refreshing words {his strength in our weaknesses}.

i was thumbing through jesus calling tonight, my ultimate favorite devotional, and came across this reading i remember seeing this summer. it just spoke perfectly to my heart tonight, and i had to share it.

as i've written about before, seven years ago my dad was diagnosed with a rare liver disease. he's probably had six beers in his entire life, so it has nothing to do with alcohol. just one of those fluke things in life that doesn't seem fair. it's been a hard journey over the years for all of us to trust god in our fears, to accept this turn of events, and to watch dad suffer and grow more and more sick.

i guess you never know what you can handle until you're in the middle of it and you're still surviving. that's how the past couple of weeks have been for me, my mom and my sister. my dad's health has gone downhill so fast. he's been hospitalized in boston for over a week now, his disease aggressive and progressing. we don't know what's next... sometimes it seems hopeless... other times i can barely see what the next moment holds, let alone tomorrow, next week, or next month.

that's why this reading spoke to beautifully to my heart tonight:

"come to me when you are weak and weary. rest snugly in my everlasting arms. i do not despise your weakness, my child. actually, it draws me closer to you, because weakness stirs up my compassion--my yearning to help. accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that i understand how difficult your journey has been.

do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life paths with ease. their journeys have been different from yours, and i have gifted them with abundant energy. i have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in my presence. accept this gift as a sacred treasure: delicate, yet glowing with brilliant light. rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow me to bless you richly through it."

(isaiah 42:3, isaiah 54:10, romans 8:26)

the beautiful words of jesus. what i'm clinging to now and always.

what's for breakfast this morning {french breakfast muffins}.

i.love.these.muffins. when i was little, my mom made them all the time. i have memories of waking up on snowy winter mornings to find out we had no school, and the smell of these cinnamon-and-sugar muffins warming the house.

this morning has been lovely. it's been a busy and exhausting couple of weeks. my dad has been in the hospital in boston because his liver disease is advancing so aggressively, so we've spent alot of time in the city lately. which has also meant i've had to spend lots of time away from my bella :( i don't deal with that well!

i couldn't wait for today because we have NO plans. no plans except for staying in our pjs, making muffins, listening to christmas music and waiting for our new living room furniture to be delivered. lots of reading, snuggling and playing. perfect.

bella "helped" me make these muffins this morning but i forgot to put baking powder in. oooops. i was craving them so badly that i had to make a second batch! they are so delish.

french breakfast muffins

* 1 1/2 c. flour

* 1/2 c. sugar

* 1 1/2 t. baking powder

* 1/4 t. cinnamon

* 1/8 t. salt

* 1 egg

* 1/3 c. butter, melted

* 1/2 c. milk

topping:

* 1/4 c. sugar

* 1/2 t. cinnamon

* 1/3 c. butter, melted

- preheat oven to 350 degrees.

- combine dry ingredients in a large bowl. in a separate bowl, whisk together egg, butter and milk.

- make a well in the center of the flour mixture, and pour the egg mixture into the middle. stir just until moistened.

- scoop batter into muffin tins, bake 20-25 minutes until done.

- melt butter into a small bowl. in a separate small bowl, mix sugar and cinnamon. dip the tops of the muffins into the butter and then into the cinnamon&sugar to coat.

- *note: after i've dipped all the muffins, i combine any leftover butter and cinnamon&sugar and drizzle over the muffins.

i hope you enjoy these muffins as much as our family does :)

ten things {about me}.

because i need something random and fun for my mind tonight. something thoughtless. and light-hearted.

here are ten things about me...

1. i leave a trail of bobby pins everywhere.i.go. seriously, it annoys even me. but i find them everywhere.

2. i always cut sandwiches diagonally. they just taste better that way.

3. i am addicted to the netti pot. well, not addicted, but i need to use it almost every day or else i get really bad sinus headaches. and i love clearing all that junk out. gross, i know.

4. i was set up with my husband, and on the night i met him someone told me "you are about to meet your future husband." i love that story :)

5. laundry is not my friend. i put it in the washing machine and forget about it. i fold it and leave it in the basket on my way to do something else. i just am not good at it. good thing nick is.

6. i play fantasy football.

7. california rolls and spider rolls are two of my greatest-food-loves. i can't wait to have them in the hospital after this baby, too (that was the first thing i ate after having bella!).

8. in the summer, i could wear a sundress every day.

9. i'm way too hard on myself most of the time. working on that.

10. give me a chocolate dessert, or a fruity one? i will take the fruity dessert every single time. pumpkin pie, apple crisp, strawberry shortcake... i'm not a stereotypical girl in the chocolate sense of things.

there you go. know me better now? i thought you would ;)

bottle it up.

sometimes i wish...

i could take moments of life and fill them in a bottle. one that i could always keep. and when i wanted to remember these things, i could have them right there to live again whenever i wanted.

i've always been like this. nostalgic. wanting to savor moments. but becoming a mama has made me want it more.

inside that bottle, i would put:

the silky feel of bella's hair tickling my nose as i kiss her head, and the clean smell of her shampoo after a bath.

the ins and outs of her breathing, her little belly rising and falling, as she snuggles next to me.

hearing he say "mama! mama! mama!" over and over in the car just to know i'm there.

watching her run up our walkway after nick until he scoops her up in his arms. watching them together and knowing my heart could burst it is filled with so much love.

when she grabs her play purse, keys and lipstick and walks toward the door yelling "bye!" to nick and i. and the tug of sadness my heart feels knowing someday we will be telling her bye when she leaves our home, and it won't be pretend... but oh-so-real.

hearing her tiny, sweet voice try to sing the "itsy bitsy spider" and her precious little hands trying to form the motions.

her unprompted kisses.

when nick and i say "bella, how much to mama and daddy love you? to the moon..." and hearing her say "and back!"

when her soft, tiny hand grasps on to mine as i read her stories.

watching her suck all of the maple syrup off of her waffles and pancakes and then asking for more--syrup, not waffles or pancakes.

hearing her sweet giggles.

nick praying for her before bed, and how she constantly interrupts saying "eye" while pointing to my eye, or "nose" while pointing to my nose. and how i try to stifle my laughter since we are praying, but how i fail every time.

how she loves to brush her teeth with her elmo & abby toothbrush. and how she promptly sits on her bum (i make her lest she be running all around) knowing then i will give it to her.

cupping her sweet face in my hand, feeling the warm softness of her cheeks, and telling her just how much i love her.

these are the things i wish i could bottle up forever and never forget. every time i see a baby girl i can't help but stare, with a smile on my face, thinking "where has the time gone?" my girl is not so much a baby anymore... and i wish with all my heart i could hold time in place and treasure all of these moments.

so i will continue to write these things down, continue to sneak into her room to steal moments just watching her peacefully sleep, continue to tell her over and over again how much i love her, continue to take pictures of her in my mind so i don't forget.

lord, may i never forget these days.

blessings.

i heard this song for the first time last spring and i immediately fell in love with the words. my heart often finds itself in a tug-of-war between wanting a perfect, comfortable life and yet wanting the deep peace that often results from going through the trials of life. knowing trials will come (or finding myself in the midst of one) causes me to react in fear, trying to protect and prepare my heart. and yet i long to peacefully rest in faith and trust of my loving savior. phew. such a battle for me some days.

that's why this song ministers to my heart every time i hear it. and often causes the tears to flow. it's words are just so powerful and speak to the deeper longings of my heart.

"we pray for blessings,

we pray for peace

comfort for family, protection while we sleep.

we pray for healing, for prosperity

we pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering

and all along you hear each spoken need

yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

what if your healing comes through tears

what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near

what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise.

we pray for wisdom,

your voice to hear

we cry in anger when we cannot feel you near.

we doubt your goodness, we doubt your love

as if every promise from your word was not enough.

and all along you hear each desperate plea

and long that we'd have faith to believe

'cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

what if your healing comes through tears

what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near

what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise.

when friends betray us

when darkness seems to win

we know that pain reminds this heart

that this is not, this is not our home.

'cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

what if your healing comes through tears

what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near

what if my greatest disappointments

or the aching of this life

is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy.

and what if trials of this life

the rain, the storms, the hardest nights

are your mercies in disguise."

whatever you may be facing or fearing today... may these words bless your heart as they have blessed mine.

what's for dinner tonight {spaghetti squash}.

spaghetti squash. ever had it? so so good. i became a huge fan of it while i did weight watchers for a few months to get rid of excess poundage i put on while in seminary... you know, staying up until 3 am to finish papers and eating to stay awake.

enter: spaghetti squash.

i know some of you may be thinking: what the heck is she talking about?! well, let me tell you. a spaghetti squash is a long oval-shaped yellow squash that when cooked becomes stringy almost like noodles. you should be able to find spaghetti squash at any local grocery store... nick and i just bought ours from an orchard where we picked apples recently. they are a staple at farm stands and farmers markets this time of year... a perfect fall meal :) it is a great substitute for pasta for the health conscious or for those who are trying to lose weight. a bunch of my girlfriends and i got on a spaghetti-squash-kick once we discovered it's goodness. we made it alllll the time. it's a fairly easy cooking process, and kind of fun to watch it turn into a spaghetti consistency.

the first time i made it for nick (who thinks anything without meat is just not a meal), i was a bit nervous. i offset it a bit by making a meat sauce to serve it with... and thankfully my not-picky-likes-to-eat-healthy-husband loved it. it's one of our favs. here's a step by step post on how to cook a spaghetti squash. we serve ours with tomato sauce, but that is entirely up to you.

{disclaimer: i desperately wish i had thought to take pictures of each step to share with you... but alas, i did not. this process is really easy, so don't be intimidated!}

spaghetti squash

* 1 spaghetti squash
* 1 jar of your favorite pasta sauce
* ground turkey, fresh garlic or veggies to add to the sauce, if desired
* 9x13 pan filled halfway with water

- preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
- begin by slicing the spaghetti squash in half, lengthwise.
- using a large spoon (i use an ice cream scoop), remove seeds and "guts" from inside the squash.
- place each half in your 9x13 pan, face down in the water.
- bake for close to an hour, depending on the size of your squash and how hot your oven gets. the outer skin may brown, but it won't burn your squash. periodically you can pull your pan out (be careful of the hot water!), flip one half over and check to see how tender your squash is.
- by taking a fork, you can start to pull at the squash until spaghetti-like-strings form... if it pulls easily away from the rind and is tender, it's ready to serve.
- serve topped with your fav tomato sauce. sometimes i sautee ground turkey with some onion and garlic and add that to the sauce... sometimes i add spinach or mushrooms for an extra serving of veggies!

serve with a salad and some bread and you've got one healthy (and delicious) meal. yum.

enjoy!

chandelier makeover.

so i'm finally getting around to posting some of my latest projects (and by latest, i mean projects i've been working on since this summer)... geesh. they say my baby is the size of a lime but that little sucker zaps so much of my energy! ;)

as i've written about previously, nick&i moved into our first home about a month ago! we are loving it. it's a lot of work getting it where we want it, and will be a continual work in progress for a while... but it's been so fun making it into a home. our home.

one of the first things i couldn't wait to tackle in our house was this:

the not-so-cute brass chandelier in our dining room. i absolutely *adore* chandeliers. love them. it's a lil dream of mine to have one in every single room of our house one day. but for now, we'll just start at square one :) we spent several weeks before we moved in, painting and getting things ready... i took some time to give a little love to this chandelier. here's what i did:

- removed glass globes, tape off exposed electrical parts.

- took a can of krylon white gloss spray paint and went to town. yep, we had nothing moved in yet, so i just spread a drop cloth over the floor and sprayed away. i did get some spray paint on the ceiling when i got to the top, but it's all white so it doesn't show. perfect.

- on a trip to my favorite antique store, i found these beautiful vintage prisms and bought one for each arm of my chandelier. they were attached to some long, stick-like prisms, so i just deconstructed them and used the wire loops to create the crystal look i wanted.

- attached my crystals to the chandelier, and voila. done. the whole update cost me less than five bucks since i already had the spraypaint on hand.

still would love to find some more crystals to embellish a bit more, but i like the classic simplicity of it, too. an easy, instant update that's even easier on your wallet ;)

oh, the wonder of spraypaint... which will be using it's magic again sometime in the near future on the hutch and dining room set we inherited from my grandparents; love it, just not a fan of the oak.

stay tuned... although that one will be after baby ;)

this post was linked to these *lovely* blogs:
southern lovely
newlyweds on a budget
tatertots and jello

today i loved...

snuggling with bella while she watched her favorite baby einstein video this morning in our bed. nick having the day off. walking to tim hortons for breakfast this morning, and watching bella excitedly eat her donut; her teeth brown with chocolate, hands sticky with sugar. the crunch of leaves under our feet as we walked, the warmth of the sun and the crispness of the autumn air. putting my hand on my pregnant belly, my heart warming at the thought that we are now a family of four. a day trip to the coast, seeing the sights from a bridge observatory and exploring an old fort from the civil war. watching bella prance about and realizing how she never just walks. her smiles and wide-eyed-wonder as she rides on nick's shoulders. holding hands with nick as we drive, taking in the beautiful fall leaves that have started turning. nick and i laughing at something bella does and looking at each other knowingly because we are the only ones in the whole world that love her this much. spending time with my grandparents, and watching them laugh at their great-granddaughter. homecooked food at a hole-in-the-wall family restaurant; i love how many of those there are in maine. hearing bella's voice sing and mumble from the backseat. putting her in her pajamas and watching her run down the hallway to say goodnight to daddy.

it's been a good day.

what's for breakfast this morning {apple pie muffins}.

yes, you read that right.

apple

pie

muffins.

i devised a baking plan this weekend in order to use up all of the apples that we picked last sunday. there's not many things i love more than fall baking. it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. saturday morning i was craving an apple-y, struesel-y muffin and i stumbled upon this recipe on one of my favorite cooking websites, allrecipes.com.

oh-my-deliciousness.

my whole family (including myself) were big fans of these muffins. and they were relatively easy to make, which made me an even bigger fan.

apple pie muffins

* 2 1/4 c. all purpose flour

* 1 t. baking soda

* 1/2 t. salt

* 1 egg

* 1 c. buttermilk (a good buttermilk substitute i use: 1 c. regular milk and add a splash of vinegar)

* 1/2 c. butter, melted

* 1 t. vanilla

* 1 1/2 c. brown sugar

* 2 c. diced apples

topping:

* 1/2 c. brown sugar

* 1/3 c. flour

* 1 t. cinnamon

* 2 T. butter, melted

- preheat oven to 375 and prepare a 12 c. muffin tin.

- in a large bowl, mix together flour, baking soda and salt. in a smaller bowl, combine egg, buttermilk, butter, vanilla and brown sugar. add to flour mixture and stir in apples. blend just until everything is combined. fill muffin cups.

- in a small bowl, mix ingredients for topping. sprinkle over tops of muffins.

- bake for about 25 minutes. enjoy!

it's a rainy fall day here and i am curled up on my couch with a mug of coffee and a warmed apple pie muffin. these make for yummy afternoon snacks aaaand delicious breakfasts :)

are you making them yet??

this post was linked to these *lovely* blogs:
southern lovely

a fall wreath.

i've been waiting and waiting and waiting to get some of my energy back so i could decorate my house for fall! a week shy of my second trimester and i'm starting to get a little back, slowly but surely. this weekend i had enough with-it-ness to get little touches here and there of autumn decor. a bowl of apples in the kitchen. cute mini pumpkins on the dining room hutch and kitchen windowsill. big, beautiful berry branches in the white vase on my kitchen table. and of course, some fall candles.

and i did manage to make a fall wreath. still need to hang it on our front door, but i made it. and that's an accomplishment these days!

here's a quick how-to.

materials:

* pretty yarn (i chose a fluffly white yarn with a bit of shine to it)

* felt squares (i used three... you can get them for about 30 cents at michaels or joanns)

* a sprig of berries or another fall floral piece

* scissors

* glue gun

* a stryofoam wreath

* 1/4 yd or less of fall-ish fabric

- first, with the help of your glue gun, wrap your entire wreath with yarn. let me just say i was so thankful i chose white so that even if there were gaps in the wrapping, you couldn't tell. perfect. also, make sure you put your dots of glue on the back of the yarn because it will show!

- next, make your flowers. you can look all over the internet for felt flower tutorials if you don't know how to make them. super easy and oh-so-cute.

- using a couple dabs of hot glue, fasten your sprig/branch onto your wreath wherever you desire. cluster flowers as you wish and secure in place with the help of your trusty glue gun. i don't know what i would do without mine.

- lastly, create a long loop out of your material, tying in a knot at the top. glue along the bottom of the top inside of your wreath to secure. voila.

i'm sure this was all very self explanatory, but thought i'd include a tutorial anyway! have any of you made wreaths for the fall? i would love to see your handiwork!

happy fall decorating :)

this post is linked to the following *wonderful* blogs:

centsational girl

faith, trust, & a little pixie dust

homemaker in heels

newlyweds on a budget

tatertots&jello

dyi by design
my girlish whims
southern lovely

multitude monday.

280. getting to drink coffee (decaf, of course) again. just makes my mornings better.
281. bacon, egg and cheese biscuits from mcdonalds.
282. having lunch with my dad and bel... she loves to see her "bampie"!
283. getting to hang out on mondays with my sis and my awesome nephew. even if it just includes target runs. still fun.
284. time with nick after bella goes to bed.
285. watching bella dance... she *loves* music and holds nothing back. adorable.
286. god's word. and how it refreshes my heart.
287. good chats with good friends.
288. seeing baby #2 wiggling and kicking and that sweet heart beating. so special. god's handiwork is amazing.

these are the moments.

{exhale}.

bella is in bed. the house is quiet.

it's been a long day. actually, a long weekend. nick has been sick so it's been mama and bel most of the weekend. which, i *always* look forward to weekends with my sweet girl. but this weekend it was rainy. alllll weekend. so we couldn't walk. we couldn't go to the park. we couldn't go outside.

my pumpkin was cranky (another molar coming in), napping for only an hour (when she has spoiled me with at least one three hour nap since she was born), and into everything.

and i mean everything.

standing on her rocking horse, trying to get china out of the hutch, pushing our dining room chairs across the floor, emptying her toy baskets and book chest alllll over the living room floor. i *love* her fun and active spirit. we are just in a stage of trying to teach her boundaries and being consistent in our discipline so that she will learn obedience.

which usually results in us praying for patience.

tonight i was just so tired. she threw her spaghetti on the floor, and only ate her applesauce for dinner. she asked for more applesauce, and when i got her another helping, she refused to eat it. and there went more spaghetti over the edge of the high chair. and there went her sippy cup flying to the floor as well. aaaaaand finally, there went mama's patience. after cleaning up, i sat with her on the couch and we read books and i started singing songs to her. she looooves singing songs. after we finished up with "itsy bitsy spider", she came out with this:

how much do i love that sweet little voice?! we've been singing our abc's a lot lately... and watching lots of sesame street videos that are about the alphabet. she has been walking around the house saying "abc, abc" but this was the first time she sang it on her own.

i know i'm biased, but how adorable.

i know it may sound silly, but it was just the little pick-me-up that i needed after a long weekend. being a mama is the hardest job i have ever had... but by far the most rewarding thing i have ever done (that and being a wife to my nick). and these little moments remind me of that. after reading our usual bedtime stories, i took her into the bathroom to brush her teeth. i brushed them for a bit and then handed her the toothbrush like i always do; she is obsessed with brushing them these days, and likes to do it by herself. her tiny little fingers took it from mine, she swung her arm around my neck and pulled me in close for a hug.

my cup runneth over.

i love these little moments. these are all the simple things that make my life so full. good talks with my husband, sharing our hearts with one another. time in my kitchen baking and cooking food to share with my family. the sound of falling rain. bella's unprompted kisses. sitting on the couch with nick, holding hands as we watch bella play. the smell of homemade applesauce simmering on the stove. hearing bella say "mama, mama!" when she wakes up, and seeing her face light up when i go in to lift her from her crib.

these are the moments that reflect why i feel so truly blessed. even when life is crazy. even when i feel impatient. even when i feel exhausted. god is good, i am reminded of that in new ways every single day.

"every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

james 1:17

thank you, jesus, for being so patient and loving with me... even when i don't listen, even when i disobey. help me to do the same with my daughter. and to treasure these days.