the girl that made me a mama.

the girl that made me a mama just turned five.

five.

and she reminds me of it every second of every day.  "mama, i've five years old now, i'm not a baby anymore!" is heard in our house often these days.  it's going to be a year of kindergarten and dance lessons, friend birthday parties and first soccer games... and days away at school, and not at home with mama and little sis.

excuse me while i go cry my eyes out.

i know--deep down in my heart and soul i know--that there are so many wonderful days ahead.  precious seasons to live and memories to make.  but i also know that my heart has felt a little bit broken these last few weeks.  that crazy haired, squinty eyed, tiny little bundle i brought home from the hospital  is growing up right before my eyes.  and there's nothing i can do about it but try my best to savor the moments with her that i am blessed with.

bella grace, you are what i've always dreamed of when we found out we were having a little girl.  you are wild and free: never stop moving, climbing or conquering new things.  you love everything lip gloss and princess, and you light up inside when we tell you how beautiful you are.  your heart is so tender, and your young faith is so precious... you love jesus, his word, and old hymns.  you are sensitive and kind, and i love watching you around other kids... you're always smiling and waving and calling them by name.  i love how you love.

you have grown so much over this last year.  your friends have become so very important to you, and you talk about them all the time.  your "girlfriends", as you call them.  i love seeing that; friendship is such a treasured gift.  you and emmy (while you fight) have become so close as she's getting older and you enjoy the same things.  you love it when she is by your side.  you have also really enjoyed (and craved) alone time with daddy and me.  we have tried to take you out on dates, or let you stay up later with us, so that you get that time with us that you have begun to want so badly.  it's so sweet.  you have become more independent, you LOVE school, and i've gotten to hear about you from your teachers which has made my heart swell with pride.  i may have shed a tear or two at our first parent teacher conference.  you've blossomed this past year and i just love watching who you are becoming.

you've also been excited about your birthday for months.  since january, i think.  so to celebrate you, we had a few special gatherings and traditions...

cupcakes & ice cream with our family.  it was also a beautiful day outside so you and your cousins got to play and run and swing on your playset.  you had a blast.  you love your cousins and our family so very much!

you got to pick your favorite meals on your actual birthday.  you chose cinnamon rolls (with a candle--you had to have a candle) for breakfast, and eggs, sausage and biscuits for supper (you were on a breakfast-food roll that day, apparently!).  it was a rainy day so we had a tea party with mama's real china and made tea party hats out of paper plates and ribbons.  i savored every last bit of your birthday while you were at home, with me.  it was a really, really special day just you, me and ems until daddy got home from work.  we let you stay up later and you and daddy made a tent in the living room out of quilts.  i made indoor smores and we watched a show you had picked out and ate our smores together in the fort.  you loved every second of it!

you wanted "frozen" cupcakes for your class at school, so you brought in bright blue cupcakes that you helped me make, with white frosting ontop.  you were SO excited to celebrate with your school friends.

then, finally, we had a sweet little tea party here at our house with all of your girlfriends from school.  you absolutely love your friends and you had been looking forward to the tea party for months.  we had such a fun time...and it was deliciously girly, which was right up your alley (i'll post more on that party later!)

five.  i still can't believe it.  i am so thankful that you are my girl.  god has blessed us immeasurably with the gift of you.  i hope you always know how special you are, and just how much you are loved.  you have been memorizing the 23rd psalm in your class at school.  my heart just melts when i hear your tiny little voice saying all of those words.  the name of this blog, where i am attempting to record and savor every tiny bit of you and your sister and our family, came from that passage.  "my cup runneth over" has been such a theme of my days, following jesus and clinging to his hope and his plan for me over all these years.  life hasn't always been easy, but being your daddy's wife and you and emmy's mama has been one of my life's greatest joys.  i hope you know how much i am blessed to be your mom.  you have captured my heart, and i can't wait to see what the lord has in store for you, my sweet girl.

my cup runneth over.

happy birthday.  i love you to the moon and back (and back, and back!)
mama

my baby turns three.

three years ago, i was settled in my bed at the hospital, body sore and tired, heart brimming over with love for the new little bundle i held in my arms.  i didn't think it was possible for me to adore another tiny person as much as i did her big sister, but it's true what everyone says: your heart just grows.

squinty eyes and spiky black hair, sweet little lips and that precious baby smell.  in that dimly lit hospital room, my heart was stolen again, three years ago.

it's a bit of a sad day when your baby turns three.  maybe it's because she is my baby, but she still seems so little.  it could be because she still has those dimpled hands and chubby wrists.  or because she says things like "sweet-hawt" and "ovoh-da-oh" (over there).  or because she has the cutest giggle that is almost contagious.  i asked her if she would still be my baby, even though she's three.  and she said yes.  so i'm holding her to that.

emmy faith, you are my sweet little sunshine.  you entered the world and immediately brought light and happiness with you.  you have the sweetest heart and a feisty little soul, which makes me know that you won't ever have a hard time standing up for yourself, which is a good thing, my love.  watch out, world.  you have an uncanny sense of humor and are always making us laugh.  you have a way of finding the funny in every situation, and i love that about you.  you think to say "thank you" for the seemingly small things, which makes me so proud.  and you look out for others... whether it's younger kids, babies, or even your big sister, or your baby dolls... you are a nurturer.  i often call you "bossy flossy" because you have no problem telling others what to do, and you are our "little mama" because you love caring for others.  i just adore your personality.

as you grow through the years, i want to remember you just how you are right now.  as the sweet little three year old snuggled up in bed sleeping as i write this.  in my mind, i see you, cuddled with your bunny, which is never too far away.  you're sucking on your little thumb as your eyelashes fan out ontop of your chubby little cheeks.  i want to remember how you insist on wearing dresses every day, and when i laid out an outfit for you to wear to church this morning you refused saying "but it's not puuuh-teft!" (perfect).  i want to remember how you sing yourself to sleep every night, and wake us up every morning with your chatter to your dolls, or songs to whoever will listen.  how you immediately start praying at the dinner table every night--unprompted--and always include requests for your bunny and your dollies.  how you reach for my hand and say "mama, i wuv you."  i want to remember how you run for your daddy when he comes in the door after a day at work.  and how you dance to every song you hear.  how i catch you standing with your hands in your pockets while you're waiting, with a  casualness that resembles a teenager.  the sound of your footsteps scampering down the hallway first thing in the morning.  your warm cheeks pressed against mine after you've woken up from your nap.

today we celebrated you "sofia the first" style, your favorite.  you were so excited.  you came running into mama and daddy's room first thing this morning and shouted "it's time for my PARTY!!!"  and you told all of the helpers in the church nursery this morning that it was YOUR birthday.  here is a glimpse of your day.  i hope i always remember these moments.

m&m pancakes for breakfast, made by daddy

i love watching you blow out your candles... you make the "f" sound and it takes you a few tries ;)

sofia the first party!  

cupcakes

baby cupcakes

some of your favorite friends

decorations

birthday girl; you were SO excited

presents

birthday cupcake!

blowing out your candle

best buds

jude and bel

cake & ice cream

anna dress!

love you, sweet girl

i love you, my sweet girl and had so much fun celebrating you today.  you are such a gift to daddy & me.  your sister's best friend.  our little sunshine.

we love you to the moon and back (and back and back),
mama

resurrection rolls.

i've seen these rolls all over the internet these days, and i'm always looking for new traditions to do with the girls.  plus, when you're trying to explain the resurrection to little ones, visuals help.  and besides, they're just really delish!  the perfect accompaniment to quiche for our easter breakfast.  buttery, slightly sweet and gooey... how can you go wrong, especially if you can tie that in with jesus?!  all good things, all good things.

here's how we made them.

resurrection rolls

* 1 can Pillsbury crescent rolls
* Large marshmallows
* melted butter (about 3 T.)
* cinnamon (about 2 T... can you tell I didn't really measure anything??)

- preheat oven to 350.
- take a triangle of crescent roll dough and roll it out a bit.
- roll a marshmallow in butter, then in cinnamon.
- place marshmallow at the biggest part of the triangle, tuck sides in and roll, pinching seams together.
- place in a muffin tin (the pampered chef stone one is best...just sayin).  repeat with remaining 7 triangles.
- brush tops with butter and sprinkle with cinnamon.  bake for 12-15 minutes until golden brown.

some will probably have marshmallow that oozes out... it's not a big deal, really.  it just adds to the ooey  gooey goodness.  allow them to cool before lifting them from the pan.

my plan was to have the girls help me do this, but they were a bit distracted with coloring goods they got in their easter baskets.  so, instead, i had them come watch me assemble one (this was still a bit of a stretch because we got really hung up on the marshmallows and upset that we couldn't have one... when i say "we", i mean two little girls i know).  i told them that the marshmallow was jesus's body after he had died on the cross.  before he was buried, his body was anointed with oil (dipped into the butter), and then prepared with burial spices (dipped into the cinnamon).  then, he was buried in the tomb (wrapped in the crescent dough).  it held their attention long enough for them to be fascinated for the assembly of one roll, and then they went on their merry way.

when it was time to serve the rolls, i reminded the girls of how jesus was "buried", and when they broke them in half it was hollow inside.  emmy yelled out "he's GONE!!!  but where did he go?!" so we talked about that, in as much as a two year old can understand... but bella thought it was really cool.  and they both thought they were as delicious as they were fascinating.

these will definitely be an easter tradition for us!

the best good friday.

it has been a week.

you know, the kind that everyone says you will laugh about someday when you look back?  by the way, i'll be interested to see if that's true...when our family gets sick, we get sick.  and usually, we get sick together.  we go big or go home, people.  and it's not fun.  i'll spare you all the details, but let's just say mama was home in bed all week with the flu, and bella soon followed suit.

i am not a good patient.  every time i get sick, i cry.  i feel like i miss out on life.  i miss my kids.  i get bored.  and i have a hard time not working (at school and home) and trusting that the world will be able to go on without me.  it's a problem, really.  i'm trying to work on it.

this week i felt especially sad being confined to my bedroom for a few days.  holy week is such a special time for me, as a mom, creating memories and traditions with my girls and teaching them about Jesus.  and i missed it.  almost all of it.  and there were tears.

and even so, god was gently reminding my heart that stillness is always good--even if it's forced.  even when we don't want to be still.  there is so much to be found in it.  so much that our souls need.  i tend to be a do-er type, so this is always something god is bringing to my attention.

be still.  no expectations, no doing.  just be.

friday morning after another bout of sickness for my sweet bel, i sat with the girls on the couch cuddled up in blankets and we watched some movies about the easter story.  we talked about what the day--Good Friday--meant, and why it's so important to us.  and that afternoon, as i was putting bella to bed, god reminded me just how important these times of stillness are.  sweet conversation.  times of singing old hymns and tickling their backs and prayers lifted up and all the simple, precious moments of just be-ing.

snuggled up in her bed, with her covers up to her ears, i talked to my bella about how special she is because of jesus' love for her.  she lifted her face to me, eyes dancing and said in her sweet, soft voice: "he has forgiven us of all of the bad sins we've ever done.  he loves us so much and he will never leave us."  tears began spilling down my cheeks.  you know, those "mom" moments where you think surely this moment is what its ALL about.  all the hard, make-you-want-to-pull-your-hair out days lead up to this one moment in time... and it's suddenly MORE than worth it. and that maybe, just maybe, even in spite of all of your weaknesses and flaws they are still learning something good?

we've had this conversation many times before, and i think bella has probably prayed "the sinners prayer" at least ten times... but i just knew she didn't really understand it.  until now.  she continued to tell me what happened when jesus died on the cross and what it means for her.  and when i asked her if she wanted to pray and ask jesus to forgive her and come into her heart she nodded emphatically.  "mama, can you help me?" she asked, and then dove right in, praying a prayer that let me know she knew exactly what she was praying.  "is that a tear?" she asked, pointing to my cheek when she was finished praying.  "yes it is, honey... happy tears.  do you know that the bible says that all the angels in heaven are rejoicing right now?  and i think your bampy is throwing one great big party!"  her eyes got big.  "yeah, i bet he has donuts!"

so today, everyone is feeling better.  we were able to go on an easter egg hunt.  we baked our traditional resurrection cake.  easter baskets are ready for tomorrow morning.  but nothing can ever begin to come close to the gift of those moments of stillness with my sweet girl.  it was the best good friday ever.

thank you, jesus.

it's halloween, and there's no place like home.

don't judge me when i tell you that i started buying the girls halloween costumes last year.

i never liked halloween until i had children, and i absolutely love dressing them up.  i know i'm rapidly approaching the point in time where i will no longer be able to pick out their costumes for them, so until then i have fun doing so :)

i knew this year they'd be old enough to wear coordinating halloween costumes, and i decided it would be way too cute to have them dress up like glinda the good witch, and dorothy from the "wizard of oz".  bella's obsession with pink and sparkles and all things princess, and emmy's happiness to be dressed in anything that even partially resembles a dress, were both satisfied in these costume choices so all was well with the world.

and just look at the cuteness.

we actually started off halloween a week early, attending a "trunk or treat" at our church.  the girls had a blast and came home with a TON of candy, which daddy and mama may have put away in a secret stash for long after they were asleep...

halloween night, we did our usual: headed to meme's work, a local television station, and then to aunt holly's for more treats, welcoming trick or treaters at her house, and cheeseburger soup for dinner.  we picked up a batman and elsa somewhere along the way...

i love holidays with my little girls.  and yes, i'm already trying to think about next year's costumes.  but it just may be the year they decide for themselves.  i'm guessing we'll have two princesses.  and maybe something to do with the word frozen...