days of gratitude {7}: the simple things.

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the secret to contentment is not giving thanks for extravagance.  it's recognizing beauty in the simple things, the everyday occurrences, the seemingly insignificant.  it is through this discipline that we realize the simple things are actually not so simple at all.  rather, they are the very things that give our lives beauty, purpose and the source of unending joy. 

a baby's dimpled hands.rocking chairs.warm mugs of hot chocolate.wrinkled pages of a bible.our backyard.the smell of bread baking.bubble baths.the sun spilling in through lace curtains.the sound of little feet running down the hall.backyard fire pit.laying in the snow, staring at the sky.homemade pie crust.butterfly kisses at bedtime.candlelight.the laughter of children.trips to the beach.swings at the park.snuggled under blankets, warm and cozy.walking hand in hand.listening to old music.bedhead and sleepy eyes.summer evenings on the front porch.chicken gravy and mashed potatoes.leaves changing color.family photos filling frames.tea kettle whistles.forts made of quilts.homemade pizza.little voices quoting scripture.saying i love you every night.antique china dishes.pom pom trim.ice cream cones all melty.baby pigtails.slow dancing in the kitchen.football games on chilly autumn nights.playful squeals.mismatched plates.cinnamon rolls hot out of the oven.babies in footed pajamas.cuddled in bed, snow swirling outside.crocuses sprouting in the front lawn.long walks.lattes topped with whipped cream.the smell of a grill on summer evenings.song filling the house.the warmth of a cheek pressed ever so loving.fresh picked apples.grammy's turquoise mixing bowl, overflowing with popcorn.date night.pretty dresses.the words of old hymns sung over little heads.staying up late.morning kisses.christmastime magic.the snap of a camera.silver and gold.psalms.eyelashes splayed on little cheeks.chubby wrists.sharing glasses of wine.white lace.crunchy leaves.cool mornings at the park.a deepening love over time.road trips.freshly washed hair tickling the nose.snuggling on the couch.slippers.cousins playing.fresh flowers bought with love.little eyes wide with excitement.the sound of rain.pumpkin scented candles.bread dough rising on the counter.letters.white picket fences.a breeze blowing through an open window.fireflies.bare feet in the grass.friends.walking to the farmers market.picnics.gooey chocolate chip cookies and a cold glass of milk.grandparents love.baby blankets.promising a lifetime.strolling through coastal quaintness.mexican food.birthday parties.quilts spilled over the couch in eclectic patches of color.china teacups.handprints.fluffy biscuits topped with butter.making memories.aqua mason jars.wet babies wrapped up in warm towels.arms squeezing tightly.milkglass vases and fresh flowers.us

giving thanks for the simple things is the very realization of the many ways that we are blessed.  my cup runneth over.  

happy thanksgiving.  from our home to yours.

being held.

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something has seemed "off" in my spirit the past couple of days.  i have felt heavy, discouraged.  it's as if i've been trying to make it through the day with my normal stride and positive manner but something seems broken.

i'm not a very patient person by nature.  then i had children, and found myself smack dab in the middle of a lesson with the lord on patience.  yikes.  god has grown me and i consider myself pretty patient with my children on many occasions... but whining and tantrums are two things i do not do well with.  we've been getting back into our routine since returning from a two week jaunt to texas, and the first couple of days back were bliss.  literally.  i remember telling nick after we put the girls to bed "they were almost perfect today.  really."

and now i'm kicking myself for saying those words.

and it's not just them.  it's also me.  i've had a short fuse.  i've been grumpy and crabby and i've just been in a pretty bad mood.  nick kept asking me what was wrong and i just couldn't give him an answer.  i didn't even know.  until i paused, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks (or in this case, tears).  which is usually how grief works.  we don't even know that pesky shadow is following us and about to swallow us whole...until it almost does.

i miss my dad almost every minute of every day.  but there are times the waves of grief are about to completely take me under.

the summer we moved back to maine was both wonderful and difficult all wrapped into one.  dad's health was rapidly declining and i could see the disease he had slowly stealing him away from me.  it made me sick to my stomach.  kept me up at night.  but those long summer days also gifted us some precious times.  watching my parents play with bella.  family dinners out on the deck.  sandwiches from frank's bakery for just dad and me at lunch, where he told me he just wanted to "sit and talk."  ordering pizza in on a rainy night.  watching dad and nick bond over good conversation and watching sports on tv.  sharing the news that we were expecting again...

yes.  summer is hard.  they make me look back to two years ago, when we had just moved here.  we were wide eyed with dreams for what life would be like, only to find them burst a few months later.  

i miss the good moments of the last summer my family shared together.

grief can make me irritable.  i can lash out in anger at the ones i love most.  instead of extending grace and holding crying little ones close, i stomp off in annoyance.  instead of depending on god, i shield myself from him... surely he can't help me.  grief threatens to steal the moments of joy and LIFE because i'm plagued with thinking about the ones i've lost.  almost two years later and i'm still trying to process.  life lived with keeping house, working part time and caring for two little ones doesn't lend itself easily to grieving.  but i'm finding moments here and there.  and tonight was one.

after a couple of hard days where i was not at my finest, i needed god to hold me.  broken, ugly, crabby and all.  nick had gone to a concert with my brother-in-law and i had just put the girls to bed.  it was a cool night tonight and i made myself a cup of tea and settled in a rocking chair on the front porch, just as the last of the day's sun was a faded gold in the sky.  as i silently prayed and searched my heart, i could hear emmy's cries through the screen door.  i ignored them at first, and as i prayed, i felt god softening my heart after a weekend's worth of hardness.

grace.  extend grace.  the same grace i was given all weekend by a husband who is patient in knowing his wife's hurt.  by sweet friends who listened to my cries for prayer and responded with a sea of love and encouragement.  by a god who holds me and doesn't ever let me go.

i ran inside to lift emmy from her crib.  brushing her tears, i wrapped her quilt up around her shoulders and carried her out to the front porch with me.  bathed in a pool of moonlight, we rocked.  her head resting on my chest, her hair tickling my nose as i kissed the top of her head.  as i hummed and sang words of old hymns, she gazed at me, eyes big and sparkling.  she smiled and clapped her hands.  my soul began to settle.

this was exactly what i needed.

as we pause and pray, we find peace and joy.  moments like these, they are the balm that sooth our hearts.  thank you, god for these gifts.

these babies will be leaving me all too quickly.  they will be grown and gone and i don't want to have regret when i look back at these fragile years.  will i be perfect?  no.  always patient?  never cross?  no.  absolutely not.  i will always fail.  but it's what happens after the failing that makes all the difference.

and in the moments that i find myself lashing out, stressed and broken... i can rest in a savior who loves me desperately.

"he has chosen not to heal me, but to hold me.  the more intense the pain, the closer his embrace."

- joni eareckson tada

god did not chose to heal my dad... but he is holding me.  he is teaching me to be patient with myself and this road that i am on.  to be humble and admit my shortcomings.  to ask for help.  to pray and lean on him.

and to let myself be held.  

march.

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i have been having some pretty sad days lately.  and the weather has been a bit gloomy, which doesn't help.  i knew i could identify some of the reasons why i've been feeling so down: my ailing grandparents, feeling busy and stretched with the girls and other tasks, being low on sleep... but saturday it hit me like a ton of bricks; it's march.

march maddness.  dad and i always watched together when we could, and always, always filled out brackets to compete against one another.

the 22nd is my dad's birthday.  he always loved "his" day; birthdays were his thing.  if you ever met him--even once--chances are he had your birth date memorized.  it was amazing.  like, rain man amazing.  and, also indicative of just how much he loved people.  right down to the tiniest detail.

i find myself wondering daily if there will ever be a day where my heart doesn't ache because of missing my dad so much.  and i almost hope there won't be, because i don't ever want to forget just how much i loved him.

that's the funny thing about grief; you so desperately want the pain to go away, and yet you're afraid that someday it will... that you will somehow move on.  and that doesn't feel good either.

i still have nights that are so hard.  when i close my eyes sometimes, i can see my dad's face.  or hear his laugh.  or feel his arms squeezing me in one of his bear hugs that he was so famous for.  i can hear him talking excitedly about life, and i can remember the sound of his voice softly singing to bella... or telling mom "can you even believe she's ours?!"

it's amazing how little things can wreck you, when you are grieving the loss of someone.  a song on the radio.  a cherished memory.  or for me, seeing other grandparents playing with their grandkids.  something i'll never get to see my parents do together.

and that absolutely kills me.

i haven't talked about my journey of missing my dad in a while.  and i think it has caught up with me in the last week.  i'm a person that externally processes  my emotions.  i wear my heart on my sleeve.  and sometimes i find it difficult to talk about this horrible path i've been walking for the last year and a half.  i am beyond BLESSED by so many friends and a wonderful family who genuinely love me and care for me.  i just struggle with picking up the phone and saying "hey, can i talk about how much i miss my dad?"  which i know i need to work on.

it's been a rough few weeks.  my dad was an only child, and he was survived by both of my grandparents who are now 91 and 86 years old.  in the last month we have had to admit both of them into the hospital, and then transfer them to a rehabilitation facility.  i've always been incredibly close to my grandparents; i still would spend the night with them when i came home from college.  i can't think of many childhood memories that aren't wrapped up in my grandparents.

since losing my dad, visiting them has been such a source of comfort to me.  i feel so close--so connected--to him, as i see him in each of them.  their mannerisms, their looks.  with their health deteriorating so quickly, i have found myself in another wave of grief.  not only saying goodbye to my grandparents, but bidding farewell to two people that anchor me in my father's memory.

as i struggle through this month, i am determined to count my blessings.  to savor the moments.  to love well. these things do not come easy in dark days, and i have failed miserably some days, and will continue to.  but there are so many things all around me that can lighten the burden weighing down so heavily on my heart.

help me to see them, lord.  and to thank you for them.

"blessed are those whose strength is in you,

whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.

as they pass through the valley,

they will make it a place of springs."

(psalm 84:5)

when giving thanks is hard.

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this fall, a constant thought has been plaguing my brain: "one year ago".  one year ago, we ate our last dinner with my dad in boston's north end.  he was so happy.  one year ago, he was admitted to mass general for what we thought would be just a few hours.  he ended up not ever leaving.  one year ago, bampy held bella on his hospital bed one last time.  one year ago, we watched jesus take my precious dad home.

one year ago.

this week is especially hard.  i remember everything with such vividness.  our first anniversary of his passing.  last year at this time, nick, bella and i were on a plane headed for dallas.  after good reports from several doctors, promises of a liver transplant right around the corner and the constant demands of my father, we decided to carry through with our plans to spend thanksgiving with nick's family in texas.  little did i know that the very next afternoon i would be right back on a plane again, headed to boston... racing to be with my father who had taken a sudden turn for the worse.

i never ever intended for this blog to be a grief-journal.  i have always prayed that god would use whatever story he writes for me, but i never would've wanted this story.  however, since the god of the universe holds the pen and knows a far bigger plan than my finite mind can comprehend, i figure i might as well share my journey as it just may minister to another griever's heart.

you all, my lovely readers, have been so sweet to encourage my efforts to be genuine and honest.  i so appreciate your kind emails and notes.  i really don't see being authentic as an option.  as a christian--or as a human--i see it as a necessity to make it through this life together.  there's no sense in pretending we have it all together.  no one does.

and there's such freedom in realizing that.

friends have been asking me how i'm doing.  to be honest, some days i don't really know.  one minute, i'm okay.  the next minute i'm yelling at bella and getting worked up over a toy-scattered house, or the sink being full of dishes.  grief has a way of mixing in to all of our emotions and displaying itself in ways we are completely unprepared for.

so as i brace myself for this week, i'm fully admitting that the irony of dad's passing being on thanksgiving makes the whole "giving thanks" thing infinitely difficult.  i know there is always so much to be thankful for and i am certainly blessed.

but i'm not going to pretend that it's easy.

gratitude is a discipline of the heart and the mind.  some days it comes easier than others.  but i believe a truly gracious heart is born on the days where being thankful is difficult.

we've started scripture memory with bella and her verse for the next couple of weeks i picked especially for this time.  when i recite it with her, i'm focusing my heart and mind on it's truth: "give thanks to the lord, for he is good; his love endures forever" psalm 107:1.

i ADORE this quote by ann voskamp in her book, a thousand gifts:

"i have lived pain and my life can tell; i only deepen the wound of the world when i neglect to give thanks for the early light dappled through leaves and heavy perfume of wild roses in early july and the song of crickets on humid nights and the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that a good god gives."

giving thanks.  noticing the small things.  keeping up with my gratitude list.  even when it's HARD and my soul feels empty and full of grief.

543.  the early morning frost framing our windows.

544.  norman rockwell christmas prints.  nostalgic simplicity.

545.  homemade pizza.

546.  the quiet of sleeping girls, warm and cozy in their beds.

547.  piles of laundry, warm and clean.

548.  bella's little voice "mama, i am soooo happy."

549.  emmy all bundled up.

550.  nick's saturday morning breakfasts.  the warmth of our home and the smells of bacon sizzling and coffee brewing.

551.  home church.

thanks for walking with me on this journey.  maybe you haven't lost someone, maybe you have.  maybe it's not grief you're struggling with today, but something else.  whatever it may be, i pray that we can all be cultivating gracious hearts. even when it's hard.

god is good ALL THE TIME.  all the time, GOD IS GOOD.

days like today.

my sweet girls,

i just wanted to tell you the days like these are my favorite.  we haven't done much all day, but we've been together.  in our pajamas.  just the three of us.

i've been working on laundry, and it's scattered in folded piles all over the living room.  i'm trying not to care.  i have much better uses of my time this morning: you.

 bella, you&i made chocolate chip cookies while emmy, you watched from your bouncer seat.  bel, the kitchen became a disaster fast because you wanted to do everything on your own.  flour went everywhere.  i have to bite my tongue often and remember that you having memories of cooking with me is far more important than the endless sprinkles of flour littering my once-clean kitchen.

and i always want to make memories.

one of my favorite things to do is turn music up loud and the three of us dance through the kitchen.  emmy, you're too little so i hold you.  and it's my *favorite*.  because i love how your chubby little cheeks feel pressed against mine.  i can't stop kissing them!  you laugh as we spin around and i shimmy you from side to side.  you are so happy; your smiles are contagious and you just ooze with such sweetness.

bella, you LOVE to dance.  and i love watching you.  you like dancing with your dolls; this morning you twirled belle all over the dining room.  as you spun in circles you said "mama!  you dancin with emmy, i dancin with belle!"  you are the cutest thing.  even though you tested out markers on our couch and the dining room table, threw fits all morning and wanted me to hold you every second.  i still love you and your sister more than life.  my heart literally feels like it will explode sometimes.

you girls and your daddy are the biggest blessings god has ever given to me.  you are some of the sweetest joys of my life; you fill my heart until its overflowing. i can't tell you how much i love being your mama.

days like today are the best.

love you with all my heart,
mama

a thankful heart.

gratitude is something that i strive to cultivate constantly. in my own heart, in the hearts and minds of the children i work with during the week, and in the spirit of our home. i learned more and more about the practice of gratitude when i was involved in our recovery ministry at our church in dallas. life just always looks better--our struggles look a bit less overwhelming--when we focus our hearts on a spirit of thanksgiving.

melody beattie is one of my favorite authors in the counseling realm. i've recommended her books to just about every adult i've worked with because i've gleaned so much from them myself (language of letting go is one of my all time favorites... go check it out; amazing!). she has this to say about gratitude:

"gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. it turns what we have into enough, and more. it turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. it can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

don't those words just sink right into your bones? i love them. keeping a thankful spirit is something i *try* to do on a regular basis. it helps me keep fear, worry, doubt and a spirit of wanting more at bay. it helps me focus on jesus, and not on the things of this world (which is a daily battle). my sweet mother-in-law keeps a gratitude journal, and i've learned so much about this gratitude-thing from her. i started doing a weekly entry on my blog, "multitude monday", to record all the things--the small, simple things--that make me so thankful and feel so blessed.

these past few weeks have been very challenging ones for my family and i. as i've written about in the past, my father is waiting on a liver transplant, and due to complications has been at a hospital in boston for over two weeks now. i've found that these challenging times and the struggles in our lives are the perfect exercise for our gratitude muscles. will we fold in to the temptation to give up because life feels too hard? or will we dig our heels in and pray for god's grace, asking him to raise us out of the dark, slimy pit and give us wings of hope?

i believe cultivating a heart of gratitude is that hope in the dark--and otherwise hopeless--seasons of life.

left to my own accord, i can be a huge wallow-er. i can get overwhelmed when life gets hard or painful. and when i get overwhelmed, i shut down. that's where god's grace comes in. so... since i've missed the past few "multitude mondays" and this has been on my heart for a few days, here is my gratitude list from recent days:

- i am thankful for our road trips to boston. maybe not for the reason for which we travel, but the time together. and for pictures like this:

- i am thankful for whole foods. one of my absolute favorite-ist stores ever. and the fact that there's one right behind the hotel we've been staying at, and we've been there every day that we've been in boston. lots and lots of fresh fruit, their beautiful fresh flower section, good coffee and their yummy cinnamon rolls.

- i am thankful that last weekend bella and jude had their first sleepover in a hotel together... which included:

jumping on the beds

their first mcdonalds happy meals

and their first ice cream sundaes

- i am thankful for the crisp, invigorating fall air that refreshes us and reminds us of new things to come.

- i am thankful for boston... how beautiful, old and historic it is. so nostalgic. and for our meals in the north end (boston's little italy), which is my favorite spot in my favorite city.

- i am thankful to get to visit with my dad... even if he's not himself. i'm thankful for the memories i have of him and the father he has been to us. nothing can ever take that away. not even a liver disease.

- i am thankful for the first snow... and watching my sweet girl gaze out the window in wonder (in her footie pajamas, which just makes everything that much cuter!)

- i am thankful for my sweet husband who holds me when i cry, who is patient with me when i am short, who serves me and helps me when i am too tired to do one.more.thing.

- i am thankful for this sweet baby growing inside of me! for a good doctors appointment this week and for bella being able to see her brother or sister in action on the ultrasound screen :) ("baby! baby! BABY!" is one of her now most spoken phrases, as she points to her belly...)

- i am thankful for hope that is not of this world.

- i am thankful for these trials that have brought our family closer, made us depend on jesus more deeply, shown us just how many people are for us, and reminded us what life is all about.

thank you, jesus, for your grace in this moment. thank you for helping us cultivate thankful hearts... may it be true not only during this thanksgiving season, but every day all year long. even in the hard times.

his glorious riches.

"and my god will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in christ jesus." (phil 4:19)

i never want to forget this truth. i never want to forget how god has been faithful to provide for us through all the seasons of life. the theme of god's faithfulness, his provision and his blessings is the thread that is woven through this blog... starting with the title "my cup runneth over". it's because i want to always anchor my heart in gratitude; in remembering who god is and that his character is grounded in his ability to carry through that which he has promised. i have to work hard to remind myself of this truth; to allow it to allay fear and anxiety that i am prone to feel in times of uncertainty.

from day one of our married life, god has tested nick&i in the area of finances. literally: day one. you know those honeymoon stories you hear about that you wonder if they're really true or just legends that have been passed down and exaggerated over time? well let me tell you that nick&i's honeymoon contains some of those stories. we had the most amazing, wonderful start to our marriage in the beautiful mayan riviera... there were just a few things that happened that forced us to trust god with our finances right from the very start. we got married in an old inn on a lake in maine, and spent our wedding night there. my sister and brother-in-law were so sweet and decorated the room for us with candles and left a picnic basket with wine and crackers and cheese. so nice. let's just say that we went to bed that night having put out several small fires from the lighted candles... sleeping on burnt bedding next to a beautiful antique nightstand that had also gotten pretty charred. oops. a few days later, while honeymooning on the mexican coast, my wonderful husband was fiddling with his wedding band while we were swimming in the ocean. i'm sure you can see where this is going. before we knew it, the band had dropped to the ocean floor and while we searched and searched for it, we never saw it again.

and so, we began our married life together with over a thousand dollars less than we had the morning of our wedding. most of our wedding money that people had so graciously given to us had to go straight toward that inn in maine to repay them for the fire damages (trust me, "repay the fire damages" was never a phrase i though i'd say when referring to my honeymoon) :) i remember the first night we were home i was planning what to make for our first dinner in our home as a married couple. i had settled on pasta, and as i prepared everything, i went to find a pot to boil the water and realized we didn't even have pots and pans. many tears followed and probably a frozen dinner that night, although i can't remember.

throughout our marriage either nick or i have been working in a ministry-related job at a church, a christian school, or providing counseling for those that needed it but couldn't afford it. finances have never been plentiful for us, but god has always met our needs. there were the four flat tires we had in the first six months we were married, countless car repair issues that drained our savings accounts including finding out we needed to have our transmission replaced the day before we found out i was pregnant with bella. it was a month after we had our precious daughter that the daycare we had lined up for her called and told us they were closing. i couldn't continue to work and we were without a second income--or a plan of how to make it all work.

god has continually brought us back to a place where we are forced to trust. trust his provision, trust his faithfulness, trust his character. he has given us a gentle shove here and there to take a step of faith, to follow his leading... and we have found his paths to always be FAR greater than what we could've ever come up with on our own. when we have been forced to trust, we have seen his provision in ways we would have otherwise never known. and even greater than that... he has been molding and shaping our hearts to know him in deeper, more vivid ways and teaching us about the important things in life; the simple things. looking at the needs of others and how we can serve them. seeing life as more than what we can have and what we can buy. placing our significance, our worth, our happiness in him and the blessings he has bestowed upon us. and in this, finding the deepest sense of joy.

it has not been easy for this stubborn, wayward, materialistic heart of mine. but i am SO grateful for god's gracious favor. i have this distinct memory of bella&i going with nick to his school downtown one sunday before the school year was about to start. we were still in this cloud of nervousness and uncertainty, not knowing how we were going to make it financially with me not working. it felt heavy. while nick was working on his classroom, i put bella (just 3 months at the time) in her stroller and walked laps through the halls. i prayed as i walked to calm my anxious heart. as i rounded one of the corners, i saw a poster on the wall with this verse: "bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. test me in this, says the lord almighty, and see if i will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." (malachi 3:10) i went and got nick and showed him that poster and we claimed that as our verse; god's promise to us through that season of our life.

this weekend, by god's abundant grace, we paid off our credit card (ie the ridiculously-expensive-transmission we had to buy over a year ago!). i guess that's why i've been so reflective. it seemed like something that would never happen and it just felt like a huge weight we had been dragging around. i was talking with a friend the other day about how i don't take for granted anymore going to the grocery store and being able to buy the things we need without having to worry about it. i feel *so* blessed by our two cars that work and run well and have not needed major repairs in over a year (knock on wood). we live a simpler life now, finding joy in sushi takeout, a good ebay find, target coupons or gap jeans that were on clearance... but more importantly in our family time and in our savior; who has been--and will always be--our anchor, our provider, our hope.

he has filled my heart and my life with his glorious riches.

my cup runneth over.

multitude monday.

104. the sight of bella's little teeth when she smiles. they are just *so* cute.

105. eating pizza in bed with nick because we were just that tired.

106. craft nights with a good friend; feeling inspired and creating new things.

107. family photos.

108. green spray paint.

109. midnight snuggles with my baby girl on the couch.

110. cherry blossoms just starting to bloom.

111. god's word.

112. dancing around the living room with bel and hearing her laugh.

113. nick: everything.

multitude monday.

93. holding my sleeping baby girl.

94. yellow pom-pom flowers. so cheeful and happy. i'm obsessed with them.

95. gloomy days and pajamas.

96. homemade cinnamon rolls and coffee on a lazy sunday morning.

97. bella's soft, chubby hands and how they feel grasped in mine.

98. an inspiring church service.

99. soft blankets.

100. the familiarity and comfort of my husband.

101. sharing cadillac fajitas at seven salsas with the man i went on a first date with there four years ago.

102. hanging out with my cousin, rachel who i haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with in probably ten years thanks to college, grad school and living out of state.

103. snuggling with my sick bella. even at two oclock in the morning, i am thankful for the sweet time with my baby in our rocking chair.

thursday three.

well, it's 11:43 and i had fallen asleep but woke up to a huge coughing fit. we are seeming to pass allergies and colds around this house and it's kind of a drag. i decided to get up and use my trusty netti pot and get some water, while also allowing time for my husband (who i undoubtedly startled half to death with my racking coughs) to fall blissfully off to sleep once again.

and here i sit.

which gives me time to write the thursday three in the fifteen minutes i have left before it is no longer thursday.

nick
miracle of all miracles this week is no guessing game (although i guessed it right on my first try... i told you i know the mind of my husband!) i actually remembered to ask nick today what his top moment of the week was... and alas, it was going to the mavs game last night with three of his best friends for *free*. that's right, people... f-r-e-e. love that! his friend matt won free tickets because he won some score-guessing-contest (and actually guessed the score to a mavs game spot on which is pretty crazy) and was awarded four free tickets to last night's mavs game against the jazz. i know my husband acted like the crazy sports fan that he is; complete with his mavs t-shirt, screaming&yelling and his giant-number-one-foam-hand waving in the air (just kidding on the giant hand... but still.) anyone who knows my husband knows he loves his sports, and i just love watching him in action, as does everyone else. love. that. man.

meg
i would have to say my highlight of the week may sound like a shallow one, but please hear me out... these days shopping for myself is an extremely rare occasion. but as i have been learning over the past several months, the lord reminded me of again this week: god always takes care of our needs... and sometimes he chooses to take care of our wants. this week with some sale-watching, coupon clipping and store credit at the gap, i managed to snag a pair of $70 skinny jeans for a mere twenty bucks. yep, i loved it. almost as much as i love. these. jeans. aaaaand due to a shipping mishap (long story) i also was blessed with a super cute easter dress for bel for practically free. i definitely tend to struggle sometimes with our lack of "things" or the means to obtain "things" especially since we chose to have me be a stay-at-home-mom for our family. i wouldn't have it any other way; it just makes finances a bit tighter. i've been asking jesus to help me with that this week, and to keep my mind stayed on the many things i'm so thankful for. he--as always--has been faithfully changing my heart and helping me focus on the irreplaceable blessings around me that i could never even imagine my life being without. the "things" that are worth *far* more than all the money in the entire world. so that, my friends, is really the highlight of my week :) doesn't mean my struggle is over, but it's always good to have those little reminders... and god is so sweet to give them.

bel
our poor little sweetie has not been feeling so hot the past few days. she's had a runny nose, cough and just doesn't look or act like herself. it's quite sad. but this has also meant more time in her pjs, more cuddle time with daddy and mama, and more "praisebaby" and "baby einstein" (which we ordinarily limit to a few times a week... but this week i think she has watched one or the other every single day. ahhh well.) i think bella's highlight this week was getting a couple new toys from grammie and grampy! they had given bel her first tea set (plastic, of course) for christmas, and i stashed it in the closet to bring out later when the newness of some of her other christmas toys had worn off. we brought it out this week, much to her excitement in only the way a baby can show it. as soon as she saw the box, she began squealing and kicking her feet with a huge smile on her face. so. cute. so we've been playing "tea" which she hasn't quite gotten the hang of yet and certainly has no manners. the english would be sorely disappointed. for valentines day, grammie and grampy gave her an activity walker that we just picked up this week. it makes lots of noises and has tons of buttons that light up and play songs. it keeps her entertained for a while. hard to imagine that she will soon be pushing it all over the apartment as she waddles behind it! it seems like just yesterday when all she did was lay on a blanket and blink. she has been growing up so fast i think i cry about it every day. just kidding, but i do get teary-eyed. a lot.

and there you have it, friends. our thursday three just before midnight. i will now go back to bed and hopefully be asleep within seconds. stay away, cough. stay away.

multitude monday.

85. movie nights with my best friend (aka: "my husband").
86. lazy weekends.
87. hazelnut coffee creamer.
88. gap clearance sales.
89. target gift cards.
90. weekend mornings in bed snuggling with my loves. bella squealing with excitement and learning to play peek-a-boo on her own. so cute.
91. homemade fajitas.
92. riding in the car with windows done, sunroof open, music blaring. spring is here in dallas!

multitude monday.

"i pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. and i pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of christ, and to know this love that suprasses knowledge--that you may be filled ot the measure of all the fullness of god.

now to him who his able to do immeasureably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."

eph. 3:16-20

79. thinking about god's love for me today... how he cares about the little things. his plans for me. his hope, peace and love.

80. valentine's date with nick; how there is no other place i'd rather be than in our home, wearing our pj's, eating sushi take out on our couch. we've come along way since our first valentine's day date four years ago!

81. squeezing my little girl and remembering last valentines day feeling her wiggling in my swollen belly.

82. my family and how we support, encourage and love one another.

83. friends all over the country--some who have known me through many seasons of my life--and how we have had the privilege of walking with one another and supporting each other through the valleys, and rejoicing with one another on the mountaintops.

84. the lavish blessings and richness of christ's love... not in material ways... but in far more important ones.

happy valentine's day!

multitude monday.

68. snow&ice in dallas; and how it caused life to slow down for a whole week.
69. going to sleep under a mound of blankets, watching fluffy snowflakes falling from the sky.
70. waking up at 3 am to the sound of sleet hitting the window and knowing that nick will have a snow day.
71. coffee on cold days.
72. bella's rosy cheeks and red button nose.
73. endless games with friends.
74. the superbowl. most specifically watching the steelers lose the superbowl.
75. the way bella sleeps with her little bottom sticking up in the air. so. cute.
76. movie nights on the couch with the husband. perfect.
77. salt&pepper kettle cooked chips.
78. looking around my home and seeing it filled with people i love. having fun, eating together, laughing and playing with my daughter. blessed.

multitude monday.

56. date night with my husband. the comfort of just being together.
57. pei wei take out.
58. gift cards.
59. farm fresh eggs.
60. moscoto. my new favorite wine. maybe because it tastes like spiked apple juice. yum.
61. sleeping in.
62. sunday morning waffles. with real maple syrup filling all the warm, crispy ridges.
63. bella's chubby cheeks. i'm obsessed with them. especially when she's teething and they're all nice and rosy.
64. having to turn the heat on in the morning. i like to remember it's still winter here in dallas despite what the 70 degree temperature has lead me to believe.
65. warm naan.
66. rubber duckies, bubbles and big girl baths.
67. hulu. we gave up cable and dvr when we had bella. hulu reminds me that god provides sometimes for even our "wants"; like getting watch our favorite tv shows together when we can't during the week. trivial, i know... but i like that god remembers the trivial sometimes. he's good like that.

multitude monday.

47. breakfast with girlfriends; girl talk + coffee? yes, please.
48. my hazelnut scented candle.
49. the swiffer and clorox wipes... two of my favorite cleaning aids.
50. spider mums from the husband.
51. dressing up my baby girl in cute gap *clearance* dresses.
52. blueberries&cheerios.
53. crockpot dinners.
54. seeing a sweet note written to me on our foggy bathroom mirror from a cute guy i know.
55. striped baby tights. and chubby baby thighs.

thirtieth birthday three.

i'm bringing back the "thursday three" (i know, i know... you've missed it). this week will be a little different. it will be all about my thirtieth birthday celebrations last week. i'm going to try to condense it down into three points... here goes.

so i turned thirty last thursday. those of you that are "bachelor" fans and have been watching this season, you'll appreciate when i say: not twenty nine... not thirty one... but thirty. (thank you, crazy michelle.) nick spoiled me and made it so special. here are the top three moments.

1. our beloved, maggianos.

after i got home from work thursday night, nick had lined up his mom to babysit bel and we headed to our favorite special occassion spot: maggianos. YUM. it works out rather perfectly that it's one of our most loved restaurants and a popular gift card choice for parents to give the teachers for christmas presents at first baptist academy. ahhhh, our favorite foods for free?? even better. we dined on our favorites: bruchetta, chopped salad, chicken&spinach manicotti and creme brulee for dessert. throw in a tasty pomegranate martini and good conversation with a handsome man and you have one happy birthday girl.

2. mall date.

yes please. on saturday we dropped bella off at nick's parents for overnight and when we got back in the car, nick looked at me and said "wanna go shopping?" yes, he knows the way to my heart. we walked around the mall (my favorite mall that is nothing but outlet stores. love it!) for a bit and purchased a couple shirts from jcrew and gap. two of my favorites. it was perfect.

3. surprise!

we left the mall and got in the car to go to dinner. when we were about fifteen minutes away, nick asked me to close my eyes so i would be surprised. when i opened them, we were in one of our favorite areas of dallas: the bishop arts district. those of you that live in dallas... you have to come here if you haven't already. we love it! quaint little shops and restaurants and plenty of hole-in-the-wall places which we are huge fans of. one of our fav restaurant there is a trendy lil pizza place that has oh-so-delish-thin-crust pizza... with toppings like pancetta and goat cheese. YUM. nick lead me upstairs to where all of our good friends were waiting. so. fun. we stayed up that night until almost two oclock in the morning, and since we were bella-free we got to sleep in until almost noon. happy birthday to me.

i am very excited to be thirty... my life has only gotten better and richer and more blessed with each season, so i can only anticipate what the lord has in store for the years to come.

multitude monday.

37. when it snows in dallas. always very exciting.
38. watching snow flurries out the window while i am warm and cozy on my couch, still in my pajamas.
39. peeking in on my sleeping baby all cuddled in her crib and fighting the urge to pick her up and squeeze her because she is just SO CUTE!
40. date nights with nick and restaurant gift cards that he got from his students as christmas gifts.
41. olive garden salad&breadsticks.
42. target up&up brand diapers.
43. watching bella eat puffs! her first finger food.
44. getting in bed at night with nick and watching "friends". it's our nighttime ritual. love. it.
45. first baptist academy for giving nick a snow day today... and us another day to spend as a family.
46. mango martinis.

a year of blessings.

as i reflect on the past year and prepare to welcome the new one, i can think of one word to describe it well: blessed.

in many ways, it was a year of the little things... learning to cultivate a heart of gratitude for the simple blessings that surround us. and in other ways, it was a year of BIG things... many joys, many changes, many moments that i want to hold onto forever.

here are just a few.

january

* starting off the new year in maine, snowed in with my family. my sister, gretchen and i were both with child which made for some really fun photos. despite the new england blizzard, we were able to make it out of boston to fly back to dallas without any major mishaps. amazing.

* we found out at my 20 week ob appt that we were--as EVERYONE suspected--in fact, having a GIRL. bella grace cornwell... we could now call her by name. our home was suddenly flooded by everything pink.

* hot date with the hubs to celebrate my last birthday in my twenties at my fav: maggianos. which is even better, i discovered, when you're eating for two. YUM.

* january 15 my little sis gave birth to my sweet nephew,
jude farrington keezer. i began counting the days until i could hold him!!

february

* snow in dallas. yes, it's true. and it actually didn't melt the second it hit the ground this time! nick&i both got out of work early one afternoon due to the storm, and were snowed in the next day... along with a bunch of our friends who all live in the same apartment complex with us. it felt like we were little kids again. so fun.

march

* flew to maine to spend the weekend with my family, meet jude for the first time, and for bella's first shower! it was a very special visit... i got up early every morning just to soak in getting to hold jude every second i could. bella was showered with so many sweet gifts from close friends and family and we were beginning to collect tiny onesies, dresses, shoes and headbands for this sweet little person that was about to change our lives!

april

* with the help of our amazing friends, we finally got bella's nursery set up. nick worked so hard refinishing furniture and painting and i spent my time organizing clothes, diapers, and all things baby. we were so pleased with our hard work, and we were getting more and more ready for our sweet bella!

* three more baby showers this month... god was so sweet to us. we are truly blessed with some of the most amazing family&friends!! great memories.

may

* i felt like a ticking time bomb. i was in "early labor" for about 2 weeks and we had our hospital bags packed and ready. we spent a couple of weeks soaking in date nights and impromptu trips to get chips&salsa at chilis at 11 pm.

* may 19, 2010 at 1:57 bella grace cornwell entered the world at baylor hospital grapevine, weighing in at 7 lbs, 12 oz and 20.5 inches long. we were instantly in love... and fell in love with each other all over again that day. bella was immediately surrounded by our friends and family and i will never forget how precious those moments were... our new sweet lil family of three feeling so surrounded and loved by people precious to us. some in that hospital room, and others calling, texting and letting us know they were rejoicing with us. god is GOOD.

* my parents flew out to meet bella grace when she was a week old. it was such a special time, and one i was soooo excited for since my family wasn't there for her arrival. so fun to watch my parents as "grammie and grampy"!

* nick&i celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary a week after bella was born. grammie and grampy babysat as we got away and celebrated over a dinner at maggianos. i think that's the second time i've mentioned that restaurant in this blog. nice. SO blessed by this man!!!! excited for another 50+ years of our life together!

june

* adjusting to life with baby... we loved it!! my mom and aunt came down for a visit at the end of the month and we had so much fun. bella got introduced to shopping right away. and good food. and lots of laughing. i love my family!

july

* bella's first trip to maine! the best trip home ever. bella met her aunt gretchen for the first time and the rest of the family and lots and lots of friends. nick&i got to go to the coast, have a wine and cheese tasting at a quaint little vineyard and nick got to hike mt. katahdin with brian, where the appalachian trail ends. it was such a fun trip... we love our summer vacations to maine!

august

* god, in his perfect sovereignty, allowed all of our post-baby plans to crumble and instead granted me a huge desire of my heart: to get to stay home with sweet bel. i finished up at the counseling practice i was working at... saying goodbye to my clients was very bittersweet, but i was so excited to be a stay at home mommy. it was a huuuuge season of faith and trust for nick&i and our finances, but god provided a couple of amazing babysitting jobs for me with two really sweet families in the month of august. it was so neat to watch god bring everything together and provide for us in ways only he can do.

september

* friday nights at football stadiums began for our family this month! nick was hired as the offensive line coach for the first baptist academy saints football team... and we had a lot of fun! bella and i were able to go to all of his games (i think we missed one) and almost every week we had friends come along to cheer on our favorite coach. bella loved being outside, loved the lights, the band, the cheerleaders and she is a *huge* football fan. or maybe just a *huge* daddy fan :)

* bella and i were blessed with a trip to chicago for a reunion weekend with some of my best girlfriends from college. it was a wonderful time of reconnecting, memories, chatting and laughing. love. those. girls.

october

* took a family trip to a local pumpkin patch and had a great time taking pictures of our little pumpkin. her first halloween; she looked so sweet in her lil flower costume!

november

* as much as we loved the football season, we were also thankful for it to come to an end so we could have our weekends back as a family! thankful for our saturday morning breakfasts, time in pj's, and lazy sunday afternoons with my two favorites.

*bella's first thanksgiving! homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast, macy's thanksgiving day parade, and lots and lots of family time. we spent it at nick's sister, jessica's and bella was uncharacteristically FUSSY (except for when playing with her cousin, wyatt). it was a bit of a stressful day, but special nonetheless. we spent the next day at nick's aunt ann's out in the country and we had a blast! bella was in a much better mood and we played games and ate all day. perfect.

december

* i. love. this. month. shopping for bella's first christmas gifts. putting up our tree. starbucks holiday drinks. making bella's first christmas ornament. family trip to see the lights and christmas displays on main street in grapevine. games and food with nick's extended family. christmas movies.

* christmas in maine with my family. after some minor travel mishaps, we finally made it there. bella and jude's first christmas! we took them to see santa claus at the mall and took plenty of pictures in their plaid christmas outfits and christmas eve pajamas. it was a great visit... looking at christmas lights, family, making seafood chowder, presents, and lots and lots of memories.

* blizzard! we spent the last few days of two thousand ten the same way we started it... being snowed in at my parent's house in our pj's. perfect.

thank you, jesus for a wonderful year. we are so blessed. we have learned more and more how to trust you. we have been reminded more and more of your faithfulness and your goodness. we have experienced you and your love in more tangible ways over this past year than ever before. and for that, we are so grateful.

"the LORD has done great things for us and we are filled with JOY." (ps. 126:3)

multitude monday.

31. mcdonald's bacon-egg-and-cheese-biscuits and hashbrowns after a loooong, very disappointing morning at the airport. calories don't count then.
32. the netti pot.
33. anticipation of seeing family.
34. bella's excited whispers as she jabbers. the whisper-y babble is even cuter than the regular babble. is that even possible?
35. singing "away in a manger" as i rock my precious bundle to sleep.
36. the heart of my husband. after being screwed over by the airline yesterday we were saying a prayer before eating breakfast at which he prayed for us to "encourage and bless the people we were interacting with" as we flew to maine for christmas. sometimes he is so much better than me.

christmastime is here.

that's right. christmastime is here. (great... now i have that song from "charlie brown christmas" stuck in my head. you do too, right?? so sorry...)

this is my absolute *favorite* time of the year. i love everything about it. the decorations, time with family, good food, snow, the classic christmas movies, the coziness of it all. nick&i love this season for another reason, too. four years ago we met this time of the year, and went on our first "date" (with a group of people) a few days before christmas. lots of memories. we have enjoyed creating christmas traditions of our own. decorating, watching our favorite christmas movies, going to see lights in this cute little texan town nearby. now that we have bella, it's especially fun. christmas includes children's books like "the grinch who stole christmas" and fuzzy-footie- christmas-pajamas and observing her wide-eyed wonder as she looks at christmas lights for the first time.

one of my favorite things about christmastime is putting up our tree. i have always loved the idea of having a tree decorated with memories... that's what ours is and i absolutely love it. it may not look like a christmas tree from hgtv, but it's ours so it's even better.

(enter: cheesy-ness. i do apologize)

as i look at our tree, i can't help getting all warm&fuzzy inside. i see all the ornaments, and so many of them represent different moments in our life as a little family. a starbucks mug ornament nick bought me when we were out on a date a few years ago at christmastime. two ornaments--a cross and a star--that nick and i painted and made at a christmas party a few years ago before we were married. some gingerbread men and a snowman given to me by one of my dearest friends when i spent thanksgiving with her family back in my single-seminary-student days. a sweet little ornament made by the child in africa that nick has been sponsoring for the past five years. a heart pendant that nick gave me our first christmas as husband and wife. baby booties, a picture frame with one of bella's songogram pictures, her cute little handprint ornament that we made... i love all of these things because they remind me how incredibly *blessed* i am.

it's easy for me to get wrapped up in all the warm and cozy things this season--even good things like family, friends and giving to others--and easily forget the biggest reason we celebrate christmas: the birth of our lord and savior, jesus christ. it is through him that we have the greatest gifts of all... unconditional love, grace, peace, joy and the promise and hope of an eternity spent in his presence. pretty sure the materialistic gifts we give each other--the diamond jewelry (you think this post is cheesy? don't even get me started on those god-awful commercials), the gift cards, the latest gadgets--don't hold a candle to the gifts that christ's birth brought us so many years ago.

i am so blessed this christmas season for so many reasons, but the greatest reason of all is jesus. my life--and yours--changed forever in that lowly stable when a baby boy was welcomed into the world by shepherds and cattle. it is because of him that i have anything... "every good and perfect gift comes down from the father of heavenly lights" (james 1:17)

it is by his grace that i am healed, through his love that i am comforted and because of his perfect peace that i find the greatest sense of joy. these are the *best* gifts to celebrate at christmastime.

"and the angel said

'do not be afraid, i bring you good news of great joy

that will be for all people.

today in the town of david a savior has been born unto you;

he is christ the LORD...

glory to god in the highest,

and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.'"

(luke 2:10-11, 14)

merry christmas! may you enjoy all of the greatest gifts this christmas season and rejoice in the greatest gift of all.