dear bella,
you are my long haired, dimpled cheeked, kindhearted, strong willed free spirit. you are both sassy and sensitive. carefree and thoughtful. an emotion driven little beauty that can be both raging and dripping with sticky sweetness from one minute to the next. you are driven by your heart and by passion, which can be an amazing thing, as long as you continually surrender your way over to the lord and love him with your whole heart. that will come. right now, we're just trying to get you to control your anger over not being allowed to eat half a loaf of bread at dinner, wear a sleeveless dress and high heels outside to play in the snow or watch "frozen" for the fifteenth time.
already, i see in you such a longing to be beautiful. just tonight i could hear you talking to daddy in your room. you had just put on a princess dress and you twirled in front of him saying "look daddy, aren't i so beautiful?" in his gentle, daddy way he said "well bella you're beautiful all of the time, not just when you're wearing dresses." you were confused "but no, daddy, i look really beautiful when i'm dressed up!" he went on to explain that what makes you beautiful is that you were created by god, and its what is in your heart, how you treat others, and being kind and loving. you still didn't agree, so we are working on this with you. it's an almost daily conversation :) you just LOVE to be in dresses. we've been having the coldest winter here this year, and every day while i'm bundled up in as many layers i can muster, you're prancing around the house in sleeveless dresses and bare legs. you are OBSESSED with princess dresses!! many times at night, we'll go in to say goodnight to you, and you've changed into one of your dress-up dresses and fallen asleep in ruffles and tulle. you just love clothes, and you don't lack in confidence at all which i love. the other day we were at church for a playgroup and you had to go to the bathroom. i took you, and while we were in there, you stopped to gaze at yourself infront of a full length mirror. "oh look at me, mama!" you sighed. i just want you to always remember, my sweet girl, that the bible says a woman who loves the lord is worth more than the most precious jewels. you radiate beauty from the inside out.
one of your new favorites is the movie "frozen". you had never been to the movies; daddy and i were waiting for just the right one that we knew you would love! a few weeks ago, daddy, me and meme took you to the theatre to see it. you were SO excited! it was such a cute movie and you just loved it; you giggled the whole time and were just glued to the screen. we listen to the music daily, and you and emmy love singing and dancing to the songs. it's so cute.
speaking of emmy, you guys love each other so much. you fight and squabble over toys, but i find you cuddled up together on the couch, or playing quietly in your room, or giggling and laughing over a new game you've created. you are just too cute. today, we had all taken naps. you and emmy woke up first and you went into her room. her new favorite word is "poop"... i know, it's so lovely. she says it allll the time. so she kept saying it over and over to you today and you were laughing. then finally i heard you say "emmy, you are my best friend but right now you're driving me NUTS!" whenever we are out in public, you talk to anyone and everyone. the other day, we crossed paths with a woman in the parking lot of the grocery. you said "oh, hi i'm bella. how are you today?" you're just so talkative and friendly. all the time, you introduce people to yourself and then you'll say "and this is my friend, emmy." i just think it's the cutest thing ever that you introduce her as your "friend" instead of "sister". sisters are the best friends, and i'm so so so grateful that you are blessed with each other.
last weekend was really tough... you were very sick :( you and emmy had spent the night at meme's and you'd been so excited all week. jude came over too for a big sleepover in meme's room, and you woke up before six the next morning throwing up. meme called me around seven saying that the last time you had thrown up you said "i want my mama". i couldn't get to you fast enough. on the way home, we stopped at the grocery for daddy to run in and get you some juice. i said "it's okay, honey, mama's here now. it always feels good for kids to have their mamas when they're not feeling well, doesn't it?" you nodded and said "yeah, and their daddies too." you are so right. daddy takes such good care of us. you were pretty sick that day, sweet pea, and it just broke my heart. you hated throwing up and just kept telling me how scared you were. it was awful. that night when you were going to bed, i sat with you and just stroked your hair and kissed your forehead for a bit. you looked at me with those big brown eyes of yours and said "you help me feel better, mama." i just teared right up. you touch my heart, my bella girl.
we're really working with you on becoming a better eater. we've seen some progress over the last year, but we still want to do what we can to encourage you to eat healthy. you absolutely love fruit, and eat an apple (or two) every single day. it's hard for me to keep up! some days it will be ten o'clock in the morning and you and emmy have already eaten an apple, blueberries, an orange and a banana. it's kind of crazy. but you are my bread girl, and could eat bread all day long. so we're trying to reign that in. you're getting much better and now you try a lot of different things! just this week you've had some granola, hummus with rice crackers, bell peppers, coconut milk, quinoa, broccoli, and a few sips of green smoothies. hey, we're making progress. some meals are harder than others. the other night at dinner, you suddenly got up from the table. when i asked you where you were going, you hung your head very low and said "i'm just going to go to my room because you said something mean to me." when i asked you what i had said, you replied "you said i needed to eat my vegetables and it made me very, very sad."
you've loved playing with all of your new toys that you got at christmas. it's pretty awesome watching you in your own little world, your imagination totally taking off. one of your favorite christmas presents was a puzzle we got you at the dollar store! you put it together all by yourself in no time at all, so the next day daddy went back and got you a forty eight piece one in the shape of a heart. without skipping a beat, you put that one together too! you get so proud of yourself! when you complete it you'll say "pssst, pssst!" and then we all cheer. it's so great for you to learn that if something is difficult, you can stick with it and accomplish it! a few mornings, you would put your puzzle together as you ate breakfast. i joked with daddy that you were 3 going on 93.
you love going to your babysitter, michelle's house. on the nights before you go, i'll tuck you in and remind you that you're going to michelle's tomorrow, you'll gasp and say "i get to go there again!?" michelle told me that every day, when all of the kids are gathered for lunchtime, you say a prayer (unprompted) for the food. it's gotten to the point where one of the boys will say "is bella going to do that thing again that she does before we eat lunch?" and you'll say the blessing and pray for every child sitting around the table. that just made me so proud to hear, baby girl. she also told me that you've made friends with this little girl and the other day she was asking where you were. she said "i love bella, she's so cute and tiny and she wants me to be her best friend... i miss her." you make fast friends, my sweetheart. that is a great gift.
you're such a joy, bella grace. you blow me away with your sweetness and thoughtfulness of others. i can't wait to see how god uses you. so blessed that i was chosen to be your mama.
love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama
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