multitude monday.

383. evening walks. the world is quieting down and the sun is setting low.
384. easy, chatty conversation with nick.
385. gala apples.
386. watching bella and nick play in the yard, bella squealing with excitement.
387. rocking emmy, all bundled up, in the crisp evening air.
388. painted toenails.
389. fingers and faces sticky with drips of chocolate ice cream.
390. emmy's squinty-eyed smiles when she sees me in the morning.
391. being married to a lawn perfectionist. our yard always looks amazing because of him.
392. warm chocolate chip cookies + a glass of cold milk.
393. dancing with my girls.
394. bella's giggles as she pulls my face in for kisses before bed.

what i'm loving.

a few things i'm loving these days...

- the colors turquoise and coral. especially when paired together. i'm obsessed.
- the red geraniums hanging in baskets on our front porch.

- emmy's sweet smiles.
- lip butter lipstick from revlon. love. this. stuff. i've bought three tubes: peach parfait, candy apple and cherry tart. again. another obsession.

- bella asking me for butterfly kisses before bed. absolutely ah-dorable.
- urban outfitters rugs. i ordered one for bella's bedroom (in the process of decorating) and one for our living room. love them both. and very reasonably priced. bonus.
- moscato wine. especially when consumed with my handsome husband on our front porch. it's become our new favorite place.
- my coral colored slippers from target. they are cute and oh-so-comfy. i wish it were fashion forward to wear them in public..

- the song 10,000 reasons by matt redman. it's constantly playing in my head. in a good way, not an annoying way.
- my yellow dahlia plant. some of my *favorite* flowers, dahlias are.

- nick&i's newest netflix show: brothers&sisters. i don't endorse the show's morals, but it's entertaining nonetheless.
- ann voskamp's book one thousand gifts. i recently spoke at a women's conference on gratitude, based on this book. it is life changing. go read it.

- my tube top maxi dress from old navy. perfectly hides all my post-babyness. and i ordered it in tall. which means it's long enough. awesome.
- listening to bella "talk" on the phone. "hewwwo? i have a question. uh huh. okay. bye." little social butterfly, that one.

anniversary number four.

last week, nick&i celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. it's hard to believe it's only been four years, because its difficult to remember my life without my sweet husband by my side. he is truly my best friend, the man that inspires me to become greater, and the greatest teammate i could ask for.

i am better with him.

and i love that. he compliments me in so many ways, challenges me in countless areas and balances me where i need balancing.

this past year has been the hardest of my life. while it has overflowed with abundant blessing, it has also been full of trials and heartache. we moved across the country and left the safe and familiar. we worried about jobs, had to adjust to new ones once we got them, and the hardest thing of all; watching my father transform before our very eyes. we were mourning the loss of him before he was ever really gone... and then were left to grieve and process and heal once he was. all while learning to love and support each other in the midst of some of the worst pain we had ever felt.

not such an easy task.

and yet, god remained faithful. as i look back over the four years of our married life, it has been the hard times that have pruned our relationship and grown it to something far greater than i could've ever imagined. god has used the pain and hardship to cement our bond to each other and more importantly to him.

nick, i don't know what i would do without you. you are--in so many ways--my strength, my anchor, my rock. you calm and settle me when i'm fearful, you push me when i'm timid and you encourage me when i'm down. the way you serve those around you is such a tangible example of the hands and feet of jesus. sitting back and watching you interact with people is one of my most *favorite* things. you have such a kind and gentle spirit that draws people to you. hearing your coworkers, friends and family talk about how wonderful you are makes my heart swell with pride. i am so thankful for your incredible work ethic, your tender heart, your drive to provide for your family, and most of all your humble ways.

you are one of god's greatest gifts to me and i love this life god has blessed us with. so thankful you chose me to walk through this life by your side.

happy anniversary.

{then}

{now}

(you can read about our story here).

bless the lord, o my soul.

i have a new fav song. it's "ten thousand reasons" by matt redman. i play it over and over throughout my day as i tend to the girls, clean the kitchen, gather up laundry. and it's literally on repeat in my head when it's not playing on our house. i just love it. it's words are so powerful. see for yourself (and give it a listen here):

"bless the lord, o my soul, o my soul
worship his holy name
sing like never before, o my soul
i'll worship his holy name.

the sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
it's time to sing your song again
whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
let me be singing when the evening comes.

you're rich in love and you're slow to anger
your name is great and your heart is kind
for all your goodness i will keep on singing
ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.

and on that day when my strength is failing
the end draws near and my time has come
still my soul will sing your praise unending
ten thousand years and then forevermore.

bless the lord, o my soul, o my soul
worship his holy name
sing like never before, o my soul
worship his holy name."

a couple of weeks ago, i wanted to get the girls out of the house and try to get some exercise. i know it sounds strange, but there is a big, beautiful cemetery across the river that is the perfect place for walking. it's always busy with joggers, people on rollerblades or pushing strollers. it's actually the place my father will be buried now that it's warm and the ground is no longer frozen, which only makes me want to go there more. the land is hilly and full of huge, green trees and a quiet stream runs through it. as we pulled into the cemetery that morning, this song played on the radio so it was in my head (as usual) as i pushed the girls and hiked along the rolling paths. it was the perfect time--and setting--for thinking and reflecting.

these words played in my head as i hummed and walked. they played in my head as i searched for my father's family headstone, where he will soon be buried. they played in my head as the tears burned in my eyes and ran down my cheeks as i stared at a cold stone with my dad's last name engraved on it's face. they played in my head as i pondered this life and just how fragile it is.

my family has experienced quite a lot of loss this year. it's been six months since my dad has passed away. and just last week a friend of our family's was taken from this earth at the young age of 27. dj was best friends with my sister and brother. because he fought health problems all his life, i always knew it would be so hard for them when he one day went home to be with jesus. i keep thinking about them. and about his sweet, sweet mother mary who lost not just her only child, but also her husband when she was pregnant with dj.

such heartbreak. such loss.

i'm reminded more and more over the past few months just how temporary this life is. and as i walked through the cemetery that morning with my girls, i found myself praying. with a huge lump in my throat. praying that i would treasure each day as if it were my last. praying that i would not spend my energy worrying, but rather thanking god for all the things--big and small--that he has so graciously blessed me with. praying that if i am taken from this earth too soon that my husband and my girls would know just how MUCH i love them.

i can't even type that without tears coming to my eyes.

my favorite part of this song is the last verse:

"and on that day when my strength is failing, the end draws near and my time has come...still my soul will sing your praise unending; ten thousand years and then forevermore."

i think it's my favorite because it reminds me of what comes next. it reminds me that for ten thousand years and forevermore we will be in the presence of jesus, singing his praises, perfected in all the ways that were im-perfect here on earth. it reminds me of my father, whose soul truly sang the praise of his god as his end was drawing near... and i see his face in my mind, beaming with inexplicable joy as he sings before his father for all eternity.

for all of us who have lost loved ones. for all of us who feel tired, weary in this life. may that be what pushes us on.

sing like never before, o my soul. worship his holy name.

shabby apple.

ever heard of it?

shabby apple is one of my *favorite* online stores. i frequent their site regularly, drooling over pretty much everything they sell.

they have the most beautiful and unique dresses that you won't find anywhere else. and who can find cute maternity clothes when you're with child? well look no further. they've got a fab maternity line as well. vintage inspired swimwear (hello, cute one pieces... i've been looking for you), sweet accessories and even a collection for little girls. shabby apple also has people available to help you find the perfect styles for your body type, fashion preference and needs. it's like having a personal shopper right on your computer. how amazing is that?

have i convinced you to check it out?

seriously. take a look at some of my favs...

joyride
how cute is this summery dress? a perfect blend of something a bit more casual, yet full of style.

champs elysees
i am in love with this navy dress and it's pleats and cinched waist. so nineteen fifties secretary.

primavera
this bright, pretty dress would be perfect to wear to a spring or summer wedding. love the vintage detail and cheery colors!

wildberry pie
looking for the perfect gift? who doesn't want a fun apron! this one's my fav...

maraschino
as a mama of two, i'm always on the hunt for cute and stylish one pieces. i'm a huge fan of this red one and it's ruffle detail!

love knot
love the simplicity of this vintage inspired necklace. perfect accessory for casual or dressy attire.

absolutely adorable stuff, i tell you. when i was contacted to be an affiliate of theirs, i jumped at the chance because i am in love with their stuff. click on the shabby apple icon on the right side of my blog and it will direct you to their site.

and the best part? shabby apple donates five percent of their net dress sales to help women worldwide.

so go ahead... shop til you drop :)

i want to remember.

it's a rainy sunday afternoon. bella is napping. nick just went to lay down. so it's just me and my ems sitting on the couch with a big, thick blanket, listening to the cars drive by, swishing in the rain.

i love this little girl so much.

i hear her cooing and look down to find her big, blue-grey eyes looking back at me. her sweet face breaks into a big smile, as she gurgles gleefully. i trace her soft little cheeks and chin, feeling my eyes stinging with the burn of tears.

because i know this moment is a fleeting one.

all too soon, she won't want to sit still. she won't just lay here, warm in my arms. we won't get to sit listening to the rain, or rock in the sunshine to the chirping of birds. we won't just stare and study each other's faces until her eyelids grow heavy and she falls asleep on my chest.

i want to remember everything.

i want to remember the sound of emmy's breath, and watching her tiny chest slowly rise and fall. how her soft hair tickles my nose when i kiss her head. i want to remember how she raises her tiny arm when i burp her, or how her legs curl up under her bum when she nestles into me. i want to remember the sight of her asleep in her swing, or how she stretches when i unwrap her from her swaddle blanket. how her tiny fists clutch near her chest as she sleeps, and how her face lights up at the sound of her sister's voice. i want to remember how my heart bursts as i watch her curl into her daddy's arms, or how she gazes at me in the wee hours of the morning. i want to remember the perfumed smell of her baby diapers, and holding her--bundled in a towel--after her bath.

i want to remember watching bella, twirling around in the living room, dancing in such wonder and innocence. i want to remember the sight of her when i crack open her bedroom door at night and see my tiny little girl asleep in a sea of blankets and stuffed animals. or how she asks me to snuggle with her before bed and "sing a couple songs?" i want to remember the feel of her head on my shoulder when she's sleepy, or the sound of her excited giggle as we chase each other and play. i want to remember how she follows nick; they traipse through the yard... her just one step behind him everywhere he goes. i want to remember watching her play with her toys and hearing her read her books. i want to remember how she sweetly asks me how my day is, or how she says "mama". and most of all hearing her sweet little voice talking to jesus. how he must love that sound.

i'm reminded over and over again of how temporary this life is. we are here today and gone tomorrow. in the blink of an eye. i work so hard to treasure all of these moments and i still feel as though it's not enough. like i can't still quite fully grasp them... i can't stop them from slipping through my fingers. time passes all too quickly.

my life is made far richer by these things. these things that i want to remember. it's all of these little moments that are worth far more than anything of worldly value. my love, my babies, my family... god has blessed me abundantly. and these are my *greatest* treasures.

matthew 6:21 says "for where your treasure is, there may your heart be also."

may my heart be focused on these moments that make my life so full. when we leave this world, nothing else will matter but these things that i want to remember.

one month.

along with now having a two year old, we also have a one month old. a one month old baby girl who is officially starting to outgrow her newborn clothes, wearing outfits that her sister didn't wear until she was a few months old, and is sporting size one diapers.

oi vey.

the last month has been amazing. i have waltzed through most of it with sleep filled eyes, unshampooed hair and sweatpants on, but it has been one of the *sweetest* months of my life. even if i've been exhausted--and sick with allergies--for most of it.

in a lot of ways, i was more fearful this time of leaving the hospital. i remember after i had bella, i couldn't wait to bring her home and show her where she would live with us. she was ours. i was excited about that this time around, but i was also so unsure of how it would feel bringing emmy home. would she fit into our family? would i feel guilty giving her my attention after it had been solely on bella for so long? would i have enough love to go around?

i had heard so many people say that their second babies just fit right into their families. i never understood how that could be until the day we brought emmy through our front door. she just fit. all was right in the world.

bella loved holding her. she tended to her incessantly as we cooked dinner and got settled. bringing her blankets, and her paci and trying to make her laugh. it was adorable. that night, we held emmy as we ate dinner. bella wanted her baby sister to watch her take a bath. all four of us crawled into bella's bed to read stories together. i loved it. i felt as though i forgot what life looked like before emmy was ours. my fears instantly became a distant memory.

emmy has been a pretty chill little girl. hasn't been fussy too much when there isn't a reason; cold, wet, dirty, hungry or sleepy. she sleeps alot. and poops alot. and eats a WHOLE lot. she is my champion little nurser. from fresh out of the womb, this girl can chow. she loves her daddy; and the love is quite mutual. he always has to hold her at night to get as much time with her as possible to last until the next day when he's home from work and can hold her again. at two weeks she started smiling and cooing. it is the cutest thing ever. and she has this way of engaging with me... when she hears my voice, her eyes search until they lock with mine and her face breaks into the hugest smile as she coos back at me. it's the sweetest thing and has just melted my heart. she loves her big sister. anytime bella's around, she is watching, smiling and still... already one of her biggest admirers :)

she has been having this fussy period at night around eleven o'clock, and has taken us some time to figure out how to calm her and get her down. just when we think we have it right and she is finally asleep, we'll lay her down in her bassinet and after ten minutes she'll start squawking again. tricky little babe. she was wearing me out with wanting to nurse about every two seconds before bedtime. so we've been supplementing with formula right before bed, holding her until she's completely out, and then laying her down which has worked pretty well. except for the fact that i usually don't get to go to sleep until midnight. so i'm pretty tired. buuuut she's starting to sleep longer stretches--a few five hour stints--so that has been so helpful. praise jesus.

over this last month, a second little girl has become the apple of our eye. and what a month it's been as we've gotten to know little pumpkin. i know i'm biased, but isn't she just the cutest thing you ever did see??

it's been hard on me not having as much one on one time with emmy as i had with bella, but i'm finding my own special ways to bond with her. i'll never forget one night as i was sleepily changing her in the wee hours of the morning, her sweet eyes found me. she just stared and stared as if memorizing everything about me. our eyes locked and i couldn't look away, treasuring everything about that moment. it was then that i knew...even if i had to hold her less because of having two little ones to look after, even if i had to let her cry longer while i tended to bella, even if i didn't have hours of uninterrupted time with her and only her...we would still have a special bond that's uniquely ours.

and she will always know just how much i love her and how she has stolen my heart.

i love you beyond words, emmy faith. you are such a beautiful little girl and so precious to us. you complete our family and bless us with your laid back nature and sweet, sweet smiles. thanks for making this last month of our lives one of the fullest because you are here.