dear bella,
you are just my sticky sweet, oozing with over-the-top-friendliness little social butterfly. it is SO FUNNY to watch you! you talk to all kids (even ones older than you) in an almost motherly like tone that is so hilarious. you are social beyond your years, and sometimes i watch with a little pain in my heart as you confidently go up to everyone and anyone and introduce yourself "hi, my name is bella and i'm three. what's your name? how old are you?" and, sometimes, the unsuspecting child is so thrown off by you that they don't know how to take it. which always makes me sad for you, but you never seem to notice. you are three going on twenty three. you are so outgoing, so happy go lucky... the world is your oyster. i love your attitude, your spunk, your sparkle. because you do indeed, my sweetheart, shine with such a brightness. you are one of a kind.
today, at your gymnastics class, you walked into the waiting room and excitedly declared "mama, i need to go say hi to all of my friends!" and you proceeded to go up to all of your classmates and chat their little ears off :) my favorite part is you always introduce emmy saying "and this is my friend, emmy", which i totally love. you're very aware of her and want to bring her along with you to talk to whoever you are talking to. and she is always your "friend", never your "sister".
you've been telling everyone that it's my birthday. every day lately, it has been my birthday. the librarian, your gymnastics teacher, random people we see in the store... i was telling meme how you've had a hard time with halloween ending, and then thanksgiving, so i was a bit nervous about you being really sad when christmas was over (which is totally like me, my girl. i get it; we love our holidays!). in an effort to help, she was talking to you recently and was telling you everything we have to look forward to after christmas. somehow, you totally got stuck on my birthday. that day, when you woke up from your nap, i had finished decorating for christmas. you came out and excitedly exclaimed "mama! you decorated for your birthday!!"
you absolutely LOVE helping me in the kitchen. it's so cute. anytime i'm making anything you want to help and you'll say "mama, i'm such a good helper girl aren't i?" you loved thanksgiving baking and helped me make a chocolate cream pie. we wore our aprons and you pulled a chair over and stood with me at the stovetop, stirring the chocolate filling. it makes you feel important, and you get so proud. it's stressful for me, and i struggle with being patient, but i know how much you love to help me so i always want to let you do it. i absolutely love making memories with you in the kitchen. it's so important to me that i pass cooking down to you, and that you have a special connection with cooking and recipes that hold memories for you. food has always been a big part of our family, love, and i can see that blossoming in you already. you also love watching the food network with me on our computer after you wake up from your nap. it's our little tradition. you wake up and come out and snuggle on the couch with me and say "mama, can i watch a cooking show with you?" sometimes we watch quite a few until emmy wakes up, and you are just mesmerized. the pioneer woman is your favorite. you told me the other day that you want to have a cooking show when you grow up and you will make brownies, chocolate, grilled cheese and peanut butter. i'll totally be your number one fan. those afternoons snuggled next to you on the couch as we watch our cooking shows are some of my favorite parts of our days together.
you are so funny when you wake up in the morning. if i'm up before you, i can hear your feet hit the floor and you shuffle out, usually your blankie in your face and you peer up at me, eyes still half asleep. i literally think the minute your eyes open from the middle of slumber, you are up, not wanting to miss anything. you're doing much better at night; we went through a little stretch there for a while where you were having a hard time waking up in the middle of the night, afraid. you'd end up in between daddy and i several times a week. but now sometimes we wake up in the morning to the hall light being on, and know that instead of rushing into our room, you just got up when you were afraid, turned the hall light on and went back to sleep. so many things that you do like this make me realize how grown up you are. it's pretty amazing. especially because to me, you are still that squinty eyed baby with the crazy black hair that stole my heart the minute you were put on my chest. i can't believe it, my bella girl. you are getting so big.
when you were going through your fearful stage, i explained to you a lot that jesus is always with you. we started talking quite a bit about jesus coming into your heart, and what that meant. the next night, as daddy and i were laying with you in your bed before it was time for you to go to sleep you said "i think i want to ask jesus to come into my heart." daddy and i looked at each other with smiles on our faces and started talking to you about it. we asked what jesus was going to forgive you for and when you replied "my breakfast" we figured you probably were not ready :) you've asked a couple time since, and we always pray with you even though we know you don't totally understand it all yet. we're definitely not going to turn down any request of yours to ask jesus to come into your heart! i love seeing your childlike faith; it's such a beautiful thing.
you love having me come in and lay down with you for a couple minutes before you go to sleep (by the way, for you everything is "fifteen minutes"... can we lay down with you for fifteen minutes... can you play before bed for fifteen minutes... can we read books for fifteen minutes). you've been wanting me to tell you stories a lot lately about when you were a baby. since it's christmastime right now, everything is: "mama, can you tell me about a little girl named bella and her first christmas?" or, a little girl named emmy, or meg, or a little boy named nick. you love hearing stories about our family. we always lay, nose to nose, as i tell you stories, stroke your hair and sing to you. i love it.
you are super pumped about christmas, and have had crazy amounts of energy and giddyness this month. all you've been asking for and hoping santa brings you is a sleeping beauty barbie doll. you've been wanting one for months. every morning you wake up and ask me "mom, is it christmas eve yet?" the other day i had to show you a calendar and try to explain that we have a few more weeks until christmas, but this is all christmastime so it's very fun and exciting even though it won't be christmas for a bit. you still ask me every day. and you get really excited about snow. the other morning i woke up to you whispering in my ear "mama, come look! i woke up and saw snow!!!"
your sense of time totally cracks me up. yesterday to you is "last year", six months ago to you is "last night"... you're all over the map and i love it.
you still have moments where you lose it, and controlling your emotions is very difficult. a few weeks ago, we had a very tough few days. emmy was sick and you were jealous of all of the attention and care she was getting. you still like for me to carry you sometimes, and you didn't like that i was carrying emmy everywhere and not you. this resulted in quite a scene at the doctor's office one day and it did not end well. i lost it and had to apologize to you later for losing my temper with you. you and i are so much alike, my sweets. i see so much of myself--my strengths and my weaknesses--in you. i hope that i can help you grow in your strengths and learn to manage the areas where you struggle. i hope that i can be someone that is not only your mama, but someone who you want to grow up to be.
one of my favorite things is to look in your eyes and tell you just how much i love you. you have such a beautiful, sweet little face with hazel eyes that are so bright and joyful. your face immediately lights up with that dimpled smile of yours and you kiss me and throw your arms around my neck, telling me you love me too. we have such a special relationship, you and i, and i hope we always do. i love you like crazy, my bella girl. can't wait to continue to watch you grow and blossom. god has great plans for you, and i am so glad i get to be your mama.
love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama
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