i never want to forget this truth. i never want to forget how god has been faithful to provide for us through all the seasons of life. the theme of god's faithfulness, his provision and his blessings is the thread that is woven through this blog... starting with the title "my cup runneth over". it's because i want to always anchor my heart in gratitude; in remembering who god is and that his character is grounded in his ability to carry through that which he has promised. i have to work hard to remind myself of this truth; to allow it to allay fear and anxiety that i am prone to feel in times of uncertainty.
from day one of our married life, god has tested nick&i in the area of finances. literally: day one. you know those honeymoon stories you hear about that you wonder if they're really true or just legends that have been passed down and exaggerated over time? well let me tell you that nick&i's honeymoon contains some of those stories. we had the most amazing, wonderful start to our marriage in the beautiful mayan riviera... there were just a few things that happened that forced us to trust god with our finances right from the very start. we got married in an old inn on a lake in maine, and spent our wedding night there. my sister and brother-in-law were so sweet and decorated the room for us with candles and left a picnic basket with wine and crackers and cheese. so nice. let's just say that we went to bed that night having put out several small fires from the lighted candles... sleeping on burnt bedding next to a beautiful antique nightstand that had also gotten pretty charred. oops. a few days later, while honeymooning on the mexican coast, my wonderful husband was fiddling with his wedding band while we were swimming in the ocean. i'm sure you can see where this is going. before we knew it, the band had dropped to the ocean floor and while we searched and searched for it, we never saw it again.
and so, we began our married life together with over a thousand dollars less than we had the morning of our wedding. most of our wedding money that people had so graciously given to us had to go straight toward that inn in maine to repay them for the fire damages (trust me, "repay the fire damages" was never a phrase i though i'd say when referring to my honeymoon) :) i remember the first night we were home i was planning what to make for our first dinner in our home as a married couple. i had settled on pasta, and as i prepared everything, i went to find a pot to boil the water and realized we didn't even have pots and pans. many tears followed and probably a frozen dinner that night, although i can't remember.
throughout our marriage either nick or i have been working in a ministry-related job at a church, a christian school, or providing counseling for those that needed it but couldn't afford it. finances have never been plentiful for us, but god has always met our needs. there were the four flat tires we had in the first six months we were married, countless car repair issues that drained our savings accounts including finding out we needed to have our transmission replaced the day before we found out i was pregnant with bella. it was a month after we had our precious daughter that the daycare we had lined up for her called and told us they were closing. i couldn't continue to work and we were without a second income--or a plan of how to make it all work.
god has continually brought us back to a place where we are forced to trust. trust his provision, trust his faithfulness, trust his character. he has given us a gentle shove here and there to take a step of faith, to follow his leading... and we have found his paths to always be FAR greater than what we could've ever come up with on our own. when we have been forced to trust, we have seen his provision in ways we would have otherwise never known. and even greater than that... he has been molding and shaping our hearts to know him in deeper, more vivid ways and teaching us about the important things in life; the simple things. looking at the needs of others and how we can serve them. seeing life as more than what we can have and what we can buy. placing our significance, our worth, our happiness in him and the blessings he has bestowed upon us. and in this, finding the deepest sense of joy.
it has not been easy for this stubborn, wayward, materialistic heart of mine. but i am SO grateful for god's gracious favor. i have this distinct memory of bella&i going with nick to his school downtown one sunday before the school year was about to start. we were still in this cloud of nervousness and uncertainty, not knowing how we were going to make it financially with me not working. it felt heavy. while nick was working on his classroom, i put bella (just 3 months at the time) in her stroller and walked laps through the halls. i prayed as i walked to calm my anxious heart. as i rounded one of the corners, i saw a poster on the wall with this verse: "bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. test me in this, says the lord almighty, and see if i will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." (malachi 3:10) i went and got nick and showed him that poster and we claimed that as our verse; god's promise to us through that season of our life.
this weekend, by god's abundant grace, we paid off our credit card (ie the ridiculously-expensive-transmission we had to buy over a year ago!). i guess that's why i've been so reflective. it seemed like something that would never happen and it just felt like a huge weight we had been dragging around. i was talking with a friend the other day about how i don't take for granted anymore going to the grocery store and being able to buy the things we need without having to worry about it. i feel *so* blessed by our two cars that work and run well and have not needed major repairs in over a year (knock on wood). we live a simpler life now, finding joy in sushi takeout, a good ebay find, target coupons or gap jeans that were on clearance... but more importantly in our family time and in our savior; who has been--and will always be--our anchor, our provider, our hope.
he has filled my heart and my life with his glorious riches.
my cup runneth over.
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