change in perspective.

phew. so nick texted me yesterday and told me he had watched this video in
three of his classes yesterday with his students. he said he bawled all
three times (i love my husbands heart). last night before we put bella to
bed, we sat and watched it together and i lost it within the first few
seconds.

heck, i'm crying now as i write this blog.

this week has been a tough one for me emotionally, physically, spiritually. i had been having a lot of joint pain and just constant aches and pains in my back, knees and feet since having bella. it has made it very difficult to be active in the way i used to, and i experience fatigue and loss of energy most of the time. i went to a specialist last friday and they think i have psoriatic arthritis, which also has a skin condition that (in most cases) goes along with the arthritic pain. i spent all weekend fighting discouragement and anxiety over what this diagnosis would look like for the future. i totally allowed satan to use it to get me down and even did what everyone knows not to do... i went on the internet to research. which obviously made everything so. much. worse.

to add insult to injury, bella has had a tough time with sleep these days... teething/daylight savings time/allergy-cold junk does NOT make for a nice combo. which means i have been completely sleep deprived, and this only added to my discouraged state this week.

as i watched this video, all of the discouragement, pain, fear, doubt, exhaustion of the previous few days began to *melt* away. i dissolved into a huge puddle of tears. when the video finished, nick handed me bella and i squeezed that little girl like i have never squeezed her before.

this video resonated so deeply with nick and me. it not only renewed our perspective and gratitude for the blessing of our daughter, but it also challanged us to look at our faith. may our attitude always be one of praise to our god, even when life isn't easy. we may never know the pain that these parents experience, but we will know other pain, go through different challanges and be faced with other trials.

i oftentimes live in fear of what those trials could be rather than the promise that whatever lies ahead, god's grace will be sufficient for me. i can walk in him, taking one day at a time, and knowing that in HIM there is joy and there is peace no matter what is unknown. i love this prayer:

"god, grant me the serenity

to accept the things i cannot change,

the courage to change the things i can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

living one day at a time,

enjoying one moment at a time

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace

taking, as jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as i would
have it

and trusting that you will make all things right

so that i will be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with you

forever in the next.

amen."