first day of school.

i know, i know.  i realize it's the end of september, so i'm a little late on the "back to school" post.  but, better late than never, right?

my baby started school.

i was pretty much an emotional basketcase the week before i dressed my little girl up and watched her bravely walk into her classroom, without a care in the world.  i cried every day.  i'm not even kidding.  it just hurt.  watching my babies grow up before my very eyes and knowing that i'll never get these seasons back just pains my heart.  most days.  somedays these years seem so hard.  but then i start thinking about my season as a stay at home mama to bella being over next year and my heart breaks into a million pieces.

as any mama can understand, i still picture my sweet girl as the crazy haired, chubby cheeked little girl that used to fall asleep on my chest and cuddle with me all day long.  those days seem like a lifetime ago, and yet sometimes i feel like i blinked and here we are.

now, that tiny little bundle with hair as wild as her spirit has grown into a beautiful four year old pre-k student with a heart bigger than the state she was born in (texas... so, that's pretty big...).  armed with her doc mcstuffins backback and frozen lunchbox, she couldn't wait to start her very first day of school.  our girl is ALL ABOUT friends, and she comes home excitedly chattering away each and every day about getting to spend three days a week with her friends.  every day she informs us if it's someone's birthday in her class, and then we spend part of our before dinner prayer with bella praying for the student who had a birthday and asking that jesus will help he/she turn four or five, or whatever age they're turning.  she loves learning and has been keeping a notebook here at home that she's been filling with artwork and using to practice her new letters she's learning.  it's adorable.

and the very best part?  her daddy works at her new school.  and she thinks that is just about the coolest thing in the whole wide world (and so do i).  as i was putting her in the car for her very first day, she excitedly said "mama!  i can't wait to tell all my new friends that my daddy works at our school!  they will be SO excited!" we really are so very grateful.

just watching her excitement has eased my mama heart just a little.  because as much as i may want to, i can't keep her little forever.  she is blossoming and flourishing before my very eyes.  and isn't that what this parenthood thing is all about?

letting go has never been my strong suit.  and jesus is kindly and ever so patiently teaching me what it means to let go of my children.  every.single.day.  they are not mine; they are his.  which i am really so thankful for... what a blessing it is to trust that he will fill in all of the gaps that my humanness leaves.  he will make up for all that i lack.

which is a whole lot.

this whole first day of school thing has been a big step for this mama.  in the letting-go-journey.  in the sitting-back and-watching-jesus-shape-my-baby-journey.  in getting to observe her from a different angle and i'm swelling with pride.  my bella girl is pretty special.  and i am so thankful to the lord for choosing me to be her mama.

days of gratitude {6}: my job.

{source}

i was sixteen years old when i knew that i wanted to be a counselor.

i was sure of two things: one... that i loved to listen to people and two... that it would mean a whole lot of school.  and debt.  but i was okay with that, because it just felt like it was my calling.

i went off to college and plowed ahead to graduate school.  through lots of teary calls home, studying groups at the ihop down the street and several nights of putting on a pot of coffee at ten pm in order to make it through a research paper, i made it through by my last strand of sanity.  god opened the doors for me to work for a few years in a counseling ministry at an awesome church outside of dallas, and then lead me to pursue texas licensure.  it was then that i found myself working for a healthcare clinic doing psychological evaluations, as well as a private practice working as a clinician and in the front office as well.  i thoroughly enjoyed what i was doing, and loved the different people i got to meet with every day.  i was pregnant at the time, meeting back to back with several clients, and instead of being exhausted, i found myself energized and genuinely loving what i did.  that's when you know you've got a good thing going.  i specifically remember really enjoying working with kiddos.  being a young counselor, i found my niche connecting with little ones and adolescents and i really, really loved it.  their bright eyes even in moments of brokenness, unpretentious spirits, imagination, resiliency and playfulness was inspirational to me.  i remember being nine months pregnant and getting down on the floor, big belly and all, with some of my young ones to draw and play puzzles (thankfully, i was able to get up at the end of every session).  i just loved it.

when i had bella, i took a few months off and planned on going back to my work three days a week.  it was then we received the news no new parents want to hear: the daycare we had all lined up for bella was closing it's doors... we were at square one again.  i decided to take a year off, worked as a nanny for two sweet families so i could tote bella right along with me, and we also prepared our family for another huge change: moving halfway across the country to my home state of maine.  we didn't have jobs lined up, and weren't really sure what would fall into place but we knew god was calling us and many, many circumstances made that clear.  so we trusted him and made the move.  no surprise that his timing was hugely perfect and he provided in ways we could've never imagined.  nick, a full time teaching job in subjects he hadn't even been teaching... and me, an elementary school counselor: which has proven to be my most beloved job.

i found the advertisement as i was doing my daily browsing on a website for teaching jobs for nick.  it was perfect: three days a week, which was so ideal for me, and working with kids from pre-k to grade eight.  i didn't have experience in a school, but i knew it was where i wanted to be.  in the last year, i had talked to many people in maine, trying to gather information on school counseling... it was the shift i wanted to make in my field, and it's been amazing to watch god put all of the pieces together.

i don't write much about my job on my blog since it's so confidential in nature, but i'm tearing up as i type this, just thinking about the sweet little faces i have in my office every day, gathered around my table for daily lunch groups, talks over play doh or my little sandbox or a game of checkers.  these little ones entrust me every day with details of their lives, the hurts of their hearts or the things that make them smile, and i feel so blessed to be a part of their lives.

the school i work at is in a rural community, about 40 minutes from where i live.  it's quite a drive, but i wouldn't want to be anywhere else.  it's a school where my aunt had her first teaching job over twenty years ago, and the same place two of my best friends from high school grew up.  i am so thankful to be a part of such a wonderful school and community and am so excited to watch these students grow and blossom into beautiful young adults.  it's by far the hardest job i've ever had, but i love it so much it makes the stressful, difficult, busy parts so so worth it.

incredibly thankful for god's provision and his leading me into this field that i love so much.  so grateful to work with such a fantastic group of people.  and ever so blessed to be a part of these young lives.

a good tired.

greetings friends.

it is eight oclock on a friday night and where am i? in my pajamas, in bed, with my laptop. yes, a little sad. but do i care? not.one.bit.

it has been an incredibly busy couple of weeks. a whirlwind, you might say. nick&i both started our new jobs, bella started her routine of three-days-without-mama aaaaaand we are moving into our new home! our first house. yikes. all good things. i am tired.

but, a good tired.

i promise that i will have more recipes and crafty posts, i just haven't quite had the time to complete any of my projects these days. but some great things are coming soon, i promise. including my first painted-furniture-makeovers, some lamp transformations and perhaps some new pics of the homestead.

i wasn't sure how i would adjust to working three days a week... or rather, being away from bella three days a week. we haven't been apart for any length of time her whole first year of life. but god's hand has continued to be in everything. all of the details. all of my emotions. i fully expected to drop bella off at our friends house wednesday morning and drive to work in tears. but i didn't. i'm sure it helps that bella's personality is incredibly laid back and she is a social butterfly, so happy to be with people, not just me or nick. but i'm pretty sure it was also the lord allowing me to see that she was going to be just fine. that i am right where he has me, and so is bella. she had a ball with ms. tanya and her little sweetie, isabella, coloring and playing outside and going for walks. both days when i picked her up she was soooo happy. grinning from ear to ear the whole way home. i couldn't ask for better care for my pumpkin. i'm so thankful.

i started orientation on wednesday, when i found out that i have a classroom... i have spent the past three days organizing, cleaning, cutting paper, making tissue poms, stapeling decorations onto bulletin boards and getting my room ready! it has been exhausting. but it's starting to take shape. never in my life did i imagine i would be decorating bulletin boards in a school classroom, but i love it... i always secretly envied my friends in college that were elementary education majors. now i have another excuse to be crafty :)

students start on tuesday, my first day with them will be wednesday. i pray that my room would be a safe haven for those that need to know they are cared for and valued. that god would use me to bring comfort and healing to the areas of their lives that are broken, to listen to their precious little voices, and to build them up in love.

so now we prepare to move into our new home in the morning. it brings a smile to my face thinking of the memories that will be made there, the laughter that will fill it's rooms, the pitter patter of tiny feet, the smell of cinnamon rolls on saturday mornings and the sweet, fragrant air whistling through the open windows.

i.can't.wait.

that's why i'm tired... but a good tired.