dear emmy.

dear emmy,

you are full of joy.  you fill this house with laughter; i've never met a one year old with such a sense of humor!!  you are awesome.  sometimes when i'm away from you, i picture your cute little face and i just can't wait to see you!  you still feel "new" to me, you're still my baby.  i catch myself thinking about how big you will be next fall and it makes me sad... but i love watching you grow and blossom into such a little lady, so i won't hold you back.

you are so polite.  you say "thank you" allllll the time.  for everything.  to family, to friends, to complete strangers.  although it sounds more like "taaane taooo" and it's my favorite word that you say.  i covered you up with a blanket this morning when you were sitting with bella on the couch, watching your morning show and you thanked me.  when i put your jacket on to go outside, you thank me.  when i buckle you in your car seat, give you your favorite stuffed animal, play your music.  you're so sweet and polite and i'm very proud that at such a young age you are so mindful to say thank you.

you still love food, and pretty much anything and everything!  but i have discovered a new love of yours: nutella.  and whenever you eat it, your face just gets COVERED!  the other night you were eating nutella and pretzels in your new highchair.  i've always wanted an old, vintage wooden highchair and one of my best friends gave me one that she had refinished.  it doesn't have a buckle to strap you in, but i really didn't think anything of it... you had finished your pretzels and nutella and daddy was in the bathroom with bella getting your bath started.  i was doing something in the kitchen and could hear you squawking "moah!  moah!" (more) like you usually do.  before i knew it, i heard little footsteps coming up behind me, and i turn around to see you, chocolate alllll over your face, handing me your plate saying "moah!"  somehow you had managed to get out of your chair and it was hilarious.

your favorite word by far is: BEWWA!  you shout for her every morning when you first wake up.  over and over and over again.  the other day you were sitting in my lap watching sissy in her gymnastics class and you kept saying "see bewwa!  see bewwa!"  you also call her "sissy" and it's so adorable.  probably your second favorite word is "taaaaweeee" (charley), your little bff at your babysitter, michelle's!  you seriously walk around the house saying her name over and over.  it's the cutest thing ever.  new words: "bappo" (apple), "yeah" (how you respond to every question), "duck" "uh oh" and "dat woooon (that one)".

the trash can is your latest obsession.  you love throwing things away.  the other day, i caught you in my purse and you had one of my insurance cards in your hands.  i ran toward you to grab it and you took off, speeding around the corner.  as you passed the trash can, you ditched the card as fast as you could and kept running.  i went to retrieve my insurance card and there found every single other card from my wallet you had thrown away.  ahhhh!  crazy girl!

you love going to daddy's football games.  they are over now, and wow did we end with a bang.  one of his last home games i almost left five minutes after we got there... you were alllll over the place and getting into everything!  i found you asking people for their food, eating french fries out of an abandoned container on the track, ketchup allllll over your face and fingers, drinking out of soda cans you found on the ground... and trying to run out onto the field at least six times.  it was a nightmare!!!!  but i just can never leave before the game is over, because watching you and bel run into daddy's arms at the end is totally worth it.  well, most of the time ;)

you and me had a special mama/daughter date a few weeks ago, when i took you to sesame street live!  the minute we left you were so excited because you knew we were up to something special since it was just you and i.  we met meme and auntie and lulu there, and also lulu's other grammy and aunt kate and cousin daphne.  you LOVED it!!  you sat in my lap, just mesmerized by the whole show!  i was really expecting you to get restless and have to take you out before it was over, but you were entertained the whole time.  you loved standing on the floor infront of our seats and dancing.  it was so awesome.  i absolutely love doing stuff just you and me, my emmy ems!  i had so much alone time with just me and bel when she was your age, sometimes i feel sad i don't get to have that with you.  but i know once she starts school we will have lots and i'm super excited about it.  you're a pretty fun little sidekick, my girl.

one of your new favorite things is praying before dinner.  you never noticed it before, but now you insist on holding hands with us, and every time you giggle like crazy.  you just love it!  it's so adorable.you are LOVING baby dolls, and always have to have one in your hands it seems.  you've been a little bug to your sister lately if she has one that you want, you go to grab it and say "mine!" and you two go back and forth: "mine!" "MINE!" etc, until i'm about to lose my mind.  you are such a sweetie but man oh man you are a little antagonizer!!!  today, while you and bel were in the bathtub, you didn't think i was looking but i caught you just totally whale on her out of the blue for no reason at all.  you do that a lot and it's a good thing she is so patient!  although, you are also a little fighter and have no problem standing up for yourself.  jude likes to growl alot and while it makes your sister cry, you look right at him and growl right back!  it's hilarious.  the other night, all four of us were sitting on the couch reading books.  out of nowhere, bella turned to you and gave you a shove.  before i knew what was happening, you chomped right down on her finger in retaliation.  while daddy was scolding you i had to hide my face because i couldn't help but to laugh!!!  it was really hilarious... although you should not bite, little girl!!!!

oh ems, i just love you so much.  i find myself treasuring your baby-ness so much these days because i know it's fading fast.  you are just such a light in my life and i love you beyond words.  so so blessed to be your mama, my love.

love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

multitude monday.

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848.  worship music and words of hope and praise.
849.  family games of ring around the rosy in the kitchen while dinner is cooking.
850.  morning snuggles on the couch.
851.  emmy's deep brown eyes.
852.  bella's sweet & tender smile.
853.  watching nick during his football games.
854.  hanging with good friends in their cozy lakeside cabin.
855.  cold hands wrapped around cups of steaming hot chocolate.
856.  jumping in rustling leaves.
857.  cozy on the couch, willing myself to stay awake for world series games.
858.  babies bundled for chilly weather.
859.  the nostalgia of childhood.
860.  cousin giggles.
861.  takeout dates.
862.  the love of a good man.
863.  happy tears of gratitude stinging my eyes.

instafriday.

thankful: for the vintage highchair i've always wanted...this one refinished and given to us by a longtime friend

this just warms my heart: one of my best buds from high school & i get to watch our girlies grow up together

daddy's girl

best part of a 5k: coffee&breakfast afterward

discovering the goodness that is nutella

thankful: for fresh flowers in milkglass vases

"every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn trees" emily bronte

a walk in the woods

my adventure girl

letters for our bedroom wall: thanks, hob lob

thankful: for thai takeout on the couch

she'd been begging me for hot chocolate for weeks...

window seats + books... two of my favorite things

the ole wax paper and leaves craft

apple of my eye

what's for breakfast this morning {healthy freezer breakfast burritos}.

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you.guys.  i have a new obsession: freezer breakfast burritos.

mornings in our house can be a bit challenging on the days that i work.  i have to be out super early, so i'm usually in a rush when it comes to breakfast.  last week i found myself in line at the tim ho's drive thru window twice because i was in such a rush and we didn't have anything in the house that i could make fast... i don't like that.  money out of my pocket, and also not the best choices for healthy eating.

when bella was a newborn, i made these homemade freezer breakfast hot pockets; they were sooo yummy and i'd just pop them in our toaster oven and feast on them while caring for her.  so easy.  i loved that recipe, but i wanted something even healthier, so i came up with this one for burritos instead.  i loaded up the girls and headed to sam's the other night to get my supplies.  this is a bulk recipe; i made about 25 burritos, so you will need a large amount of ingredients!  i recommend sam's or costco or a place you can buy in bulk.

the beauty of this recipe is you can add, subtract, change it up however you'd like!  this is what i did:

healthy freezer breakfast burritos

* 2 onions, chopped
* 1 red bell pepper, chopped
* 4 cans of black beans, rinsed and drained (i used seasoned black beans for lots of flavor)
* 18 whole eggs, 18 egg whites (yes, i know... it's a lotta eggs!)
* 1 c. sharp cheese, grated
* 1 jar of salsa
* 3-4 (8 count) packages of burrito size tortillas
* paper towels
* 3-4 gallon freezer bags

- coat a large skillet with cooking spray and add your onion and red pepper.  sautee until tender.  add black beans and heat through.  transfer to a bowl, set aside and wipe skillet clean.
- whisk all of your eggs in a large mixing bowl.  as you beat your eggs, add a bit of water; this will help produce light, fluffy eggs.  after eggs are well combined, season with salt and pepper and scramble in your large skillet.
- now set up your "assembly line".  in each tortilla, place a scoop of beans/veggies, some egg, a light sprinkle of cheese and a few spoonfuls of salsa.  roll tightly into a burrito and wrap each individual burrito in paper towel.
- fill your freezer bags with the paper-towel wrapped burritos and stock your freezer up!

these burritos are flavorful, delicious and the tortillas stay soft and tender when you reheat in the microwave!  the paper towel freezes, and as you defrost your burrito, it gives the tortilla moisture as it cooks to keep it from drying out.  perfect.  you'll have to play around with cooking time depending on your microwave, but defrost for a couple of minutes, and then cook for an additional 1-2 minutes until warmed through.

this is seriously the perfect breakfast!  i'm always starving by about 9:30, but thanks to the hearty protein and fiber in these burritos, i'm satisfied all morning.  i hope to make these once a month.

give it a try!  it is time consuming, but after the girls were in bed, i put on my favorite playlist and went to town in my kitchen.  and seeing your freezer stocked with a few weeks of fast, healthy breakfasts is totally worth the work and time.  especially if you're rushed in the morning (like me!)... this would also be a great recipe for expectant mamas; having food at your fingertips is such a lifesaver!

enjoy!

dear bella.

dear bella,

we have been having a very fun fall.  it's been busy and we've been on the go a lot, but we've also had some cozy days at home too which are always some of my favorites.  i just love watching you play.  you could entertain yourself for hours with your dolls and toys.  and you love playing with emmy; you are such a good big sister and friend.  you are my free spirit, my tender hearted one, my little girl who is full of energy and confidence.  i'm so proud of you, my sweet pea.

you've loved going to daddy's football games!  i tell you alot how when you were a teeny tiny baby daddy was coaching football in texas.  you and i drove all over creation and went to every single game of his.  i remember nursing you in the car and then securing you in my wrap so you were close to my chest.  you'd fall asleep and i just loved having you in my arms, looking down at your sweet little face so peaceful amidst all the noise and bright lights.  i miss those days, but i try to enjoy taking you and ems to daddy's games now, even though it's stressful and a bit crazy!  a few of his games have been at fields where there have been big patches of grass nearby for you to run in.  i just love watching you and ems, running around in the moonlight, noses chilled from the cold and squealing with laughter and giggles as you chase each other (one game jude and lulu came to and yall chased each other the entire time!).  other games have not been so easy, but watching you run out to jump in daddy's arms at the end of each game makes it worth it.  you love him so much.  one game he didn't realize you were trying to get to him, and you stood behind him in the line where the players shake each other's hands.  you started going through the line and i laughed as i watched the other team's players get to you and seem very confused as they shook your hand too.  so funny.

we've had some fun road trips to daddy's away games; one game meme came with us to bar harbor.  we stopped at jordans, one of our fav spots, on the way there and you and ems played outside before and after we ate.  there was a high covered slide that you were really afraid to try going down (which is so unlike you!).  i told you to try and be brave, and after a few times of trying to muster up the courage, you did it!  and you were SO proud of yourself!  meme and i cheered and cheered; you had a huge smile on your face! you said "i was very, very afraid, but i was brave!" we went to bar harbor, bundled you and ems up in the stroller and got ice cream while we walked.  another trip we took with the head coach's wife, sarah, and their two girls, lucy and annie in their van.  all of you girls did so well!  you ate snacks and watched barney on the way there.  i love putting you and ems in your footie pj's before we drive back so you can be warm and cozy for the way home (and you always fall asleep).

we went to a farm the other day where we fed goats, went on hayrides and got ice cream.  you LOVED it.  the hayride was your favorite part.  the driver had just finished his last run for the night, but you went running straight for the tractor.  i asked him if he was done and he said "well i was planning on it, but if i stopped now i'd have one unhappy customer!"  i looked and saw you had already taken your seat on one of the blocks of hay, ready for the ride.  you just loved it :)

you LOVE animals.  we have this game we play where i'll describe an animal and you'll guess what it is.  you're pretty good!  you guess animals like flamingos, hippos, penguins and donkeys... it's your favorite thing to play right now and you are always asking "mama, can we play the animal game?!"  i have to rack my brain to come up with new animals to have you guess :)

we've been going to the library lately and you've really enjoyed it.  you're not too interested in picking out books yet as you and ems run right for all the toys in the children's room and play while i pick out books.  but we get a stack each time and you LOVE reading through them!  last week i told you that we had to take your books back and we could get new ones, but you wanted to just keep the same ones you loved reading them so much.

you love your babysitter, michelle.  she had a big fall party at her house yesterday for all the kids that she watches.  there was a bounce house, pinatas, lots of food and piles of leaves to jump in.  you had been excited for it all week.  one of your buddies, dakota, was there.  she is a few years older than you, but her mama and me are really close friends, all the way back to high school!  you love each other, and she gave you a piggy back ride everywhere the whole party.  so cute.  it was so fun seeing you right at home and in your element and get to meet some of your friends that you talk about every week.  i didn't think i would ever get you out of that bounce house!

the other night i had an online class via skype, so i was in my bedroom in the middle of class.  before daddy could stop you, my door flew open and you ran in yelling "mama, mama!  i pooped on the potty and i wiped my butt!"  you were so proud and i couldn't help but laugh.  it was awesome.

tonight i made dinner and you loved it; salad and spaghetti squash which was an awesome surprise that you gobbled it right up.  as i was cleaning up the kitchen afterward, you nearly plowed me over with a hug.  after kissing my cheek you whispered in my ear "you are a fabulous maker, mommy.  i really like you" and off you went.  ohhhh my sweet girl,  you just melt my heart.  i really like you, bella grace.  a whole lot.

friday night we went to a spaghetti dinner at daddy's school for football players.  there were lots of people there, and you and ems and lucy and annie were running around on the stage.  with no prompting at all,  you began to belt out three separate performances of "tomorrow" from annie, complete with dance moves and all the high notes.  when people would clap for you, you'd curtsy and say "thank you, thank you, thank you soooo much everyone!"  you were so so cute!  daddy and i could not stop laughing.  you are definitely not shy, my love :)

you love your sister so much.  you are really so patient with her when she is bugging you; she'll pull your hair, or aggravate you and i'm really proud of how well you do with her.  my favorite is when you come up to her and pat the side of her face and say "oh emmy, you're my poochy poochy baby!"  you're such a little mama.  so sweet.  and funny.

you've been having a hard time at bedtime.  you stall and say you need a drink, and then you're hungry, and then you are afraid of the dark.  i've been explaining to you that when you are afraid you can pray and ask jesus to help you.  the other night, i was trying to tell you that when you feel afraid and think you are alone, you really aren't... that god is right there with you and he will comfort you when you're afraid.  you said "mama, where is he?"  i said "well he's right here in this room you just can't see him."  i'll never forget the look on your face; your eyes darted all around the room without your neck moving a muscle.  you were so confused and had no idea what i was talking about!  we talk about it every night so i think it will sink in at some point!  but we've had to pray with you almost every night that god would help you to feel safe when you are afraid of the dark.  i hope that even at your young age you can start learning that god is with you in all of your fears.

i love you so much, baby girl.  i am so very, very proud to be your mama.  it is one of the greatest joys and privileges of my life.

love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

instafriday.

my pumpkins

thankful: that they have each other

thankful: for big breakfasts on weekend mornings

my littlest lady is obsessed with babies

learning from big sis how to be a princess

thankful: for the smell of fall and crunch of leaves

this view on my way home from work was literally breathtaking

sister snuggles

thankful: for the warmth and comfort of our home and for the childhood memories made here

i told bel i was tired, so she got out her dr's bag and checked my heartbeat; i felt much better

the world is her stage

to all the mamas.

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being a mama is hard work.  period.

a couple of weeks ago there was an article that was making its way around facebook and other social media outlets about the unfair way society views stay at home moms.

let me just say: i totally agree.

i really like this particular blogger and his straight-shooting nature and sarcastic wit.  and let me say this again: i totally agree with the heart of this article.  however, some of the surrounding dialogue and points made by the author bugged me and these thoughts have been rolling around in my head for a few days now.  so now, my lovely readers, you're getting them.  you're welcome.  the author, in an effort to set the record straight that being a stay at home mom is a really, really hard job, in turn wrote with some unfairness towards working mamas.  he basically insinuated that working moms have it way easier, and that many jobs outside the home contain menial tasks and require very little labor.

ouch.  i wish he could come shadow me at my job someday.

the spirit in which this article was written just irked me. as a mama who stays at home part-time and works outside the home part-time, i pretty much live in both worlds.  i have a couple days off during the week and i am with my kids all summer, so i definitely get the staying at home gig.  maybe sometimes more than the working outside the home thing, since i'm with my kids more than i'm not.  but i also consider myself a working mom, even if it's just a couple days a week.  i get a taste of both roles, and fully know and experience the pros and cons of each.

because there are definitely things that make working at home harder, and things that making working outside harder.  it's not a competition--or it shouldn't be--being a mama is hard work.  period.

it saddens me to hear the competition that takes place between working moms and stay at home moms.  i hear people in both camps exchange ignorant words; how many working mamas do you think work outside the home because they really prefer that their "babies be raised by someone other than them"?  and how many stay at home mamas do you know stay at home so they can sit on the couch in their sweatpants all day?  hopefully not many!  i always try to hide a laugh when it's a day i'm home with my girls and someone asks me "oh, did you watch the today show this morning?"  because, you know, that's what stay at home moms do.  and yesterday i was a school counselor instead of stay at home mama, and i fell asleep on the couch before nine o'clock.  in the middle of the red sox game.  that's how tired i was.

 instead of trying to compete with each other over which job is harder, why not try to develop a mutual respect and understanding for each other's unique needs and the demands placed on us by our respective roles?

work at home, work outside the home... it's all still work.  and it's hard.  because at the end of the day, we're all mamas.  we're all taking care of little lives that we continually put before our own.  everything we do (or just about everything we do) is motivated out of love for them, and what's best for them either now or in the future.

after all, when the sun goes down, all is quiet and we're tucking in our little ones at the end of a long day... whether we've worked hard caring for munchkins, carpooling to and from school, and cleaning up constant messes... or we've labored over business deals, taught fifteen wiggle-bodied kindergarten students or had hectic commutes... we're all still mamas.

and if we aren't for each other, than who will be?

multitude monday.

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834.  leaves crunching underfoot.
835.  my babies, all bundled up.
836.  high school football games, under the lights.  nick coaching, the girls running through the grass.
837.  warm homemade soup & biscuits on a cold autumn evening.
838.  a box of the girls keepsakes; their first christmas and easter dresses, halloween costumes, birthday outfits and tiny shoes, "i love daddy" onesies, dresses they wore home from the hospital, itty bitty hats with their names embroidered.  it's like opening a container of tangible reminders of moments so precious.
839.  crockpot cooking.
840.  hayrides with my favorites.
841.  matching toddler dresses.
842.  turquoise skinny jeans.
843.  sports victories, especially at the last minute.
844.  chinese takeout with the mr. after the munchkins are fast asleep.
845.  biscuits, golden with honey.
846.  princess dresses and twirling.  especially with daddy.
847.  emmy calling for her sister the minute her eyes awake.

a fall tradition.

tonight, we started a new fall family tradition.

ever since we moved back to maine two years ago, i've been wanting to take a trip to treworgy family orchards.  a family i know from high school owns and operates this sweet farm, complete with animals to feed, a pumpkin patch, hayrides, an apple orchard, and endless squashes and gourds for sale.  not to mention an ice cream counter, which was a total hit for the girls...

i may or may not have used it as a bribe to get them to cooperate for a family photo.

i am honestly in shock that tonight was our first trip to this place.  i mean, anyone who knows me knows stuff like this is right up my alley.  fall has been such a crazy time for our little family with nick's football season that we have to be super disciplined to fit activities like these in... 

and tonight, i drank in every minute.  

watching the girls giggle as goats ate grain out of their little palms.  breathing in the sweet smell of apples from the orchard.  holding the girls tiny hands as we circled the property on a hayride...twice.  watching their little eyes take everything in with such excitement.  kissing their chocolatey faces, sticky with ice cream.  watching the sun sink down, melting into a pool of autumn gold, shimmering across the fields of corn.

it was lovely.

the barn and ice cream counter

buying the grain to feed the goats

"mama, look!  i'm feeding the camels!"

even ems got in on the action

corn, corn everywhere

how she sat the whole time on the hayride; one hand on each of our legs :)

my big girl; the hayride was her favorite

us

my littlest pumpkin

fall beauty

sister hugs...

and kisses...

ice cream!

one of the best pictures ever

she thought it was pretty cool they were having ice cream before dinner...

love making these memories with our girls.  i oftentimes think of what traditions and memories they will hold close as they grow up... i hope and pray they will look back at their childhood with happiness and gratitude.

i couldn't help but think tonight; while these years with little ones are exhausting, i will very much miss days like today.