bread and cheese = my happy place.
actually... scratch that. FOOD was my happy place. and let me tell you a little bit about the reason why (besides the fact that i love it... and that will never change).
i've always loved food. i love cooking and baking and being in the kitchen with my girls, passing my passion onto them. i love the memories and traditions and celebrations associated with food. i love the beauty of it, the enjoyment of it, the sharing of it with friends and family. and like i said, that will never change. why? because that's not the unhealthy part.
i'm a big believer in enjoying food. i will never ever believe that god created food merely for fueling our bodies. i believe we can--and should--enjoy what we eat and the act of eating with others.
but for me, food became more than just that... it became something that controlled me. it became something that comforted me, a way that i both medicated AND rewarded myself. and although i realized it was happening, i didn't really have the energy to fight back or care that much about it. after all, i ran and worked out, ate relatively healthy and although i wanted to lose the extra weight left from my pregnancies, i didn't think i looked like food totally controlled me... so, why upset the apple cart, right? let's face it: allowing yourself to have binges where you can eat what you want and however much you want feels pretty.darn.awesome.
until it doesn't.
so many factors lead to where i found myself and how i related to food. when i was first pregnant with emmy, my dad's health began spiraling rapidly... i was scared and felt so out of control watching my sweet dad become a totally different person, and all of these horrible things happening to his body. he ended up being admitted to mass general hospital in boston and was there for six weeks before he died. looking back, i realize this was where so much of my unhealthy relationship with food started. we'd travel to boston every weekend (sometimes we'd get a call in the middle of the week from a doctor telling us to come quickly) and we'd cram fast food while we drove... after stressful, scary, sad visits with my dad, we'd walk to the north end in boston and soothe our sorrows with italian food in a futile attempt to help us feel better or comfort us in some way. after my dad's passing, my mom's home was constantly filled with food as people graciously cooked for us, and i continued finding solace in casseroles, associating comfort with food.
at that point, food became not only a medication of some sort but it also became a reward. i was a young mom of a baby and an active toddler five days a week, and two days a week i was counselor to a hundred and fifty kids who needed me in various ways as well. in so many different areas of my life i found myself in the role of caregiver... and i slowly began neglecting myself and losing more and more control over who i was and how i was hurting. after an especially crazy day at work, i'd stop at mcdonalds on my way home and get a vanilla ice cream cone--because, well, I DESERVED IT! and before i knew it, because every day is a crazy day when you work at a school, i was "rewarding" myself on a nearly daily basis. ben and jerry's became my therapists. which worked out awesome (if you've had half baked, then you understand) until i realized i was about to turn thirty five and my metabolism was NOT getting any faster. if i continued in this unhealthy cycle of self-medicating and rewarding... how much would i weigh when i was eighty?!
that was a motivating image. yikes.
beyond wanting to have a healthy mindset on food again, i also wanted to have a healthy mindset on myself. anyone who has been through loss will understand when i say: grief wreaks havoc on your mind, soul, body and spirit. i don't think i realized how bad i felt until i started getting better in this last year or so... there were so many nights i cried myself to sleep and so many days i was too depressed to get out of bed. but i didn't have time to feel sad or manage my feelings; i had too many people who needed me... who depended on me... and that's where the problem was. i knew that i needed to be caring for myself... for my soul... for my body... so that i could love and serve others the way i desired to. i didn't want to miss out on god's story for me. i wanted to feel better emotionally, physically and spiritually and i was finally ready to do whatever it took to do it.
a friend of mine from college had blogged about her whole thirty experience and it totally intrigued me. i had healed so much over the last year, but the food-battle was one i still had yet to conquer. so, after a little research, i decided to jump into this crazy journey... and oh my word, i'm so glad i did!
if you're not familiar with the whole thirty, it's basically a stricter version of clean eating... it's grain free, dairy free, sugar free, no legumes... basically, lots of meat, fish, veggies, nuts, eggs and fruit for thirty days. i'm less than halfway through and already i love this way of eating. i feel empowered, not controlled, full of energy and am better able to engage in my daily tasks and even my relationships with others. i know it sounds crazy after just a few days, but it's been almost laughable the difference i've seen already. i've always been a generally happy person (aside from battling seasons of depression), but i was telling my husband the other day that i felt so happy and energetic it was almost like i was high on something...not even kidding. food tastes better, i'm getting great sleep and weight that hasn't budged in a couple of years is melting away. i really couldn't be happier.
intrigued? that's how it started for me! here are a couple of ideas of what i eat for my meals and how you can get started... it has honestly been life changing for me, and i'm not even halfway done.
breakfasts:
- egg muffins
i sauté veggies in a bit of olive oil and spoon them into the wells of my brownie pan or muffin tin. i whisk together 12 eggs with a bit of water, about 1/2 t to 1 t of baking powder and season with salt and pepper. pour over veggies and bake until done. i eat these with roasted potatoes and they stick with me all morning long!
- smoothies
your favorite combinations of fruit with banana, unsweetened coconut milk and chia seeds and you've got a healthy breakfast on the go!
make sure you use nitrate free all natural bacon (read your labels!) and chicken sausage (i use this variety... check your labels to make sure there's not sugar hiding in them!)
- hashes and scrambles
saute potatoes, peppers and onion together with scrambled eggs, or top a hash with fried eggs... so good and filling!
- black coffee
i never thought i'd see the day... i love my coffee, and i love it with half and half and little bit of sugar. but i've gotten to where i enjoy it black, which is totally crazy.
lunches:
- cabbage and veggie stew
i make a big pot of this each week and portion it out into containers to store in the fridge for quick and easy lunches. i literally crave this soup which is beyond weird, but it's good and super healthy... this is the recipe i use, and you can play with it adding different veggies and seasonings.
- salads with homemade ranch dressing
this dressing makes the entire whole thirty doable. not even joking. it's so good on veggies for snacking, or on salads. i love making big salads with grilled chicken or all natural turkey with lots of veggies, avocado, nuts, hard boiled egg... good stuff.
we buy all natural turkey from our grocery store and a head of bibb lettuce and make wraps! easy and delicious. you can also make chicken salad with homemade mayo although i have yet to conquer getting mine to emulsify in my freezing cold kitchen in mid-january in maine... i'm open to suggestions...
- leftovers!
i usually try to keep leftovers from our meals so that i can have lunch ready to go for the next day. i've been way less hungry than i thought i would be, and am eating smaller portions for dinner (no seconds), so leftovers work out really well for lunches!
dinners:
- one pan roasted dinners
this one was a huge hit in our house (even for our girls!) i omitted the honey and it was whole thirty compliant AND delicious!! this one was salmon but could easily be done with other meats or fish
- curries!
my new fav. we love this thai shrimp curry from the daniel plan and serve it up over roasted potatoes or cauliflower rice. YUM. so good it makes your nose run. (sub arrowroot for cornstarch... it's gluten free and you can find it in the health food section at your grocer... i used the bob's red mill variety).
again, with the salads... but i'm obsessed. and, luckily for me, cobb salad is one of my favorite foods ever. lettuce, tomato, avocado, hardboiled egg, nitrate free bacon and the ranch recipe i liked above... you've got yourself a delicious dinner and you won't even miss the cheese.
- burrito bowls
slow cook a pork roast in your crockpot all day with some seasonings. shred and serve with lettuce, tomatoes, avocado, peppers, onions, and a whole thirty compliant salsa (watch the sugar!)... delish.
- avocado burgers
use lean, organic beef and season with your favorite spices and dicd onion... grill up and serve on bibb lettuce with tomato and avocado... serve with roasted crispy potatoes and you've got yourself a whole thirty compliant burger and fries :)
- larabars!
i'm obsessed. they cost a fortune; almost literally. but it's worth it to have something quick and easy on the go. my all time fav is coconut cream pie: so good.
- fruit and veggies
obviously.
- almond butter
so good with an apple or banana. also helps satisfy the need for something sweet.
- nuts
cashews are my new best friend.
- tea
six words: harney & sons hot cinnamon sunset. you guys. it's amazing. and literally feels so soothing to drink especially here in snowy maine. i like mine at night before i go to bed... it takes the hunger edge off and seriously tastes like melted red hot candies in a mug. so so good. and their teas come in cute tins. go get some ASAP!
- la croix
i'm still working on loving this unsweetened sparkling water, but it fits the bill when you're tired of just drinking water and need to spice it up a bit. i found this at target, and they have several flavors, i got grapefruit.
not a snack, but a really great tip/product that has helped me tons: probio5, a probiotic from plexus. i started this before christmas and immediately felt joint pain improve and cravings for sweets change to cravings for healthy foods (crazy). i went through the die off symptoms (flu-like and crazy dizziness) a couple of weeks after i started, so i didn't have as much of that when i started the whole thirty. but i love, love, love this product and am so thankful i found it.
i'll be posting our favorite recipes as we continue this journey (yes, my husband is doing it with me!). it's been fun experimenting with different foods and trying new recipes. it does take a lot of prep but it's totally worth it. so excited to be on a journey of taking better care of myself and keeping a proper perspective on food... i want to claim health this year in ALL areas of my life...
and kick year thirty five out of the park :)
Enjoyed reading about your food journey, Megan. I think I'm going to make some of that cabbage soup and Plexis is something I've been hearing about. Love your blog. Keep on keeping on. <3
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