multitude monday.

565.  date night.
566.  a whole lot of sushi.
567.  family.
568.  warm slippers.
569.  going out for breakfast.
570.  home church.  sharing one another's burdens and joys.  the best.
571.  antique finds.
572.  my pretty anthropologie mug.
573.  friendship.
574.  sitting across from the best guy.  who chose me.
575.  turquoise mixing bowl overflowing with popcorn.
576.  bella's squeezes.
577.  emmy's smiles.
578.  the words of old hymns sung over little heads at bedtime.

what's for breakfast this morning {clean eating homemade bread}.

i love homemade bread.  i love the way it tastes.  i love working with dough with my hands.  and i especially love the way it makes my house smell while it's baking.

i started making my own bread last year.  one of my parents best friends makes the worlds most delicious bread.  so so so good.  i'm not a skilled bread maker, by any stretch of the imagination, and i just couldn't get my bread to live up to hers.  aaaand i was doing it by hand, so i ended up stopping just before i had emmy because i couldn't keep up with it.

enter: my bread maker.

a friend of mine had mentioned on her blog that she used a bread machine to mix her dough.  i immediately began asking her questions, and got her bread recipe to try.  my brother-in-law found a used sunbeam bread machine this summer at a yard sale.  twenty big ones, people.  i was super excited.

i love this recipe because it's super clean and healthy.  and even better?  it's seriously delicious.  i make one loaf each week and it makes the perfect breakfast toast.  we also use it for sandwiches as well.  bella loves it.

my process is super easy.  i throw everything in my bread maker, turn it to the dough setting and that gives me about an hour and a half to forget about it.  then i can bake it off in my oven to get the shape i like, and to allow that heavenly smell to waft through my house.  perfect.

here's my recipe, taken from my friend, amy.

clean-eating homemade bread

* 3 1/2 c. flour (i use half whole wheat white and half whole spelt.  perfect combo)
* 2 c. old fashioned oats
* 1/3 c. ground flaxmeal
* 2 heaping T. vital wheat gluten
* 2 heaping T. yeast (i store my yeast in a mason jar in the freezer)
* 1 1/2 t. salt
* 1/3 c. olive oil
* 1/3 c. honey (i pour mine to overflowing)
* 1 2/3 c. warm water

- throw everything in your bread maker.  turn it to the dough setting.  it will mix and knead the dough and do the first rise for you right in your machine.
- on a floured surface, press dough out into a rectangle using your fingers.  fold dough like a letter; bring bottom up 1/3 of the way, then bring top portion over and all the way down, sealing edges with your fingers.  this makes a pretty loaf shape and i've found it helps prevent holes in the middle of my bread.
- cover with a towel and let rise in a warm place for about 20 minutes, or until desired height.
- bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes.  this is where it's taken some experimenting for me... i found that if i cooked my bread for a full 40 minutes (covering the top with a sheet of tinfoil about 15-20 minutes into the baking process to prevent it from getting too brown) the middle of my bread was less likely to fall and stands up better for slicing.

i store my bread in either tin foil or large ziploc bags in our "bread drawer".  you'll need to use it within a week because it will dry out.  you may find (like me) you'll need to cut it into thick slices so it doesn't crumble (one of the downfalls of an all-wheat bread).

i love making bread for my family.  it's such a simple task but it feels so meaningful and special.  and, let's be honest.  it's just freaking GOOD!  just ask my picky two year old who scarfs it down like it's going out of style.

enjoy!
now i'm looking forward to breakfast.

two christmases.

our two christmases in photos... one in dallas, one in maine.  lots of family time.  bellies full of food and laughter.  sweet memories made.

christmas eve.

visions of sugar plums

christmas movies

christmas day.

santa gifts, special breakfast

cousin talk, white christmas, nonni snuggles

josie bonding, playmates, little fashionistas

santa baby, "the polar express" sleepies

maine christmas.

best daddy, breakfast goodness, mama love

goobers, girly girls, lil toms, baby love

chalkboard artist, cousins, meme snuggles

our christmas season this year was everything merry&bright.  bella still asks to watch christmas movies and our tree is still up.  i know, i know.  we always like to enjoy it a little past the christmas rush.    

thankful that the reason we celebrate this season is a constant in our lives.  all year round. 

ole saint nick.

bella loves santa claus.  she loves talking about him, singing about him and thinking about what she will ask him to bring her.

but seeing him in real life?  not so much.

we love establishing christmas traditions for our girls.  i grew up in the most tradition-y-est family there ever was.  we're talking tradition right down to the same meals each christmas.  i don't, however, have many memories of my parents taking us to the mall to see the big man.  it just wasn't something that we did.  i can't recall one picture we ever took with him.  nick&i never planned on photos with santa becoming one of our christmas traditions.  but with gems like these, how could we not continue the greatness?

bella & jude on their first christmas... this was right before jude pulled off santa's hat.

bella & jude on their second christmas.  i've been meaning to send this into the ellen show for the past two years.
 

my girls; em was sinking lower and lower into santa's lap with the most confused look on her face.  bella was...  continuing her freak out tradition.

 i know.  i'm totally one of those moms that cracks up while my daughter is freeeeeaaking out.  not very counselor-y of me, huh?  but i just can't help it.  these are just too good.

and then i get precious shots like these... love these pics of my baby girls on their first christmases:

bella grace, 7 mons

emmy faith, 8 mons

so, until next year friends... merry christmas to you and yours!

dear emmy.

dear emmy,

you couldn't be any sweeter.  i look at you all the time and just think "i HAVE to squeeze that girl".  you are growing so fast.  just the past couple of days daddy&i have been talking about how big you are getting.  i don't like it.  i want you to stay my baby forever.  i know that isn't possible, so i will just try to remember everything i can about how you are right now.  your chubby cheeks, wide eyes, rolly legs and sweet giggle.

you are loving food.  especially food you can pick up and eat yourself.  i introduced you to mum mums a couple of weeks ago, and you love them.  you ate scrambled eggs this morning, and this week i made mexican lasagna for dinner and you were loving the black beans and all the mexican spices.  little mamasita.

i love this stage you are at soooo much.  you sit so happily in the living room with your toys.  i think you'd play there for hours.  last week i took you to school with me because i went in an extra day to work on a christmas project.  while me and several other teachers wrapped gifts in the library, you sat on the rug with your toys alllll morning.  i fed you lunch, stuck you in your carseat and put you in the corner for your nap.  in went your thumb and i never heard a peep for several hours.  you're such a good girl.

you are thinking about crawling.  you get up a bit on your knees when you're trying to reach for toys, but secretly i'm hoping you don't crawl for another few months.

you are making lots of funny noises and faces and grunt like crazy.  your new thing is dancing whenever music comes on.  i love seeing your little head bopping up and down, back and forth.  you have been a little copy cat ever since you were first born and love to imitate things that we do.

you're always swirling your wrists.  and sometimes while you do that, you'll scrunch your shoulders and get wide eyes as you shriek.  it makes me laugh.

you LOVE your big sis.  yesterday, i had on christmas music and we were dancing and you and i were chasing bella around and around.  you were laughing like crazy.  everything she does makes you giggle.  it's so precious.

we can already see your temper!  if you don't get something you want as fast as you want it, you'll shriek and fuss and throw your head back.  it makes me a little nervous for what's to come, but your big sister has prepared us well :)  looks like you might have a strong personality just like her.  which i'm thankful for, even though it's super challenging at times!

you're sleeping much more soundly, and don't startle whenever i check on you before i go to bed.  i love just watching you sleep.  so peaceful.  and you usually have your head covered up with your "lovie".  i don't know why you like that, but its so cute.

you are such a blessing, my sweet emmy faith.  i love you more than i could ever say.  being your mama is one of my greatest joys.

love you to the moon and back (and back again),
mama

dear bella.

dear bella,

you have been so full of joy these days.  you have been excited about everything!  it has truly been such a special christmas season; i have loved getting to experience everything through your eyes.

you have been such a good girl lately.  mama and daddy had a serious struggle with you for a bit.  you are full of independance, strong will, and when you didn't get your way you were starting to hit or kick.  not good.  we worked with you on it for a long time and it finally started to sink in.  we started a chart with you where you can get stickers for picking up your toys, being kind, obeying us and staying in your bed at naptime and nighttime.  you *love* getting stickers for your chart and get so excited!  it's so sweet.  you really have been doing so well and we are SO proud of you!

your bible verse the past couple of weeks is "for unto us a child is born, to us a son is given" isaiah 9:6.  i love hearing your little voice say these words.  you also love to talk about baby jesus and mary and the "nativery", you call it.  when we ask you where baby jesus was born, you say "bethlehem" and when we ask you why, you say "he is the hope of the world."

last week i had one of my most favorite nights.  we got all dressed up and i took you to see the musical "annie" at the penobscot theatre.  i wrote everything down that i wanted to remember because it was just so precious.  just before the play started, the lights went down and the director came out and welcomed everyone.  she was very enthusiastic and had a loud voice.  you did not like this.  you jumped into my lap and started saying out loud "i want to go home!  i want to go home!!!" and then, "i want my blankie!!!!!"  everyone around us got a good chuckle.  but once the play started, you were mesmerized.  it was adorable.  you kept asking for annie when she wasn't on the stage, and you even liked ms. hannagan, but made a point to say "she's not nice" whenever she came on the scene.  when the actors came up close, you'd wave and say "hiiiii!".  the play was three hours long, and you sat in my lap, eyes glued to the stage almost the entire time.  at the end of each act, you got down and danced in your seat singing "tomorrow".  everyone that was sitting around us loved watching you and commented on how well behaved you were.  you were just so cute; i never want to forget it.  when i was buckling you into your carseat after the play was over you said, "mama, thank you so much for taking me to see annie!  that was so fun"  i got tears in my eyes.

you love talking on the phone these days and it is just so cute.  one of my favorite things is getting to talk to you; you sound so grown up.  you always say "i yuv you so much, mama."  and it melts my heart.  today we were in the kitchen and you came plowing me over for a hug and said "you are the best in the whole world."  ahhhhhh.

probably my favorite thing about you is your tender little heart.  the other day we were driving out of walmart and we saw a homeless man in the parking lot asking for money.  i told you what he was doing and asked you if you thought we should buy him some food.  so, we drove through mcdonalds and fully expecting you to throw a fit because the food wasn't for you, i told you we were taking it to the man who didn't have a house, and that we had food for you at home.  you were so great and didn't make a peep about wanting a happy meal :)  after we delivered him the food and were driving home you said "mama, i'm so glad.  i'm so glad we gave that man some food."  i just love your heart.

you are obsessed with everything christmas.  all the movies, the music and fun activities.  we drove around looking at christmas lights the other night and you were awesome.  every two seconds you kept saying "oh WOW everybody!  look!  it's soooo coooool."  daddy and i got a good laugh.  your favorite thing is having a "christmas picnic" for lunch... which basically means eating lunch and watching a christmas movie.  the other day we were driving home from auntie's house and you said "okay, let's have crackers and peanut butter and my juice and have a christmas picnic and watch frosty.  sound good?  sound like a plan?"

today was the first time we've had snow to play in this winter.  when i put emmy down for her morning nap, you and i got bundled up and went out to play.  we raced around the yard, tried to make a snowman, and i showed you how to make snowballs and throw them.   i also showed you how to make snow angels and when you saw them you said "okay, let's make mary and baby jesus too."

my favorite moment was just laying down in the snow with you, our heads together, staring up at the sky.  we talked about all the things we saw; you saw pink hot air balloons.  i love your imagination.

you are such a joy in my life, my sweet bella grace.  i've been snuggling you tighter and holding you longer these days, as i am so aware that they are passing all too quickly.  i never want to forget where you are right now.  your sweet, kind, loving heart and just how cute and affectionate you are.

love you with all my heart, precious girl,
mama

hope.

we are in the midst of the christmas season, and yet i am heartbroken.  saddened.  sickened by what happened in that elementary school last friday.  it's like a constant weight... a cloud over my thoughts.  i've been struggling to grasp it all; unwilling to accept that this is the evil world in which we live.  in which we are raising our babies in.

as a mama, and also the wife of a school teacher and a school counselor myself, it's certain that the events of last week have spun my fear and anxiety into action.  it's easy to let my thoughts race and my imagination go to unthinkable places, and i've had to guard against becoming victim to those dark corners in my mind.  

still, those thoughts are very present.  

i can't help but notice that others are feeling and experiencing the same reactions.  heartbroken for those families, saddened for the town, and deeply fearful that it will happen again.

to help guard my thoughts and mind against paralyzing fear, i've been trying to counteract my anxiety with truth.  the truth is, not everyone in this world is evil.  in fact, the very same day that shooter took the lives of innocent precious ones, several staff people gathered at my school and spent the day wrapping gifts for some of our students who are in need.  it was honestly my favorite day of being on staff at my little elementary school.  we filled giant bags to the brim of wrapped gifts for about twenty families in our school.  the gifts were all bought by staff people, and their families and friends.  time and money generously given up.  sacrifice in order to bless others.

kindness still exists.  

our security may be shaken, but it has never (or should never) rest in man.  our security rests in the hope of jesus' return.

my father and i sang this old christmas hymn as a duet on a couple different occassions in church during the christmas season when i was growing up.  i can still hear his strong, bass voice belting out the words, and it gives me great comfort.  he no longer has to wait for jesus' return; he is already sitting at his feet.  rocking and singing in the ears of a few of those sweet students, no doubt.  having that picture in my mind brings tears to my eyes.

"come, thou long expected jesus,

born to set thy people free;

from our fears and sins release us,

let us find our rest in thee.

israel's strength and consolation,

hope of all the earth thou art;

dear desire of every nation,

joy of every longing heart.

born thy people to deliver,

born a child and yet a king.

born to reign in us forever,

now thy gracious kingdom bring.

by thine own eternal spirit

rule in all our hearts alone;

by thine all sufficient merit,

raise us to they glorious throne."

(come, thou long-expected jesus)

take care of yourself today.  guard your heart and your mind; counteract your fear with truth.  do something kind for someone else.  hug your loved ones.  say "i love you".  make memories.  count your blessings.  and remember that darkness will not win; jesus has overcome the world.  and he is our hope and peace.

*note: for those of you struggling to reconcile these words, god, and the newtown tragedy, please give this article a read.  i've battled for years the complicated balance of god's sovereignty and man's freedom to choose.  i don't think i'll ever fully understand it, but this article so eloquently expresses everything i've been unable to put into words.