there is nothing quite like bringing a baby into the world. it's such a mixture of feelings. sheer terror, anxiety, pure excitement, happiness, nervousness and the most
complete form of joy imaginable. it's the most amazing experience; one that holds such a dichotomy of emotion (at least for me, anyways). one minute i can't wait to have it over with, to survive the pain and to be on the other side...and yet at the same time i want to treasure every moment; savoring the anticipation of holding my sweet new babe and wanting time to stand still for just a moment.
our sweet little emmy will be forever known as our little blessing "for such a time as this." my pregnancy with her was such perfect timing. we were able to share the news with my dad a few months before he passed and watch the joy that danced in his eyes.
i will never forget that day.
i had ordered bella a "big sister" shirt before we even saw the word
pregnant appear on that home pregnancy test. a few days after we found out, we were all hanging out at my parents house. i took bel into the other room, changed her shirt and eagerly sent her back in to share our news. dad was the first one to catch on... i can still see his face, eyes opened wide, full of joy and surprise "megs, is bella trying to tell us something?!" he exclaimed. he had been so excited. so excited to meet our second baby. so excited that gret and i were both pregnant at the same time. so excited to be "bampy" to two new babies. when he passed away this november, my pregnancy and the sweet baby growing in my belly, took on a whole new meaning. "god gives and takes away". and he was bringing us this sweet baby at this particular season in our lives. emmy will always and forever know that. what a joy she has given us; a reminder of hope, of new life, of god's faithful blessings even in the midst of hardship and grief.
my birth story with emmy officially started a few days before i actually delivered her. why? because i was scheduled to be induced on monday, april 23rd, one day before my due date. we were so excited. on sunday, we spent the day savoring our "last" moments as a family of three, snuggling extra with bella, packing our hospital bags, cleaning up the house and going to mom's for a family dinner. nervous, giddy butterflies filled my stomach. we were *finally* about to meet our girl. monday morning, i woke up before anyone else and spent some time praying and journaling before calling labor&delivery to make sure we were good to go.
{
enter:} everyone else in the greater bangor area that were trying to have their babies on the exact same day.
the nurse i spoke with told me i was "on hold" and they would call me as soon as they knew when i could come in. i hung up the phone and dissolved into a puddle of pregnancy-hormone-driven tears. after crying on nick's shoulder for a bit, i pulled myself together and realized that the 23rd might not be emmy's day. and i wanted her to come into this world at just the right timing. so i was okay if it wasn't then. shortly after i received an apologetic call from my doctor asking when we wanted to reschedule. due to the options he gave us, we opted for later in the week... thursday, the 26th to be exact. sounded like a good day to be born :)
aaaaand that meant more time with just my bella. i was determined to fully live, fully treasure those last moments with her and only her.
over the next few days, i was able to spend lots of time with some of my best friends from high school and their kiddos, take bella to the park, get out and about to some of our fav places around town including the bagel shop and target :) i knew that once i was balancing life with a toddler and a newborn, it would get more difficult to be out and about, so i made the most of it. and we had a ball!
wednesday night came and i was surprisingly calm. we grilled out for dinner and put bella to bed, prepared to have some last quiet moments just nick&i before the madness began!
and that's when i got sick. i get allergy-induced migranes every few months and they are *horrible*. they've made me nauseous before, but this was the worst one i'd ever got. i was in bed by eight o'clock and ended up tossing my cookies about six or seven times before finally falling to sleep. it was
awful. not the way i pictured the night before i gave birth to my second baby!
that morning i woke up to a call from labor&delivery. they had good news: if we made it to the hospital by nine o'clock that morning, they could get us in!
oh happy day. in a whirlwind, we re-packed our bags, woke up bella and dropped her off at my friend, farrah's for the day. i was still feeling pretty nauseous so as we drove to the hospital i tried to choke down a graham cracker but only managed a few bites. we parked the car, checked in at registration and then were escorted up to the labor&delivery floor. i met my nurse, julie, changed and got settled in my bed when the nausea intensified. i was so scared i was going to go through this whole process whilst still horribly sick. the thought terrified me. i quickly texted a few of my friends to ask for prayer. at about ten o'clock julie got the okay from my doctor, dr. lebowitz, to order zofran (a drug to help with nausea) to put in my iv just in case i felt worse after they began the pitocin. i didn't end up needing it. thankfully, after about an hour or so i felt completely normal...well, as "normal" as you can feel when you're in labor, i suppose. dr. lebowitz came in to break my water which ended up being far more painful that i had expected. i was dilated to about a 3 and it was around eleven thirty.
now, we wait. it's amazing how time in that tiny labor&delivery room flies by. at least for me anyway. nick&i chatted and i drank ginger ale as he downed a huge styrofoam cup of black coffee. i kept telling him how nervous i was; he kept telling me i would do great. we texted friends and family. he helped me out of bed, unplugged my cords and wheeled the iv into the bathroom for me countless number of times. around twelve thirty my mom came. she brought nick lunch and the two of them ate as we talked. i could tell i was excited because i was surprisingly chatty for someone experiencing contractions. soon after, my contractions had intensified and i discussed with the nurse when i should request my epidural. she told me that the anesthesiologist was on his way up to the floor to administer an epidural for another patient, so i decided to "get in line" for my drugs.
i'm not sure why anyone would want to have birth without experiencing this little piece of heaven, but god bless those women. it's just not for me. i feel much calmer knowing that i have something to help me in the process of pushing a small human out into the world. after what seemed like a million pricks in my back, the anesthesiologist administered a darn good epidural. he had a few challenges putting it in but
oh.my.word was i thankful it worked so well! before he had even left the room i was no longer feeling any pain. my nurse julie would remark at a large contraction i was having according to the monitor to which i happily reported that i couldn't feel a single thing.
around one thirty or so, my sister joined us in the room. i was still only dilated to a three or a four and thinking this process may take a lot longer than i had anticipated. but i was enjoying the company and the fact that i was pain-free at this present time. over the next few hours we talked and relaxed and when julie checked me next, i was surprisingly at a seven. at this point, i began to feel pressure and some pain coming back with each contraction. i waited it out for a bit before letting my nurse know... and after a while i told her about my discomfort. the next time the checked me, i was fully dilated. i went from seven cm to ten in less than an hour.
holy cow.
that's when the whole room became a blur. it was like a flurry of action that i had not been prepared for! everything with bella was slow and controlled... i pushed for so long it seemed like it took forever. this time?
not so much. i kept breathing through the contractions that had become pretty painful at this point... trying to resist the urge to push until i couldn't take it any longer. nurses filled the room, setting up and preparing for emmy's arrival, dr. lebowitz got in place and everyone began cheering me on. after i had begun pushing, i announced that i didn't remember it being this painful with bella... to which my doctor responded "i think you just forgot." :) after pushing through two contractions, dr. lebowitz and julie told me that she would be out after the next contraction. in my delirium i frantically repeated "so you
really think she'll be here after the next push?" not just once, but a few times.
ooops. everything was just so much more intense and fast... it felt like the room was covered in a haze, and i was trying to keep up with it all. i pushed through three contractions--a total of about ten minutes--when i heard julie say "megan, look!" i looked down and saw my sweet baby girl being brought into the world. i'll never forget that.
absolutely amazing.
at 5:42 our sweet emmy faith was born. i had requested skin to skin contact right when emmy was delivered, so they placed her right on my chest, writhing, crying and slimy :) once again, i was overwhelmed with emotion and fell in love for the third time in my life. i drank in everything about her; thick, dark hair, full, pouty lips and her eyes that were already searching the room. i wanted to hold her forever.
those first moments are so fleeting. i wish i could bottle them up and save those emotions forever. soon, emmy was whisked away to be checked over, weighed, dried off and swaddled. i nursed her and from that very first time she ate like a champ. a full thirty minutes. it was amazing! family filled the room to ooohh and ahhhh over our newest bundle. nick&i sat back, watching her being passed around, filled with pride and love.
by the time the nurses tended to me, got us settled into our post-partum room and bathed emmy, it was late. we skyped with nick's parents and introduced them to their newest granddaughter. we ate dinner together and relived the events of the day. i couldn't stop replaying everything in my mind; amazed at the whole experience, giddy with excitement. we took turns holding our sweet daughter, then prayed over her and nick wheeled her down to the nursery to spend the night. the next day was filled with family and friends meeting emmy, doctors and nurses buzzing in and out of our room and of course the big moment of the day... bella meeting her very new sister. it didn't quite go as we expected; she burst into tears the minute she saw all of us! but she has adjusted beautifully since.
emmy fits so well in our family; the perfect little addition. she is so precious and full of sweetness. at two weeks she was already smiling... real smiles... that just melted our hearts. watching bella jump into the role of "big sister" has made us fall in love with her all over again. when i get her in the morning, the first thing she asks is "go see emmy?" and she brings her stool with her every time i change emmy's diaper so she can "help". :) she gives her kisses on the head quite often while i'm nursing her, or gets right in her face murmuring in her best sticky-sweet-baby voice "hi, sweet girl!" i noticed right away that any time we drove in the car, bella would be quietly looking out the window, holding her baby sister's hand.
adorable.
emmy faith, you have been such a sweet blessing to this family! you are so sweet and lovable and it feels as though you've been ours forever. your name means "immense faith." we pray that quality will be instilled in you in the days to come and throughout your lifetime. we have prayed for you since before you were born and will continue to entrust you to the caring, almighty hands of jesus, who already has all of your days planned in his perfect story,
written just for you. i feel so humbled and blessed that i was chosen to be your mama, and i pray that god would equip me with everything i need to protect you, care for you, mold you and inspire you.
i love you with all my heart, little girl. so very happy to have you as a part of our family.
