l-o-v-e.

l-o-v-e, by nat king cole, was the processional song that was played at nick&i's wedding as we were pronounced husband and wife.

love.

according to nat, l is for the way you look at me. o is for the only one i see. v is very very extraordinary. e is even more than anyone that you adore can love is all that i can give to you. love is more than just a game for two. two in love can make it. take my heart and please don't break it. love was made for me and you.

(got that song stuck in your head now?? i do.)

ok, so weird transition to trashy reality tv. but somehow i hope this will make sense. i've been helplessly addicted to "the bachelor" and "the bachelorette" for a while now... and this summer got hooked on the "bachelor pad". yes, it's true. it's like passing a bad car accident; somehow you are intrigued and you can't look away. and i have found that i am not the only one to indulge in this guilty pleasure of mine. so, i ask myself, what is the draw?

having been in school studying counseling and psychology for nearly eight years... and working for the past four as a counselor, one conclusion i can draw: we are all looking to love and to be loved. it begins at a young age. for girls, anyway. just take a look at the disney stories and movies we grew up loving. sleeping beauty. snow white. cinderella. beauty and the beast. that's what we loved when we were five. now that we're... well... almost thirty (in my case anyway)... we convert to... well... reality television. as shallow and as perverted as the shows may be, we are suckers for thinking "awww... how sweet" as a couple shares a kiss (before one of them is making out with someone different the next second, or course).

whaaat???

are we this desperate in our society to find love? i can't help but think this as i watch the people on these shows bounce from one person to another, turn on/off feelings like i turn on/off the faucet and throw themselves shamelessly at one another in a desperate attempt to be accepted. what is it about our culture these days that says that falling in love, finding "the one", getting married is the end goal; the ultimate happiness? so much to the point that we will often sacrifice ourselves to get it?

i remember falling prey to some of these thoughts and fears when i was in college... i attended a christian school whose famous phrase was "ring by spring".

geeeeez. what a goal. thanks, people.

i began to feel "less than" if i didn't get married straight out of college like almost everybody else. i remember at one point (in my height of immaturity and loneliness) telling god that i would rather marry the wrong person than to spend my life alone. seriously??! yiiiikes. just admitting that to the blog-world makes me feel a little crazy. thankfully, by god's grace, he woke me up to my own fear and insecurity and taught me how to love myself... all the while slamming every single door of possible relationships for about eight years of my life; praise. god.

so i began to learn how to love myself. how to "date" myself and get to know what i liked, who i was and what made me tick. i didn't want any guy defining that for me. and i certainly didn't want any relationship or man defining my happiness. and i am still on this journey now as a wife and a mom... i love my husband and my baby girl more than anything on this earth, and am continually reminding myself that they don't define me, nor do i define them.

i couldn't thank god MORE for the work he did on my heart... the hedge of protection he built around me until he brought my husband into my life... how he taught me to value and respect and truly LOVE myself.

one of my favorite sayings is: god can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. oh. so. true.

i tell nick allllll the time that it is a good thing that he met me at twenty five instead of twenty two... that would've been a complete disaster. god needed to work on me and bring me to a place where i was capable of loving and being loved in a healthy way.

*healthy*. did you hear that word, people of the "bachelor pad"??

so...just a lil psychology gleaned from reality television. so there really are some benefits to watching it (or so i say to defend myself to my husband's megan-why-are-you-watching-this look). and i won't even charge you a penny.