multitude monday.

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518.  the feel of my girls warm, chubby cheeks pressed up against mine.  pure.heaven.
519.  homemade tortillas, warm from the skillet.
520.  double dates with my husband.  laughing with friends.
521.  pom pom trim.  one of my newest obsessions.
522.  family pictures.  can't have enough of them!  capturing the moments.
523.  emmy's babble.  hearing her sweet little voice: "mama mama mama" and "dada dada dada".
524.  bella having special sleepovers with her cousin and aunt holly!  such fun adventures for my little girl.
525.  our cozy home.
526.  chicken wire baskets.
527.  singing the girls to sleep. the.best.
528.  watching bella and nick dancing in the kitchen, while bella sings (or screeches) "i know you, i've walked with you once upon a dream!" at the top of her lungs and trying to burn that image in my memory for perhaps one day they'll be dancing at her wedding.  oh, dear.
529.  emmy's chubby thighs.  i can't think of many things that are more awesome.

mourning with those who mourn.

i've been mulling the concept of mourning over in this head of mine over the past eleven months.  not only have i experienced a huge loss in my life, but i've also watched several people i care about lose loved ones within this last year as well.  while watching them, hearing their stories, and reflecting on my own experiences, i've come to many conclusions about mourning.  one of them is this: sometimes christians aren't very good at this whole grief thing.

and that totally stinks.

i guess i get it.  pain is uncomfortable.  we don't always know what to do with other people's suffering, and most of the time wish we could just put the pieces of their broken lives back together again.  but i wonder; why are we so anxious for people to feel better?  because we care, definitely, yes.  but sometimes i think we want to make things "pretty" again.  less messy.  so we don't have to get our hands dirty... so we don't feel uncomfortable looking at or experiencing the brokenness.

too bad this doesn't work.  why?  because life is messy.  there's no getting around it.  doesn't make you any less godly or unspiritual or faith-less to struggle.  in fact, i think the contrary is true.  jesus tells us in his word that suffering is a part of this life:

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i'll never forget one of my first classes at dallas seminary.  i was a bright eyed, naive twenty three year old, eager and ready to become a counselor and help others.  there i sat, soaking up every word my professor was saying much like a dry sponge, thirsting for water.  and then he said something like this: 

"many of you will meet with hurting people and you will have the urge to spend an hour with them, talking with them, helping them and then wrap everything up at the end of your sixty minutes with a nice, neat bow on top.  you'll send them on their way, thinking you've made everything nice and pretty and you've "fixed" them.  but it doesn't work that way.  healing is a process.  and it's not pretty.  it's not our job to clean people up.  it's our job to sit with them in their pain and show them the love of jesus."

wow.

that statement had a profound effect on me.  and how i wish that more people had this perspective.  especially followers of christ.

i've cringed every time someone has told me not to be sad because my dad's in a "better place".  although it's true, he is in a much better place, my emotions, my grief, my sorrow and my deep, profound sense of loss is real.  jesus has been so sweet to draw me close to him, and fill me with his grace... but that does not mean it's always easy.

and that's okay.

the shortest verse in the bible is john 11:35.  two words: "jesus wept."  if you look further into the context of this verse, you'll find out why.  because he lost a good friend.  lazarus had died.  i love the power of envisioning the savior of the world, crouched down on the ground, weeping tears of sorrow and aching with loss.  why?  because i know he gets it.  isaiah 53:3 talks of him being a man of many sorrows, well acquainted with grief.

so if we are truly loving each other in the way that i believe christ calls us to, i think our support of one another would look a whole lot different.  there would be less talking and more listening.  less "having to have all of the answers" and more sitting with someone in their pain.  less not wanting to get messy, and more rolling up our sleeves to go to battle with and for one another.  that's the kind of christ-follower i want to be, and certainly the kind i want to raise our girls to be.

scripture calls us to "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn" (romans 12:15). why?  we are supposed to be for each other.  are you a fellow mourner?  or are you too busy?  too comfortable to get messy?

my family and i are coming up on the year anniversary of my dad's death.  friends (and even some strangers!) from all over the country have been so sweet in sending cards, letters, text messages and phone calls to let me know they are praying for us.  it's been such a blessing... i can honestly say that i feel a sense of joy and peace i haven't felt in the past year.  i know god's healing my heart... and the encouragement and support of others has made his love for me tangible.  people being the hands and feet of jesus, and loving well.

we need each other for these times.  this is when the rubber meets the road, and our faith is called to action. if we love jesus, we can't help but love others.  in hard times, in good times, in easy times, in not-so-easy times.

"if i have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and knowledge, and if i have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, i am nothing."

1 corinthians 13:2 

so let's roll up our sleeves and go to battle for one another.  let's live this life side by side.  willing to get messy.  daring to love.

dear bella.

dear bella,

you have decided you are ready to use the big girl potty!  i'm so proud of you.  we tried a few months ago, and you just weren't ready.  i know your personality and i know that if i try to push you too hard, we'll both just end up frustrated!  so i wanted to wait until you were up for the task, and i'm so glad i did.  you have been so proud of yourself all day!  only two accidents, and multiple treats and princess stickers for your sticker chart on the fridge.

tonight when daddy and i were putting you to bed, we were praising you for how well you've done.  you said "oh yeah.  i did awesome."  you're right, you did do awesome, sweet girl.  i hope you always have a healthy sense of pride in your accomplishments.

your hair is getting so long, we'll have to cut it soon!  but i love it.  you are so beautiful, and i tell you that all the time!  that's actually what your name means, and it's so fitting.  our beautiful girl.  when i try to brush your hair at night, you sometimes give me a hard time.  but one of your favorite princesses is rapunzel, so you've started singing "i brush and brush my hair" from the movie "tangled" and that seems to get you through the hair-brushing sessions :)

speaking of princesses... every night before bed we ask you "bella, who do you want to pray for?" and without fail, you say: "pray for prince charming and cinderella and belle.  and sleeping beauty. and ariel.  AND ARIEL!!!!!" it's so sweet and innocent and i love your niavety.  so of course we pray for all of the people that are so important in your world right now; even if some of them are fictional :)

we are working on obedience these days.  your bible verse last week (which will probably be the same verse for the next couple of weeks) is ephesians 6:1 and it's so adorable hearing your little voice say "children, obey your parents in the lord for this is right."  you're getting a bit better.  you are so strong willed and crazy-active, so that combination is a challenge for us, but it's how god made you YOU and i can't wait to see how he uses your personality in such great ways.

i love seeing glimpses of your sweet little heart.  we've been going to visit great grampy and great grammy every thursday afternoon.  this week, you kept climbing on the couch, wanting to sit right next to great grammy (i think it's because she always has treats to give you).  when we were getting ready to leave, you exclaimed "yuve you, guys!" and as we walked down the hall, you called over your shoulder "yuve you, de-ahh" (because great grammy always calls you "dear").  you've been obsessed with listening to veggie tales, praise baby and other sunday school songs/hymns on the computer, and i LOVE it.  bampy would be so proud.  one of your favorites is "oh how i love jesus" and i can just see him smile.

i just love hearing you talk.  today, i couldn't wait for you to wake up from your nap because i missed your sweet voice.  you're learning new words and speaking in more/longer sentances all the time.  i'm so proud of you!  cute phrases you say: "you kiddin me?!"  "come on, maaaan!" and when you ask me if you can do something and i say no, you say "oh, come on!"  and recently, you'll put your hand on your forehead in exasperation and say "seriously?!"  you are adorable.

one of my favorite things that you do is when me and daddy are laying in bed with you at night, reading you stories, singing songs and saying your prayers, you'll loop each of your arms around our necks and pull us close to you.  we'll often say "bella sandwich!!" and both kiss your cheeks at the same time.  tonight, you turned to me and wrapped both of your arms around my neck and stared right in my eyes, kissing my nose and stroking my face like such a little mama.  sometimes you are such an old soul; a mother hen to everyone... even me!  i can't get enough of your hugs and kisses and the feel of your arms wrapped around me.  sweetest thing ever.

love you so much, my little girl!
forever and ever,
mama

what's for dinner tonight {homemade clean eating tortillas}.

in this house, we love our mexican food.  definitely one of the food-related-things we miss most about not living in dallas anymore.  because of our obsession with some good tex-mex, i decided i needed to try my hand at making homemade tortillas that would go along with our clean eating ways.

i found this recipe, and decided to re-make it a bit to fit our needs.  i switched out the flour to use all whole wheat, and i also cut the recipe in half.  the original recipe made 18, so i halved it to make only 8-9 so they wouldn't dry out in my fridge if we didn't eat all of them.  i used most of the tortillas to make a mexican lasagna (will post recipe soon!  it's one of our favs) but next time i make these, i'll keep them in our fridge for easy tortilla pizzas for bella, or for rollup sandwiches.

these babies were suuuuper duper easy and so delicious.

clean eating tortillas

* 2 c. whole wheat flour
* 3/4 t. salt
* 3/4 t. baking powder
* 1 T. canola oil
* 1/2 c. + a bit more if needed, warm water

- mix dry ingredients, and then add oil and water and combine until dough forms a ball (add additional water if needed).  knead 5 times; cover with a towel and allow to rest for five minutes.
- divide dough up into 8 or 9 pieces.  wet hands, shake off access water and roll each piece into a ball.  you may need to wet your hands a few times during this process; don't let dough become dry.
- place each ball on a cookie sheet so they are not touching one another.  cover with a towel, allow dough to rest for five minutes.
- on a floured surface, roll each ball.  you'll flip, roll, flip and roll until you have a thin, circular tortilla.  keep each ball covered with a towel until it's time to roll.  cook tortillas in a dry skillet over medium-medium high heat for 30 seconds on each side, or until you see bubbles form.
- use tortillas immediately, or allow them to cool fully (i kept mine covered with a towel) and then store in a ziploc bag in the fridge for up to a week.

*note: to reheat, wet and wring out a paper towel and wrap around tortilla.  heat in the microwave until warm.

see?  easy peasy.  and totally worth the effort.
they're delish.

on my heart.

i have class on monday evenings.  as much as i hate leaving the girls while they are napping in their beds, it sometimes serves as a refreshing break in the "outside world".  it also gives me a renewed vigor to return home in time to scoop them up, squeeze them tight and help tuck them in, after a flurry of books, songs and bedtime prayers.

tonight as i made my way up our front walk, i peered into our living room windows and through the lace veil of our curtain panels i spied bella sitting on the couch.  she was freshly bathed, hair wet, donning her elmo jammies and her eyes were fixed on a bible story dvd that we sometimes let her watch before bed.  i climbed up on our porch and looked more closely through the window until her eyes caught mine.  upon seeing me, her face broke out in the brightest smile, excitement of my arrival home causing her to bounce and giggle.  she was at the door before i could open it, flinging herself into my arms.

i thought to myself "these are the moments i never want to forget".  these are the moments that make the struggle worth it.  that spur me on when i'm tired, frustrated, drained and overwhelmed.

that cause my heart to feel as though it will burst i love these sweet ones so much.

i saw this photo circling around facebook tonight, and it summed up what's on my heart so perfectly.

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life is fleeting.  drink in all of the moments, breathe through the hard ones, and treasure today.  being able to laugh doesn't hurt, either.

and love.  always love.

paper bag wreath.

a wreath made of paper bags?  yep.  you read that right.

a while ago, i saw this pretty wreath on pinterest and i couldn't wait to try to make a look-alike.  however, between classes for my certification, working part time and my normal housewife-ish duties, i haven't had time to do much crafting.

and it was starting to get to me.

so the other day i had enough of my crafting strike and set off to make my wreath.  i had been collecting paper bags for a while now from the grocery and health food store i go to, and i had a pretty good stash.

with my paper bags, scissors, glue gun, and a wreath form i found in the dollar section at target i ended up with this:

after i finished my wreath, i sprayed a coat of clear acrylic sealer to add a little shine.  i have had an empty frame above our bed for months now, just waiting to find the right thing to put in the center.  i thought this wreath would be perfect.

look who woke up from naptime before i could finish this post?

love my little monkeys.

with the holidays coming up, this is such a simple decoration (i love the brown paper bags for the fall!) or would make a great handmade gift for someone else!  it was super simple and took me no time (or money!) to make.

and i'll never look at a paper bag the same from now on.  hmmmm... what else could i make out of my big paper bag collection??

this post was linked to these *lovely* blogs:

faith, trust & pixie dust
shaken together
liz marie
classy clutter
tatertots&jello
a night owl
twigg studios
diy by design

what's for dinner tonight {zucchini cakes}.

we love zucchini in this house.  ever since nick&i first got married, zucchini has been on our dinner table at least once a week, i am certain.  our hope is to have a garden next summer so we won't have to buy it at the store or the farmers market!  at the beginning of the fall, some friends gave us some zucchini left over from their garden.  i shredded a bunch and made muffins, sliced it to saute for dinner, and then i saw this recipe and knew i had to try it.

i've seen zucchini cakes before... i have a love for ina garten and all things barefoot contessa, and i watched her cook them once on an episode.  so i finally decided to make em.

and they were delicious.  

zucchini cakes

* 2 c. grated zucchini (unpeeled and squeezed dry)

* 1/4 t. lemon juice

* 3 cloves garlic, minced

* 1/2 yellow onion, chopped

* 1/2 t. salt

* 1/4 t. pepper

* 1 egg

* 1/2 c. parmesan cheese

* 3/4 c. flour (i used whole wheat)

* canola oil for frying

- combine first seven ingredients in a large bowl.

- add in flour and parmesan cheese; do not over-mix as it will affect the batter!

- heat a bit of canola oil in the bottom of a skillet over medium-high heat.  when it is ready, spoon some of the zucchini mixture into the pan; flatten out with a spoon.  

- cook for about 2 minutes and flip; cook until golden brown.

- drain on a paper towel and keep hot while you cook remaining cakes.  i used my toaster oven to keep them warm while i continued to work.

- we served ours topped with a dollop of sour cream and sliced avocado.  

this is a really fun way to use up zucchini and a great way to get munchkins to eat their veggies!  let me know if you try them!

handmade coasters.

today i decided i needed to do some crafting.  between work and certification classes and the husband and munchkins i've hardly had time to sit.

but today, i did.  and it felt good.  i'll post my other project soon (think brown paper bags and a wreath).  

i started working on these coasters literally a couple of months ago.  crazy, right?  told you i haven't had much time!  but these are so cute and i couldn't wait to complete them.

have some christmas shopping to do?  check out these unique, handmade coasters.  they'll be up for sale soon in me and my sister's etsy shop soon, the speckled pear (see icon on the right!)

vintage floral

black&white

funky flowers

polkadots

each set of coasters has a fun style to fit every personality!  if you would like something different, message me and i'd be happy to try to find a certain pattern or colors that will suit what you're looking for. 

stay tuned for them to be added to our shop!

multitude monday.

507.  quilts spilled over the couch in eclectic patches of color.
508.  raindrops tapping on window glass.
509.  the golden mum taking over our front stoop.
510.  sleeping babes and lips parted, eyelashes splayed in slumber.
511.  emmy's chubby hand clasping my finger.
512.  the millions of cheerios i find in our bed, on the floor, in half-eaten bowls.  all trails of my bella.
513.  the quiet strength of my husband.
514.  cozy mornings curled up with my babies and my coffee mug, heat drifting from the vents on our floors.
515.  reassuring words of jesus echoing in my ears.
516.  slices of warm baked bread, topped with melty butter.
517.  piles of brilliant leaves, red and golden.

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dear emmy.

dear emmy,

you are just the sweetest little peanut.  my goodness, i can't get over how precious you are!  you have the chubbiest little cheeks, big, bright, joyful eyes and the prettiest rosebud lips.  if i don't brush your hair after a bath, it gathers into a bunch of curls that stand up right on the top of your head!  i love it.

you are so funny.  you love smacking your lips and making silly noises and you get so, so loud!  i guess you just want to make sure you're heard.  i wake up in the morning to you grunting and chatting away in your crib.  when i go into get you, even in the dark, i can see your face break out into the sweetest smile.

you are so happy.  it's contagious.

you love your big sister, and she loves you.  i tell you all the time how you'll grow up to be best friends.  you giggle whenever she comes near you.

i'm starting to wean you a bit and it makes me sad.  you are my baby and i just never want you to grow up.  but you are.  all too quickly.

you always like to know where i am, and secretly i find it endearing.  when someone else is holding you, you search the room until you find me, and your eyes stay on me until i see you and smile back.  it's so sweet.  and you love being held.  my favorite is when you rest your head on my chest; not when you're tired... just when you want to be close.

i love you with all my heart, sweet girl.  you, your sister and your daddy are my world.

too the moon and back,
mama

clean eating for us.

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so, if you've been following my blog these days, you've most likely picked up on the fact that we have been making some changes in our eating.  we've always eaten pretty healthy (most of the time) but we have cranked it up a notch around here lately.

why?  well, i'm so glad you asked.  here's the scoop.

as i said, we've always eaten relatively healthy.  and in recent years, i had started trying to buy less processed foods, make things from scratch (like our bread and coffee creamer) and just made little changes here and there like swapping out the aunt jemima for real maple syrup.  however, there were still a lot of changes we could be making that just got swept under the rug because of time and money.

this summer, while trying to buckle down and start losing some serious post-pregnancy-poundage, i was sitting with a few of my good girlfriends discussing the 100 day challenge, which is a commitment to eat whole, non-processed foods for 100 days.  this discussion stuck in my brain.  not only was i wanting to start shedding unwanted weight faster than i had been, but we were in the middle of a battle with bella's health that lasted much of the summer.  she has pretty bad eczema and i was determined to try anything to help my sweet little girl.  i knew cutting out processed foods wouldn't cure her skin, but it definitely couldn't hurt.

so, i began researching.  two websites that totally helped me in my quest to know more about the concept of "clean eating" were 100 days of real food, and the gracious pantry.  both are great resources for more information about this dietary change, but also some fantastic recipes and even meal plans and shopping lists!

during my research, i read that it was recommended to 1) define what clean eating is for you.  there can be different levels/degrees depending on what works best for you and your family and what you can stick to.  and 2) decide what "cheating" means for your clean eating plan.  i was on board for that.  something with no wiggle room or space for some freedom doesn't suit our family too well.  it needed to be realistic on so many levels.

so... here's what i stick to (and my family basically does, too, since i do most of the cooking/grocery shopping).  and keep in mind, i am certainly no expert!  this is just what i've found that works for our family.  i'm sure it will change and grow over time, but for now, this is it.

1) what clean eating is for us: because of time and budget constraints (i'm in school part-time, i work part-time and i'm a wife and mama of two young girls... so this was important to take into consideration!) there are a few things we are going to have to still purchase that are not organic or non-processed such as condiments... and i do stock our pantry with cans of beans and corn as a time/money saver.  however, here are the main points we follow:
            * no (to little) white sugar: i use a bit in my morning coffee (because our purchasing of maple syrup and agave was getting out of control!) but that's pretty much it.  i have used brown sugar in some of my baking, but i just cut the amount called for in half.  for the majority of my baking i use natural sweeteners such as honey, agave or maple syrup.  unsweetened applesauce, pumpkin and ripe banana work well as sweeteners in baked goods too.
            * no white flour: i use king arthur's white whole wheat flour... don't be confused by the "white" part; it's still a whole grain flour, but just uses a variety of wheat that's lighter in color.  i also love organic whole spelt flour.  i prefer it for baking, as it stays lighter and fluffier than the whole wheat.
            * no white pasta, rice, etc: whole wheat pasta and brown rice all the way.
            * no processed breads: i bake our own.  two loaves covers our sandwiches and toast for a week.  and the best part is: it's super yummy.  my brother-in-law found me an awesome bread machine at a yard sale this summer, so it's a huge time saver.  i use it to mix the dough and to do the first rise, and then put the dough in my breadpans to do the second rise and bake them in the oven.  so so easy, i'm not lying i promise!  i also want to start making tortillas and pizza crusts from scratch as well.
            * no processed snacks: each week i try to make at least two snacks for our family.  my staples are nutrigrain bars, hummus, granola, cheese crackers and graham crackers.  i'll be posting recipes on my blog, but they are all super delish and most of them are bella-approved, which says a whole lot.  in my research, i did find that triscuits were the best of all processed crackers, so i do buy boxes of those occasionally as well as multigrain rice crackers to eat with hummus.
            * no "fake" butter: i used to always buy the "i can't believe it's not butter!" with olive oil because it was low in calories and fat.  but what i didn't understand is that in order to be low in calories and fat, it was filled with all kinds of fake crap.  i also used to buy blue bonnet "butter" sticks for cooking and baking because they're like seventy cents for a package of four sticks.  oh well.  hello, real butter.  it's more expensive, but it's real.  and also super delicious on homemade toast in the morning.
            * no more bottled coffee creamer: i'll be honest, this totally bums me out.  i admittedly loved bottled coffee creamer (maybe sometimes more than the coffee itself).  but i've gotten used to either making my own creamers, or just using half&half and a bit of sugar.  a fun little fall trick is to add some pumpkin pie spice to the coffee grounds before brewing.  yum.

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2) what "cheating" looks like for us:  well, this is a tough one.  the weekends, honestly, are hard to stick to any strict eating regiment.  when we're on the go taking roadtrips for the day, getting together with friends, date nights at our fav restaurants or having family dinners it's hard to stick strictly to eating clean.  so on the weekends, i stick to it as much as i can, but allow for some non-clean indulgences.  like mcdonald's french fries we had last weekend, or homemade doughnuts i want to make some weekend coming up.  let's keep it real, folks.  oh, and i still totally have wine a few evenings here or there.  i know for myself i need some freedom in order to stick with anything!

so, what does a typical day of eating look like for me?  well, here you go (some of the meal categories have a few ideas:

breakfast
- coffee w/half&half and a bit of sugar
- fruit
- slice of homemade bread, toasted
- homemade granola w/milk or greek yogurt
- eggs (mostly egg whites, with one or two whole eggs added)

lunch
- salad: organic spring mix w/black beans, corn, diced tomato, avocado and salsa
- a good, homemade soup

snacks
- handful of raw almonds
- a piece of fruit or berries
- celery/carrots with hummus
- rice crackers with a couple slices of cheese
- apple and peanut butter
- homemade tortilla chips (coat whole corn tortillas with a bit of canola oil, sprinkle with salt and bake until golden and crispy) with salsa

dinner
- a quiche with a homemade whole wheat crust and a side salad
- chicken or fish breaded with homemade bread crumbs and baked with a side of vegetables
- butternut squash mac&cheese

so, basically: i stick to my definition of clean eating, allow myself to cheat here and there, and feed my family things that i've made so that i know what's in it.  i also try to be more intentional about reaching for vegetables and fruit as snacks or sides to our meals.

i know it sounds like a lot of work, and i'll be honest; it is.  but i've gotten into a pretty good routine of making 2 loaves of bread, a batch of granola and two snacks each week for our family.  i enjoy spending time in the kitchen and it's a great activity for me to share with bella (and someday emmy) so i've just tried to incorporate the food prep into our everyday life/routine.

i've weighed myself each week since we started eating more cleanly and i've lost close to ten pounds pretty quickly.  obviously i can't totally chalk it up to our way of eating since i'm still shedding pregnancy pounds, but still.  pretty encouraging.

so, for those of you wondering and asking, here's our eating plan.  i'll keep recipes coming your way!  if you're interested in making some changes in the way you're feeding your fam, totally check out the websites i gave at the beginning of this forever-long post!

in closing...

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dear bella.

{totally stealing this idea from my sister's blog!  our mom used to write us notes when we were little, and when i was pregnant with bella, she sent me the journal she kept.  i bought a journal and started a while ago, but it's just so much easier to do it here and there on the computer!  thanks, gret!}

dear bella,

i was SO proud of you today.  i had to take you to a special doctor to get you tested for allergies.  i was super nervous about it.  you tend to be a little challenging in doctor's offices.  today, you were awesome.  you were so patient in the waiting room, talking to whoever was in there and having me draw different shapes for you (you've gotten SO good at your shapes and colors, by the way!).  when the nurse called your name you jumped up and said "oh, i'm bella!" and walked right down the hallway to the scale, leaving me and emmy behind!  you are so confident and self-assured.  i LOVE that.

the whole time you were looking at the nurse and doctor right in their eyes, telling them "thank you" over and over and just being so sweet.  one of the thousands of times that i'm SO proud to be your mama.  i just love you so much!

i know sometimes i struggle being patient with you.  you are constantly on the go, and right now you love pushing your limits and anytime i tell you "no", i brace myself for your tantrums!  but you have the sweetest, kindest little heart and such a happy, bubbly personality.  i love your tenderness, your concern for others and how you make us laugh.  you genuinely love people and i couldn't be prouder of that!

you are my sweet sunshine, little girl.  i could kiss you and squeeze you a thousand times a day and it would never, ever be enough.

love you forever,
mama

multitude monday.

{source}

492.  pumpkin deliciousness.
493.  a thousand necklaces draped around bella's neck.  oozing with girly-ness.
494.  little lads herbal popcorn.  ummm, hello new addiction.
495.  fall scented candles.
496.  naptime.  and the hills reruns on netflix.
497.  jesus holding me close.
498.  "when two or three are gathered together."
499.  emmy's curl-topped head.
500.  worship songs to soothe the soul.
501.  my girls' long eyelashes and golden brown eyes.
502.  riding in the car hand in hand with nick.
503.  the vibrance of fall trees.
504.  maine's quaint villages.
505.  cozy fall mornings.
506.  hope.

what's for breakfast {whole spelt pumpkin muffins}.

before i swapped out my pantry and started on this clean eating endeavor, i researched different recipes for hours.  i'll have to do a post soon on why i gave most processed foods the heave-ho (okay, we don't do as well as i'd like to on the weekends... but still...) and why i make everything from bread to granola to crackers from scratch.  for now, i'll stick to the post on these muffins.  so, i have a few staples in our house at all times, and one of them is organic whole spelt flour.

spelt is a much finer flour than whole wheat, so it's a great substitute for baking!  baked goods don't come out as dense and heavy.  when i saw this recipe on one of my new favorite websites, 100 days of real food, i knew i had to try it.  a good recipe for clean eating pumpkin muffins was one of my must-finds for the fall.

and these are goooooood.  

they have no sugar, which is amazing, and they bake up nice and fluffy.  they're a must try... clean eating or not!  

one day bella had three.  don't judge me.

whole spelt pumpkin muffins

* 1 1/2 c. whole spelt flour

* 1 T. pumpkin pie spice

* 1 t. baking soda

* 1/4 t. baking powder

* 1/2 t. salt

* 2 eggs

* 1/2 c. honey

* 1/3 c. butter, melted

* 1 c. pumpkin puree

- mix together dry ingredients.  make a well in the center of the mixture and add eggs, honey and butter.  combine.

- gently fold in pumpkin puree, being careful not to overmix.  pour batter into greased muffin pan and bake at 350 for 18-20 minutes.

i just made one batch this time, but soon i plan on doubling this recipe so i can freeze half of them for us to eat on busy mornings.  seriously, these are so good and good for you!  

light a fall-ish candle, pour yourself a hot cup of coffee and enjoy one warm from the oven (if you have kids, preferably while they're napping).  

happy baking!

god is the ruler yet.

i tried to go to bed an hour ago, but i can't sleep.  my heart is heavy and my mind is racing.

today i heard of another loss.

another family that's grieving.  who has already once grieved for a lost husband/father/brother.  and now is going through it all over again.  these are the things that make me question.  that cause me to wrestle with god's goodness.  because things like this don't feel good.  not one single bit.

all day as i cleaned and cooked and tended to my girls, these thoughts, questions and angry emotions swirled through my brain.  i have no answers.  i barely have words.  but this tune kept coming to my mind:

"this is my father's world, oh let me ne'er forget,

that though the wrong seems oft so strong,

god is the ruler yet.

this is my father's world, the battle is not done,

jesus who died shall be satisfied 

and earth and heaven be one."

this is my two year old's favorite bedtime song these days.  and it's even more beautiful when sung by her sweet little voice.  but i cling to these words in times i don't understand.  this whole last year of my life has been one giant season of not understanding.  for myself and my own family, but for all of the families that have suffered losses as well.  there is nothing quite like the pain of missing a loved one so desperately. 

come quickly, lord jesus.