the house is quiet tonight. bella is sleeping and nick is at football practice. my feet are up on the coffee table. back aching. eyes tired. mind already thinking of tomorrow's "to do list". ahhh the life of a mom.
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i can't think of a time in life where i was more thankful and more filled with joy than right. now. there's something about being a mom that is changing me at the core of who i am. things that used to matter so much in life don't seem to matter anymore. things that used to not matter as much are suddenly urgently brought to my attention. some plans fade. new dreams and desires take root. i am motivated for more. so. much. more.
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more of jesus, first and foremost. i want him to be my number one love and i want to know him--intimately and fearlessly--in a way i have never known. not the angry-disappointed-in-me-watching-my-every-move-so-he-can-squash-me god i've known before... but the god who loves me. who really loves me. a fraction of the love i feel for my daughter. which is a whole lot. who truly wants to give me exceedingly and abundantly MORE than i could ask or imagine. may he be the song of my heart, the deepest joy of my soul. this is how i want god to be in bella's eyes.
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more of my sweet husband, secondly. i want to build up nick to bella. i want her to know what an amazing *AMAZING* man her daddy is so that she will pick a man someday as wonderful as him. i want to always keep him first in my life (second to the lord) and not just put him on the back burner because i am busy caring for a new baby. or because i am too tired. i want him to know how proud of i am the man that he is and how incredibly blessed i am to be called his wife. i want him to know that i'm more in love with him today than the day we said "i do". a love that is deeper and more passionate than ever before. i want bella to know that marriage is important, that she is not the center of our world or our family. i want her to have a picture of a godly relationship that she can hopefully one day emulate. this is how i want nick and our marriage to be in bella's eyes.
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and finally, my daughter. my sweet sweet bella grace. i want her to know--every single day--how much i love her. i want to continue to pray over her, to commit her back over to god, to raise her in a way that she will live out the meaning of her name... beautiful grace. i want her to see in me an example of the woman she wants to be. i want to love others well. i want to serve and take care of my family and those around me. i want to be someone that encourages and inspires others... that when people leave after spending time with me they feel blessed. i want to be confident and comfortable in my own skin. i want to not talk negatively about myself when other people compliment me. i want to trust god instead of give way to fear. i want my heart to be unwaveringly content. i want to find ways to use my gifts, and be corageous and bold enough to try creating new ones. i want anything that is beautiful about me to be the radiance of jesus.
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this is how i want to be in my daughter's eyes.
wow! preach it sister. That was beautiful, inspiring, and tear jerking. You are an amazing writer, and you have one beautiful heart. I'm so thankful our paths have crossed. Thanks for being a blessing in my life :)
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
This post made me cry! What a perfect post for me to read on Micah's 2 month birthday, and a beautiful way of describing the amazing life I think God intends for us when He gives us babies....a new and perfect order for our lives to now follow! Thanks for writing that!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words, Megan. I love hearing how your journey as a mom is going. I KNEW it would fit you so well! =) Let's talk soon.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Meg! Thank you for writing. You are such a beautiful mom and I always feel encouraged when I walk away from you. I love you and trust your words...that I'll be experiencing the same someday soon.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing..it serves you well. In terms of the message, I can remember wishing I were smarter, had paid more attention in school/college so to be able to explain things to Heather when she asked. God bless you as a woman, a wife, a mother. God expands so much in us when we become mothers. It's like that when I became a grandmother. I felt honored/humbled that God would choose me to be a grandmother, and then when I first held her, I had no words. "Pure joy" was all I could think of, but even those two words were not adequate.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing. Someday Bella will be able to read of your thoughts and gain insight into her mother.
xo
Being the Mother of Two Girls... this hits home. Let me reassure you... She will see you as more then you'll ever see yourself. There is such beauty in mothering the feminine heart... Enjoy!
ReplyDeletethanks ladies :)
ReplyDelete