first day of school.

i know, i know.  i realize it's the end of september, so i'm a little late on the "back to school" post.  but, better late than never, right?

my baby started school.

i was pretty much an emotional basketcase the week before i dressed my little girl up and watched her bravely walk into her classroom, without a care in the world.  i cried every day.  i'm not even kidding.  it just hurt.  watching my babies grow up before my very eyes and knowing that i'll never get these seasons back just pains my heart.  most days.  somedays these years seem so hard.  but then i start thinking about my season as a stay at home mama to bella being over next year and my heart breaks into a million pieces.

as any mama can understand, i still picture my sweet girl as the crazy haired, chubby cheeked little girl that used to fall asleep on my chest and cuddle with me all day long.  those days seem like a lifetime ago, and yet sometimes i feel like i blinked and here we are.

now, that tiny little bundle with hair as wild as her spirit has grown into a beautiful four year old pre-k student with a heart bigger than the state she was born in (texas... so, that's pretty big...).  armed with her doc mcstuffins backback and frozen lunchbox, she couldn't wait to start her very first day of school.  our girl is ALL ABOUT friends, and she comes home excitedly chattering away each and every day about getting to spend three days a week with her friends.  every day she informs us if it's someone's birthday in her class, and then we spend part of our before dinner prayer with bella praying for the student who had a birthday and asking that jesus will help he/she turn four or five, or whatever age they're turning.  she loves learning and has been keeping a notebook here at home that she's been filling with artwork and using to practice her new letters she's learning.  it's adorable.

and the very best part?  her daddy works at her new school.  and she thinks that is just about the coolest thing in the whole wide world (and so do i).  as i was putting her in the car for her very first day, she excitedly said "mama!  i can't wait to tell all my new friends that my daddy works at our school!  they will be SO excited!" we really are so very grateful.

just watching her excitement has eased my mama heart just a little.  because as much as i may want to, i can't keep her little forever.  she is blossoming and flourishing before my very eyes.  and isn't that what this parenthood thing is all about?

letting go has never been my strong suit.  and jesus is kindly and ever so patiently teaching me what it means to let go of my children.  every.single.day.  they are not mine; they are his.  which i am really so thankful for... what a blessing it is to trust that he will fill in all of the gaps that my humanness leaves.  he will make up for all that i lack.

which is a whole lot.

this whole first day of school thing has been a big step for this mama.  in the letting-go-journey.  in the sitting-back and-watching-jesus-shape-my-baby-journey.  in getting to observe her from a different angle and i'm swelling with pride.  my bella girl is pretty special.  and i am so thankful to the lord for choosing me to be her mama.