dear emmy.

dear emmy,

you are growing up right before my very eyes.  just like your older sister did, you are now rolling over... and over... and over... to get where you want to go.  it's so funny watching you.  daddy and i just sat in the living room last night before we put you to bed and watched you go.  all across the room.  we thought you were going to be our chill, calm one... but we might be wrong.  bampy used to watch bella and call her a little "scamp"!  i just keep hearing his voice in my head while i watch you find a way to get from place to place... and get into all the things you're not supposed to.  i can hear him calling you a little scamp, too, and it warms my heart because i feel like he is watching and he gets to know you, even if it's different than i would have liked.

your arms and hands are constantly on the go too.  you flap your arms like crazy when you get excited.  it's as if you're trying to fly away!  you're hands are constantly grabbing at the air.  you just started clapping your hands this week and it's so adorable.  those chubby, dimply little hands of yours.  you are eating so many things now.  your favorite?  cheese.  you get so excited when we cut you up little dices of cheese.  just like your mama and your daddy!  you also love daddy's veggie fried rice and mama's homemade bread.  you still have no teeth, but i think you're working on some.  every night while we're making dinner, we put you in your high chair and give you your mesh feeding spoon and fill the little mesh pocket with frozen fruit.  you go to town and you LOVE it!

you really are just so happy almost all the time.  you've been doing the cutest little smile thing, where if you catch us smiling at you, you'll squint your eyes and scrunch up your nose in the cheesiest smile ever, and stay like that for a few seconds.  it is awesome and i wish i could catch it on camera!  you love your sister so much.  she loves giving you hugs and kisses and you get so excited.  you love bath time too and being in the tub with bella and your toys.  you got so excited the other night you tipped right over :)

one of the cutest things you do is at bedtime.  the minute i carry you into your room and you hear your sound machine, you snuggle into me and your thumb goes right in your mouth.  sometimes you just love going to bed.  if you're fussy, i put your lovie right up to your cheek and once you feel it, in goes your thumb.  it's like magic.  actually, if you ever feel anything soft; you grasp onto it and start sucking your thumb.  it's just so cute.  i used to do that when i was a little girl :)  i see so much of your daddy in you, and i also see myself.  you are just the perfect little combination of us both.  only better, because you're you.

your growing so much, my little emmy ems.  9 months in a few days!  and all of your 9 months clothes are getting too small.  i just want to squeeze you all the time.  so full of cuteness, you are!

you've been sick the past couple of weeks.  last week i had to take you to the dr for conjunctivitis.  you got really good at giving us a struggle putting your eyedrops in!  i can already tell you are innovative and determined.  you figured out how to squeeze your eyes shut as tightly as you could; we couldn't even pry them open if we tried!  this week you have had a really bad cold.  it makes me so sad.  earlier we were on the floor playing and i picked you up and you just snuggled your head right into my chest. i started singing to you and you just sat so still.  when you're fussy, i can usually calm you down if i sing.  i love singing old hymns to you... and you love listening.

i was thinking today (as i do every day) about how much i love you.  i remember being nervous when we were about to come home from the hospital with you.  how would it feel as a family of four?  would it be an adjustment?  how would i balance my love for you and my love for bella?  my sweet emmy faith, you have made it so easy.  i can't imagine my life without you.  you exude joy, and brighten our lives in so many ways. i love you much more than i could ever begin to say, my pumpkin.  so abundantly blessed to be your mama.

i love you to the moon and back (and back again),
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

ohhh my girl.  you really are a girl in every sense of the word.  sticky sweet, into everything pretty and princess, and your emotions are all over the map.  this does not bode well for us in about ten years, by the way.  we are trying to work with you on controlling yourself when you get sad, angry, frustrated, you name it.  your current handle of these feelings is not so pretty.  i find myself telling you to have self control, or that your behavior is unacceptable quite a lot.  i try to be patient with you, but some days i fail miserably.  friday you threw such fits that when daddy was on his way home from work, i called him crying.  i have never done that before.  but you did me in!  i'm sorry for the days i fail you.  i will have them--many of them--and i hope that i will be quick to apologize to you and let you know how special you are to me.  i will love you with my whole heart always and nothing will ever ever change that!  been telling you that a lot lately too.

you are talking more and more and coming up with such funny stuff.  you're phrase of the week is when i ask you a question you respond with "hmmm... i think i'd like...{whatever your choice is}."  it's so cute.  the other night you started throwing a fit when some friends of ours were over.  i tried to help calm you down, and you ended up pulling it together well.  a few minutes later in front of everyone you said "thanks so much, mama.  thanks for helping me to stop crying."  you are so thoughtful of other people and so sweet to ask very considerate questions.  you always ask people how they're doing, how their day is, etc.  the other night meme kept you and emmy for me and daddy to go on a date.  after we picked you up the next morning, we went to sams.  while daddy and emmy checked out, you and i went walking hand in hand throughout the store.  you said "so, mama.  how was your time with daddy at your school?"  you always think if we're away from you that we are at our schools.  it's so cute and it just warmed my heart that you thought to ask me how our time together was!

i have been under the weather this week and every morning you've asked me if i'm feeling better.  you have snuggled with me, been concerned for me and kissed and stroked my forehead.  you are just the sweetest, sweetest little thing.  i have days where i get very sad because i miss bampy.  one day last week we were in the kitchen cooking together and listening to our music and a song came on that always reminds me of him.  i started to cry.  you asked me what was wrong and i said "i just miss bampy a whole lot." you squeezed your arms around my neck (my favorite thing ever) and said "it's okay mama.  i got you."  i hope and pray your heart stays this sweet always.  i couldn't ask for a better quality in you, my daughter; a love and concern for people, and extending kindness to them.  i am so very proud of you.

you've also been thriving lately in your role as big sis.  emmy had pinkeye this week and you were so sweet in looking out for her and giving her lots of love.  yesterday i got her up from her morning nap and the three of us snuggled on the couch (my arms felt so wonderfully full!).  you kept hugging her and kissing her and talking in that sticky sweet voice of yours.  you looked at me and said "oh, mama, i missed her so much!"

you are my little singer and dancer.  our constant battle with you is getting you to sit in your seat at mealtime. you get down constantly and when we tell you to stay in your seat until you asked to be excused you say "i'm dancin!"  even when there's no music on.  i love your love for music!  you have almost all the songs from "annie" memorized. your favorite is the "smile song" you call it.  at the top of your lungs you yell "hey hobo man, hey dapper dan!  you both got your style, but brother you're never fully dressed without a smile!"

i never want to forget the sound of your voice.  it is just so cute.  you're response to almost everything right now?  "oh, sure!"

you love your babysitter, jesse.  she does all kinds of crafts and art projects with you and you have so much fun with her!  every day i come home and you are just so happy and chatter on and on about your day.  you couldn't wait to see her when we got back from christmas in dallas.  "mama is jesse coming tomorrow?  i yuv her."  it makes me so so happy!  for christmas you gave daddy&i a book of a bunch of art and learning projects she did with you.  it was very special.  she introduced you to rice cakes and you are obsessed!  i think you'd eat them all day long if we let you :)

tonight i've loved listening to you and daddy play.  he has been chasing you around the house, and you'll run and hide, giggling like crazy.  i can't tell you how much i love the fact that you have the wonderful daddy that you have.  i was blessed with that too, baby girl, and it is such a special gift.  always know how much he loves you and how BLESSED you are to have him as your daddy.  he will be protective over you and be stricter at times than you will want him to be, but it's because you are one of our most *precious* gifts and we treasure you with all of our hearts... daddy will be your protector, your cheerleader, your provider, your rock, your prince until he hands you over to the man you marry.

i love you with all of my heart, my little scuttle bug.  so proud of you.

to the moon and back,
mama

what's for dinner tonight {homemade crockpot chicken stock}.

one of my most favorite go-to sites for recipes and food ideas is 100 days of real food.  i absolutely love the information they give and have tried several of their recipes and have loved them!  mamas with school-aged children: follow them on facebook and you'll get some great ideas for creative and healthy school lunches!

good stuff.

the weather has been cold here in snowy maine, so i've been craving comfort food.  i made several meals this week that are perfect for staying warm and cozy, but are also healthy and clean.  a new tradition we are starting with the girls is to have candlelight dinners once or twice a month.  nick was telling me recently how his mom did this for he and his brother and sister when they were growing up and how he always loved it!  so i made a nice dinner; roasted chicken, mashed sweet potato, roasted brussel sprouts and (the only unclean-part but sooooo delish; worth the splurge!) homemade stuffing in the crockpot.  besides emmy screaming and bella constantly wanting to get down from her chair to sit in my lap, it was a delicious meal.

(someday we'll be able to have enjoyable, peaceful family dinners)

the best part about cooking a roasted chicken?  i have made a few meals from the leftovers... or, in this case, the inedible leftovers.

that night, i decided to use my leftover chicken bones and carcass (never thought i'd be using the word carcass in one of my recipe posts...) to make homemade chicken stock.  i had seen this recipe on 100 days of real food the other day while browsing, and i had pretty much everything on hand, except fresh herbs.  i made it anyway and the result was amazing.  here's what i did:

homemade crockpot chicken stock

* leftover chicken carcass, bones, drippings, anything from a roasted chicken
* 1 onion, peeled and chopped
* 1 rib of celery, chopped
* 1 carrot, peeled and chopped
* add: thyme, parsley, salt and pepper (i used dried herbs as i didn't have any fresh)  if you have a bayleaf, toss that in too

- throw your chicken bones and drippings into the crockpot.  add veggies, herbs and seasonings.  fill crockpot almost to the top with water (leaving about an inch).  turn crockpot on low and cook overnight.
- using a ladel, pour stock through a fine mesh strainer.  before i froze mine, i kept it in the fridge for a few hours and then skimmed the solidified fat off the top.  i froze in 4 cup portions in ziplock bags.

easy peasy.  and the smell that will fill your home?  pure deliciousness.  i love making soups and stews in the winter, so my freezer is ready to go with bags of this homemade frozen stock.

so go grab yourself a chicken to roast; it's the gift that keeps on giving ;)

so long, two thousand twelve.

new years always makes me sentimental.  i look back on the past twelve months with such a sense of blessing.  god's grace has gotten us through some really dark seasons, but also has given us an abundant sense of joy.  i adopted john 10:10 as my verse for this year "the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but i come so that you may have LIFE, and have it to the FULL."

we were given the most precious gift of our second daughter emmy faith, celebrated the birth of three beautiful nieces, bought our first home, traveled a few miles, made lots of memories and survived one year without my dad.

more than anything i realize that each day--each moment--with those we love is such a precious gift.  as i look back over these highlights from this past year, i am overwhelmed with gratitude for these days...

january
- my thirty-first birthday.  my mom kept bella for the night while nick&i got dinner at my favorite indian restaurant downtown.  bellies full of chicken tiki masala and naan, we headed out on the snowy streets to the mall to do a little shopping and get me (and emmy) my favorite pina colada smoothie.  topped off the night with watching a movie in bed.

- i took bella to sesame street live, which was her first live "show".  she sat in my lap, a mixture of nervous, excited and scared, anxiously wringing her hands while clapping intermittently.  it was awesome.  the minute i buckled her in the car, she began talking a mile a minute about all of her sesame street friends she saw that night.

february
- with the help from family and friends i threw a sugar&spice baby shower for my sister and soon-to-be niece, lucy.  it was a really special time blessing my sister and anticipating the birth of her sweet bundle of joy!

- we lived it up over february break... we took bella to her very first tournament game at the bangor auditorium to watch nick's school, nokomis (she LOVED it!  clapped and cheered like crazy "go 'komis!").  nick and some of his guy friends ripped up our old carpet and laid beautiful hardwood floors which instantly prettied up our home.  he also tackled bella's big girl room, tearing off old wallpaper border and painting it.

- our second neice, olivia kate, was born!  beautiful girl!

march
- my sister successfully surprised me with the sweetest shower for little emmy.  what i thought was a family dinner turned out to be a special party with family and friends... lots of food, laughter and love.

- the big 3-0.  nick turned thirty this month and i wanted to do something super special for him!  i schemed with his best friend, matt and flew him up from texas... nick&i were reading to bella one night when matt showed up in our bedroom doorway.  it was classic.  i'll never forget the look on nick's face!  they were able to hang out for three days, watching college basketball and catching up.   thanks to being able to stream games live via the internet, this is what most of matt's visit looked like:

- our sweet neice, lucy mae was born on her uncle nick's birthday!  we were in dallas when our nephew, jude was born, so i relished being able to be at the hospital with my sister and hold my sweet little niece within the first few minutes of her life.  love that little sweet pea!

april
- just a few weeks before giving birth to our second bundle, we signed the dotted line (or, several dotted lines) to buy our first house!  we'd been renting my grandparents house for a few months, and decided to take the plunge.  it's the sweetest little ranch house with a cute front porch and big yard.  nice and cozy.  just perfect for our family!

- last getaway.  my mom gave nick&i the best gift; a night in a hotel in freeport before the crazy-ness of having two babies took over our lives :)  we had the best time!  shopping in portland, lunch at chipolte, hanging out at our hotel, dinner and college basketball on the big screen at gritty's, outlet shopping and a stop at our fav sandwich place: big g's.  i was a bit nervous all the walking would send me into labor but em stayed put thankfully!  best weekend.

- bella spent her first night in her big girl bed!  success.

- easter.  we attended easter service at church saturday night and it was pretty emotional for all of us.  while he was in the hospital, my dad continually talked about easter and how special it was going to be this year.  the entire time we worshipped and sang, i choked back tears thinking about how special this easter would be for him, indeed.  easter morning we woke up and had an easter egg hunt for bella and then celebrated with my family over at mom's later that day.

- after a few calls from labor&delivery to reschedule my induction, and a few days past my due date, on april 26th around 5:40 pm, our sweet emmy faith entered the world and captured our hearts.  words can't express how well she fit into our family.  she was smiley and sweet from the start (except from the hours of 11 pm-1 o'clock in the morning...).  love our little sweetheart.

may
- i celebrated my first mother's day as the mama of two.  road trip to ellsworth with my mom, sister and her family.  we met up with my sister's inlaws and my aunt and uncle at jordan's snack bar for lunch and then shopped at mardens, tj maxx and reny's before heading home.  i honestly don't remember much.  totally sleep deprived thanks to my newest munchkin.

- bella turned two.  donut breakfast.  picnic at our fav park with jude, meme and aunt holly.  dinner with jude and meme.  family movie night: finding nemo and popcorn.  perfect day.  love our little two year old pumpkin (even though we entered into the world of the terrible twos on this day).

- nonni and papa came to visit us the last week in may!  we were so excited!  we had a great visit, lots of relaxing and snuggle time with the grandgirls.

- for bella's second birthday party, i did a paris-theme and it was super girly and fun.  lots of family and friends came to help us celebrate our sweet girl.

- 4 years.  nick&i celebrated four years of marriage on may 30th.  his parents took us out to lunch downtown and we spent time watching our wedding video (an anniversary tradition for us) and shedding a tear or two.  so grateful for my man.

june
- father's day.  i had been nervously anticipating father's day since losing my dad a few months prior.  but it turned out to be a great day, surrounded by family, celebrating the memory of my wonderful father, and thanking god for my girls amazing daddy.  nick played golf that morning with my uncle, and then we met my mom, sister and my sister's in laws at a local marina for a picnic lunch.  later that day, we hosted a barbeque at our house with my aunt and uncle and all of our families.  great day.

july
- we spent two weeks in dallas this summer and had a great time catching up with our family and friends!  we celebrated nick's parents 40th wedding anniversary, had a couple family photo sessions, threw a shower for nick's sister, jessica and our niece josie, celebrated our nephew, wyatt's birthday, ate some good mexican food and enjoyed our visit so much!

- a couple days after we got back from dallas, we packed up again and headed to new hampshire with my mom, sister and her family and my aunt and cousin, rachel.  it was such a wonderful trip!  we went to storyland and santa's village and stayed in a resort in the white mountains.  bella still talks about our vacation with meme.  her highlight?  meeting cinderella.  of course.

august
- i ran my first race post-babies!  my two aunts and i ran a 5k together, which felt pretty awesome.

- road trip!  a few of my high school girlfriends and i started a tradition where we pack up all of our munchkins and meet at our friend, kellie's house, who lives in a coastal town outside of boston.  this year was a bit crazy, with two extra babies... totalling four mamas and eight peanuts.  yes, we are brave!

- we ended our summer with a family trip to the beach, lots of fires and smores in our backyard, trips to the lake with our friends and picnics at the park.

september
- our sweet niece josie ann was born!  we have prayed for her arrival for many years... such a sweet and beautiful blessing!

- football.  after taking a bit of a break from coaching football, nick started back up again, assisting at the school where he works.  we are so proud of our fav coach.

- almost a year after the loss of my dad, we were able to gather with family to say our final farewell and do a short but sweet graveside service.  my mom bought pumpkins from each of the grandchildren, penant flags representing his favorite teams and balloons that bella and jude could release to heaven.  it was a beautiful time celebrating a man that we miss every second of every day.

october
- we took a family foliage road trip to greenville to see the fall colors on moosehead lake.  beautiful!!

- bella and nick had a special daddy/daughter date to sesame street live with uncle brian and jude!

- halloween.  bella dressed up as a princess (shocker!) and emmy was the cutest little pink bunny.  we took them to meme's work for trick or treating, and hung out at aunt holly's for a bit.  fun times.

- em grew a lot this month; sitting by herself and eating cereal and some real food!  she is our little chowhound; she loves food just like her mama and her daddy!

november
- nick participated in his first movember!  i was pretty excited when the last day of the month came... but he had a great time stache-in' it up.  he also played in two fundraiser basketball games at his school... one against the harlem globetrotters, and the other one he was the star of the court.  to this day when he leaves for work in the morning bella says he's going to play basketball.  we were pretty proud of our main man!

- girls weekend.  i went away with some of my best (and most longtime) girlfriends the first weekend in november.  we had booked a room at the embassy suites in portland and spent the weekend shopping, going out to eat, laughing and crying.  it was the best weekend!  so thankful for my girlfriends!

- we hosted our first thanksgiving at our new house this year.  it was a bittersweet day as we also hit the "one year mark" of losing dad... thankful for god's grace and the joy his strength brings even in the darkest of times.  macy's thanksgiving parade and breakfast with meme, family dinner and lots of football.  thankful for our many, many blessings.

december
- em and i had a little getaway with my mom, sister and niece, lucy.  we went to portland for an overnight trip coupled with a little christmas shopping.  it snowed while we were there; caught emmy staring out the back windshield gazing at her first snow!  she and lucy were pretty much perfect.  a really great trip!

- the razah.  nick was able to make his first trip to gillette to see the patriots play the 49ers with a few of his guy friends.  he had a great getaway, quality male bonding time and of course some good football.

- christmastime.  this year was very special and super fun with bella being old enough to get into it all.  she memorized isaiah 9:6 "for unto us a child is born; to us a son is given", talked constantly about baby jesus, got excited about santa (except for when up close and personal) and ooohed and aaahed over christmas lights.  another highlight was bella and me going to see the christmas production of "annie" at our local community theatre; it was an amazing show and bella was their biggest fan.  emmy was her sweet, smiley self; loved our christmas tree and chilled in santa's lap while big sis was not so calm.  we flew to dallas to spend christmas with nick's family and had a wonderful time.

dear jesus, thank you for all of these moments.  thank you for the blessings and the hard times and for being our rock and our joy through it all.  i pray that this next year will hold many memories, moments to savor and an overwhelming sense of peace.  thank you for being our steadfast hope.  we look forward in great anticipation to what this new year holds.