my latest thrifty finds.

by now you probably know i love a thrifty find. the cashier at the local thrift store i love to look at is probably going to get sick of seeing me.

i'm addicted.

antique stores. homegoods. thrift stores. target. yard sales. maine is like one giant treasure trove for all of these things. am i excited you ask? why yes... yes i am.

here are just a few of my latest finds... (these pics are taken at my parents... don't be fooled, it's not our house ;) )

- end table/frame

i found this end table at a thrift store for four bucks. yes, please. can't wait to refinish it. what color shall it become??? i love this sweet pink vintage frame i found for one buckaroo at a yard sale. perfect for a little girl i know.

- antique rocker

speaking of that little girl... i found this rocking chair at an antique store for twelve dollars. i.love.it. i reaaaaaallly love the chipped paint and the blue/green combo, but i'd rather not have bella get lead poisoning. so, i'm going to have to refinish it, but i'd love to try to keep that weathered look. when i bought it home, i showed bel and she immediately sat in it and started rocking :)

-bird cage/apothecary jar

i've been looking for both of these things for a while, but haven't found anything that suited my fancy. found this bird cage at tj's/homegoods for $7.99 and i had a couple of exchanges to make, so i got it for free. *love that* i also love the cute little bird ontop! the apothecary jar i spotted in the clearance aisle of--you guessed it--target. it had a little imperfection in the glass, so i asked the cashier if i could get a discount. scored this jar for a mere $4.50. yesssss.

-vintage mirror

is this not a beauty??!! i almost shrieked out loud when i found this amidst the frames and mirrors at a thrift store one rainy saturday. it's pretty dusty and needs a little love, but i would be happy to. i just loooove the detail in the frame and the old glass. i even like the gold accents, but i will probably refinish it. what do you think??

-white china

yes, my heart does flip flops every time i see big groups of white china. this is an assortment i've collected the past couple of weeks from thrift stores and tj's. i think the most i paid for anything was three-ninety-nine for the pitcher&basin. some of it i'd love to display in a hutch someday, but most of it i've collected to make my anthro knock-off teapot lamp i've been wanting to make for a while. stay tuned...

this post has been linked to these *lovely* blogs:

the dyi showoff

refreshing words {living in the moment}.

nick&i found a new devotional that we *love*. since graduating from seminary four years ago, i have struggled with my quiet time. it's like a piece in my brain is now far too analytical sometimes for my own good.

i'm working on that.

but we recently bought jesus calling, by sarah young and it is refreshment for my soul. she writes so tenderly, in the words of jesus speaking to his children, rather than readings written out of do's and don'ts of the christian life. ms. young works as a christian counselor, so i'm sure that is why my heart is so drawn to her writing style; gentle, loving, peaceful. this devotional has ministered to me so much that i am going to start posting a few of the readings that have especially encouraged me.

here was yesterdays... it spoke so much to my heart with where nick&i are right now in our life transition and trusting god to put all the puzzle pieces together, even when we can't see how he will do it:

"rest with me a while. you have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. the way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. look neither behind you nor before you. instead, focus your attention on me, your constant companion. trust that i will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.

i designed time to be a protection for you. you couldn't bear to see all your life at once. though i am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that i meet you. refresh yourself in my company, breathing deep draughts of my presence. the highest level of trust is to enjoy me moment by moment. i am with you, watching over you wherever you go."

(psalm 143:8, genesis 28:15)

if you are looking for something to read each day that will refresh your heart and mind and bring you closer to the heart of jesus, check out this book. a-mazing. there's nothing more life changing than reading what the god of this universe would say to me.

ten things {life in new england}.

in just a couple of days, my lil family will have been living in our new home state of maine for a month.

yes, maine.

whenever i'm asked where i'm from and i say i grew up in maine, it is usually followed with one of two responses:

"maine? does it ever not snow?"

(annoying)

--or--

"i have always wanted to go there!"

(much better)

i haven't lived here for twelve years, which is so crazy to think about. there are so many things about living in new england that i love and just suits my little family of three so well. we (okay, mainly nick&i at this point!) love the simple life we're finding here. and there are soooo many wonderful things i'd forgotten about that i loved about my home state.

here are ten things (besides friends&family) that i heart about summers in new england.

1. quaint villages.

i just loooove the quaintness of new england. old buildings. pretty churches. boutiques, hole-in-the-wall restaurants (see #3) and big, historic homes with widow watches and sweeping front porches. just like a postcard.

2. lobster rolls.

these are a new england specialty. you can't come to maine without having a lobster roll! i think i've already had three since we've been here. shredded lobster meat mixed with mayo on a buttered&grilled hot dog bun. perfection.

3. hole-in-the-wall restaurants.

we *love* hole-in-the-wall restaurants. and maine specializes in them. there are the regular chain eateries: chilis, olive garden, applebees... and in the big city of portland even a chipotle, five guys and cracker barrel (gasp!). but there's nothing quite like a truck stop restaurant that's been serving homemade meals since the fifties. or a building the size of your living room that looks like it's about to fall into the river but serves the most amazing seafood you will find. or a dozen irish pubs or clam-chowder-places that fill new england's cities and towns. hungry yet?

4. antique shops.

growing up in maine, i loved antique shopping with my mom. i started collecting old vintage oil lamps and other treasures for my future home. i had forgotten just how much i love the fact that there are antique stores absolutely everywhere!! there's nothing like antiquing in new england. and i've already purchased a vintage tray and tea kettle, rocking chair for bel and some lace to add to my ever growing collection :)

5. blueberry & strawberry picking.

i have NOT always loved blueberry and strawberry picking. in fact, when i was a little girl i kind of dreaded it... after the first few berries i picked (that never made it to my pail, by the way) i got a little bored. but this year i.cannot.wait! i'm already thinking of all the things i can make with my berries... and apple picking this fall? don't even get me started. sooooo excited.

6. festivals and open air markets.

there are always tons of festivals and markets going on in the little towns of maine. open air farmers markets overflowing with fresh fruits and vegetables. booths displaying artwork and other handmade crafts. local bands showing off their stuff. there is a lobster festival and a whoopie pie (a yummy maine treat) festival... along with a million others!

7. wearing sweatshirts on june evenings.

ahhhhhhhh. that's a huge sigh of relief, by the way. i loooove maine weather in the summers! warm, sunny days and cool, breezy evenings with the hint of the smell of firewood in the air. wearing sweatshirts to rock on the front porch or go for an evening stroll in june? just lovely.

8. lighthouses.

so. beautiful. nothing says new england like the sight of a lighthouse, standing tall along the rocky coastline. the picture above is of my favorite maine lighthouse: nubble light in york beach, maine. my family went here for a weekend every summer when i was growing up and i still love going there today.

9. homemade ice cream stands.

deeeelish. good old fashioned ice cream stands are another "maine-thing". most of them feature homemade ice cream in pretty much every flavor you can imagine. and be prepared to stand in line; it's an everybody favorite.

10. lupines, lilacs and other fresh flowers.

i honestly had totally forgotten about lupines and lilacs since i'm not usually in maine during june when these are in bloom. i love these flowers that fill the fields and roadsides with a beautiful purple. pretty, pretty.

what's for your sweet tooth {strawberry rhubarb dessert bars}.

summers in new england are filled with some of my favorite things. trips to the ocean. ice cream cones. days spent on the lake (we have about a million of them. yes, one million lakes in this state. and i'm not exaggerating a bit :) ). evening walks. wildflowers. sunshine. and lots and lots of strawberry rhubarb desserts. pies. bread puddings. crisps. and these yummy, yummy dessert bars.

delish, right?

if you're not from new england you may be very puzzled by this combination. and what is rhubarb you ask? well, it looks like celery stalks tinted with pink. it's very tart, but when baked has almost the flavor of an apple. it may sound strange, but it's worth a try. you only live once, right?? you won't regret it, trust me.

i got this recipe from my sister, gretchen, who is awesome. so head on over to her blog to fetch this lil gem.

(and while you're there, see how adorable her family is. especially our nephew, jude!)

and let me just say these are even more delightful served warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. scrumptious. have i sold you yet?

enjoy :)

daddy's girl.

there's much to be said of a girl's relationship with her father. i wrote this post last father's day, as i was reflecting on my own dad and what he taught me and how he invested so much love and discipleship into my sister and i. he showed me what i hoped to find in the father of my children someday...

thank you, dad. i am forever blessed by you and forever grateful for how you have poured your life into mine. being our father was of top priority to you... and it shows. i love you so much!

this year was nick's second father's day. this year it consisted of: going to church. bella, nick and i eating lunch at the sea dog, one of our fav places overlooking the water (and we love their seafood!). a long nap. lobsters with my family followed by chocolate cream pie, a walk with bella and games with my parents. it was a good day. complete with bella saying "dada dada" no less than a hundred times :) last year bella was still sleeping most of the day and barely made a peep. nowadays, she makes no bones about the fact that she is daddy's girl.

she loves him.

it's an amazing thing watching the man you love be a father. we had many conversations about our fears and the things we looked forward to about parenting while i was pregnant with bella. in those times, i constantly told nick what a wonderful dad i *knew* he'd be. i'd seen him with our nephew, wyatt... i'd seen him love on children at church and during a summer he spent doing ministry work in illinois. he has a smile that draws everyone to him, and gentle eyes that show his precious heart.

dad material.

i told him yesterday that i always knew he'd be the best dad... and even with that knowing expectation, i've still been surprised in such a good, good way. nick, thank you for being so active in bella's life. thank you for playing with her, reading to her, changing diapers and cleaning up messes and most of all praying over her and telling her just how much you love her. one of my favorite things is the way her face lights up when she sees you. i love seeing her lean in to give you kisses and giggle when you play with her. it seriously melts my heart into a giant puddle.

i love you so much! happy fathers day from your girls. you are the best!! i think we are the worlds most blessed girls to have you.

a mind of peace.

i'm sitting here this morning, in a rocking chair on my parents front porch. all around me, the notes of bird songs float through the still, blue skies. the sun is shining and there is a touch of chill in the morning air.

{ahhhhh}

in this anxiety-driven world, we are in need of peace. where our minds are quiet, our hearts are still... we feel no fear but instead fully surrendered. fully trusting.

i have always struggled with this.

last week, i wrote about how my husband and i met, and how god beautifully scripted our love story in a way that only he is perfect in doing. i also mentioned that god used that season of my life as another chapter--a pivotal one--in the love story continually unfolding between me and my sweet jesus.

when nick&i began talking about marriage, and i realized that i was completely head-over-heels for this man that had come into my life, panic set in. panic because i knew that god was asking me to fully surrender this relationship to him. panic that if i did, he would take it away. panic that i had no control over what was to come. panic that i was completely vulnerable... and therefore, completely open to experience hurt and pain.

and

what

if

loss?

you see, i have always been paralyzed with fear at the thought of losing someone i love. from the time i was a little girl, it has been my worst fear. fast forward twenty-three years. i had just moved to dallas, texas and found myself in a new city, trying to manage the demands of seminary and figuring out what my new life minus-any-of-my-friends-and-family was going to look like. that christmas, my father, who was my rock and my constant encourager, was diagnosed with a rare liver disease that will eventually lead to cirrhosis of the liver.

panic.

i don't think you ever go back to how life was before traumatic events shatter your reality. life can be richer, deeper and more beautiful, but the simplicity and perhaps the naivety that once protected your soul is gone. never to return. i'm still dealing with that. although i do desire to grow into a stronger woman and passionately pursue the heart of jesus, which i know doesn't happen through the easy circumstances of life. and yet sometimes i want to live in a bubble. the bubble of comfort, ease and safety.

since living life with open hands and surrendering those i love to the lord was already an anxiety-evoking-event in my life... imagine what it became after my dad's diagnosis. especially when nick cornwell entered the picture. my mind began racing, driven by fear and worry... always anticipating the worst; the "what ifs". that summer, before our engagement, i spiraled into the darkest season of my life. anxiety. depression.

i remember not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. life felt hopeless. i began living in my fears as if they were reality. everything was dark; even on the sunniest of days. my stomach was always a tangle of nerves and i could barely eat anything without feeling nauseous. i think i lost close to twenty pounds.

hopeless. fearful. anxiety-ridden.

in that pit, even reading my bible made me more anxious because i didn't trust god. my fear was telling me not to, because he had failed me with not healing my father. i didn't fully understand who he was... my view of him lead me to believe that he would cause all of my worst fears to come true so that i would become a "better christian". i didn't understand how much he loved me... and how he wanted me to rest in that love. all i could do was pray and listen to worship music to find even a semblance of the peace i so desperately longed for.

but god showed up.

the tears are flowing as i recall this season of my life because god so vividly showed up. he rescued me and delivered me through his faithfulness and love for me. i remember hearing his still voice constantly telling me to "cease striving" (which i know was him because who uses that phrase?! i certainly didn't). he lead me to two specific passages that i clung to for hope:

psalm 46:10 "be STILL and know that i am god"

and ephesians 3:17-20 which he used to reveal his unending love for me:

"...and i pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of god. now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within us."

in that dark, dark season of my life, jesus brought light. he gently showed me just how much he loved me so that i could rest in him... so that i could trust him; even with my hugest fears. he worked in ways that made his leading unmistakable so that i could see him and sense him even through the hopelessness that clouded my sight.

and i am forever changed because he loved me enough to be there, and speak in ways that were intimate whispers that only he&i knew.

living life with open hands is something i continue to struggle with, and probably always will. the first year we were married, every morning when nick left for work, fear formed in my stomach. fear that he would get in an accident and never come home. fear that i just kissed him for the last time. morbid, i know. but i would lie there in bed, heart paralyzed.

good thing god's grace is sufficient.

he's been continually restoring my heart and my mind. again... he is faithful. i still have my moments. when i look in on bella at night before i go to bed. when i watch the gentle rise-and-fall of her chest, feel her tiny hand grasp my finger, bury my face in the softness of her hair... my heart shatters for an instant at the thought of losing her. it's an everyday battle to give my loved ones over the hands of jesus and rest in his love for me... his plan perfectly unfolding in my life and knowing that he will be faithful to complete it.

{DISCLAIMER: i would be highly negligent to suggest that this journey of mine through depression and anxiety was healed completely through the bible, prayer and jesus. on the contrary! i also had the help of an *amazing* counselor and some equally-amazing-antidepressants. as a christian who is also an almost-licensed-counselor, this is something i'm very passionate about and want to make sure i am communicating that medication + therapy are oftentimes necessary components to help in the healing process!}

i read this quote on a blog i stumbled across last week that divinely ministered to my heart. another mama talking about her journey in this. i love it when i know i'm not alone.

"When a woman has a kingdom heart, she has an active understanding of what matters most to the heart of God. She lives in the balance of passion and contentment. She learns to love well, give without regard to self, and forgive without hesitation. The woman with a kingdom heart may have a duffel bag full of possessions or enough treasures to fill a mansion, but she has learned to hold them with an open hand. Hold everything with open hands. I don't think we are ever allowed to grab hold of anything or anyone as though they matter more than the kingdom of heaven. When you hold relationships with open hands, then people come in and out of your life as gifts of grace to be cherished and enjoyed, not objects to be owned and manipulated. And then when you hold your dreams with open hands, you get to watch God resurrect what seemed dead and multiply what seemed small."

amen.

words to my sweet pea.

sweet bella grace.

this morning you snuggled with me. that's a rare occassion these days. you started walking last week, so you love being on the move now more than ever :) i just love it when you let me hold you. we sat on the couch together this morning, with a blanket and your dolly, and watched your praise baby video, which you love. you would take my hand with your tiny one, and hold it for a moment. and that will be one of the sweetest moments of my entire day. every so often, you'd turn and look up at me just to make sure i was watching you...

ohhh, that tiny face.

you teach me so much about god every day. i learn more and more about his love for me because of my love for you. being your mama is indescribable joy.

sometimes at night, i tip toe into your room before i go to bed. i scoop you out of your crib and hold you for just a moment. you loop your arms around my neck and lay your head on my shoulder and i just want to remember that moment, that feeling, *forever*.

you, my sweet, are such a social butterfly! you love, love, love people which is something daddy&i prayed for when you were in my belly. we also prayed for god's joy to shine through you, and you are just the happiest little thing. you are always making people laugh... you started rolling your eyes a couple of months ago; you had no idea what you were doing but it you knew it got you a lot of attention when you did! you are rarely cranky or upset. you are a very contented, peaceful little girl and i pray god's spirit would continue to fill you with all of those things.

you love: your daddy, sesame street sing-a-long videos on youtube (especially "feist" counting to four), banana slices, bathtime, telephones (real ones are much better than toy ones!), taking off your shoes&socks, being outside, ripping out any hair accessory, being tickled, grilled cheese sandwiches, playing with your new car, people! (especially other kids), attention, mama's turkey-bacon-quiche, music, and getting into everything.

it's hard work keeping up with you, my busy bee... but i love it. you bring such joy to our lives and it brings tears to my eyes to think about how god will use you. you are a special little girl, bella grace, and we love you oh-so-much!

multitude monday.

201. dunkin donuts coffee.

202. snuggling in bed with my loves. for the two seconds bel will sit still :)

203. corn on the cob with melted butter and lots of salt&pepper.

204. watching bella teeter around the house; walking with her arms straight up in the air. cutest thing ever!

205. family.

206. bella's second birthday party with my side of the family and lots of disney princesses (thanks, grammy!)

207. lupines and other wildflowers growing along the roadside.

208. rainy mornings.

209. aaaand here's to the good guys winning... these two pictures say it all:

happy monday, everyone!

i heart this house.

i want to live here.

as i type this, julie andrews is singing about bright copper kettles and crisp apple strudels--as if on repeat--in the far off places of my mind. i ran across this new york times article about a year ago, featuring the most amazing little cottage i have ever... ever... seen. an absolutely-amazingly-talented woman named sandy foster reconstructed an old hunting cabin in the woods of new york and turned it into the mecca of shabby-chicness.

i fell in love.

not only is it just the sweetest lil house, but it is filled with some of my most favorite things (and no, not warm woolen mittens, cream colored ponies or brown paper packages tied up with string). rather, antiques, beautiful flowers and chandeliers dripping with crystals.

did i mention i fell in love?

see for yourself: these are a few of my favorite things...

i *love* the gingerbread trim on this front porch. i've always told nick, just give me a house with a front porch and i will be the happiest girl. i have recently added window boxes to that two-item criteria list for our future home. adorable.

how sweet are the bookshelves up in the peak of the ceiling? and the tissue poms strung around the room? aaaand the chandelier?? i vow to someday have a chandelier in every.single.room.of.our.home.

drooling yet?

this is her sleeping loft. yes... a sleeping loft. just so freaking cute. and she bought the bedding from target. which, by the way, totally single-handedly justifies my obsession with target.

i simply adore all of the details she has lovingly used to decorate her space. old bottles (one of my favs), antique books and french-inspired vintage mirrors. i think if i find anything that looks like these in my frequent antiquing trips, i just may burst with excitement. i *love* all the floral detail and vintage design. {sigh}

mantle. i love, love, love the contrast of fresh flowers with the old china and antique books and candlesticks.

ohhhhhh white dishes, pitchers and teacups. i'm having heart palpitations. i've always loved turquoise, so i especially adore that sweet lil table. i'm becoming a huge fan of the turquoise&pink combo. cute, cute, cute.

i loved this snowy shot. it makes this cottage even more perfect for me :)

white tablescape complete with china, lace, ice cream and marshmellows. how adorable is this?!

tucked away in the woods. isn't this the cutest lil thing?

are you in love now too?

i.

told.

you.

so.

i came across sandy's blog today and think i will be a frequent visitor. since i can't have her come build us a house, being inspired by her design via the internet is probably the next best thing, i guess. i love her admiration of all things old, and her resolve to repurpose and salvage what others may see as junk and make it into the most beautiful pieces.

since we can't move in here anytime soon (smile), i will take from ms. foster her usage of all things thrift-store/antique/yard sale/heirloom. not only do those pieces hold much more beauty, but much more character and memory.

i.heart.this.house.