it was a late summer day, and as the sun was sinking low in the august sky, i heard the familiar close of my grandparents screen door as i sat on their front porch drinking ginger ale. "i think i'll go for my walk", my grandmother announced. i was seventeen and still loved my grandparents company. i'd sit for hours with them on their front porch, on their old wicker furniture, peeling with chipped white paint. we'd play cards or watch the cars go by... and even up until getting married in my late twenties, i'd spend the night at their house, keeping long standing traditions alive. my grandmother walked several times a day, and since i so enjoyed her company--and dusk on a summer day was always one of my favorite times--i jumped at the chance to join her. as we walked her well worn path along the streets that knew her footsteps well, we chatted and drank in the peace of the sun melting into the horizon and the summery smell of freshly cut grass. i remember her saying what i had heard her say countless times as i was growing up, a smile in her voice: "i just love walking... it is my time with the Lord". She told me how she would pray as she walked, how she met different people on the streets she traveled several times a day, and shared with me how she longed for heaven. That always left an impression on me. As a teenager and young adult, I couldn't imagine wanting to give up life here on earth and yearning with such a deep desire for a place I knew so little about. But I could see in her eyes, and hear in her voice, such an unwavering conviction that she had lived a good life, and was ready for the good Lord to take her to the home that He was preparing. And it is this resolve--this steadfast faith--that marks the life of my grandmother and continues to bless my heart as I reflect on a lifetime of memories, and just what her legacy has meant to me.
on sunday morning, my grammy got to finally see that heavenly home that she had so desperately longed for, as jesus took her from us and brought her into his presence. it had been a week of rapidly declining health that came as somewhat of a shock to us. as difficult as it was to watch her go, we spent some sweet time with her and were able to say goodbye, which i am so very thankful for. the day before she passed away, i spent some time sitting by her bed. i watched as she slept peacefully, her chest rising and falling and wondering when it might not. i cried and prayed and remembered, and thanked god for all of my memories. something in my spirit knew that this might be the last time i had with her, so i treasured the peace and silent moments as i sat by her side.
i remembered all of the sleepovers--from the time i was a little girl, to my days as a single seminary student--and the mornings that i woke up to the smell of popovers baking in the oven and coffee brewing in the kitchen. i remembered the sight of her kneeling on the floor between me and my sister's twin beds, praying over us before she turned out the light. i remembered being snuggled up in blankets in front of the television as she waited on my sister and i, bringing us ginger ale and crackers and cheese, and knowing that as much as i loved being spoiled by her, she loved spoiling even more. i remembered the smell of bacon frying out on the front porch, as she stood over her electric pan in her housecoat. i remembered playing records on their record player in the living room as we danced, and the sound of her laughter. i remembered sitting up at her old fashioned typewriter, my feet barely touching the floor as i clacked on the keys and made up stories and poems, just like she used to write. i remembered my sister and i getting to pick teacups from her collection to have our coffee in after sunday dinner...and she'd always let us top it off with a scoop of ice cream. i remembered her famous parker house rolls, and christmas light drives, and staying up late just the two of us, playing cards or watching dick van dyke. i remembered the sight of her and my grampy faithfully sitting in the crowd at every basketball game, every school concert, every production i was involved in. i remembered in these last years, how much comfort i found in visiting her... she didn't always know who i was, or could remember my name, but she could remember every word to every beloved and treasured hymn, and we would sit and sing them together, as tears streamed down my cheeks.
that day as i sat in the quiet, remembering, my grandmother flinched in her sleep and i grabbed her hand. her eyes fluttered as she started to wake and i began to talk to her. she struggled to say anything back, but as i said "grammy, i love you," she mustered all of her strength to get the words to come out clearly, "i love you too". i squeezed her hand and said, "grammy, you're getting ready to go home, aren't you, to be with jesus?" she looked into my eyes and said "i can't turn around." "it's okay," i said, "you don't have to. i just want you to know that having you as my grandmother was one of my life's greatest blessings." she fell back to sleep, then, and i stayed a while longer, holding her hand. that ended up being the last words i ever spoke to my grammy, and for that i am so grateful.
my grammy has left behind an incredible legacy, but if you would have asked her, she didn't consider herself to be anyone special. she was a humble servant, someone who was consistently giving and thinking of others. i remember her taking me with her on one of her visits to a local nursing home, and being so impacted by watching how she quietly and faithfully served. she baked meals, delivered homemade treats, mailed care packages and continually put the needs of others before her own. even in her last years, anyone that spent even a few moments with my grandmother knew about her faith in jesus, and how her love for him transformed the way she lived and interacted with people.
one thing that will forever impact me about my grandmother was that no matter how pain she endured, or how much she lost in this life, even when her mind and memory failed, she always remembered scripture, and the words of hymns that she loved so dearly. countless times over the past few years, my grandmother has sung the hymn "god will take care of you". i have no recollection of her singing this as i was growing up, but after my father died four years ago, my grandmother started singing this song. it was almost her way of finding comfort in the fact that she had lost her only child, and then a few years later, her husband. i loved hearing her sing
these words, and they always encouraged my heart:
"be not dismayed wate'er betide,
God will take care of you;
beneath his wings of love abide,
God will take care of you.
God will take care of you,
through every day, o'er all the way;
he will take care of you,
God will take care of you.
through days of toil when heart doth fail,
God will take care of you;
when dangers fierce your path assail,
God will take care of you.
all you may need he will provide,
God will take care of you;
nothing you ask will be denied,
God will take care of you.
No matter what may be the test,
God will take care of you;
lean, weary one, upon his breast,
God will take care of you.
God will take care of you,
through every day, o'er all the way;
he will take care of you,
God will take care of you."
while my heart is sad, i also rejoice. my grandmother is finally home, the home that she so desperately longed for. and while i grieve, i have a lifetime of memories to gather around me for comfort, and a faith that was instilled in me due to my grandmother's legacy.
grammy, i will never forget the sound of your laugh, or listening to you pray, or those walks where i would hear you yearning for heaven... or your sweet voice singing of god's faithfulness even until your last breath. i don't know where our family would be if it weren't for your vigorous, unshakeable faith in the one who holds us in His hands. your faith has forever changed me and the course of my life, and i only hope to be to my girls and my future grandchildren what you have been to us. i love you with all my heart, and i can only imagine how you were greeted by jesus saying to you "well done, my good and faithful servant." see you soon, grammy. i can't wait.
