"real" housewives?

okay, okay... i'll admit it. the real housewives shows are one of my guilty pleasures. i just can't help it. its like i cover my eyes cringing, but still peer through my fingers because i can't. stop. watching.

ridiculous, you ask?

yes.

but like i previously stated, i just can't help it. the concept of filming women that have fake everything, private jets, diamond rings bigger than my head, nannies, housekeepers, and mansions and calling it "real" is just intriguing to me. i mean, you could fit a small european country in these women's bathrooms. it's just nuts.

i have to say there have been many moments that i laugh to myself as i examine my life as a "housewife" compared to what is being broadcasted on tv. i understand the sole purpose is entertainment, but, pleeeeeease. allow me to give you an example of a day in my life as a REAL housewife. lets take yesterday for example.

-the "day" technically started at about 1 am when i wake up to my husband's tossing and turning just in time to see him projectile... yes, *projectile* vomit alllll over his side of the bed. after being up to rub his back as he continued to puke in the toilet, getting him settled on the couch since it was the middle of the night and his side of the bed was soiled with throw up, i went back to bed... being careful to stay strictly on my side. let me just say this was one of the moments i was very thankful for our king sized bed.

-at 6:50 i'm awakened by the sounds of bella coming through the baby monitor. i go get her, feed her and our day officially begins.

-after feeding and playing with her for a while, i put her back down for her morning nap and proceed to gather all the puke-stained bedding to start a load of laundry, while trying not to gag myself.

-after her morning nap, i feed bella again. as she is eating, she poops all over me. change her, clean myself off and continue feeding. not too much time passes and while i am burping her she spews spit up on the front of my shirt. i can only laugh ;)

-i play with her more... you know, reading books, singing songs, the usual. after a while, i sit her in the kitchen with me as i peel and chop vegetables to get dinner into the crockpot.

-switch over laundry. put bella down for her afternoon nap. while she is sleeping, unload and load the dishwasher. and make biscuits to go with dinner. get changed and dressed for babysitting... then i realize i haven't even eaten lunch and all i managed to get down for breakfast was a cup of coffee.

and all this was before 1 oclock.

have i mentioned how much i love my life? i mean... truly, truly love it. i honestly cannot imagine anything else i'd rather be doing in the whole world. i love my little family of three more than i can even find words to describe. and i love the crazy things that happen in the course of a day. it's always an adventure.

more than anything, i love seeing the blessings that the lord has given me. i was just driving to the bank this morning and tears came to my eyes just thinking about how grateful i am for my life right. this. very. moment. i may drive a honda cr-v and not a jag. i may live in a small apartment and not a home that takes up half the block. i may have post-baby muffintop and struggle to get on make up most days instead of silicone-injected-lips (and other things)-the-size-of-tennessee.

and for all of these things, i'm so thankful.

i loooove simple things. like my cuddle time with bella when i bring her into bed with me when she first wakes up in the morning. eating dinner together as a family every night and sharing about our day. nick and i getting to put bella to bed together at night, praying over her and sending her off to sleep with tons of kisses and squeezes. our sundays together watching football. laughing at bella as she discovers new things and babbles away. hanging out with best friends that we are so blessed to have. curling up next to nick as we watch tv on the couch and putting my head on his shoulder. pressing bella's chubby cheeks up against mine and whispering to her how much i love her. cheesy? yes. but it's my life. and i savor all of these things for which i am so thankful.

i love my new role as a "housewife" (the real kind) and a mom. it's the best job i've ever had. even the days that were like yesterday.

just look at this pic. these are two of the *biggest* reasons i love my life so much.

{teary eyes}

what's for dinner tonight {slowcooker beef stew}.

as i have stated repeatedly on this blog, fall is my favorite season. i just love it. aaaaaand i love cooking fall-ish foods. apple crisp. pumpkin bread. chili. chicken pie. comfort foods, mostly. it just makes me feel all warm and cozy. here in dallas, when my daughter is still wearing sundresses the last week in october and the temperature is barely getting out of the 80s, it's especially important to me to make it actually feel like fall through the things that i cook.

weird? maybe. but that's me.

tonight i made beef stew in our crockpot and it was pretty good. i mean, i'm no beef stew extraordinaire but it was tasty... AND easy... AND i started it before i left for my afternoon job and came home, tired and hungry to an apartment smelling like worcestershire and beef broth and an already prepared dinner.

love. that.

i served it with easy homemade biscuits that i made before work and reheated for dinner. yum.

slowcooker beef stew

* 2 lbs of beef stew meat cut into cubes
* 1/4 c. flour
* 1/2 t. salt
* 1/2 t. pepper
* 1 clove garlic, minced
* 1 bay leaf
* 1 tsp. paprika
* 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
* 1 onion, chopped
* 2 c. beef broth (may need to add more... i actually used 4 cups because i wanted the broth to cover all the meat and veggies since i was going to be gone all day and my crockpot cooks fast)
* 3 potatoes, diced
* 4 carrots, sliced
* 2 stalks of celery, chopped

-put meat in crockpot. mix flour, salt and pepper and pour over meat and stir to coat.
-stir in the rest of the ingredients.
-cover and cook on low for 10 to 12 hrs or on high for 4 to 6 hrs.

serve with...

fluffy biscuits

* 2 c. flour
* 4 tsp. baking powder
* 3 tsp. sugar
* 1/2 tsp. salt
* 1/2 c. shortening
* 1 egg
* 2/3 c. milk

-combine flour, baking powder, sugar and salt. cut in shortening until it resembles course crumbs.
-in a separate bowl, beat together egg and milk. add to dry mixture until moistened.
-turn onto a floured surface. knead 20 times.
-roll out to 3/4 in. thickness and cut with a floured biscuit cutter.
-place on lightly greased baking sheet and bake in the oven at 450 degrees for 8-10 minutes, or until golden brown.

fear less.

i have always struggled with fear. for those who know me, this is a well known fact. i come by it honestly. i was born into a long line of worriers. as a little girl i remember when our school did fire-prevention day. most little kids just loved getting to "stop drop and roll" all over the floor, get to sit in the fire truck and wear a big, red plastic hat. me? well, i would lie in bed at night and plan out our "escape route" for when our house was on fire, because i was convinced that at some point it would be. when we went to disney world when i was in elementary school, i loved all of the rides and characters and shows. i thought it was the most magical place on earth. but i also clung to my parents because i had heard stories of kids being kidnapped there. when my parents went out of town on trips, i was afraid their plane would crash. when i was home by myself, i was afraid someone would break in. when nick and i were first married, i feared him getting in a car wreck. when i was pregnant i was afraid i would lose the baby. when i discovered a mole that looked a bit different i was convinced i had skin cancer. as you can see, the list goes on and on...

and on
and on and on.

i know, i know... i'm really exposing myself and by now you know that i am completely neurotic. and i am. but i think on some level we all are. what i have learned about us humans is that we are oftentimes filled with fear. it may disguise itself differently; as anger, control, or pride... but much of our behavior is fear based.

for me, it took a bout of anxiety and mild panic attacks, some medication and about a year of meeting with a counselor to start working through my fear-issue. i began seeing how much of a hold it had on my life and i hated it. it kept me from fully living, from fully loving and from fully being who god had created me to be.

you can't fully live when you're afraid of dying. you can't fully love when you're afraid of losing. and you can fully be who you were created to be when you're afraid to trust the One who created you.

thankfully god began to work through this fear stuff with me before i became a mom. because having a little one you are in charge of can bring it to a whole. new. level. there were many times throughout my pregnancy that i would lie awake at night, fearful. nick would constantly remind me that this was not our baby... it was god's baby. i had to continually keep placing bella in his hands; and i knew that was only the beginning. after i actually held her in my arms, that surrender became a bit more difficult. bringing her home from the hospital, i remember waking up at night and putting my hand on her chest just to feel it softly rise and fall, to know that she was still breathing. around two months we transitioned her from the pack and play beside our bed, to the crib in her room and that was another step of surrender for me. after all, she was a whole room away.

but the hardest night so far came after a oh-so-discouraging trip to the pediatricians office for bella's four month check up. i *love* bella's pediatrician so much i could write an entire blog post about how incredibly sweet she is. however, she had the nerve to have a baby and be out of the office on maternity leave for a couple of months. geesh. (note: sarcasm) so... we had to meet with a substitute doctor.

enter: someone who is not fit to ever {ever} meet with a first time mom.

upon meeting her, she seemed very sweet. an attractive woman in her late fifties. nice and smiley and talked the appropriate amount of baby talk with bella (always an important qualification). but our appointment began going downhill when i tried to ask her some of my questions and she read from a script, not giving me any answers or help to some of the things i had waited two months to ask. i then told her that we had been swaddling bella for sleeping and that one day i found her completely rolled over on her belly and it scared me (looking for consolation). i asked her if we should continue to swaddle and the conversation looked something like this:

dr: "oh, i don't know about that... can it get tangled around her neck? have you tried breathing through it to make sure she can breathe through it if it covers her face?"

me: "ummm... no..." ("tangled around her neck?! not being able to breathe through it?! great... i was just worried about her sleeping on her belly...")

me: "i mean, she holds her head up really well and she's four months... don't you think she's strong enough that if she ends up on her belly, she'll know to turn her head so she can breathe?"

dr: "oh, i don't know about that. i can't tell you one way or another. you do know that it only takes six minutes for the unthinkable to happen, right?"

me: nodding, silent, fighting back tears.

i left the dr's office that day and did what any new, first time mom would do. i called my mom and burst into tears. after talking with her and with nick, we decided to begin putting bella in regular pajamas and i proceeded to wake up almost every hour that first night, crawl into her room and look at her to make sure she was okay. as i sat on the floor at 4 am watching her (in a completely different position than how i had first put her down, i might add to make myself seem a little bit more sane... she was moving around a whole lot...) i realized that this was the longest, scariest night i had experienced--thus far--of being a mom (those of you who have been moms through the teenaged years i'm sure are getting a good chuckle right now). and then i realized how rediculous i was. that i just needed sleep. that she would be fine and i needed to--once again--trust god. he was, after all, the one who was (and is) writing bella's story from start to finish.

i share all of this not to show you how completely crazy i am, and where my thoughts can oftentimes take me when left unchecked. but to be vulnerable, to share a part of my journey, and god's faithfulness in healing my heart. he has brought me so much freedom, and i try to trust that every day he will bring more. freedom. that's his business. i know i will never reach being completely fearless this side of heaven. but i can ask the lord to help fear less.

(like that clever little play on words? that's the creativity of a tired mom at 11:45 am who can hear her baby who should be napping talking to herself in the other room.)

i've been listening to this song a whole lot lately. kinda reminds me that the fears and concerns of my heart are handled by someone who is far greater than i. love me some chris tomlin music. enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlA5IDnpGhc

what's for dinner tonight {white chili}.

this is one of our favorite recipes and it's a healthy one... bonus! aaaaaaand super easy. gotta love it. perfect for the fall!

white chili
*2 T. olive oil
*1 onion, chopped
*4 garlic cloves, minced
*2 lbs of ground chicken
*1 t. salt
*2 T. ground cumin
*1 T. dried oregano
*2 t. chili powder
*3-4 T. flour (depending on how thick you like your chili)
*2 (15 oz) cans of cannellini beans (rinsed and drained)
*1 bag of baby spinach
*1 1/2 c. frozen corn, thawed (or 1 can of canned corn)
*4 c. low sodium chicken stock
*1/4 t. crushed red pepper flakes

-heat oil over medium-medium/high heat in a large saucepan. add onions and cook until translucent, or about five minutes. add garlic and cook for 30 seconds.

-add ground chicken, salt, cumin, oregano, chili powder and cook, stirring frequently, until chicken is cooked through.

-stir in flour to chicken mixture. add beans, spinach, corn and chicken stock. bring mixture to a simmer, scraping browned bits off the bottom of the pan.

-simmer 55-60 minutes until the liquid has reduced by approximately half and chili is desired thickness (you may have to stir in a bit more flour, again, depending on how thick you want it). add red pepper flakes and simmer for ten minutes.

-season with salt and pepper to taste.

we like to serve ours with light sour cream and shredded cheese. perfect dinner. and nutritious, too. which makes it even MORE perfect.

enjoy!

wake me up when september ends.

it's not that september was boring, or that it was incredibly difficult... i just thought of this green day song as i was thinking about what to name this post. it's more that i woke up and the month was over. how does that happen?

september came and went. i'm not quite sure why it was such a blur although it was very busy. but still... october already?

so. crazy.

some september highlights...

god=faithful

{big surprise} god has been reminding us these days how incredibly faithful he is. it's like a new revelation every time... as if i forgot about the last time that he provided for us. there have been many moments this month that have brought us close to tears. surprise gifts from others. insurance payments on medical bills that we weren't counting on. little financial breaks along the way... along with me getting another babysitting gig that i had been praying for. i pick up two little girls every day after school and take them to their activities. i'm basically a soccer mom... how does that happen when my baby is only four months old?! i love it. the girls are so sweet. the family is wonderful. and bella has two new buddies. they all are equally obsessed with each other. she also has a new boyfriend; luke, the baby i have been babysitting on thursdays for a couple of months now. he is so sweet and i love watching them together! so. stinking. cute.

friday night lights

bella loves football. nick has been coaching offensive line for the first baptist academy saints this season (where he teaches) and bella and i loooove going to his games! we have late friday nights, but it's totally worth it. the weather has been beautiful. nick has quite a little fan group, as our friends have come out to many of his games... and bella loves all the action. hey, we even met jerry jones at one of the games and have a picture to prove it. it's been a busy schedule for nick and we are ready to have more time with him but it's been really fun, too!

f.r.i.e.n.d.s

the last weekend in september, bella and i were blessed with a trip to chicago to have a lil reunion with some of my best girlfriends from college. so. fun. these are the girls i lived with. stayed up until 3 am eating graham crackers and frosting out of the can. laughed with until we cried. pulled random pranks on people...what else do you do when you go to a christian college in the middle of the cornfields of ohio?? some of the best times of my life! to see all of us now as grown ups... wives, employees, mothers, WOMEN... was such a blessing. last weekend, i also got to spend the afternoon with a friend i've been close to since we were both sixteen years old. before i start singing michael w. smith "friends are friends forever" i will attempt to skip out on all cheesiness by just saying how thankful i am for these women, and how the lord has blessed me by such wonderful friends from all phases of my life; growing up in maine, college, seminary, and life in dallas. *love* these girls.

cold*front

yes, its true... the weather in dallas has actually turned a bit cooler these days and i, for one, am ever-so-thankful. the drop in temperatures has prompted me to buy a fall-scented candle, bake pumpkin bread and plan for chili in the crockpot this weekend as we watch (the cornwell-sundays-in-the-fall-staple) footballllll. along with the chill in the air we've all experienced being sick recently... bella has had her first cold. we've discovered that she looooves having her nose suctioned; but not as much as she enjoys nasal saline spray (note: sarcasm). but poor little sweetie is feeling much better now... thankfully.

speaking of bella...

she is almost five months old which makes me a bit teary-eyed to think about (partly sentiment; also partly my hormones i'm sure...) she is now wearing 3-6 months clothes, rolling over like a champ and sitting like a big girl in her oh-so-cute bumbo seat. the past week or so she's been gnawing on anything and everything and drooling like crazy. pretty sure she's teething. this may also help explain why our baby (who has been sleeping through the night since she was seven weeks old) has all of a sudden thought it would be much more fun to hang out with mama at three oclock in the morning. love this little girl more and more every day... i mean; just look at this face!

so for now on i guess i should say wake me up when the four month sleep regression ends...

thank you.

october, we welcome you. you and your cooler weather, pumpkins, football, apple crisp and pumpkin spice, sweaters and candles. my favorite time of the year is upon us. come on, christmas!!

what's for dinner tonight {tomato basil soup}.

as soon as cool(er) weather hits dallas, i love bringing out fall-ish recipes for soups, chili, stews, etc. my mom gave me this recipe a couple of years ago and it has become one of our favorites. the past week has been a rough one in the cornwell household as all three of us have had some cold junk. not-so-much-fun. having colds coupled with the chillier tempatures and the arrival of october, made this soup a part of our menu for today. nick requested it actually... it's one of his favs.

tomato basil soup

*2 cloves garlic, minced
*1 1/2 t. olive oil
*28 oz. can crushed tomatoes
*10.5 oz can condensed chicken broth
*1 1/3 c. water
*1/4 t. pepper
*3/4 c. heavy whipping cream
*2 T. fresh basil, finely minced
*2 t. sugar

- in a large pot, sautee garlic in olive oil
-add tomatoes, broth, pepper and water
-bring to boil, reduce heat and simmer for 10 min.
-stir in cream, basil and sugar, cook for one minute; do NOT bring to a boil

we like to serve with salad and fresh bread. also works well with grilled cheese sandwiches. mmmmm.

welcome, fall. so glad you are here.