ole saint nick.

bella loves santa claus.  she loves talking about him, singing about him and thinking about what she will ask him to bring her.

but seeing him in real life?  not so much.

we love establishing christmas traditions for our girls.  i grew up in the most tradition-y-est family there ever was.  we're talking tradition right down to the same meals each christmas.  i don't, however, have many memories of my parents taking us to the mall to see the big man.  it just wasn't something that we did.  i can't recall one picture we ever took with him.  nick&i never planned on photos with santa becoming one of our christmas traditions.  but with gems like these, how could we not continue the greatness?

bella & jude on their first christmas... this was right before jude pulled off santa's hat.

bella & jude on their second christmas.  i've been meaning to send this into the ellen show for the past two years.
 

my girls; em was sinking lower and lower into santa's lap with the most confused look on her face.  bella was...  continuing her freak out tradition.

 i know.  i'm totally one of those moms that cracks up while my daughter is freeeeeaaking out.  not very counselor-y of me, huh?  but i just can't help it.  these are just too good.

and then i get precious shots like these... love these pics of my baby girls on their first christmases:

bella grace, 7 mons

emmy faith, 8 mons

so, until next year friends... merry christmas to you and yours!

dear emmy.

dear emmy,

you couldn't be any sweeter.  i look at you all the time and just think "i HAVE to squeeze that girl".  you are growing so fast.  just the past couple of days daddy&i have been talking about how big you are getting.  i don't like it.  i want you to stay my baby forever.  i know that isn't possible, so i will just try to remember everything i can about how you are right now.  your chubby cheeks, wide eyes, rolly legs and sweet giggle.

you are loving food.  especially food you can pick up and eat yourself.  i introduced you to mum mums a couple of weeks ago, and you love them.  you ate scrambled eggs this morning, and this week i made mexican lasagna for dinner and you were loving the black beans and all the mexican spices.  little mamasita.

i love this stage you are at soooo much.  you sit so happily in the living room with your toys.  i think you'd play there for hours.  last week i took you to school with me because i went in an extra day to work on a christmas project.  while me and several other teachers wrapped gifts in the library, you sat on the rug with your toys alllll morning.  i fed you lunch, stuck you in your carseat and put you in the corner for your nap.  in went your thumb and i never heard a peep for several hours.  you're such a good girl.

you are thinking about crawling.  you get up a bit on your knees when you're trying to reach for toys, but secretly i'm hoping you don't crawl for another few months.

you are making lots of funny noises and faces and grunt like crazy.  your new thing is dancing whenever music comes on.  i love seeing your little head bopping up and down, back and forth.  you have been a little copy cat ever since you were first born and love to imitate things that we do.

you're always swirling your wrists.  and sometimes while you do that, you'll scrunch your shoulders and get wide eyes as you shriek.  it makes me laugh.

you LOVE your big sis.  yesterday, i had on christmas music and we were dancing and you and i were chasing bella around and around.  you were laughing like crazy.  everything she does makes you giggle.  it's so precious.

we can already see your temper!  if you don't get something you want as fast as you want it, you'll shriek and fuss and throw your head back.  it makes me a little nervous for what's to come, but your big sister has prepared us well :)  looks like you might have a strong personality just like her.  which i'm thankful for, even though it's super challenging at times!

you're sleeping much more soundly, and don't startle whenever i check on you before i go to bed.  i love just watching you sleep.  so peaceful.  and you usually have your head covered up with your "lovie".  i don't know why you like that, but its so cute.

you are such a blessing, my sweet emmy faith.  i love you more than i could ever say.  being your mama is one of my greatest joys.

love you to the moon and back (and back again),
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

you have been so full of joy these days.  you have been excited about everything!  it has truly been such a special christmas season; i have loved getting to experience everything through your eyes.

you have been such a good girl lately.  mama and daddy had a serious struggle with you for a bit.  you are full of independance, strong will, and when you didn't get your way you were starting to hit or kick.  not good.  we worked with you on it for a long time and it finally started to sink in.  we started a chart with you where you can get stickers for picking up your toys, being kind, obeying us and staying in your bed at naptime and nighttime.  you *love* getting stickers for your chart and get so excited!  it's so sweet.  you really have been doing so well and we are SO proud of you!

your bible verse the past couple of weeks is "for unto us a child is born, to us a son is given" isaiah 9:6.  i love hearing your little voice say these words.  you also love to talk about baby jesus and mary and the "nativery", you call it.  when we ask you where baby jesus was born, you say "bethlehem" and when we ask you why, you say "he is the hope of the world."

last week i had one of my most favorite nights.  we got all dressed up and i took you to see the musical "annie" at the penobscot theatre.  i wrote everything down that i wanted to remember because it was just so precious.  just before the play started, the lights went down and the director came out and welcomed everyone.  she was very enthusiastic and had a loud voice.  you did not like this.  you jumped into my lap and started saying out loud "i want to go home!  i want to go home!!!" and then, "i want my blankie!!!!!"  everyone around us got a good chuckle.  but once the play started, you were mesmerized.  it was adorable.  you kept asking for annie when she wasn't on the stage, and you even liked ms. hannagan, but made a point to say "she's not nice" whenever she came on the scene.  when the actors came up close, you'd wave and say "hiiiii!".  the play was three hours long, and you sat in my lap, eyes glued to the stage almost the entire time.  at the end of each act, you got down and danced in your seat singing "tomorrow".  everyone that was sitting around us loved watching you and commented on how well behaved you were.  you were just so cute; i never want to forget it.  when i was buckling you into your carseat after the play was over you said, "mama, thank you so much for taking me to see annie!  that was so fun"  i got tears in my eyes.

you love talking on the phone these days and it is just so cute.  one of my favorite things is getting to talk to you; you sound so grown up.  you always say "i yuv you so much, mama."  and it melts my heart.  today we were in the kitchen and you came plowing me over for a hug and said "you are the best in the whole world."  ahhhhhh.

probably my favorite thing about you is your tender little heart.  the other day we were driving out of walmart and we saw a homeless man in the parking lot asking for money.  i told you what he was doing and asked you if you thought we should buy him some food.  so, we drove through mcdonalds and fully expecting you to throw a fit because the food wasn't for you, i told you we were taking it to the man who didn't have a house, and that we had food for you at home.  you were so great and didn't make a peep about wanting a happy meal :)  after we delivered him the food and were driving home you said "mama, i'm so glad.  i'm so glad we gave that man some food."  i just love your heart.

you are obsessed with everything christmas.  all the movies, the music and fun activities.  we drove around looking at christmas lights the other night and you were awesome.  every two seconds you kept saying "oh WOW everybody!  look!  it's soooo coooool."  daddy and i got a good laugh.  your favorite thing is having a "christmas picnic" for lunch... which basically means eating lunch and watching a christmas movie.  the other day we were driving home from auntie's house and you said "okay, let's have crackers and peanut butter and my juice and have a christmas picnic and watch frosty.  sound good?  sound like a plan?"

today was the first time we've had snow to play in this winter.  when i put emmy down for her morning nap, you and i got bundled up and went out to play.  we raced around the yard, tried to make a snowman, and i showed you how to make snowballs and throw them.   i also showed you how to make snow angels and when you saw them you said "okay, let's make mary and baby jesus too."

my favorite moment was just laying down in the snow with you, our heads together, staring up at the sky.  we talked about all the things we saw; you saw pink hot air balloons.  i love your imagination.

you are such a joy in my life, my sweet bella grace.  i've been snuggling you tighter and holding you longer these days, as i am so aware that they are passing all too quickly.  i never want to forget where you are right now.  your sweet, kind, loving heart and just how cute and affectionate you are.

love you with all my heart, precious girl,
mama

hope.

we are in the midst of the christmas season, and yet i am heartbroken.  saddened.  sickened by what happened in that elementary school last friday.  it's like a constant weight... a cloud over my thoughts.  i've been struggling to grasp it all; unwilling to accept that this is the evil world in which we live.  in which we are raising our babies in.

as a mama, and also the wife of a school teacher and a school counselor myself, it's certain that the events of last week have spun my fear and anxiety into action.  it's easy to let my thoughts race and my imagination go to unthinkable places, and i've had to guard against becoming victim to those dark corners in my mind.  

still, those thoughts are very present.  

i can't help but notice that others are feeling and experiencing the same reactions.  heartbroken for those families, saddened for the town, and deeply fearful that it will happen again.

to help guard my thoughts and mind against paralyzing fear, i've been trying to counteract my anxiety with truth.  the truth is, not everyone in this world is evil.  in fact, the very same day that shooter took the lives of innocent precious ones, several staff people gathered at my school and spent the day wrapping gifts for some of our students who are in need.  it was honestly my favorite day of being on staff at my little elementary school.  we filled giant bags to the brim of wrapped gifts for about twenty families in our school.  the gifts were all bought by staff people, and their families and friends.  time and money generously given up.  sacrifice in order to bless others.

kindness still exists.  

our security may be shaken, but it has never (or should never) rest in man.  our security rests in the hope of jesus' return.

my father and i sang this old christmas hymn as a duet on a couple different occassions in church during the christmas season when i was growing up.  i can still hear his strong, bass voice belting out the words, and it gives me great comfort.  he no longer has to wait for jesus' return; he is already sitting at his feet.  rocking and singing in the ears of a few of those sweet students, no doubt.  having that picture in my mind brings tears to my eyes.

"come, thou long expected jesus,

born to set thy people free;

from our fears and sins release us,

let us find our rest in thee.

israel's strength and consolation,

hope of all the earth thou art;

dear desire of every nation,

joy of every longing heart.

born thy people to deliver,

born a child and yet a king.

born to reign in us forever,

now thy gracious kingdom bring.

by thine own eternal spirit

rule in all our hearts alone;

by thine all sufficient merit,

raise us to they glorious throne."

(come, thou long-expected jesus)

take care of yourself today.  guard your heart and your mind; counteract your fear with truth.  do something kind for someone else.  hug your loved ones.  say "i love you".  make memories.  count your blessings.  and remember that darkness will not win; jesus has overcome the world.  and he is our hope and peace.

*note: for those of you struggling to reconcile these words, god, and the newtown tragedy, please give this article a read.  i've battled for years the complicated balance of god's sovereignty and man's freedom to choose.  i don't think i'll ever fully understand it, but this article so eloquently expresses everything i've been unable to put into words.  

potterybarn poinsettia pillow knockoff.

its a cozy, snowy day here in maine and i'm loving it.  we haven't had much snow this winter so i just keep looking out our windows, admiring the falling snowflakes.  snow a few days before christmas is the best kind.

this morning i finished up a pair of christmas pillows for the couch that i've been plugging away at over the past couple weeks.  for a while now i've been wanting to get some cute, christmas-y throw pillows to add to my holiday decor.  i'd looked at a few different stores but never really found what i was looking for.  so, i decided it was time to learn how to use the ole sewing machine that nick's grandmother gave me.  it's been sitting in the box now for about two and a half years ago because i've been too scared to use it.  

if you know anything about me, you know that i do whatever i can to avoid sewing.  we're talking stitch witchery and glue guns, people.  

but after a sewing lesson from a long time (and very patient!) family friend, i learned the basics.  yes, there were a few times i wanted to throw that thing out the window (last night something went wrong with my machine and i literally re-thread that sucker and messed with the bobbin at least seventy five times while trying not to curse.  nick found it highly amusing)... but with a little perserverance, youtube video tutorials and a couple glasses of wine, i conquered that little singer machine.  

here's the finished product:

what i love about making my own things is that i can get exactly what i want... i saw these potterybarn poinsettia pillows while browsing their christmas decor one day and i knew i wanted to try to make a knockoff version.

here's what i did.

materials

* fabric for pillow cover (i used a greyish, light blue)

* pillow or pillow insert

* felt for petals (i used an off-white color)

* thread

* basic sewing machine

* scissors

* paper

* pens

* glue gun (yes, i did use my glue gun for part of this!)

* mini jingle bells (i used silver)

- measure your pillow insert and cut out two pieces of your fabric that is at least an inch longer on all sides.  sew a basic pillow cover.

- take basic white paper and cut out four larger petals, four medium petals and eight smaller petals.  using pins, arrange them on a pillow to practice your layout.  you can totally skip this step, i'm just somewhat perfectionistic.

- once you have a look you like, use the paper petals as templates to cut them out of felt.  

- using your sewing machine, set the stitch to a wider setting (my machine goes from 0-4, and i set it to 4) and stitch a straight seam down the middle of your petals.  taking the bobbin thread, pull to gather and create a slight ruffling effect for your petals.

- using a glue gun, attach your petals to your pillow in the layout you previously arranged.  i didn't lay mine flat because i liked them to have some dimension to them.

- glue several jingle bells to the middle and voila!  you are done.  and probably saved about 20 big ones.

i *love* these pretty pillows.  i also love the fact that they're not super christmas-y so i can keep them out through the winter months.  thanks for the inspiration, potterybarn.

merry christmas from our snowy home to yours!

this post was linked to these *lovely* blogs:

vintage gwen

diy by design
chef in training
home by ally
knick of time
tatertots & jello
diy showoff
diana rambles
it's overflowing
at the picket fence

peace on earth, goodwill to men.

{source}

nick has gone to pick us up chinese food.  my girls are all nestled in their beds.  and i am sitting here on the couch glued to the horror that is the news today.

i can't take my eyes off it.  even though i want to do all i can do to take my mind off it.  i am heartbroken.

heartbroken for those precious lives lost.  heartbroken for the giant holes in the hearts of those who are grieving.  heartbroken for yet another reminder of just how insanely evil our world can be.

i know i'm not alone when i say that the news of this horrific school shooting has left me numb, sick to my stomach and in tears all afternoon.  not only am i a parent of two little ones, but i work at an elementary school two days a week as a school counselor.  every day, i look into the precious eyes of the sweetest little children who have their whole lives ahead of them.  blank pages, ready to be filled.  white canvases, waiting to be colored.  thinking of my kids--at school, or sweet babies at home--in the scenario we saw played out today is far too much for me to bear.

soul crushing.  tragic.  sickening.

i have been reminding myself of many things this afternoon.  that even though days like today make us feel anxious, unsafe and fearful, the future is not unknown.  the grasp of evil may seem strong, but jesus is stronger still.  and he will be victorious.  all day the words to one of my favorite hymns have been echoing in my brain:

"this is my father's world, oh let me ne'er forget, 

that though the wrong seems oft so strong, god is the ruler yet. 

 this is my father's world, the battle is not done; 

jesus who died shall be satisfied and earth and heaven be one."

(this is my father's world)

we've been talking a lot about the christmas story these days.  i want it to be more than just seasonal rhetoric for our girls, but something they truly celebrate and understand.  this year, when we've been trying to teach bella the reason baby jesus was born.  when we ask her, she says "baby jesus is that he is the HOPE of the world."  it makes my heart swell.  and her sweetly-spoken words are a great reminder to my grieving, fearful heart today.

and on days like these, we desperately need hope.  the news of sweet children's lives being stolen from them; parents and families being robbed of so many memories, so many hugs, so many joys... it's just too much to take in.  jesus, come quickly.

a friend of mine posted these words this afternoon and as i read them, tears streamed down my face.  how perfectly this old christmas hymn sums up so much of my heart:

"and in despair i bowed my head: 

there is no peace in earth, i said. 

 for hate is strong and mocks the song 

of peace on earth, good will to men. 

 then pealed the bells more loud and deep 

god is not dead, nor doth he sleep; 

 the wrong shall fail, the right prevail, 

with peace on earth goodwill to men."

(i heard the bells on christmas day)

hug your babies tightly tonight.  memorize their little faces.  tell them just how much you love them.  let today serve as a reminder that every moment with the ones we love is truly a gift.

multitude monday.

552.  my sweet little thumbsucker.

553.  our house, lit up and cozy, at night.

554.  frosted christmas cookies.

555.  saturday morning pancakes.

556.  cousin time.

557.  nighttime snuggles with rudolf.

558.  bella's excitement over her very own tree.

559.  christmastime baking.

560.  daddy love.

561.  my little ones all bundled up.

562.  furry friends.

563.  memories.

564.  telling bella the christmas story, and remembering the blessing of christmas: jesus is our hope and peace.

my favorite things.

pssssst... christmas is twenty days away!  in typical oprah-style, here is my list of twenty five of my favorite things.  some of them i have and love; others are on my wish list for "someday".  either way, here are a few oh-so-lovely gift ideas.  i apologize this isn't like oprah where i'll be giving you any of this stuff... but i did provide the links for you in case you want to give any of these gifts to loved ones this year... isn't that almost as awesome as giving you all new cars??

i thought so.  and here you go...

from top left to bottom right:

vera bradley folkloric tote bag 

{ebay}

i have been obsessed with this vera print ever since i saw jessica biel carry it on the movie new years eve.

, tea & toast butter dish 

{anthropologie}

i love this butter dish and it's cute little name.

"filled with joy" print 

{the wheatfield on etsy}

one of my fav etsy shops... i love this artist and her eclectic, colorful prints!

ung drill picture frame 

{ikea}

been tempted to make the four hour drive to our closest ikea to get this frame.  what color would i spray paint this baby...

perfect khaki pants 

{gap}

one of my christmas present purchases; love the fit of these pants and the color is just so fun!

, pumpkin pancake & waffle mix 

{trader joes}

a must have for every family.  our saturday morning standard ala nick.

 classic cardy boots 

{ugg}

love these comfy uggs.  need to replace my former pair since it has a giant hole in the toe...

"well with my soul" necklace 

{lisa leonard designs}

i have a couple lisa leonard necklaces and i just love them.  this one is from her faith collection.

 kitchenaid mixer 

{macy's}

my mom surprised my sis and i with kitchenaid mixers this fall.  one day i used it three times.  a must have for any cook or baker!

paperwhites 

{christmastree shop}

planted my first paperwhites a few days ago and my fingers are crossed (i do not have a green thumb and am trying to change that!).  these lovelies are super cheap at the christmastree shop; i think i saw 3.99!

crystal necklace 

{le mode accessories}

love this elegant necklace for a touch of feminine sparkle.

round pintuck pillow 

{urban outfitters}

i bought the turquoise one last year and it is one of my fav things in our home.  love the intricate detail and the luxurious velvet.

kvill picture frame 

{ikea}

another favorite ikea find.  this pretty little sucker is only 4.99!  i have one and am in need of like twenty more.  just kidding.  but shhhh... it's plastic; don't tell!

 homegrown monogram mugs 

{anthropologie}

nick&i have drunk many a saturday morning coffee out of our traditional anthro monogram mugs we got as a wedding gift... but i love these new colorful ones!  and only 8 bucks!

monogram locket ornament 

{potterybarn}

a little pricey, but such a pretty, nostalgic touch for any tree.  a great gift!

grapefruit sugar bowl 

{anthropologie}

how cute is this?!  i want to get it even though we don't really eat much sugar these days it's just that adorable.

 aqua spice jar with chalk label

{world market}

these babies are pricey but they are just so cute.  i'm obsessing over them a little bit.

garlic press 

{pampered chef}

hands down one of my most used and most beloved kitchen tool!

herbal popcorn 

{little lads}

my newest addiction.  i buy it at our local health food store, but it's available online!  and it's super healthy and all natural.  come on... you know you want some...

silver wedge boot 

{old navy}

my most worn boots; they go with almost every outfit and i get tons of compliments on them.  and they're under 40 bucks!

flannel plaid shirt in navy tartan 

{old  navy}

another item i know was purchased from my christmas list; we maine-ahs love our flannel shirts.

christmas cloche 

{target}

saw this pretty little cloche at target recently and it just made me happy.  it's like my love bottles and christmas villages all rolled into one.

reusable snack bags in blue vines 

{planet wise}

one of my favorite things for me and for the girls!  these handy little resuable sandwich and snack bags from planet wise.  eco friendly and super cute!

vera bradley sittin-in-a-tree weekender bag 

{ebay}

my overnight bag and i love it.  the print is so pretty and the bag is a perfect size!  love me some vera.

tea & crumpets apron 

{anthropologie}

love, love, love this stylish apron.  it was a christmas gift from nick last year... he took the hint (or the obvious telling him that was what i really wanted).

 rhinestone stud earrings 

{forever 21}

quickly becoming my most favorite piece of jewlry, these stud earrings are so pretty and super vintage looking; reminiscent of costume jewelry from days of yore.

and there you have it.  my list of favorite things.

happy gift giving!

dear emmy.

dear emmy,

i just can't squeeze you enough.

you are just sweeter by the second.  so happy, so content.  a couple weeks ago, i took you to the doctor for your six month appointment.  you had been a little fussy at night, but i had no reason to suspect anything.  upon a routine check of your ears, dr. ann told me you had a double ear infection!  i couldn't believe it.  just the day before you had hung out with meme and auntie for a bit and they were commenting on how happy you were.

you little monkey!

you've been sitting like a champ for about a month now.  you love being on the floor, playing with your toys. you would be content to do that for hours, i think.  it's especially fun for you right now because I put you on the floor right infront of the christmas tree.  you're getting good at grabbing for things that look like they'd be way out of your reach... the other day you pulled the tree skirt almost completely off and started going for the bead garland strung on our tree.  good thing i caught you in time!  you love your jumper too and go quite crazy in it at times!  you make lots of funny noises with your mouth and you're constantly grunting or chatting away.

this weekend you went on your first girls getaway with meme, auntie and lucy.  you girls were angels.  such good little shoppers; i was so proud of you!  you saw your first snow... you loved looking at it out of the back window in the car.  you love your sister so so much.  i was talking to her on the phone while we were on our trip and the first thing she said was "how's emmy?" so i put the phone up to your ear and i could hear her saying "hi emmy!" your face light right up and you got so excited and kept pulling away to look into the phone, wanting to see bella.  it was so cute.  i got tears in my eyes.

you've started sleeping every night with a little lovie and it's so cute.  you love snuggling with it.  the other night when daddy and i checked on you, it was covering up your whole head!  you don't move much in your sleep; you pretty much stay right where we lay you in the crib.  i keep waiting for you to discover sleeping on your belly, but you're pretty content to just stay put.  your thumb has also started to get raw from you sucking it!  it is definitely one of your favorite things.  and mine too.  i love how your sweet little eyes peek at me from above your fist, your thumb in mouth.

i've been thinking about you being my belly so much lately.  last week was the one year anniversary of bampy's death.  you didn't know him, but he loved you so much.  i can't tell you, emmy, how sad i feel about you not getting to have a relationship with him.  he loved being a grandfather so so much.  i remember the day we told him bella was going to be a big sister, and that you were coming.  he just could not believe it.  i can still see his eyes, wide with excitement and hear the disbelief in his voice.  two grandbabies--you and lucy--within a month of each other.  when his health turned for the worse, you were such a comfort to me, sweet girl.  i remember being in the hospital on many tearful visits and i'd feel you wiggling in my belly.  it was such a reminder that god was good even in such dark times.  he never knew that you were going to be a girl, but i am so confident he knows your pretty little face.  we will tell you all about him.  even though he's not still here, i promise that you will still be blessed by who he was.

i am just so grateful for you, my sweet pea.  i love making memories with you.  you are one of the biggest joys of my life.

love you to the moon and back (and back again),
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

a couple months ago, i lovingly nicknamed you "our sweet challenge".  the twos have been challenging for all of us!  i think the age/stage combined with you adjusting to being a big sister has been rough.  it is absolutely amazing to me how you can be the sweetest little thing in the entire world one second, and a complete terror the next.  oh, the life of a two year old.

your fav things right now: the grinch, bagels & cream and cheese (what you call cream cheese) especially from the bagel shop downtown, your little people nativity, your vitamins, the book "caps for sale" and "snowy day", our christmas tree and the mini one in your room, your princess dresses; you are into wearing them over everything, everywhere, all the time!

you have been saying some of the funniest things lately.  daddy&i were just saying the other night how we feel like your vocabulary has expanded, and you're becoming much more comical in just the past few weeks.  the other day i was buckling you into your carseat and you were throwing a bit of a fit.  i got frustrated and you could tell.  you furrowed your brow and got really mad and in the sternest voice you looked at me and said "YOU ARE DRIVING ME NUTS!"  it was sassy, but i couldn't help but turn my head away and laugh until i almost cried.  the rest of the day i just kept picturing your cross little face and bursting into laughter.

you are such a little social butterfly.  you never meet a stranger.  a couple weeks ago we went to a basketball game at daddy's school.  you were so excited.  you kept wandering further and further from me on the bleachers and i'd have to chase you.  a group of older girls loved you and asked me if it was okay for you to sit with them.  i kept looking over and there you were, sitting in the middle of them as they all passed you from lap to lap.  they clapped, you clapped.  they cheered, you cheered.  you were like a little twelve year old trapped in a two year old body.

we've been struggling with you being sassy lately.  we'll correct you and you'll say "no!  don't say that to me!"   those are not some of your finer moments.

you have been so sweet to emmy lately.  i'll find you on the floor with her, playing or dancing with her, or just giving her great big hugs.  it's so adorable.  she just loves you and giggles whenever you are around and especially when you're paying attention to her!  we've been doing memory verses with you, and so far you've gotten two down.  ephesians 6:1 and psalm 107:1.  it's the cutest thing to hear you say them.  yesterday you were eating breakfast and you wanted to read your bible while you ate.  you also have been giving the BEST hugs lately.  you'll come up to me and just throw your arms around my neck ad say "squeeeeeeze!"  it's so cute.

you also are potty trained now and haven't had an accident in weeks!  we are so proud of you!  the other day aunt holly took you for the day and she brought you to wendy's for lunch.  you used the bathroom there after lunch, and then later she asked you if you had to go again.  you said "no, i went at wendy's house."  you still haven't mastered number two on the potty; it scares you to death.  the other day i had put a diaper on  you for naptime and i couldn't find where you had run off too.  when i found you in the kitchen i asked you what you were doing and you said "ohhhh nothing, i'm just pooping."  you're so funny, my girl!

you are also so thoughtful.  you always think to ask people "so, how was your day?"  you ask me all the time "mama, how was your class?" and even though daddy's been done coaching football for a few months you still ask him "daddy, how was your football game?"  i love that you are so thoughtful in asking others about their lives!  bampy would be so proud of you.  he always told me life is about relationships; and we will tell you that, too!  if you love others, your life will be full.  and if you love jesus like we pray you will, you won't be able to not love others and show interest in their lives.

i'm so proud of you, my bella.  although you are super challenging right now, i see so many good things in your little personality.  you love others, you are thoughtful and sweet, creative, determined and independent.  i can't wait to see how god uses you my sweet girl!

love you to the moon and back (and back again),
mama

what's for breakfast this morning {whole spelt biscuits}.

i have a new best friend when it comes to baking.  i've blogged about it before, but i'll blog about it again:

i.love.spelt.

i first had spelt bread years ago and i never forgot it.  i just thought it was so delish.  and i knew it was healthy, which was, like, a double bonus.  now i make my own bread out of half spelt/half whole wheat flour.  i've also found this combination to make a winning pizza crust as well.  i'll post both of these recipes soon, i promise.

we've gotten pretty used to whole wheat flour on this clean eating endeavor, but sometimes it just doesn't cut it for my taste when it comes to baking.  too heavy and prominent tasting.  spelt is much lighter and the flavor doesn't stand out as much as the wheat. {side note:} i bought white flour for the first time in months for my holiday baking the other day since we were hosting our whole family.  i hadn't used it in so long the consistency in my fingers was such a complete shock to my skin.  it felt like silk.

i missed it.  for a second.

but i made these spelt biscuits this morning (adapted a bit from this recipe) with my little sous chef and we gobbled them up.  seriously; they were amazing.  i actually liked them better than my standard white-flour biscuits.  and i liked those a whole lot.

these are buttery, slightly nutty in flavor and still light and flaky.  holy cow.  they are just so delicious.

whole spelt biscuits

* 2 cups organic, whole spelt flour
* 1/2 t. salt
* 1 T. baking powder
* 6 T. butter, cold and diced
* 2/3 c. (maybe a bit more) milk

- preheat oven to 450 degrees.
- mix dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl.  cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.
- add milk, combine until a dough forms.
- turn dough onto floured surface.  knead a few times, roll out to approximately an inch thick.
- cut biscuits with a round biscuit cutter and place in a greased 8x8 pan; bake for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown.

slather on some buttah, baby and enjoy!

seriously.  you won't miss the white flour ones a single bit.  my picky two year old was stealing them off the kitchen counter this morning.

and that says a lot.

christmas gallery wall.

i love christmas.

everything about it.  this warm & cozy season just warms my nostalgia-loving-heart.

i really enjoy decorating for christmas.  our tree, anthro inspired mason jar snowglobes, my beloved nativity and lots of cranberries, candles and lit garland.  i also have collected a christmas village over the years, but am waiting to set that up until little hands won't be so threatening.

this year, i wanted to incorporate more pictures into my christmas decor.  i've been wanting to put out old christmas photos from years past for a while now... i want the girls to be able to look back at pictures of them as they grow up (hence the nostalgic-loving part).  and truthfully, we have some really great photos that i just couldn't wait to get out.  one in particular that is ellen-worthy (you know, the kind that ellen degeneres features on her show because they are that hysterical?)  just wait.

i didn't want to make new nail holes in my wall... and i really didn't want to have to rearrange all my existing decor, so here's the solution i came up with:

i took our existing gallery wall above our couch and just switched out photos.  the large picture in the center was one taken by a good friend of mine for our first family christmas card.  here's a closer look of the others:

i wanted a word on my wall, so this is what i came up with.  i used an oval frame and just traced a piece of cardboard to fit.  i glued a white sheet of paper to the cardboard and drew the word "peace" with a thin black sharpie.

i am a *huge* fan of norman rockwell.  especially his christmas and holiday themed stuff.  i just love the bright colors, the vintage-ness and the sentimentality of his prints.  they just make me feel happy.  i bought this old saturday evening post cover at an antique bookstore on the coast a few summers ago.  it's my fav.

i also found a big book of norman rockwell's christmas prints at the christmas tree shop a few weeks ago.  it was only seven bucks and i figured i could cut out some photos to use to decorate.  there was a large village scene that i used in several frames around the house (i loooove christmas village scenes!).  the photo above it was a shot of bella her first christmastime.  we were living in texas at the time and one of our favorite traditions was going to a small little town (grapevine, tx) to look at their lights and christmas displays.  this is one of my favorite photos of bella's little face lit up, looking at the lights.

this photo was also of bella's first christmas, in her fancy little christmas dress at the mall visiting santa.  i love, love, love this picture.

i didn't really have anything that fit this frame, so i lined it with tissue paper and cut a norman rockwell photo to place in the center.

and, finally... (drumroll please)... this is the ellen-worthy photo.

is it not?  bella and her cousin, jude, were not so thrilled with their visit to santa last year.  bella was screaming and jude sat wimpering as his finger went further and further up his nose.

doesn't get much better than that, folks.  seriously.  the best santa picture ever.

there is my christmas gallery wall!  i love it because it's full of memories.  can't wait to add some photos of miss emmy's first christmas next year!

happy christmas decorating!

one year.

this week, we reached the one year mark.

one year of life without my dad.  it's been the hardest year of my life, and by far the most sad.  i am a crier by nature... but this year my tears were taken to a level unknown even by me.

but god is faithful.

our hearts have been broken, dreams shattered, our family forever changed.  but god has been healing us, restoring us and redeeming us through his faithful and enduring lovingkindness.  our lives may change and crumble, but HE remains firm and steadfast through it all.

i wanted to re-post something i wrote in the days following my dad's death.  he left such a beautiful legacy that will live on through the years to come.

here is a glimpse of the amazing man that was my dad.
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last week we held services to pay tribute to my dad and to celebrate his life. it was amazing. wednesday night we held visiting hours, a time i was dreading... i just didn't know how i would emotionally be able to handle seeing people and hearing how much everyone was going to miss my father. as with everything else, god provided stamina (especially for me and my pregnant sister!) and grace. over three hundred people showed up that night to honor my father. some waited in line for almost two hours... others were turned away at the door due to the large crowd.

like i said, it was amazing.

old teachers, relatives, classmates, friends, fellow church goers and city business men weaved their way through that crowded room to tell my sister, mother and i just how much dad had impacted their lives. the proudest moment i had all night was when an older man came through the line. as he approached nick&i, he introduced himself "i was the janitor that used to clean your dad's old office. i've always missed him since he changed buildings." as he turned to walk away, i looked at nick and started to cry. you see, my dad changed office buildings a few years ago. and still, the man that used to be the janitor there had been touched enough by my dad to come that night to pay his respects.

one of my most proudest moments of my father was right then.

thursday morning was his memorial service. i like to refrain from calling it his "funeral". too depressing. dad would've hated that. all those who attended filled three rooms, one of them showing the service via satellite it was so crowded. together we laughed and cried... which was such an honest account of celebrating dad's life. joy of a blessed life, tinged with the sadness of losing a man too early.

gretchen and i each wrote a piece to honor dad, and our husbands somehow read them through tears of their own. here is what i wrote:

i'm not sure how to even begin trying to capture into words what my dad meant to me, or just how much i loved him. anyone who has spent any significant amount of time with me knows what a special relationship we had and how i respected and valued my father. the older i get, the more and more i realize what a rare and precious gift it is to have a father as wonderful as mine. although in recent days i've struggled with the fact that i was only able to be with him on this earth for thirty years, i thank jesus for blessing me with that season, no matter how short it seems.

my father made being our dad one of his biggest passions in life. i have such great memories of growing up with him… playing wiffle ball in the backyard, building snowmen and going sledding in the winter and shooting hoops in the driveway for many, many years. i can still remember the smell of his long, khaki colored business coat as we would run excitedly to the door and into his arms the minute he got home from work. he would tuck us into bed every single night, even into high school and spend time talking with us, praying for us and sharing things he thought were important. i remember him telling me “megan, life is all about relationships. always take time to invest in others.” this truth he not only imparted to me and my sister, but he made it his way of life. there have been countless people who have told us in the last week “i’m not sure what i’m going to do without gary. he was my rock.” and as my heart aches and tears fall down my face, i think to myself “i know exactly what you mean.” whenever i was upset or had a bad day, i would always feel better after talking with my dad. as i grew into adulthood, there were many a tearful phone call home to him; the constant person in my life i could always talk to and receive wisdom, comfort and encouragement. he would always say to me “it’s all going to work out.” and as i find myself at a loss of how to live the rest of my life without him, i can hear him telling me
these words and somehow it makes it a little bit easier.

most of all what i will always remember about my sweet dad was his faith in jesus. i can still hear his booming, bass voice singing strongly and steadily beside me at church… words of the old hymns that were the anchor of his faith. i remember waking up sometimes in the night to see the shadow of my dad in the doorway, and i knew he was reciting scripture over me, or silently praying. i wouldn’t be able to begin to count the times i saw my dad, kneeling beside his bed in prayer and what inner strength and peace that gave me… he made me always feel safe because i knew he was always talking to the lord, always seeking him in everything. as i grew older, he would tell me that he had been praying for my future husband from the time i was a baby. he poured so much time into prayer over the man i was going to marry and he just glowed with satisfaction at what he saw his prayers accomplish when he met nick. dad has left a tremendous legacy in me, in nick and i and our marriage, in our daughter bella and our baby on the way. though he never got to meet our new little one coming in april, his story will be woven into the threads of our family for years and years to come.

in his last day, we had many sweet moments with my dad. it was unimaginable to me to watch his disease take so much life and vibrancy away from him. someone who used to be so strong, who used to get everyone else through the tough times, who had the biggest hugs and the loudest laugh. god gave us all so much grace as we watched him take our father home. one of my most precious memories was the evidence of his heart for the lord right up until the very end. despite all that he had endured for the past seven years, despite everything that had been taken away from him, he never lost his deep, deep faith in his savior. with gretchen on one side of his hospital bed, and me on the other, we began to hear my fathers voice in a weak shout of words, a joyful smile lit up his face. as i strained into hear what he was saying, i could hear the song “oh how i love jesus, oh how i love jesus, oh how i love jesus because he first loved me.” followed by this line from one of his favorite hymns “his eye is on the sparrow” he sang: “i sing because I’m happy, i sing because i’m free…”

how much peace and joy that memory gives to me. dad’s unending love for jesus was there until the very end, and now he is with him face to face, for all eternity. i know that if his story would move anyone to come to know jesus as their lord and savior, dad would’ve willingly given up his life. that’s how much he loved his lord… that’s how much he loved others.

i love you, dad. i know that “it’s all going to work out.” and i trust that i will be with you again
someday soon… in the blink of an eye. though you will be missed, you will never be forgotten. my life is forever changed because you were my father.

thank you, i love you,
meg

tomorrow nick&i go for our twenty week sonogram to find out if baby #2 is a boy or a girl. dad couldn't wait for this news... he told me the day he passed away how excited he was to find out. i know he'll be rejoicing with us, but it still is hard to know he won't be here... i won't see his face light up with excitement, eyes widen as he lets out an exuberant "yessss!" over hearing the gender of his fourth grandbaby. but i know he'll be doing some fist pumps from heaven, that is for sure :)

i can't think of a better tribute to my father than seeing hundreds of people cry and rejoice over his passing from this earth, onto his heavenly home. i'm such a proud, proud daughter. i always knew my father was loved and respected... seeing the lives impacted by my father was so very moving for me. and somehow it eased a bit of the weight of the grief i've been feeling. although he only lived fifty two years, he touched more lives in his short time on earth than many touch in a lifetime.

and that's what dad thought was the most important.

my dad wasn't esteemed by others exclusively because of his success, his popularity, his earthly accomplishments... he was esteemed by others because he was all about people. he lived his life in a way that the janitor from his old office building several years ago would wait in line for two hours to offer his condolences to my dad's family.

and that is what makes my father so amazing. and nothing--not even death--can ever take that away.

free thanksgiving printables.

i have totally dropped the ball on fall decorating this year.

blahhhhh.

really.  this year my fall decorations consist of: a bowl of apples on the kitchen table.  a chicken wire basket full of tiny pumpkins on our buffet in the entryway.  a mum on our front step.  even the pumpkin i had outside got utterly destroyed by some furry fellow.  total fail.

i fully admit my lack of fall-spirit is because this fall has been tough.  too many memories.  tomorrow is the year anniversary of my dad's passing, so nick&i decided to spend the day putting up our christmas decorations.  yep.  the day before thanksgiving.

whatever works, right?

i'm hoping as the years go by, i can begin to embrace fall and thanksgiving a bit more.  i certainly know that dad would want me to.  he'd totally be scolding me for trying to bypass this season... i can hear him now; he never wanted us to be sad on his account.  "don't worry about me", he'd say.  that's my dad.

this year i'm actually hosting thanksgiving.  a decision my mom and sister made last week, so i haven't had much time to prepare.  i tend to be a little martha-stewart-wanna-be-ish when it comes to hosting holidays.  i've done thanksgiving a couple of times by myself, and i love going all out.  i'm wishing i had the time to do decorations and placecards and pretty centerpieces.

instead, we'll be eating thanksgiving dinner in a christmas wonderland on chinette plates with plastic silverware.

oh well.

i saw this offer on blogger this morning for these amazingly adorable free printables for thanksgiving.  i totally downloaded them so i can use them next year.  the print is my favorite because it's the verse i've claimed for this week and we've been memorizing with bella; psalm 107:1.

{source}

wanted to pass this cute deal on to yall in case you are more with-it than me and have the time (and energy!) to use them to decorate your house for thanksgiving ;)

enjoy!