what i needed.  out of the corner of my eye i saw you stopping to talk to all of the mannequins!  on the way out you spent a long time talking to a little girl mannequin.  i kept telling you that it was time to go and i could hear you say "okay, bye little girl!  have a nice day!" before giving her a hug and turning to follow me out the door.  ohhhhh, i just love you so much!

you are the best, my little girl.  i love you so much it hurts.  someday, if you're a mama, you'll understand what i mean.

love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

you are so full of life.  i love watching you.  you imagine without limits.  you laugh loudly and play wildly.  you love big.  you have such a sweet, kind and free spirit about you.  it's the biggest joy to be your mommy.

you have started calling me "mommy" rather than "mama".  i can't say that i mind it after you going through a phase of calling me "mom".  your little voice is the sweetest sound.  i love our conversations :)

we just got back late last night from a two week vacation to texas!  we had a blast.  you were such a good girl.  you loved spending time with all of our texas family, playing with your cousins, going swimming, hanging out with our friends (that you refer to as YOUR friends), going to church and exploring a few new playgrounds.  one of my greatest blessings in life is getting to watch you have fun.  i feel like you're getting older now, so you'll start remembering some of the things that we do.  building childhood memories for you is something i try my best to do every day. i remember telling bampy when i was a bit older that i had the best childhood.  he was so happy hearing that.  i want the same for you, my sweet pea.  i hope that you look back at your childhood with so much joy and happiness.

i love your confidence.  you carry yourself with such self assuredness that i hope never changes.  the minute you put on a necklace or a dress, you proudly march to everyone in the room and say "look at how beautiful i am!" i'm working with you on the fact that you are beautiful with or without jewelry or pretty clothes, but it's so sweet.  the other day i was changing emmy's diaper and you said "phew, mommy, emmy's really stinky!" i said "yes, she had a poopy diaper and it was pretty stinky, huh?" you replied "yes.  but i didn't!  i'm VERY beautiful!"  yesterday we flew from dallas to boston and you were pretty much perfect.  really.  you did so great!  after we landed, the plane had emptied and daddy and i were gathering all of our belongings.  you proudly marched out into the aisle and looked at a flight attendant standing near us and said "didn't i do such a great job flying on the plane?!"  i hope your confidence sticks around.  you've been talking so much lately about how jesus died for you, and how much he loves you.  my goal as your mommy, above all else, is to reinforce that truth always.  it will change the way you see yourself, the way you live in relationship to others, and the course of your entire life.

he must have the biggest smile on his face as he watches you twirl and dance and play, bella grace.  he loves you more than all the grains of sand on every seashore.  you are HIS.

you've been learning more and more about the bible lately, and have really taken to stories about jesus and what they mean to you.  we have a book that's almost like a devotional for children.  it takes certain verses and teaches you how to apply those principles to your life.  you LOVE reading it and talking to me about it as we flip through the pages.  we've discussed sharing, being kind to emmy and to your friends, being honest, being responsible and loving others.  i can see your heart really taking in the things that you are learning... you've started being a little afraid of the dark at bedtime.  we leave a night light on in your room for you, but we've also been telling you that you can pray when you are afraid.  now, almost every night, you'll talk about being scared and then you'll say "jesus will help me when i'm afraid of the dark."  so sweet.  you love going to church and your sunday school class!  we had a good laugh when you came back your first night of vacation bible school, after hearing the story of adam and eve.  you were so excited to tell daddy what you had learned: "jesus ate the apple and the people were so sad." :)  someone was talking the other day about their job, and you piped up "oh, i work at vacation bible school church!  i play with toys and do crafts and sing songs and learn about jesus."  i love seeing you enjoy those experiences, and most of all, watching you learn and grow.

you are getting so brave!  your new thing now is "okay, mommy... i'll twyyyyyy (try) it".  tonight at dinner you started dishing yourself up some salad.  you took a couple of bites and then decided it wasn't for you.  at least right now.  and that's okay.  you tried it!  and you've come a loooong way.  you've loved swimming this summer, ran through a sprinkler at nonnie and papa's house, and you started gymnastics a few weeks ago!  you really enjoy it and get so proud of yourself.  you listen so well to your teacher.  like i wrote about earlier, you went to your first vacation bible school about a month ago, and although you were a bit apprehensive about going, the minute i took you to your classroom, you were off and running.  you went in a bounce house and down a giant slip and slide!  you've tried a lot of different things lately, most of which you've really enjoyed.  it reminds me of how much you're growing up.  i'm so proud of you, my sweet girl, for trying new things and being so brave!

you've always been so polite and do so well with your pleases and thank you's.  lately, you oftentimes respond with "no thanks, i'm okay" when i ask you to do something you don't want to do.  it's really cute...but still doesn't get you out of obeying :)

you're such a sweet and considerate sister.  when we were in texas, emmy was pretty sick.  she would be fussy and you'd come over and cradle her head with your hands and whisper "it's okay, ems.  i'm right here" while you patted her hair or kissed her forehead.

we were bed buddies while we stayed at nonnie and papa's!  it's disastrous to have all four of us in one room, so daddy slept in one room with ems and i slept in one room with you.  i loved it.  one morning, i woke up before you and just laid there, watching you sleep.  all of a sudden, you barely opened your eyes and your face broke out into the hugest smile.  "good morning, mommy" you said, still eyes closed and not fully awake "did you have a good sleep?"

you are in a great stage right now, bel.  we still have our rough days, hard moments, and you definitely keep us on our toes, but you're mellowing out a bit and it seems as though you are in a less challenging stage (except for when you're tired and refusing to sleep at naptime!).  your sweet little personality continues to amaze me.  i'm just so grateful for your kind, tender heart and sensitive spirit.  it seems as though you're beyond your years at the tender age of three.  and i'm so glad you have spunk, girl.  always, always, always stay spunky :)

you are, and will always be, one of god's greatest gifts to me.  i'm having so much fun watching you grow and blossom into the most beautiful little girl, both inside and out.  i am just so proud you are my little girl.

love you to the moon and back (and back again),
mommy

dear bella.

dear bella,

you are just the sweetest.  honestly.  i am so in awe of your tender little heart and how friendly you are to everyone.  you never meet a stranger!  you can walk into a room full of people and bravely walk right up to an adult, shake their hand and introduce yourself.  it's so awesome.

this last weekend we went away to portland for the liver walk in honor of bampy.  you were SO excited!  you had been counting down the days until you got to "stay in a hotel".  it was a really great weekend besides emmy being superrrrr fussy (which mama found out later she had an ear infection!)  you were pretty patient with her; several times you'd say "ems, stop crying!!!!!"  you both swam in the pool saturday night with daddy.  you LOVED it.  i was so proud of you because in the past you've been more of a "oh, i'll just put my feet in" type of girl.  not this weekend.  you were a little fishy!  watching you and ems swimming with daddy reminded me so much of my childhood.  auntie and i LOVED going swimming with bampy.  we'd climb all over him, have him throw us, and when we got older we'd race him.  someday you'll especially treasure these times, bel, and it makes me smile knowing what sweet memories you will have.  you did so well at the walk!  we had a team of almost 40 people; family and friends.  you went around saying hi to everyone.  you walked right up to one of bampy's good friends, stuck out your hand and said "hi, i'm bella!  nice to meet you."  it was the cutest thing.  and you even walked yourself for a good part of the route.  you trucked right along.  so adorable.  when i reminded you we were walking for bampy you said "oh, bampy loved me soooo much!"  you're right, little girl.  he did.

we skyped the other night with nonnie and papa.  it's always a little challenging for you to sit still and visit, but last night we let them watch you and ems play and you kept coming up to the computer screen and telling them animated stories about your baby dolls.  it was so cute.  you told them that one of your baby dolls was sixteen and then you started complaining because she has been waking up too early.  daddy and i definitely told you that last week when you decided to wake up at 5:15!  you're really looking forward to visiting nonnie and papa very soon!  you love them so much and constantly talk about going to their house on an airplane :)

you've been SO sweet to your sister these days.  daddy and i were just saying how proud we are of you.  you play so well with her (most of the time) and only really get frustrated when she takes your toys.  but if you freak out, you're quick to apologize and give her a hug and kiss.  she LOVES being a pest to you.  she'll pull your hair or hit you, trying to get your attention.  you usually ignore her for quite a while until you finally get super annoyed.  you're really patient with her, and i'm just so proud of you!  you two have been loving playing together and it just makes me SO happy to watch.  you'll never have a friend like your sister, bel.  remember that!

i can already tell that you're going to be such a good friend.  you love people so much and get so excited to hang out with your friends.  lately, you've loved holding hands with other little girls.  it's the cutest thing ever.  even if you've just met.  the other day you met a random little girl at the park, and you were running around, holding her hand.  when she had to leave, you stood at the edge of the grass waving saying "bye!  i love you!" adorable.

we've definitely had a few challenges lately, bel.  you have very strong opinions concerning your clothing.  for a while, you were throwing fits about wearing pants.  in your mind, shirts were dresses as long as you weren't wearing pants with them.  so, you'd walk around the house pant-less.  you'd go to sleep wearing only the shirts of your pj-sets.  you love your dresses and nightgowns.  you still refuse to go number two on the potty.  and there has been a few times i have found a puddle in your room at naptime.  when i asked you if you peed, one time you said "yeah, mom.  i was just sitting on the floor, looking up at my pictures and peeing."  oh... awesome.  you also moved your bed (it's queen size) the other day across the room, climbed onto it and got into the top drawer of your dresser.  you are super mischievous, my little sweets!  i really think part of this is your defiance in not wanting to take naps any more.  i keep telling you that you're going to have quiet time every day until you're in kindergarten so to get used to it!  but you still give me fits a lot.  it's good for you to have that time in your room to play quietly by yourself... and it's good for mama too :)

you also have been horrible at leaving places you like.  now that it's nice outside, we go on an outing a couple times a week.  when we are about to leave, i count down, letting you know how many minutes until we have to get in the car, and every time i end up carrying you like a football to the car while you kick and scream.  definitely not so pretty.  i've also decided not to go to the store with you for a while.  you're bound and determined to walk "like a big girl", but you don't stay with us, you love to run off.  it scares me half to death and if i make you sit in the cart you throw a huge fit.  so; our target days are over.  for now anyways.

you've been really cute praying by yourself at bedtime.  i never want to forget the sound of your sweet little voice asking jesus to be with your family and friends.  it's so so sweet.  your heart is so sensitive and thoughtful, bel.  if you act out during the day or give me a hard time, you're always so quick to apologize and say you're sorry. unprompted.  i love that.  i hope you always are quick to apologize when you make mistakes; we all do... being able to say you're sorry is a great sign of character.  remember that.

daddy and i can't believe how smart you are.  just tonight you were asking us what our favorite seasons are.  you said yours was winter because you like to play in the snow and be cold (be cold?!).  daddy and i both said summer. you said "i wonder what jude's favorite season is?  probably fall."  then i asked you what your favorite thing to eat was and you put your pointer finger to your mouth and tapping it, you said "hmmm... let's see... peanut butter!!!"  yep.  you love your peanut butter.

some other cute things: you love to say "yeah, that's a great idea!" if i tell you something we're going to do... or, "that sounds like a plan!"  tonight i asked you to go put something in the kitchen for me and you said "oh sure!  i'd love to!"  you LOVE to help... the other day i told you we could go put away some laundry together.  you said "okay, mom!  come on!  follow me" as you started walking down the hallway.  tonight when i was making dinner, you pushed your stool over to the counter and said "hey mama, can i be your maker?" which meant, you wanted to help me cook :)  you're always super concerned about your sister and if you hear her crying when she's in her crib you'll gasp "hey!  that sounds like ems!"  and you've been really big on telling me and daddy that you like us.  almost on a daily basis.  "i like you, daddy.  i like you, mama.  i really like you guys."  the other night you came over to me, threw your arms around my neck and in my ear started singing "everything is better with a friend.  everything is better with a friend like you!"  ahhhhh.  i hope you always feel that way, my pumpkin.

i tell you all the time that no matter what, daddy and i will always love you.  if i get upset with you, or yell, i apologize and let you know that even when i'm upset, i still love you even when i'm frustrated .  we won't be your "friends" until you're much older... but we will always be in your corner.  no matter what.  in us, you will find loyalty, a safe haven, an unending sea of love and grace.  we love you, little girl.  always, always.

so proud of who you are.  i love you so much my heart aches.  every night i check on you before i go to bed.  i kiss your forehead and cheeks about a million times and feel like my breath is knocked out of me a little bit i love you so much.  someday, if you have babies of your own, you'll understand.  even on the difficult days, i am so so grateful that i'm your mama.

love you to the moon and back (and back again),
mama