"for god so loved the world, he gave his one and only son that whoever believe in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (john 3:16)a couple of months ago, nick and i sat in complete shock and horror as we watched a secular newsreporter interview the people of westboro baptist church for a television documentary. we. were. stunned.
stunned.
even now as i think about this church and what it stands for, my stomach feels sick. we sat, staring at the television, as we watched the church's parishoners excitedly (yes, excitedly) tell someone that they were going to hell because "god hated them." i'm sure you've heard of them by now, but this church is so full of hate and twistedness that they protest fallen soldiers funerals, mocking their grieving families.
how does the gospel and love and grace of jesus become so twisted? and how can people believe such hate and ignorance as truth?
i am embarrassed that these people call themselves a "church".
{note to anyone who is completely turned off to god because of church-goers like these: this is NOT jesus. this is corrupted, sinful man. this is NOT the gospel. this is human ignorance and deception. this is NOT truth. this is absolute-perversion-of-the-truth}
thank goodness jesus is NOT the church. the church is made up of people. sure, people striving to be more like christ. but still, people, nonetheless. and people will always let us down.
now, allow me a few seconds to get my thoughts together and my blood to cool from it's boiling point...
okay. i think i'm ready.
as much as this congregation of people angers me, and as much as i *completely* and wholeheartedly (notice my enthusiasm as i state this!) disagree and abhor what they are saying and what they stand for, i pray that i can have compassion on these people. clearly, they are lost. they have chosen to believe lies instead of truth. and how often do i become prey to the same trap?
the past couple of weeks i have been struggling with fear. thank goodness i now know how to better work through my fear then i did a few years ago so that it doesn't completely overtake me (thanks to god's healing work on my heart and a wonderful counselor)... but i have moments where i slip back into a fearful mindset. it usually happens around the new year, as i anticipate what the next 12 months will hold. i think too much. i try to prepare myself for whatever *may* be around the corner. and sometimes i just need to trust. and trust is where it gets tricky for me. that's where the fear sets in.
{you're thinking to yourself right about now... and this girl used to get paid to counsel other people??! yes i did... and i'm a big believer in knowing your brokenness and allowing god to use you... not in spite of, but sometimes because of}
as i spent some quiet time with god this morning while bella was still sleeping, i talked to him about all the lies that are in my head. because when i believe the lies, i give into my fears. lies that i can't really trust god. lies that he doesn't really have good plans in store for my future. lies that if i trust him with the unknown future, the bottom will somehow fall out.
does this sound like the god of the bible?? the god who "LOVES me with an everlasting love and draws me in with loving-kindness" (jer 31:3). the god who says "you are precious and honored in my sight and i love you" (is. 43:4). the god who delights in me (zeph 3:17), knows every hair that is on my head (luke 12:7), formed me in my mothers womb and ordained all of my days (psalm 139) and satisfies my desires with good things (psalm 103:5)?
no, sometimes my god sounds much more like the god of the westboro baptist church. and i know that's not god at all.
i know i need to continually cling to scripture to remind myself of the TRUTH of who god is. my god does not hate, he loves. he does not destroy, he redeems. today i have been *overwhelmed* with love for my pudgy little daughter. this morning i stood in the kitchen while i was getting her bottle ready, tears in my eyes as i watched her sitting on the floor, playing with her toys and babbling to herself. every few seconds, she'd turn around to gaze at me just to make sure i was still there. laughter would dance in her eyes, and her face broke out in the sweetest smile just to know that i was there... i hadn't left her, i was going to feed her, take care of her, love on her, and provide for her. all day god has been saying to me: "this love you have for your daughter? it's only a fraction of the love i have for you."
if i remember god in that way, it's much easier to trust. of course i would be scared to trust a god who hates, a god who is full of only wrath, a god who doesn't care about me or my fragile heart?
i leave you with the sweetest picture. i just checked on bella, sleeping in her crib and i took this. it's a reminder to me of how peacefully she sleeps, knowing she is loved... trusting that she is being provided for...
...and this is how i can rest in my heavenly father; fully knowing that he is a god who LOVES; for the bible tells me so.
"for i know the plans i have for you, declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. then you will call upon me, and come and pray to me. you will seek me and find me when you seek me will all your heart." (jer. 29:11-13)
