god is the ruler yet.

i tried to go to bed an hour ago, but i can't sleep.  my heart is heavy and my mind is racing.

today i heard of another loss.

another family that's grieving.  who has already once grieved for a lost husband/father/brother.  and now is going through it all over again.  these are the things that make me question.  that cause me to wrestle with god's goodness.  because things like this don't feel good.  not one single bit.

all day as i cleaned and cooked and tended to my girls, these thoughts, questions and angry emotions swirled through my brain.  i have no answers.  i barely have words.  but this tune kept coming to my mind:

"this is my father's world, oh let me ne'er forget,

that though the wrong seems oft so strong,

god is the ruler yet.

this is my father's world, the battle is not done,

jesus who died shall be satisfied 

and earth and heaven be one."

this is my two year old's favorite bedtime song these days.  and it's even more beautiful when sung by her sweet little voice.  but i cling to these words in times i don't understand.  this whole last year of my life has been one giant season of not understanding.  for myself and my own family, but for all of the families that have suffered losses as well.  there is nothing quite like the pain of missing a loved one so desperately. 

come quickly, lord jesus.