bless the lord, o my soul.

i have a new fav song. it's "ten thousand reasons" by matt redman. i play it over and over throughout my day as i tend to the girls, clean the kitchen, gather up laundry. and it's literally on repeat in my head when it's not playing on our house. i just love it. it's words are so powerful. see for yourself (and give it a listen here):

"bless the lord, o my soul, o my soul
worship his holy name
sing like never before, o my soul
i'll worship his holy name.

the sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
it's time to sing your song again
whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
let me be singing when the evening comes.

you're rich in love and you're slow to anger
your name is great and your heart is kind
for all your goodness i will keep on singing
ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.

and on that day when my strength is failing
the end draws near and my time has come
still my soul will sing your praise unending
ten thousand years and then forevermore.

bless the lord, o my soul, o my soul
worship his holy name
sing like never before, o my soul
worship his holy name."

a couple of weeks ago, i wanted to get the girls out of the house and try to get some exercise. i know it sounds strange, but there is a big, beautiful cemetery across the river that is the perfect place for walking. it's always busy with joggers, people on rollerblades or pushing strollers. it's actually the place my father will be buried now that it's warm and the ground is no longer frozen, which only makes me want to go there more. the land is hilly and full of huge, green trees and a quiet stream runs through it. as we pulled into the cemetery that morning, this song played on the radio so it was in my head (as usual) as i pushed the girls and hiked along the rolling paths. it was the perfect time--and setting--for thinking and reflecting.

these words played in my head as i hummed and walked. they played in my head as i searched for my father's family headstone, where he will soon be buried. they played in my head as the tears burned in my eyes and ran down my cheeks as i stared at a cold stone with my dad's last name engraved on it's face. they played in my head as i pondered this life and just how fragile it is.

my family has experienced quite a lot of loss this year. it's been six months since my dad has passed away. and just last week a friend of our family's was taken from this earth at the young age of 27. dj was best friends with my sister and brother. because he fought health problems all his life, i always knew it would be so hard for them when he one day went home to be with jesus. i keep thinking about them. and about his sweet, sweet mother mary who lost not just her only child, but also her husband when she was pregnant with dj.

such heartbreak. such loss.

i'm reminded more and more over the past few months just how temporary this life is. and as i walked through the cemetery that morning with my girls, i found myself praying. with a huge lump in my throat. praying that i would treasure each day as if it were my last. praying that i would not spend my energy worrying, but rather thanking god for all the things--big and small--that he has so graciously blessed me with. praying that if i am taken from this earth too soon that my husband and my girls would know just how MUCH i love them.

i can't even type that without tears coming to my eyes.

my favorite part of this song is the last verse:

"and on that day when my strength is failing, the end draws near and my time has come...still my soul will sing your praise unending; ten thousand years and then forevermore."

i think it's my favorite because it reminds me of what comes next. it reminds me that for ten thousand years and forevermore we will be in the presence of jesus, singing his praises, perfected in all the ways that were im-perfect here on earth. it reminds me of my father, whose soul truly sang the praise of his god as his end was drawing near... and i see his face in my mind, beaming with inexplicable joy as he sings before his father for all eternity.

for all of us who have lost loved ones. for all of us who feel tired, weary in this life. may that be what pushes us on.

sing like never before, o my soul. worship his holy name.