one month.

along with now having a two year old, we also have a one month old. a one month old baby girl who is officially starting to outgrow her newborn clothes, wearing outfits that her sister didn't wear until she was a few months old, and is sporting size one diapers.

oi vey.

the last month has been amazing. i have waltzed through most of it with sleep filled eyes, unshampooed hair and sweatpants on, but it has been one of the *sweetest* months of my life. even if i've been exhausted--and sick with allergies--for most of it.

in a lot of ways, i was more fearful this time of leaving the hospital. i remember after i had bella, i couldn't wait to bring her home and show her where she would live with us. she was ours. i was excited about that this time around, but i was also so unsure of how it would feel bringing emmy home. would she fit into our family? would i feel guilty giving her my attention after it had been solely on bella for so long? would i have enough love to go around?

i had heard so many people say that their second babies just fit right into their families. i never understood how that could be until the day we brought emmy through our front door. she just fit. all was right in the world.

bella loved holding her. she tended to her incessantly as we cooked dinner and got settled. bringing her blankets, and her paci and trying to make her laugh. it was adorable. that night, we held emmy as we ate dinner. bella wanted her baby sister to watch her take a bath. all four of us crawled into bella's bed to read stories together. i loved it. i felt as though i forgot what life looked like before emmy was ours. my fears instantly became a distant memory.

emmy has been a pretty chill little girl. hasn't been fussy too much when there isn't a reason; cold, wet, dirty, hungry or sleepy. she sleeps alot. and poops alot. and eats a WHOLE lot. she is my champion little nurser. from fresh out of the womb, this girl can chow. she loves her daddy; and the love is quite mutual. he always has to hold her at night to get as much time with her as possible to last until the next day when he's home from work and can hold her again. at two weeks she started smiling and cooing. it is the cutest thing ever. and she has this way of engaging with me... when she hears my voice, her eyes search until they lock with mine and her face breaks into the hugest smile as she coos back at me. it's the sweetest thing and has just melted my heart. she loves her big sister. anytime bella's around, she is watching, smiling and still... already one of her biggest admirers :)

she has been having this fussy period at night around eleven o'clock, and has taken us some time to figure out how to calm her and get her down. just when we think we have it right and she is finally asleep, we'll lay her down in her bassinet and after ten minutes she'll start squawking again. tricky little babe. she was wearing me out with wanting to nurse about every two seconds before bedtime. so we've been supplementing with formula right before bed, holding her until she's completely out, and then laying her down which has worked pretty well. except for the fact that i usually don't get to go to sleep until midnight. so i'm pretty tired. buuuut she's starting to sleep longer stretches--a few five hour stints--so that has been so helpful. praise jesus.

over this last month, a second little girl has become the apple of our eye. and what a month it's been as we've gotten to know little pumpkin. i know i'm biased, but isn't she just the cutest thing you ever did see??

it's been hard on me not having as much one on one time with emmy as i had with bella, but i'm finding my own special ways to bond with her. i'll never forget one night as i was sleepily changing her in the wee hours of the morning, her sweet eyes found me. she just stared and stared as if memorizing everything about me. our eyes locked and i couldn't look away, treasuring everything about that moment. it was then that i knew...even if i had to hold her less because of having two little ones to look after, even if i had to let her cry longer while i tended to bella, even if i didn't have hours of uninterrupted time with her and only her...we would still have a special bond that's uniquely ours.

and she will always know just how much i love her and how she has stolen my heart.

i love you beyond words, emmy faith. you are such a beautiful little girl and so precious to us. you complete our family and bless us with your laid back nature and sweet, sweet smiles. thanks for making this last month of our lives one of the fullest because you are here.