mourning with those who mourn.

i've been mulling the concept of mourning over in this head of mine over the past eleven months.  not only have i experienced a huge loss in my life, but i've also watched several people i care about lose loved ones within this last year as well.  while watching them, hearing their stories, and reflecting on my own experiences, i've come to many conclusions about mourning.  one of them is this: sometimes christians aren't very good at this whole grief thing.

and that totally stinks.

i guess i get it.  pain is uncomfortable.  we don't always know what to do with other people's suffering, and most of the time wish we could just put the pieces of their broken lives back together again.  but i wonder; why are we so anxious for people to feel better?  because we care, definitely, yes.  but sometimes i think we want to make things "pretty" again.  less messy.  so we don't have to get our hands dirty... so we don't feel uncomfortable looking at or experiencing the brokenness.

too bad this doesn't work.  why?  because life is messy.  there's no getting around it.  doesn't make you any less godly or unspiritual or faith-less to struggle.  in fact, i think the contrary is true.  jesus tells us in his word that suffering is a part of this life:

{source}

i'll never forget one of my first classes at dallas seminary.  i was a bright eyed, naive twenty three year old, eager and ready to become a counselor and help others.  there i sat, soaking up every word my professor was saying much like a dry sponge, thirsting for water.  and then he said something like this: 

"many of you will meet with hurting people and you will have the urge to spend an hour with them, talking with them, helping them and then wrap everything up at the end of your sixty minutes with a nice, neat bow on top.  you'll send them on their way, thinking you've made everything nice and pretty and you've "fixed" them.  but it doesn't work that way.  healing is a process.  and it's not pretty.  it's not our job to clean people up.  it's our job to sit with them in their pain and show them the love of jesus."

wow.

that statement had a profound effect on me.  and how i wish that more people had this perspective.  especially followers of christ.

i've cringed every time someone has told me not to be sad because my dad's in a "better place".  although it's true, he is in a much better place, my emotions, my grief, my sorrow and my deep, profound sense of loss is real.  jesus has been so sweet to draw me close to him, and fill me with his grace... but that does not mean it's always easy.

and that's okay.

the shortest verse in the bible is john 11:35.  two words: "jesus wept."  if you look further into the context of this verse, you'll find out why.  because he lost a good friend.  lazarus had died.  i love the power of envisioning the savior of the world, crouched down on the ground, weeping tears of sorrow and aching with loss.  why?  because i know he gets it.  isaiah 53:3 talks of him being a man of many sorrows, well acquainted with grief.

so if we are truly loving each other in the way that i believe christ calls us to, i think our support of one another would look a whole lot different.  there would be less talking and more listening.  less "having to have all of the answers" and more sitting with someone in their pain.  less not wanting to get messy, and more rolling up our sleeves to go to battle with and for one another.  that's the kind of christ-follower i want to be, and certainly the kind i want to raise our girls to be.

scripture calls us to "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn" (romans 12:15). why?  we are supposed to be for each other.  are you a fellow mourner?  or are you too busy?  too comfortable to get messy?

my family and i are coming up on the year anniversary of my dad's death.  friends (and even some strangers!) from all over the country have been so sweet in sending cards, letters, text messages and phone calls to let me know they are praying for us.  it's been such a blessing... i can honestly say that i feel a sense of joy and peace i haven't felt in the past year.  i know god's healing my heart... and the encouragement and support of others has made his love for me tangible.  people being the hands and feet of jesus, and loving well.

we need each other for these times.  this is when the rubber meets the road, and our faith is called to action. if we love jesus, we can't help but love others.  in hard times, in good times, in easy times, in not-so-easy times.

"if i have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and knowledge, and if i have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, i am nothing."

1 corinthians 13:2 

so let's roll up our sleeves and go to battle for one another.  let's live this life side by side.  willing to get messy.  daring to love.