someday.

to my sweet, sweet girls.

today, you are so little.  you look to daddy and me to take care of every need that you have.  you ask for our kisses on your scrapes and bruises.  you love to snuggle on our laps.  and your whole world is all about what happens in this cozy little home of ours.

you twirl around in tulle and ruffles, shoes mismatched on either foot.  cares and worries that weigh down your mind are limited to being able to find a princess dress to wear, or if your favorite pair of pajamas are in the laundry (which, i will tell you now... they probably are).  i love watching you experience the world in such carefree beauty and pure innocence.

your daddy is your hero.  you reach up toward him with longing arms, ready to be swept up and secure.  you gaze at him with admiration sparkling in your eyes; you beg him to chase you and the air fills with shrieks and giggles as you circle through the hallway, your little feet pounding the floor.  little do you know right now, but you are watching him; learning you are valuable because of his love for you.  seeing how he loves your mama, how he dances with me through the kitchen and sings into my ear... and someday, when you're much older, you may think about a man you want to live this life with... and i hope you'll think of your daddy and me.

we are definitely not perfect and have a whole lot to learn, and things that we constantly have to change.  but our goal is to be an example for you of what you may want someday.  an example of two imperfect people that choose to love god and one another every single day.  who mess up, who laugh together, who forgive, and who love wholeheartedly.  i wanted to share with you a few things we have learned along the way, and other pieces of advice that wise people have told us.  someday, you may make one of the biggest decisions of your life when you choose to say yes (or no) to someone who asks you to be his wife.  and i would not be doing my job as a mother if i didn't give you a few things to consider or put into practice.  someday.

don't make marriage your number one.  make being a godly, kindhearted, good person your number one.  enjoy life, have fun, go after your dreams and seek to grow in the lord.  this should be your number one.  i heard someone say once that you should run the race of this life that is set out before you, with your eyes focused on jesus, and at some point, if you look over and see someone running with you... well, there may be your teammate.  but don't ever run after anyone.  you are precious and valuable... run after god and the rest will fall into place.  be confident in the woman that you are; how you are gifted, what you love to do, your life passions... don't wait for a man to define who you are.  you are beautiful, unique and special and so worthy; not because of being a "mrs", but because the lord of the universe thinks so.

be a good friend and value relationships.  you will hear us say this your entire childhood, but daddy and i so strongly believe in the importance of relationships.  we each had strong friendships in place before we ever met each other, and we've often said if one of us didn't, what a huge red flag that would have been.  friendships teach us how to love someone else, how to resolve conflict, how to receive criticism, how to spur one another on through good times and bad.  hold fast to those friendships; don't give them up when you begin to fall in love, or when you get married.  your husband is not meant to fulfill all of your needs, and you aren't meant to satisfy all of his.  girlfriends have a unique and special place in your life; value them.  and if a man doesn't have good friendships with other guys in his life, consider why.  the absence of friendship or the ability to stick in a friendship long term *may* be indicative of other character flaws that you may not see.

seek advice and wisdom from others, and be humble and teachable.  when you're young and in love, it will sometimes feel as if you can take on the world.  it's easy to get swept up in romance, therefore it's even more crucial to have people in your life to hold you accountable and breathe perspective into your floating-on-a-cloud-world.  to ask you the hard questions.  to help walk you through the ups and downs of bringing two lives together.  and, if the man you are with doesn't think he needs to seek (or heed) the advice of others, pay attention to that too.  there's a lot to be said for a man with humility, let me tell you this.  when daddy and i were engaged, we spent six months meeting with a much more seasoned married couple.  they went through a book with us, spent time sharing with us, challenging us and imparting invaluable truths that have impacted our marriage to this day.  people who have been married longer than you, well they know more and have experienced more.  pay attention.  listen.  heed.  take what you like and leave the rest.

have fun.  be comfortable as you are dating.  whoever you marry should be your best friend.  it's not always easy, but it should be fun, comfortable and you should be able to laugh.  a lot.  eat cheeseburgers at midnight, sit in the rain while it messes up your hair, wear sweats and no make up and find ease in trusting god with your heart as you seek to know more about the man that has your attention.  and don't be afraid to eat off his plate, even on your first date.  i totally did that with your daddy, and look where we are today.  some things are meant to get right out in the open and us cornwell girls, well, we like our food.

finally, whomever you choose to walk through this life with, make sure he makes you a better person.  make sure he values you with his entire being; and cherish him just as much.  love his family and his friends, and become a part of his world.  and make sure that he in turn values the things and people that are important to you.  also: remember that it's not all about you! relationships and marriage is give and take.  make sure that you aren't taking more than you are giving, and vice versa.  challenge and admonish one another with love; marriage is a powerful tool in which god makes us look more and more like him.  you should marry someone not only because you love them; but because you are convinced that you can serve the lord better with him by your side, than without.  

marriage it's not always easy, and it is hard work.  but it's also beautiful and life giving when we are seeking after the one who holds our hearts.

someday, instead of twirling in circles in a dress with pink sequins and a tulle skirt, you may be walking toward a man in a dress made of white.  someday, instead of brushing your hair off your forehead at bedtime and singing you your favorite song, your daddy may be handing you off to another man; one who has promised to take his place in being your protector, your hero, your love.  someday seems very far off, but i know it is much closer than i'd like to think.  so for now, i will continue to kiss your scraped up knees and hold your sweet faces in my hands, telling you just how much i love you.  i will continue loving your daddy with every fiber of my being, asking for forgiveness when i've done wrong, and seeking to respect him for the man that he is.  because i know that someday is right around the corner, and i want to pour my heart into preparing you for what's to come, and raising you to be women that follow after the heart of jesus.

"someday" begins with our everyday.  i am with you and for you.  and i take such great joy in being your mom and the wife of your dad.  

love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

"daddy is cool, and i'm a princess."

when i first met nick, the first thing i noticed about him was his smile.  i had been told a looooong list of several great things about him (and that he was my future husband) by our mutual friends who had plotted to set us up, but the first thing that struck me about him was his smile.  i can still picture him, grinning from ear to ear that first time we met.

as we got to know each other, i was continually impressed by who he was.  his heart, his healthy view of himself and what he wanted in a relationship, and above all else, how he made it his mantra to love jesus, and love others.

over time, god revealed to me that not only was this man amazing husband material, but that he would be a fantastic father to our future children.  i watched him with his nephew, how he played with him and lavished him with attention.  i watched him with the youth at our church, how he desired to leave a lasting impact on their lives.  i watched him give up a summer to work with underprivileged youth in an impoverished town in illinois.  and all the while i watched, i knew god was telling me that this was one great man.

i still pinch myself that he asked me to be his wife.  and baby mama.  and i'm so glad i said yes.

father's day is a bittersweet day for me since i lost my dad almost two years ago.  several times throughout the day i feel as though someone is punching me in the gut.  being thirty two and having already lost my dad is a lonely club to be in.  especially on father's day.  but i really want to celebrate the fact that i had my dad for as long as i did--or even at all.  i'm just so thankful for the gift that he was to me and the lasting impact he has made on my life.  nothing--not even death--can take that away.  aaaaand, i really want to celebrate the father of my girls, who, i watch every day and am transported back to the days of my childhood, and memories i have of my sister and i with our dad.  as i watch nick with bella and emmy, i am forever thankful that they get the same gift i had of having the most amazing dad.  a dad who builds into them, who anchors their precious hearts and secures their blossoming identities; who tells them that their beautiful, loved and valued.  i can't think of a better gift.

nick, thank you for loving our girls the way you do.  thank you for playing with them, thank you for looking into their eyes and speaking to their souls, thank you for kissing them when their sad, snuggling with them and being patient and tender.  thank you for praying over them, and teaching them god's word.  thank you for being the man that they will want to marry some day and have as a daddy for their little ones.  thank you for being their protector, their prince, their hero.  you are exceedingly and abundantly more than they could ever want in a father.  and someday, in the not so distant future, they will fully appreciate and realize what a gift you are to them, and just how blessed they are that you are their dad. 

trust me, i know.

our father's day this year was special.  nick told me repeatedly what a great weekend he had, which made my heart so happy.  i love to celebrate him.  father's day for nick started a bit early when a coaching buddy of his called on saturday to have us over for a cookout with his family that evening.  we loaded up the girls and headed over.  bella ran barefoot and played with their little girls until the daylight turned to dark and fireflies flickered in the evening sky.  we feasted on lobster and steak and made smores around the fire.  the girls fell asleep on the car ride home.  it was lovely.  sunday morning we let nick sleep and woke him up with a couple gifts.  a "my daddy's favorites" sign bella and i made him (i interviewed her and asked her questions about nick's favorite things... so cute to see what she came up with!) and a dart board he's been wanting for his man cave.  soon after breakfast he got ready and met some of his buddies out on the golf course.  they originally planned on only playing nine holes, but all talked each other in to playing a full eighteen :)  when he came home we had my mom, aunt and uncle and some friends over for a cookout.  we had steak again (nick was in heaven!) and i made his favorite dessert: tollhouse pie.  although there were moments of sadness i really felt as though the weekend was what i strived for it to be.  it was a well celebrated weekend, indeed.

 we love you so much nick!  as bella says "daddy is cool and i'm a princess" :)  thanks for being so awesome and for taking such good care of your girls.  we are so thankful for you!!!

hey, dad.

hey, dad.

not a day goes by where my heart doesn't ache from missing you so much.  i'm still not quite sure how we've made it this past year and a half; the hole you have left in our lives is all encompassing.  sometimes it feels like it will swallow me whole.

i close my eyes and just picture your laugh.  my ears fill with it's vebrato and i see your eyes, happy and twinkling.  sometimes i feel your hugs.  i feel wrapped up in your arms like i was for thirty years.  and i miss how they made me feel like everything was going to be okay.  whether it was a scraped up knee after falling off my bike when i was five, or a welcome home with open arms when i was thirty.  i miss them.  i miss you.

my eyes are filling with tears even as i write this.  i still cry often.  i know you told us not to be sad, but i just can't help it.  god and i have had many conversations about why we are left without you.  why my daughters will never get to experience how awesome their bampy was.  they will know about you; i will tell them every chance i get.  but i wish they got the chance to make memories with you like i did.  those memories have changed my life.

those memories have made me who i am today.  you have made me who i am today.  father's day is around the corner and i'm trying so hard this year to not be sad.  i know that's next to impossible, but i want to celebrate the fact that i was given the gift of being your daughter.  i know the impact a daddy has on his little girl.  and even though you're not here, i know not to take it for granted that i am one of the few to have had such an amazing daddy.

you would love watching our girls with nick.  seeing him be their dad brings so many of my childhood memories come flooding back.  they climb all over him, the way gret and i climbed all over you.  they ride his back and pretend he's a horse.  they love swimming with him just as we did with you.  and he stands over them at night, praying over them as they peacefully sleep... just as you did with us.

your legacy lives on, dad.

last weekend we walked in your memory in the liver life walk in portland.  you would've loved it.  our team raised the most money out of all of the teams that participated and we were large and in charge, dad.  about 40 people, all wearing shirts that brian made in your favorite color: red.  bella was so cute, walking like a big girl.  she just trucked along, and knew she was doing it for you.  "bampy loved me so much, mom", she told me very matter-of-factly.  it made me cry.

i hope you know, i hope that i told you enough, just how much you meant to me.  my heart aches at the thought that maybe you didn't know; fully know.  maybe i didn't express enough just how much i was blessed by being your daughter.  i am forever grateful, dad.  there will never be adequate words to express just how much.

nick&i work hard to pass on the things you have taught us to our girls.  to love others, treasure relationships and share our lives with people.  we are teaching them how to be good friends, how to be confident in who god has made them, how to do the right thing, and most of all, how to love jesus with all their hearts.  you would love them so much, dad.  they are the most beautiful, tender hearted little girls.  and they would make you laugh...oh how they would make you laugh!  "you little imps!" i can hear you say.

we love you, dad.  and miss you every day.  thank you for what you have built in to us, and how you are blessing our family, even after you are gone.  that is just your style; still speaking even though you're not present in body.  you won't ever be truly gone.  i can promise you that.

i am forever blessed to be your little girl.  always, always.  love you so much, dad.
megs

daddy's girl.

there's much to be said of a girl's relationship with her father. i wrote this post last father's day, as i was reflecting on my own dad and what he taught me and how he invested so much love and discipleship into my sister and i. he showed me what i hoped to find in the father of my children someday...

thank you, dad. i am forever blessed by you and forever grateful for how you have poured your life into mine. being our father was of top priority to you... and it shows. i love you so much!

this year was nick's second father's day. this year it consisted of: going to church. bella, nick and i eating lunch at the sea dog, one of our fav places overlooking the water (and we love their seafood!). a long nap. lobsters with my family followed by chocolate cream pie, a walk with bella and games with my parents. it was a good day. complete with bella saying "dada dada" no less than a hundred times :) last year bella was still sleeping most of the day and barely made a peep. nowadays, she makes no bones about the fact that she is daddy's girl.

she loves him.

it's an amazing thing watching the man you love be a father. we had many conversations about our fears and the things we looked forward to about parenting while i was pregnant with bella. in those times, i constantly told nick what a wonderful dad i *knew* he'd be. i'd seen him with our nephew, wyatt... i'd seen him love on children at church and during a summer he spent doing ministry work in illinois. he has a smile that draws everyone to him, and gentle eyes that show his precious heart.

dad material.

i told him yesterday that i always knew he'd be the best dad... and even with that knowing expectation, i've still been surprised in such a good, good way. nick, thank you for being so active in bella's life. thank you for playing with her, reading to her, changing diapers and cleaning up messes and most of all praying over her and telling her just how much you love her. one of my favorite things is the way her face lights up when she sees you. i love seeing her lean in to give you kisses and giggle when you play with her. it seriously melts my heart into a giant puddle.

i love you so much! happy fathers day from your girls. you are the best!! i think we are the worlds most blessed girls to have you.