peace on earth, goodwill to men.

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nick has gone to pick us up chinese food.  my girls are all nestled in their beds.  and i am sitting here on the couch glued to the horror that is the news today.

i can't take my eyes off it.  even though i want to do all i can do to take my mind off it.  i am heartbroken.

heartbroken for those precious lives lost.  heartbroken for the giant holes in the hearts of those who are grieving.  heartbroken for yet another reminder of just how insanely evil our world can be.

i know i'm not alone when i say that the news of this horrific school shooting has left me numb, sick to my stomach and in tears all afternoon.  not only am i a parent of two little ones, but i work at an elementary school two days a week as a school counselor.  every day, i look into the precious eyes of the sweetest little children who have their whole lives ahead of them.  blank pages, ready to be filled.  white canvases, waiting to be colored.  thinking of my kids--at school, or sweet babies at home--in the scenario we saw played out today is far too much for me to bear.

soul crushing.  tragic.  sickening.

i have been reminding myself of many things this afternoon.  that even though days like today make us feel anxious, unsafe and fearful, the future is not unknown.  the grasp of evil may seem strong, but jesus is stronger still.  and he will be victorious.  all day the words to one of my favorite hymns have been echoing in my brain:

"this is my father's world, oh let me ne'er forget, 

that though the wrong seems oft so strong, god is the ruler yet. 

 this is my father's world, the battle is not done; 

jesus who died shall be satisfied and earth and heaven be one."

(this is my father's world)

we've been talking a lot about the christmas story these days.  i want it to be more than just seasonal rhetoric for our girls, but something they truly celebrate and understand.  this year, when we've been trying to teach bella the reason baby jesus was born.  when we ask her, she says "baby jesus is that he is the HOPE of the world."  it makes my heart swell.  and her sweetly-spoken words are a great reminder to my grieving, fearful heart today.

and on days like these, we desperately need hope.  the news of sweet children's lives being stolen from them; parents and families being robbed of so many memories, so many hugs, so many joys... it's just too much to take in.  jesus, come quickly.

a friend of mine posted these words this afternoon and as i read them, tears streamed down my face.  how perfectly this old christmas hymn sums up so much of my heart:

"and in despair i bowed my head: 

there is no peace in earth, i said. 

 for hate is strong and mocks the song 

of peace on earth, good will to men. 

 then pealed the bells more loud and deep 

god is not dead, nor doth he sleep; 

 the wrong shall fail, the right prevail, 

with peace on earth goodwill to men."

(i heard the bells on christmas day)

hug your babies tightly tonight.  memorize their little faces.  tell them just how much you love them.  let today serve as a reminder that every moment with the ones we love is truly a gift.