gratitude attitude.

i must admit the past couple of weeks have been a bit tough for this little family of three. as i mentioned in my last post, our plans for childcare fell through which means consequently our plans for the next year have kind of fallen through also. never easy especially for nick&i; two people who like to have our ducks lined up neatly in a row. we try to be so smart with our $, be wise in our decisions and always have our t's crossed and our i's dotted...

but we can't control everything.

i don't know what god is trying to teach us right now in the midst of the discouragement and frusteration we are facing. we have both had our turns of being mad at god and not understanding his timing, his plans, or his provision (or seemingly lack thereof). but i hold onto that tiny thread of hope that everything will be okay. i know that god is who he said he is... and that is FAITHFUL. i read this quote this morning and it just washed me over with peace at its gentle reminder:

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"your petitions are heard, but it is your gratitude that clears the way to my heart. with the way between us wide open, my blessings fall upon you in rich abundance. the greatest blessing is nearness to me; abundant joy and peace in my presence. practice thanking me and praising me continually throughout this day."

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i realize that gratitude comes from life's simple things. for me, anway. like the sound of falling rain. having my precious baby girl fall asleep on my chest. the cozy warmth of my cup of coffee in the morning. date nights with my husband just sitting on our balcony, holding hands and drinking glasses of wine. a beautiful sunset painting the sky. being near the heart of jesus and feeling his sweet, peaceful presence. these are the things that make me feel *rich*. not in an earthly sense. but in an eternal one. god has been SO. INCREDIBLY. GOOD to me, how can i doubt that he will continue to be? one of my favorite songs ever (it's an oldie! don't even like cindy morgan in the least... but i LOVE the words to this song of hers) describes how i feel about life right now, or am trying to feel, in the middle of this chaos and fear:

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"there's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon

waking to the sunlight, being cradled by the moon

catching fireflies at night

building castles in the sand

kissing mama's face goodnight

and holding daddy's hand.

thank you, lord. how could i ask for more?

running barefoot through the grass

a little hide and go seek

being so in love that you can hardly eat

dancing in the dark when there's no one else around

being bundled 'neath the covers

watching snow fall to the ground

thank you, lord. how could i ask for more?

so many things i thought would bring me happiness

some dreams that are realities today

such an irony the things that mean the most to me

are the memories that i've made along the way

thank you, lord. how could i ask for more?"

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tears fall as i write these words. this is the life i've been blessed to live and continue to. this is the life that i want my sweet bella to have, and our other kids to come. is it going to be okay? yes. will we have enough to get by? yes. will god be faithful? yes. he has been and he will continue to be. and i'm pretty content to be kind of poor right now. i live with nick&bella... and they are pretty much the coolest people i have ever known. so i think i will be okay.

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thank you, jesus, for ALL you have given me. i am *beyond* blessed.