my grammy.

it was a late summer day, and as the sun was sinking low in the august sky, i heard the familiar close of my grandparents screen door as i sat on their front porch drinking ginger ale.  "i think i'll go for my walk", my grandmother announced.  i was seventeen and still loved my grandparents company.  i'd sit for hours with them on their front porch, on their old wicker furniture, peeling with chipped white paint.      we'd play cards or watch the cars go by... and even up until getting married in my late twenties, i'd spend the night at their house, keeping long standing traditions alive.  my grandmother walked several times a day, and since i so enjoyed her company--and dusk on a summer day was always one of my favorite times--i jumped at the chance to join her.  as we walked her well worn path along the streets that knew her footsteps well, we chatted and drank in the peace of the sun melting into the horizon and the summery smell of freshly cut grass.  i remember her saying what i had heard her say countless times as i was growing up, a smile in her voice: "i just love walking... it is my time with the Lord". She told me how she would pray as she walked, how she met different people on the streets she traveled several times a day, and shared with me how she longed for heaven.  That always left an impression on me.  As a teenager and young adult, I couldn't imagine wanting to give up life here on earth and yearning with such a deep desire for a place I knew so little about.  But I could see in her eyes, and hear in her voice, such an unwavering conviction that she had lived a good life, and was ready for the good Lord to take her to the home that He was preparing.  And it is this resolve--this steadfast faith--that marks the life of my grandmother and continues to bless my heart as I reflect on a lifetime of memories, and just what her legacy has meant to me.

on sunday morning, my grammy got to finally see that heavenly home that she had so desperately longed for, as jesus took her from us and brought her into his presence.  it had been a week of rapidly declining health that came as somewhat of a shock to us.  as difficult as it was to watch her go, we spent some sweet time with her and were able to say goodbye, which i am so very thankful for.  the day before she passed away, i spent some time sitting by her bed.  i watched as she slept peacefully, her chest rising and falling and wondering when it might not.  i cried and prayed and remembered, and thanked god for all of my memories.  something in my spirit knew that this might be the last time i had with her, so i treasured the peace and silent moments as i sat by her side.

i remembered all of the sleepovers--from the time i was a little girl, to my days as a single seminary student--and the mornings that i woke up to the smell of popovers baking in the oven and coffee brewing in the kitchen.  i remembered the sight of her kneeling on the floor between me and my sister's twin beds, praying over us before she turned out the light.  i remembered being snuggled up in blankets in front of the television as she waited on my sister and i, bringing us ginger ale and crackers and cheese, and knowing that as much as i loved being spoiled by her, she loved spoiling even more.  i remembered the smell of bacon frying out on the front porch, as she stood over her electric pan in her housecoat.  i remembered playing records on their record player in the living room as we danced, and the sound of her laughter.  i remembered sitting up at her old fashioned typewriter, my feet barely touching the floor as i clacked on the keys and made up stories and poems, just like she used to write.  i remembered my sister and i getting to pick teacups from her collection to have our coffee in after sunday dinner...and she'd always let us top it off with a scoop of ice cream.  i remembered her famous parker house rolls, and christmas light drives, and staying up late just the two of us, playing cards or watching dick van dyke.  i remembered the sight of her and my grampy faithfully sitting in the crowd at every basketball game, every school concert, every production i was involved in.  i remembered in these last years, how much comfort i found in visiting her... she didn't always know who i was, or could remember my name, but she could remember every word to every beloved and treasured hymn, and we would sit and sing them together, as tears streamed down my cheeks.

that day as i sat in the quiet, remembering, my grandmother flinched in her sleep and i grabbed her hand.  her eyes fluttered as she started to wake and i began to talk to her.  she struggled to say anything back, but as i said "grammy, i love you," she mustered all of her strength to get the words to come out clearly, "i love you too".  i squeezed her hand and said, "grammy, you're getting ready to go home, aren't you, to be with jesus?" she looked into my eyes and said "i can't turn around."  "it's okay," i said, "you don't have to.  i just want you to know that having you as my grandmother was one of my life's greatest blessings."  she fell back to sleep, then, and i stayed a while longer, holding her hand.  that ended up being the last words i ever spoke to my grammy, and for that i am so grateful.

my grammy has left behind an incredible legacy, but if you would have asked her, she didn't consider herself to be anyone special.  she was a humble servant, someone who was consistently giving and thinking of others.  i remember her taking me with her on one of her visits to a local nursing home, and being so impacted by watching how she quietly and faithfully served.  she baked meals, delivered homemade treats, mailed care packages and continually put the needs of others before her own.  even in her last years, anyone that spent even a few moments with my grandmother knew about her faith in jesus, and how her love for him transformed the way she lived and interacted with people.

one thing that will forever impact me about my grandmother was that no matter how pain she endured, or how much she lost in this life, even when her mind and memory failed, she always remembered scripture, and the words of hymns that she loved so dearly.  countless times over the past few years, my grandmother has sung the hymn "god will take care of you".  i have no recollection of her singing this as i was growing up, but after my father died four years ago, my grandmother started singing this song. it was almost her way of finding comfort in the fact that she had lost her only child, and then a few years later, her husband.  i loved hearing her sing these words, and they always encouraged my heart:

"be not dismayed wate'er betide,

God will take care of you;

beneath his wings of love abide,

God will take care of you.

God will take care of you,

through every day, o'er all the way;

he will take care of you,

God will take care of you.

through days of toil when heart doth fail,

God will take care of you; 

when dangers fierce your path assail,

God will take care of you.

all you may need he will provide,

God will take care of you;

nothing you ask will be denied,

God will take care of you.

No matter what may be the test, 

God will take care of you;

lean, weary one, upon his breast,

God will take care of you.

God will take care of you,

through every day, o'er all the way;

he will take care of you,

God will take care of you."

while my heart is sad, i also rejoice.  my grandmother is finally home, the home that she so desperately longed for.  and while i grieve, i have a lifetime of memories to gather around me for comfort, and a faith that was instilled in me due to my grandmother's legacy.  

grammy, i will never forget the sound of your laugh, or listening to you pray, or those walks where i would hear you yearning for heaven... or your sweet voice singing of god's faithfulness even until your last breath.  i don't know where our family would be if it weren't for your vigorous, unshakeable faith in the one who holds us in His hands.  your faith has forever changed me and the course of my life, and i only hope to be to my girls and my future grandchildren what you have been to us.  i love you with all my heart, and i can only imagine how you were greeted by jesus saying to you "well done, my good and faithful servant."  see you soon, grammy.  i can't wait.

see you soon, grampy.

on monday, august 5, 2013 my grampy went to be with jesus.

his health had been poor over the past few months and it was incredibly hard to watch him change and for the grandfather i had always known to be taken away from me.  while i am sad, i am just so thankful that he is whole and healthy again and his suffering here on earth is over.

during one of my visits a few months back, he wouldn't let go of my hand.  it was precious.

you see, my sister and i have always been so very close to our grandparents.  i would still come to their house to stay overnight well in to my college years.  one of our many traditions was that every year on december 23, gret and i would get in our pj's and drive around with grammy and grampy looking at lights.  we would spend the night and wake up to my grammy's homemade popovers for breakfast.  even after we were both married, we all piled into my parent's honda pilot and continued the tradition, bringing our husbands along :)  we were blessed with such a special relationship with them, for which i am so grateful.  gret and i both wrote pieces to be read at grampy's funeral today.  this was what i wrote:

a lobster feed on the beach of our old family cottage

i have been so blessed with the best grandparents.  

i say grandparents because it's hard to imagine grampy apart from grammy.  they were always together; each other's best friend, constant companion and sometimes continual pest as is the case with people who are blessed to be married as long as they were.  it's impossible for me to think of my childhood without thinking of my grandparents.  we did everything together; family vacations, holiday celebrations, and almost ever single sunday after church we had lunch... our family and theirs.  since my dad was an only child, being their only granddaugthers was a definite perk for gretchen and me.  some say we were spoiled; i wouldn't disagree with that.  but i honestly look at our relationship with my grandparents as one of my life's greatest blessings.  so much of who i am is grounded in their legacy, time spent at their house and countless hours of playing games, talking and eating meals around their table.  nick&i are so honored and blessed to have the privilege of raising our girls in my grandparents old house; it carries so many sweet memories for me and was such a place of comfort, warmth and love.

at my wedding

i remember being little and saying to my parents "grampy is just SO LOVEABLE!" i think it's pretty remarkable that my young mind was able to pick up on that characteristic of my grandfather at such an early age.  that's exactly what he was; loveable.  i don't know of any person that didn't like my grampy.  he was warm and kind and so thoughtful of others.  even in his last months when he was in the hospital or healthcare facility, whenever i went to visit him he was very concerned that i was comfortable and had a place to sit.  that's just who he was.  it warms my heart to think of it.  he was also incredibly generous.  there were many times i would be leaving to head back to college, or fly back to dallas when i remember standing at the airport and he'd discreetly hand me a twenty dollar bill to use to get something to eat.  he also loved children.  i had so much fun taking bella and emmy to go visit my grandparents when they lived at sunbury village.  we looked forward to those special visits and i can still see his face light up when he saw the girls and i at the door.  when i think back to how i saw my grandfather growing up, the biggest thing was that i always knew he loved me.  he was such an important part of my life because he wouldn't have had it any other way.  he was a permanent fixture at every single one of my basketball games or school concerts.  many of my childhood friends grew up coming to my grandparents house with me; everyone knew them and loved them.  i can still feel the warmth of walking up my grandparents walkway on sundays after church, being greeted at the door by my grampy's hugs and the smells of my grandmother cooking a family meal.  he was so much a part of the love and warmth of my childhood, and who i am today.

the first time he met bella

i could fill hundreds of pages with special memories of my grampy.  i also could write a few funny stories about him as well.  he was always making us laugh with his quirky sense of humor and sayings.  everything was as (blank) as a goose; as cold as a goose, as full as a goose, as noisy as a goose... and grammy would always laugh the way she did when he would say something funny without meaning to be.  and gretchen and i had certain things we'd always beg him to do; drive us down the old standpipe hill was one of them, we thought it was a roller coaster ride and he made it so fun.  we also would always ask him to say this old phrase he used in the coast guard that we thought was hilarious: eespidillyoatendoatboboskawatendot.  i still don't know what it means, but i always would laugh and laugh whenever we'd get him to say it.  he also did a mean hula dance that would make us giggle until our bellies hurt.  he was good-spirited, and never treated us like we were annoyances... he loved making us laugh and enjoyed having fun.  

out to eat with nick&i at one of their fav restaurants

i have one vision of my grandfather that i hope i never forget because it makes me laugh every time i think of it: i never wanted my grandparents to come to the airport whenever i had to go back to ohio or dallas.  it just made me too sad to say goodbye to them, so i always wished they wouldn't come, but of course they did; every single time.  even if my flight was at 5 am; they'd be there.  one day, my dad and i had gotten to the airport early.  they had changed my gate from upstairs to downstairs but the screens hadn't been updated so when my grandparents arrived, they stepped onto the escalator and began to go upstairs.  my dad called to them to let them know the gate had been changed.  i think my grandmother just continued to ride the escalator up, and then came down the stairs however my grandfather turned around and started walking down as fast as he could... realizing it was a losing battle and he was only about four or five steps up from the bottom, he thought for a minute before completely jumping off the escalator  and landing in a heap on the floor at the bottom.  dad and i went running but couldn't contain our laughter.  having the great sense of humor he did, grampy was already laughing at himself by the time we could help him up off the floor.  that's another thing i always loved about him; he loved to laugh, even at his own expense.

my grandfather was very private about his faith.  grammy is the opposite; we'd always find her reading her bible or her daily bread and praying for us before bed, but grampy was much more quiet.  i remember one day when i was in high school finding a bible that was underlined through and through.  i just assumed it was my grandmother's because of her outspoken relationship with jesus, but found out that it was actually my grampy's.  i have thought of that so much over the last few years, and how comforting that was to me to know that he might not have talked about his beliefs or his relationship with the lord much, but it was definitely there.  in the last few months we had several talks with grampy about heaven and being ready to see his savior.  he never liked talking about it because he was never one to acknowledge the fact that he was aging and was eventually going to leave this earth.  but something changed two years ago when he lost his only child, my dad.  to say he had a hard time grieving the loss of my dad would be an understatement.  it crushed his heart and his soul, and something about his vigor for living until he was 100 was a bit deflated.  days before he died he was able to tell a hospice worker that he was ready to see his son again.  the thought of them reuniting in the presence of jesus brings tears to my eyes.  broken is made whole, old is made new... i don't know what our family would've done the past year and a halfwithout the promise of heaven.  

christmas eve 2010

thank you, grampy for being the best grandfather i could've ever asked for.  thank you for passing on your love of people, generous spirit and kind heart.  i am so thankful for so many years of precious memories and for such a special relationship with you and grammy.  you always loved me well, you always made me laugh and with you i always felt at home.  i loved our conversations about what life was like when you were growing up, stories about living at the lucerne inn in the winters and what it was like trying to woo grammy, who would later become your bride.  i am so thankful for you, and feel so incredibly blessed to have been your granddaughter.  while i will miss our visits and watching you with my girls, my heart feels so full knowing that you are with dad again, your only child whom you loved so much.  we'll all be there soon together again; in the blink of an eye.  and even though grammy was a great cook, i think our sunday dinners around a huge banquet table in heaven will be even better.

so happy thinking about the reunion of my grampy with my dad, his only child

i love you so much, grampy.  thank you for everything.  see you soon.